Tour de Pants

The Tour of France by bicycle lasts most of the month of July. This year I think I read 2 articles about it. One was how the 2 guys who cover the race on TV are brilliant and the other one a couple of days ago discussing how the rider from the winning team is part of a system that has made the race boring by their success. Despite reading both of these articles (skimming is more like it) I cannot tell you who actually won the race. tour-de-france-main-crash

Crashes in bike races, especially road bikes, is part of the fun of watching. Sort of like NASCAR. Fast cars driving around an oval shaped track for hours on end. When they show the highlights, what do they show other than the winner drinking milk and the crashes? That’s right.

The Tour de France is one of those elitist sports that people who don’t watch the debased American sports like football and soccer claim to watch. Sort of like being a vegan…you’ll know if someone follows the tour within 5 minutes of meeting them. World cup soccer, international tennis, cricket, the list goes on and on. All of these things are fine, including being a vegan if you want to do that (dog whistle to Leon), I just don’t want to hear about how they’re superior to traditional American sports!

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Big Borscht Friday

Russia, Russia, Russia! If I rolled my eyes like I want to, I would be able to see into my brain. It occurred to me a few days ago that my father in law insisted on joining me on a walk last November and started talking about the election. His theory was that Hillary had been harassed for 20 years and there has never been any evidence of a crime so all of the allegations must be bullshit. After I collected my jaw from the ground I muttered something like, ‘so what you’re saying is you have just eaten 10 space cakes and didn’t share any of them?’ Not true, I actually didn’t say anything because I don’t really talk about politics with anyone but my lovable internet family. But I can’t wait to use that line this Thanksgiving–he’ll tell me it doesn’t matter, Trump is actually a Russian spy, and I’ll say something like, ‘so what you’re saying is you’ve just eaten 10 sputnik cakes and didn’t share any of them?’

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Little Known Fact…Stalone invented Zumba

Keeping with our Russian theme, today’s model is from a former Eastern Bloc country or possibly Mother Russia herself. I mean, just look at her. She’s like 5″11, weighs 120 pounds, has tatas bigger than Red Square, and looks like Mr Bean. Please give a warm, stern looking nod of approval to Karin Spalnikova!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!11!!!!!1!!!

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Holding Poat – Bad Trip part ducks

that’s french you ignant bastards –

bad trip

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Right On Time

Actually a little late for Decoration Day but I know you’ll cut me some slack here. Ultra-patriotic song/video to start off with.

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Whole Lotta Nope

The wildlife in Florida is varied and deadly. We’re not quite Australia, but we’re not far.

Venomous Snakes: 6 – Eastern Diamondback, Pygmy Diamondback,Timber Rattlesnake, Copperhead, Water Moccasin, and Eastern Coral

Venomous Spiders: 5 – the Southern Black Widow, Northern Black Widow, Red Widow, Brown Widow and Brown Recluse

Random Animals: Black Bears, Wild Boars, Alligators, Sharks, Jellyfish, Florida Panther

Those are just the ones indigenous to Florida. Because people are stupid and lazy and incompetent, they bring potentially dangerous animals into Florida via smuggling. We now have Nile Crocodiles in Florida.

A team of scientists has identified three reptiles captured near Miami as Nile crocodiles, a species native to Africa.
Through DNA testing, scientists from the University of Florida were able to confirm that the reptiles captured in the wild from 2009, 2011 and 2014 were Nile crocodiles, the second-largest extant reptile species in the world.
But Florida’s largest and most destructive invasive species by far is the Burmese Python. Introduced to the Everglades, largely escaping during the massive damage due to Hurricane Andrew, these snakes have now made their home here and are the Kings of the Glades. With no natural predators and a climate that is perfect for them to breed, they are dominating.

An examination of the digestive systems of 104 pythons killed this year in a public hunting competition turned up the remains of seven alligators, 50 mammals — including two deer — and 38 birds.

It was ample evidence of the toll the non-native constrictors were taking on Everglades wildlife.

Alligators. The damn things eat freaking alligators.

And just this week, a 15 FOOT BURMESE PYTHON was captured and what did they find in it’s stomach? Not 1, not 2, but 3 deer. It ate 3 deer in 90 days.
burmese-python-deer-0
When they checked the contents of the snake’s stomach, all they found was some fur, a few teeth, and hooves.
burmese-python-deer-5
It’s not just the people that are out of control in Florida, it’s the animals too. Whole lotta nope.

“A fellow of infinite jest”

Let the music do the talking.

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Rising Pune Supergiants

ipl-teams-wallpaper

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My New Back Tattoo

One of my buddies sent this to me.  Good luck finding it on the innerwebtubes.  I think it’s been embargoed because it’s so fucking awesome.

I’m not so sure I like Trump as our candidate but I fucking hate political correctness and I love the fact that the media and GOP establishment have giant elaborate sand castles up their vagina about him.

Fuck you political correctness, fuck you media and fuck you GOP establishment.

Trump Gun

 

Have fun in your safe zones, liberals.

You know what I like?  Macroaggressions.

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