Bad Week to be a Leftie

Man, it sure has sucked to be a leftie this last week or so. Outdone by Donny Two Scoops, the single biggest idiot ever to populate the White House (their words).

POS Post – Code Name: Snake Juice

Ahrite you lazy bitches/bitchettes –

get up!

When you hear “Snake Juice” what comes (heh) to mind … ?

No – N0 – NOO!

Sean’s Delicious Calamari

You people make me sick. We spent an entire day talking about turtlenecks when there are very real and important things going on in the world!

1. Some chick no one has ever heard of was asked not to be rude by the guy whose job is to chastise rude people.

2. Some homeless lady was the butt of a mild joke about her hair which was racist and also anti-domicileless.

3. A cranky alcoholic colicky baby who is running for president in 2020 mentioned the chick no one had ever heard about and the homeless lady.

4. Car in called me twice just to talk.

Ok fine, I made that last one up but the rest are 100% real stories that were covered wall to wall by the very serious gossip columnists we pretend are reporters and journalists. And you trogdilytes trogdelites trogderplites losers decided to make the funneh about foreskin.

Shame!

 

Whole Lotta Nope

The wildlife in Florida is varied and deadly. We’re not quite Australia, but we’re not far.

Venomous Snakes: 6 – Eastern Diamondback, Pygmy Diamondback,Timber Rattlesnake, Copperhead, Water Moccasin, and Eastern Coral

Venomous Spiders: 5 – the Southern Black Widow, Northern Black Widow, Red Widow, Brown Widow and Brown Recluse

Random Animals: Black Bears, Wild Boars, Alligators, Sharks, Jellyfish, Florida Panther

Those are just the ones indigenous to Florida. Because people are stupid and lazy and incompetent, they bring potentially dangerous animals into Florida via smuggling. We now have Nile Crocodiles in Florida.

A team of scientists has identified three reptiles captured near Miami as Nile crocodiles, a species native to Africa.

Through DNA testing, scientists from the University of Florida were able to confirm that the reptiles captured in the wild from 2009, 2011 and 2014 were Nile crocodiles, the second-largest extant reptile species in the world.

But Florida’s largest and most destructive invasive species by far is the Burmese Python. Introduced to the Everglades, largely escaping during the massive damage due to Hurricane Andrew, these snakes have now made their home here and are the Kings of the Glades. With no natural predators and a climate that is perfect for them to breed, they are dominating.

An examination of the digestive systems of 104 pythons killed this year in a public hunting competition turned up the remains of seven alligators, 50 mammals — including two deer — and 38 birds.

It was ample evidence of the toll the non-native constrictors were taking on Everglades wildlife.

Alligators. The damn things eat freaking alligators.

And just this week, a 15 FOOT BURMESE PYTHON was captured and what did they find in it’s stomach? Not 1, not 2, but 3 deer. It ate 3 deer in 90 days.

When they checked the contents of the snake’s stomach, all they found was some fur, a few teeth, and hooves.

It’s not just the people that are out of control in Florida, it’s the animals too. Whole lotta nope.

Big Boob Friday

Hey there everyone. I think you all know what’s going to happen here today. First, let me just say that it’s snowing like a mother fucker her in Denver and I might not get to go home. Shut up wiser. Yes I know it snowed a lot in those places where stupid people live, but it’s snowing here. On me. It’s serious. I blame mare which means….ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I tried to find sexy pictures of Meghan McCain but it appears she’s just too fat for it. Consider yourselves lucky that you didn’t have to peer at the fat boobed bishface this afternoon. In her place, I give you the medium boobed Hunter Leigh!!!!one!!!!!!one!!!!!! Could you put your gentlemans sausage between her mammary glands? Yes. Would you lose your gentlemans sausage between her mammary glands? No. I blame no one because if you tried you’re a winner.

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Big Boob Friday™

Hello facesitters. I can only do three pull ups. I just tried. To make me feel better we’re going to look at very large, very soft, very squeezable tittahs.

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Before we get to that, let’s party like it’s 1998 and listen to some music. I wonder if that guy from Tennessee knows these guys? What was his name? Gman? Tdog? I can’t remember but I think he knew the Backstreet Boys or something.

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So this week’s model hails from a far off land called Prague, which is the capital of Check los lo vodka. She stands an impressive 5′ 10″ inches tall, which is about 5′ 1″ taller than my weenus. Her considerable assets include looking bitchy, looking sexy, looking booby, and looking like she’s getting dorked in the squeekhole. Please welcum the ravishing Connie Carter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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L to R: MJ, Connie

MMM 126: Microaggressive Edition

Good morning, welcome to a hasty Monday poat.

Probably ‘shopped, so someone wants Kristin Kruek to have bigger legs. Or she has great legs and I didn’t know.

Really, you can’t go wrong here

We’re Doomed Part IXVIIICMXIII

TRIGGER WARNING: This post contains graphic words. If you don’t want to talk about nephrology, which is defined as the size and shape of Walt’s Athol, then please direct your comments to the tucker thread below.

As discussed ad nauseum, we are DOOMED.  

DOOM! The Greatest Generation

What a bunch of pussies. If they’re just trying to get laid, then fine. But somehow I doubt these passive, sensitive, beta male types could perform.

New marketing idea: Viagra for millennials. You want proof? Read reddit/sex on any given day and at least 25% of the top posts will be about 19-25 year old men that can’t get it up. That’s just weird.

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First, everyone needs to get a haircut. Second, if someone approaches you and asks why you need feminism, then asks you to put your answer on a sign, the appropriate answer is FUCK YOU. Third, I really like second, so let’s just stick with that.