There has been an event that cannot go unmentioned. One that will betray the trust we all put into one of America’s greatest institutions.
I was carrying out one of the greatest pleasures that all Americans enjoy all too often. A task where we celebrate the labors of our fellow Americans at the pinnacle of their everyday efforts. Something everyone can be proud of, something everyone does without much thought, but the impact of which will reach down to the core of the self. Such a delightful experience, with a beautiful globally warmed environment keeping my temperature at an elevated level.
After arriving home from my enlightened journey through the aisles of one of America’s greatest institutions, I was unaware of the events about to unfold. I let my guard down. I relaxed. I was not at the peak of my abilities. this made the tragedy that much more astounding.
It was during the preparations for the upcoming week that the full effect of events would hit me like a ton of bricks. I held aloft the sword of Damocles, ready to dispatch an unsuspecting victim to the list of accomplishments that must be completed to fulfill the week, when I witnessed the unfolding of the tragedy to befall all tragedies.
Everyone shut your smollet hole and pay attention for a second. Donald Trump is god’s gift to conservatives. You may quibble with his demeanor, his communication style, or his brash NY sensibilities. You may not quibble with his results. As George Washington once said of the great Civil War general Winston Churchill, ‘I can’t spare this man. He fights.’
Ladies and gentleman, I believe this is the difference between the GOP and Trump voters. The CC republicans can’t and won’t fight, whereas his base is begging for it. Brigadier General Jay-Z said it best when referring to the chickenheads of the Afrikorps on the eve of the battle of Saratoga…
Now once upon a time not too long ago A nigga like myself had to strong arm a ho (never trump) This is not a ho in the sense of having a pussy But a pussy having no goddamn sense try and push me I tried to ignore ’em, talk to the Lord Pray for ’em, cause some fools just love to perform You know the type, loud as a motorbike But wouldn’t bust a grape in a fruit fight
If that doesn’t perfectly describe Jonah Goldberg I don’t what does. Loud as a motorbike, but couldn’t bust a grape in a food fight. Dammit man, do a few burpees and have some self respect.
Today’s model is a gorgeous and slim bed duster. You’re welcome! Please put down your ski masks, white face, clothesline, and red hats and welcome Antonella Khallo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
Man, it sure has sucked to be a leftie this last week or so. Outdone by Donny Two Scoops, the single biggest idiot ever to populate the White House (their words).
Ok fine, I made that last one up but the rest are 100% real stories that were covered wall to wall by the very serious gossip columnists we pretend are reporters and journalists. And you trogdilytestrogdelitestrogderplites losers decided to make the funneh about foreskin.
The wildlife in Florida is varied and deadly. We’re not quite Australia, but we’re not far.
Venomous Snakes: 6 – Eastern Diamondback, Pygmy Diamondback,Timber Rattlesnake, Copperhead, Water Moccasin, and Eastern Coral
Venomous Spiders: 5 – the Southern Black Widow, Northern Black Widow, Red Widow, Brown Widow and Brown Recluse
Random Animals: Black Bears, Wild Boars, Alligators, Sharks, Jellyfish, Florida Panther
Those are just the ones indigenous to Florida. Because people are stupid and lazy and incompetent, they bring potentially dangerous animals into Florida via smuggling. We now have Nile Crocodiles in Florida.
A team of scientists has identified three reptiles captured near Miami as Nile crocodiles, a species native to Africa.
Through DNA testing, scientists from the University of Florida were able to confirm that the reptiles captured in the wild from 2009, 2011 and 2014 were Nile crocodiles, the second-largest extant reptile species in the world.
But Florida’s largest and most destructive invasive species by far is the Burmese Python. Introduced to the Everglades, largely escaping during the massive damage due to Hurricane Andrew, these snakes have now made their home here and are the Kings of the Glades. With no natural predators and a climate that is perfect for them to breed, they are dominating.
An examination of the digestive systems of 104 pythons killed this year in a public hunting competition turned up the remains of seven alligators, 50 mammals — including two deer — and 38 birds.
It was ample evidence of the toll the non-native constrictors were taking on Everglades wildlife.
Alligators. The damn things eat freaking alligators.
And just this week, a 15 FOOT BURMESE PYTHON was captured and what did they find in it’s stomach? Not 1, not 2, but 3 deer. It ate 3 deer in 90 days.
When they checked the contents of the snake’s stomach, all they found was some fur, a few teeth, and hooves.
It’s not just the people that are out of control in Florida, it’s the animals too. Whole lotta nope.
I tried to find sexy pictures of Meghan McCain but it appears she’s just too fat for it. Consider yourselves lucky that you didn’t have to peer at the fat boobed bishface this afternoon. In her place, I give you the medium boobed Hunter Leigh!!!!one!!!!!!one!!!!!! Could you put your gentlemans sausage between her mammary glands? Yes. Would you lose your gentlemans sausage between her mammary glands? No. I blame no one because if you tried you’re a winner.
So this week’s model hails from a far off land called Prague, which is the capital of Check los lo vodka. She stands an impressive 5′ 10″ inches tall, which is about 5′ 1″ taller than my weenus. Her considerable assets include looking bitchy, looking sexy, looking booby, and looking like she’s getting dorked in the squeekhole. Please welcum the ravishing Connie Carter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If Trump stabs someone in the face on TV, I MAY not vote for him. If he stabs some ISIS or AQ dunce I’ll knock people over at the voting place in order to vote for him earlier.
My point? I’m voting for Trump and it’s going to take some life-shattering deal for me not to. And who knows, I still might vote for him.
