My Friends Are Better Than Your Friends

Wait, wut? So quick baby update and a big thank you to some very nice people for sending gifts to the house. Its been a truly wonderful experience to understand how many people are wishing the little guy well. I’m super pleased that he’ll have a whole group of crazy aunts, uncles, and inflatable sheep to make sure he doesn’t turn into a giant pain in the ass.

Blankie Engineered by NASA

Maximum Minimum Thursday

Oh hi! I’m just a maximally creepy dolphin making sure your doors and windows are secure

Obama II: Cockfacefuckaloo

That last word seems made up but it isn’t. If you search for it on the intertitty you’ll find a wealth of information.

So Obama is back, and this time going to kick ass and use cliches, and he’s all out of cliches. The world is stuck like a deer in the headlights of a sixteen wheel suck mobile, paralyzed at his magnificence–or so the media would have you believe.

The truth, harder than a diamond, and as difficult to swallow as a giant bitter pill is that only a few people actually care; rich old liberals and black women. The rest of us are just trying to get on with our lives. The days of our lives, even.

So please, do us a favor, oh God Emperor of the Early Release Television Series, go the fuck away. Obama could build a speech generator using the words, ‘world, future, change, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, let us, hope, and destiny,’ bridged together with terrible sentence formations and almost no one would notice. Just put up a cardboard cut out and play side A of the tape called ‘Flattering Rich Crackers’ then flip it over to side B, ‘I am Black Also, and Understand You.’

Save everyone else some time, dickface. If we wanted to be talked down to or bored to death we’d use bad grammar in a blog post and wait for Hotspur to show up.

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This man, right here, the one I’m pointing to…is a DICK!!!

Sing-along Sunday

Cheerfully stolen off Faceplant and edited to remove the repeated choruses. You can figure ’em out.

Grandma got run over by the Trump train.
Rigging all the polls election eve.
You can say there’s no such thing as karma.
But as for me and America we believe.

She’d been drinking too much kool aid.
And we begged her not to cheat.
But she wasn’t on medication.
So she made deals with Arabs and DC elites.

(chorus)

When we found her the next morning.
People all screamed Trump was worse.
She had track marks on her forehead.
And incriminating emails in her purse.

Now we’re not real proud of liberals
They’ve not been taking it real well.
See them burning down their cities
Looting stores and overall just raising hell.

Now that Trump has won the White House.
All the snowflakes are about to crack.
And we just can’t help but wonder:
Will he let illegals stay or send them back?
SEND THEM BACK!!!

Now the economy is on an upswing.
And Americans sleep in peace. Ahh.
And the red white and blue fireworks.
Remind me how Mattis will deal with the middle east.

I celebrated with all my neighbors.
As Hillary fell from grace.
And now it makes me proud to say
God bless President Trump and the USA!

Cue Hotspur’s favorite quote.

19th Annual Halloween Extravaganza Post

Hello fellow H2ers. As you all know, October 29th or 30th is the day that we all set aside our differences–zumba or crossfit, fish sticks or chicken nuggets, terrible heavy metal or terrible alt-rock, test anxiety or work anxiety, grabbing pussies or manginas, flame throwers or hot pepper induced magma sharts, pickles or cheetos,– to celebrate our annual Halloween extravaganza and the ritual circumcision of a perfectly good gourd.

Please post pictures of your carlos-o-lanterns, your kids candy haul, a house that you egged and tee-peed, or funny Halloween stuff.

In case you missed it…here’s the drink recipe from this week’s SES.

Zombie MJ

1 oz light rum

1 oz gold rum

1.5 oz dark rum

1/2 oz 151 proof rum

1/2 oz pineapple juice

1/2 oz papaya juice

1/2 oz fresh lime juice

Fill a pint glass almost full with ice. In a shaker, combine the light, dark, and gold rum. Add the juice, and shaky shaky. Pour over the ice, and pour the 151 proof rum over the back of a spoon to float it on the drink.

Fun garnish: Take a sprig of mint and dip it in lime juice then coat it in sugar. It should dry with the sugar adhered to the mint. Very pretty.

Happy Halloween, babies. 

MJ:

 

So, November

I was sorry to hear that we lost Fred Thompson today. I wanted to vote for him back in ’08, but didn’t even get the pleasure of casting a primary ballot for him. Such is life. RIP, Fred.
 

 
Well, let’s see what else this month has in store for us…

Fall Bitchez

Fall is a wonderful time of year. Less heat and humidity, fewer bugs, harvest time festivals and traditions. Football!