The Naughty List

Good afternoon, cool kids and xbrad.  I hope you are all having an excellent post-Thanksgiving Monday.

*barf*

I have received 24 emails from people that want to participate in the first annual H2 Secret Santa so I thought I would put up one more email before I move on to matching people up.

I have received emails from the following people that want to play.  If you want to play and your name isn’t on this list, you need to email me again at 88rosetta88 *@* gmail *dot* com.  Alternatively, if you’re on this list and you no longer want to participate, please email me and tell me ASAP.

Americano

Andy

BiW

Car In

compos

Cyn

Dave in Texas

Dick

Eddie Bear

Mare

MCPO

Michael & Cathy

Mrs. Peel

Muslihoon

pajama momma

Pupster

Robert

Romy

Rosetta

sohos

Sox

Tattoo

Vmax

wiserbud

xbrad

Remember the simple rules, dummy:

(1) Keep cost under $20 unless you’re buying for me in which case try to keep it under $1,000.

(2) Keep gifts SFW.

(3) Americano and Mare, mail your gifts to me and I will forward them to your peeps.

(4) Try to mail your gift by December 16th.  I will put up a post on the 23rd and we can all open our gifts together.

(5) Remember to NOT include your name when you mail your gift.

I will do the names tomorrow morning and then email everyone their person and the appropriate address so you have until then to get on or off the list.

Fin.

 

[UPDATE: Rosetta]

HERE‘s a place that sells cheap crap.

HERE‘s a place with gifts under $20.

HERE‘s a place with cheap gadgets.

HERE‘s a place with even more crap for less than $20.

HERE are toys & games on Amazon for less than $20.

You can also not be a lazy POS and go out and find something fun.  In addition to your Targets and your Wal-Marts, if you have a World Market near you, they have a lot of fun candy and other unusual stuff.

 

Explained

“Now that we’ve been rescued from Rosetta Amin’s basement, whaddya say we go get a shitload of drinks at the airport lounge to celebrate?”

“Okay, but let’s hit the Duty Free Shop first. Those big-ass Toblerones are cheaper there than they are at Costco. “

“You’re an asshole.”

“Right back atcha.”

“You know, I’ve never really been a fan of Total.”

“I’ve never felt closer to anyone.”

Let Me Tell You Why You Suck

Actually no one knows why you suck, you just do.

A hosefucker enjoys her day off.

 

This video is so fucking stupid that it’s hilarious.  Yes, I know I linked it a few days ago.

 

Speaking of fucking that chicken, here’s MCPO and his first girlfriend.

 

This guy is great but his Morgan Freeman bit kills, KILLS I SAY!!!

 

STFU.

It’s Blustery & Cold Somewhere

Thanks to Global Warming, some of us are experiencing a chill today.

Speaking of chill, many argue that chili was invented in Mexico in the early 1800s.

Not that Chilly. A writer from San Antonio in an article called San Antonio: An Historical and Pictorial Guide, wrote: “Chili, as we know it in the U.S., cannot be found in Mexico today except in a few spots which cater to tourists. If chili had come from Mexico, it would still be there.” While there is no written evidence, the legend goes that this dispute was how the battle at the Alamo really began.

During the 1880s, brightly dressed Hispanic women known as “chili queens” began to operate around Military Plaza and other public gathering places in downtown San Antonio. They appeared at dusk, when they built charcoal or wood fires to reheat cauldrons of pre-cooked chili. Their aroma was a potent sales pitch. Some chili queens later built semi-permanent stalls in the mercado. This Chili Queen from 2007 lost her crown due to improper stall placement.

Chili is said to be the food of forgiveness and reconciliation. And though the side effects of consuming chili may contribute to the heating of our planet, it makes everyone happy and fills the world with laughter and joy.

Fuck Global Warming.

“A Real Man’s Tattoo…”

While I hesitate to interfere with the greatness that is mesa’s new boots and the fantabulous Mrs. Peel, which is undoubtedly the best day since Rosetta learned he could molest MAAAAARRRREE! without ever touching her (much to her undying relief), one of our noobies said we need more poats, so here it is.

As a frat boy myself, I can state that while I never got the attraction of tattoos, I never had a choice about the brand.

What’s that? You don’t have one? That’s because you’re a pussy. Until you have been on ‘double-secret probation’, you haven’t really lived.

This has me all nostalgic now…Road Trip!

*********IMPORTANT UPDATE**********

 

This just in:  Police raid Hostage home in Minnesota and carry out personal items of evidence:

Best birthday present — ever

That’s right. It was my birthday — you slackers.

These are the shit:

That’s endangered species and quite awesome — to all you hippies.

Best part of the night?

I met Mrs. Peel.

She is smoking hot and super cool.  Just an awesome person. Much too nice for you Hostage types.

All in all — a great birthday.

Big Boob Friday™

*gets out of bed, trips over 108,348 Indians, barfs*

Big boob Friday.

Funny:

 

Music:

 

Rules if you want to hire Kerry Marie for photography session:

• My time starts from the moment I arrive.
• A reasonable distance is to be kept at all times.
• No friends to be brought along. It is a one on one shoot only.
• I may bring someone with me.
• No insertion, No video, No hardcore And no rude requests.
• The shoot must be at least 2 or 3 hours and expenses paid, depending on studio
• If the shoot is cancelled on the day, or due to events outside my control i.e camera breaks, I still require the full payment.
• You are to cover all studio costs and pay me directly for the shoot.
• A Deposit must be recieved at least 1 week before the shoot is to take place.
• All photographers will be required to sign a release form stating that all images taken are for personal use only and will not be used for publication.

 

Ewa Sonnet:

 

HERE‘s some shit that happened.

STFU.

*barfs*

*goes back to bed*

The Chaise Lounge

Yay! Here’s my first, purchased on my own, piece of furniture.

Yes, the hideous pillow is going to be recovered, probably whenever I find some fabric I like.

T-Day in Texas

My Taters:

Even the dogs were happy:

The true story of the first Thanksgiving

In 1492, Ferdinand, the King of Saipan, was thirsty for spices, having issued his “FUCK SALT!” edict after his Southern Baptist hordes had driven the Moors out of wherever the hell they’d been for a while.  France,  probably.

Pictured: King Ferdinand of Saipan

Wait, can you technically be thirsty for spices?  I mean, I guess you could be thirsty for spiced rum, but that’s different.  Let’s just say he wanted spices because the ones he had were getting old.

Pictured: Ferdy’s spice jar

Anyway, Ferdinand decided to send Christopher Columbus to Burma for some new spices, and perhaps for some Burma Shave.  So, Chris set out on the Mayflower, the Piñata, and the Titanic.

Problem was that Chris Columbus, while fairly competent in his capacity as the director of Harry Potter movies (I’m told), didn’t have a lot of experience with navigating, so he set out in the wrong direction, eventually crashing into Plymouth Rock, which was apparently named after a local car dealership or something.  Incidentally, Leonardo DaVincio died during the shipwreck.

Chris and his crew of Puritan Spanglish Lutherans searched the area for anything spicy and even kicked the dirt a little bit to see if they could find any gold nuggets lying around, but didn’t find much of anything.  However, they had brought their busty Filipina wives along, and when they suggested going back to Saipan, the wives said they were sick of a certain diving instructor’s sexual advances, so they decided to stay put.

Times were tough for the first few months, but there was a bunch of grass they could eat, and only seventy percent of them died.  The rest of them found ways to survive, mostly through unspeakable acts which we won’t, um, speak about here.  Incidentally, Teddy Kennedy was born around that time, and served in the Senate until his recent death.

Then, one day, a mysterious, dusky figure showed up at the edge of their settlement, which they had built out of the sails and masts they had salvaged from the wreck of the Enterprise.  He was an Indian named Tushquo, and, amazingly enough, he spoke English, having worked at a call center in Bangalore for several years.

Pictured: Tushquo, Farming Tech-support guy

Tushquo helped Chris and the settlers, who became known as “Pilgrims” for some reason that has been lost in the mists of time and alcohol, to learn how to stop eating grass and become  successful turkey farmers.  He also taught them how to make mashed potatoes, stuffing (and/or the traditional “dressing” that neighboring Hindu sects preferred), and that green bean casserole that people to this day pick the fried onions off of.  Oh, and a really good giblet gravy, too.  He also proved to be a fashion innovator (though an unacknowledged one) by starting the whole belt-buckle-on-your-hat thing.

Chris and the Spanish Orthodox Presbyterians were so thankful that they invited Tushquo and his people to a dinner of turkey curry, Tandoori turkey, naan, and firewater.  Tushquo and his wife, Pocahontas, brought the dinner rolls.  Pocahontas would later become the subject of the wildly successful Walt Disney animated feature “Pinocchio.” Somehow, this became the first “Thanksgiving.” This is also why people write “first” or some variation thereof on blog threads and/or lavatory/massage parlor walls.

This was a defining moment in the history of America, as the Native people and Eurotrash sat down together, especially since the following years would see unending conflict, but the fusion of the two cultures would eventually result in this…

Pictured: Douche

The Sacagawea Dollar coin is the culmination of all of this, somehow.  Enjoy your postage stamps!

UPDATE: Also, enjoy the time you’re able to spend with your (WHITE, GENOCIDAL!!!!!) families.  When you’re participating in the traditional exchange of Sacagawea Dollars, make sure to give thanks for the real stuff that we sit down and honor today.

(If a family member asks you to pass the salt and you’re tempted to mutter something profane, you can probably be forgiven.)

UPDATE 2: President Barack Obama decided this was a big deal, and declared Thursday, November 26,  “Thanksgiving Day.”  It was unprecedented.

UPDATE 3: (SOX) This commemt was posted at the “Mother Ship”.  It seems appropriate….

113 “What the sex act is this feces”.

Posted by: Sean M. at November 26, 2009 06:08 AM (rLWHv)