Phursday

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Happy Valen-meme’s Day!

Happy Valentines Day!

This is life in Iowa, Dec-Apr.

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Monkey Meat Madness – Tuesday Tales of the Bush

“I told my children that we cannot continue eating bush meat or any dry meat because we fear that the Ebola is very near now,”

Next thing you know people will stop having sex in the bush too….

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Thursday Teabagger Treat

Well, after covering coffee last week it was only natural that I shift my focus to its Limey bastard cousin; tea. Surely tea drinking began somewhere in China and caught on elsewhere along the Silk Road trading route (I just made that last part up but I’ve found that if use terms like “Silk Road trading route” people will often believe the rest of the verbal diarrhea that flows from your mouth). Alright, where were we? Tea. Pretty popular drink everywhere. Great Britain. Ireland. India. China. Wakanda? Not so much.

lipton-tea-world2

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Obama II: Cockfacefuckaloo

That last word seems made up but it isn’t. If you search for it on the intertitty you’ll find a wealth of information.

So Obama is back, and this time going to kick ass and use cliches, and he’s all out of cliches. The world is stuck like a deer in the headlights of a sixteen wheel suck mobile, paralyzed at his magnificence–or so the media would have you believe.

The truth, harder than a diamond, and as difficult to swallow as a giant bitter pill is that only a few people actually care; rich old liberals and black women. The rest of us are just trying to get on with our lives. The days of our lives, even.

So please, do us a favor, oh God Emperor of the Early Release Television Series, go the fuck away. Obama could build a speech generator using the words, ‘world, future, change, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, let us, hope, and destiny,’ bridged together with terrible sentence formations and almost no one would notice. Just put up a cardboard cut out and play side A of the tape called ‘Flattering Rich Crackers’ then flip it over to side B, ‘I am Black Also, and Understand You.’

Save everyone else some time, dickface. If we wanted to be talked down to or bored to death we’d use bad grammar in a blog post and wait for Hotspur to show up.

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This man, right here, the one I’m pointing to…is a DICK!!!