Shop class

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TOOLS EXPLAINED

DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

Hotspur Meets His Match

In the sad wake of Notre Dame burning yesterday, I mentioned getting engaged there. Oso said she enjoyed hearing it, but that was only a tiny part of the story.

Here I will tell a complete version of my history. I will start at the beginning.

In January of 2000, a close friend of mine, Rick, invited me to an “Ignore The Super Bowl Party.” The idea was to keep the sound off during the game so everyone could chat, then turn it on during the commercials, so everyone could laugh. That was back in the days of the Dotcom bubble, and the commercials were hilarious.

During the week before the game, if Rick asked me once, he asked me five times if I was coming on Sunday. I told him yes each time. But when Sunday came I really didn’t want to go, but I thought, “Fuck, I told him five times I was coming. I’ll just go and stay for a drink and say I have to get up early in the morning, then leave early.”

So I went.

BBF – My Way

I know you are still recovering from my BBF poat of several years ago, but you didn’t revoke my keys to the blahg so I live for another day.

I’m not doing your usual Titsianna Gigglioni, bed dusting, veiny tits, stretch marks model. Instead Ima put you guys some knowledge.

First of all on this day in history:

1242 – Russian troops repelled an invasion attempt by the Teutonic Knights. 

1614 – American Indian Pocahontas married English colonist John Rolfe in Virginia. 

1621 – The Mayflower sailed from Plymouth, MA, on a return trip to England.  

1792 – U.S. President George Washington cast the first presidential veto. The measure was for apportioning representatives among the states. 

1843 – Queen Victoria proclaimed Hong Kong to be a British crown colony. 

1887 – Anne Sullivan taught Helen Keller the meaning of the word “water” as spelled out in the manual alphabet. 

1895 – Playwright Oscar Wilde lost his criminal libel case against the Marquess of Queensberry. Wilde had been accused of homosexual practices. 

1908 – The Japanese Army reached the Yalu River as the Russians retreated. 

1923 – Firestone Tire and Rubber Company began the first regular production of balloon tires. 

1930 – Mahatma Ghandi defied British law by making salt in India. 

1941 – German commandos secured docks along the Danube River in preparation for Germany’s invasion of the Balkans. 

1951 – Americans Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were sentenced to death for committing espionage for the Soviet Union. 

1953 – Jomo Kenyatta was convicted and sentenced to 7 years in prison for orchestrating the Mau-Mau rebellion in Kenya. 

1955 – Winston Churchill resigned as British prime minister. 

1984 – Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (Los Angeles Lakers) became the all-time NBA regular season scoring leader when he broke Wilt Chamberlain’s record of 31,419 career points. 

1985 – John McEnroe said “any man can beat any woman at any sport, especially tennis.” 

1989 – In Poland, accords were signed between Solidarity and the government that set free elections for June 1989. The eight-year ban on Solidarity was also set to be lifted. 

1999 – In Laramie, WY, Russell Henderson pled guilty to kidnapping and felony murder in the death of Matthew Shepard. 

2004 – Near Mexico City’s international airport, lightning struck the jet Mexican President Vicente Fox was on. 

2009 – North Korea launched the Kwangmyongsong-2 rocket, prompting an emergency meeting of the United Nations Security Council. 

heteroclite

The weirdest stuff cracks me up. My sig-ot is used to my bizarreness and makes sure to steer me out of the way of unsuspecting people when we’re out and about and I’m feeling plucky.

Cubic Houses (Rotterdam, Netherlands) I recommend checking them out when you’re in the netherregion smoking dope with phat

I’ve seen this place a few times. I like the netherlands. The ppl are friendly, the beer is good, and hookers.

HHD – Gearing up for the Games

Roamy must be busy, so I’ll throw together an HHD poat for her.

Watching OnDemand shows for NBC (The Brave, WOO HOO!) has exposed me to some cool Winter Olympics ads. Of course I can’t find a link to it, since NBC probably has it locked down (why on earth would you want to release an ad to the public? why, someone might SEE IT!) but take my word for it, coolness.

BBF

Hello shooters and benchers, welcome to Big Boob Friday.

 

 

Your model was born May 18,1995 in Las Vegas, NV. 44K-24-40, 5’2″ and 130lbs, please cooperate and say hello to Miss Codi Vore!

2 Second POS Poat

I’ve been kinda busy – gotta leave in a minute or two for a business thing, but figured I’d vomit something up which that little felt bastidge can stomp – OR that the amazing and talented hostess extraordinaire Carin can modify/update to make it passable for this chat room ———-

Carin warming up?

Big Borscht Friday

Russia, Russia, Russia! If I rolled my eyes like I want to, I would be able to see into my brain. It occurred to me a few days ago that my father in law insisted on joining me on a walk last November and started talking about the election. His theory was that Hillary had been harassed for 20 years and there has never been any evidence of a crime so all of the allegations must be bullshit. After I collected my jaw from the ground I muttered something like, ‘so what you’re saying is you have just eaten 10 space cakes and didn’t share any of them?’ Not true, I actually didn’t say anything because I don’t really talk about politics with anyone but my lovable internet family. But I can’t wait to use that line this Thanksgiving–he’ll tell me it doesn’t matter, Trump is actually a Russian spy, and I’ll say something like, ‘so what you’re saying is you’ve just eaten 10 sputnik cakes and didn’t share any of them?’

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Little Known Fact…Stalone invented Zumba

Keeping with our Russian theme, today’s model is from a former Eastern Bloc country or possibly Mother Russia herself. I mean, just look at her. She’s like 5″11, weighs 120 pounds, has tatas bigger than Red Square, and looks like Mr Bean. Please give a warm, stern looking nod of approval to Karin Spalnikova!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!11!!!!!1!!!

Obama II: Cockfacefuckaloo

That last word seems made up but it isn’t. If you search for it on the intertitty you’ll find a wealth of information.

So Obama is back, and this time going to kick ass and use cliches, and he’s all out of cliches. The world is stuck like a deer in the headlights of a sixteen wheel suck mobile, paralyzed at his magnificence–or so the media would have you believe.

The truth, harder than a diamond, and as difficult to swallow as a giant bitter pill is that only a few people actually care; rich old liberals and black women. The rest of us are just trying to get on with our lives. The days of our lives, even.

So please, do us a favor, oh God Emperor of the Early Release Television Series, go the fuck away. Obama could build a speech generator using the words, ‘world, future, change, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, let us, hope, and destiny,’ bridged together with terrible sentence formations and almost no one would notice. Just put up a cardboard cut out and play side A of the tape called ‘Flattering Rich Crackers’ then flip it over to side B, ‘I am Black Also, and Understand You.’

Save everyone else some time, dickface. If we wanted to be talked down to or bored to death we’d use bad grammar in a blog post and wait for Hotspur to show up.

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This man, right here, the one I’m pointing to…is a DICK!!!

Bill Clinton’s Weenus

 

This will be an exploration of my long held theory that Bill will not allow Pickles McParkinsons to win the election so that he can continue to dick bimbos for the short remainder of his life.

Have you seen the first dude lately? He looks like he hasn’t had a decent meal in ten years or that his alleged syphilis is finally winning the war on women. I kid, I kid. He’s a vegan so you know he has syphilis.

So here’s the theory, in case you missed it in my survey class taught at Muppet U, or if you forgot what was written in the first paragraph: Bill will do anything to prevent Smiley McOpenmouth from getting in the oval office. Way too important to keep his little Gore wet. Yes, for those of you scoring at home, he calls his blank shooter Al Gore.

I bet you’re thinking I’m totally wrong. That the allure of being half of the first ever male/female presidential couple is just too, er, alluring. Consider this: whenever things get good for her, he trots out some sorry statement that even he, a veritable Da Vinci of lying can’t clean up.

Man, that’s gonna sting. Don’t get me wrong, no one cares what he said…except for the only man that might actually make a difference in the election: Golfy McOkieDoke. St Trayvon’s Dad is notoriously thin skinned and its well known that Obama and Bill already hate each other. Bill once told Obama that he should be getting him coffee rather than schlonging his wife (that’s Web Hubble’s job) and Obama’s black half never got over it. If you locked these two in a bedroom closet only one would emerge–probably Bill with panties on his head, wearing high heels, but that’s besides the point.  The hate is real my groovy babies, the hate is real.

Weenus + Viagra >Husband + Most Powerful Woman in the World

Its math, and therefore indisputable, although its probably racist.

FIN