Which way did he go George?

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.

“Which road do I take?” she asked.

“Where do you want to go?” was his response.

“I don’t know,” Alice answered.

“Then,” said the cat, “it doesn’t matter.”

alice-2Poor Alice. Like the rest of us she had better decide.

Happy Monday everyone!

Sox is so sweet…

sox and bunnyH/T to Glen Beck for pointing out the lyrics to this song:

[IMPORTANT UPDATE: Rosetta]

My friend Brendon emailed me this.  Hahahahahahaha!!!

Speaking of furry animals…

…well, Furries, actually, it’s nice that there’s at least one country where they trust people like Xbrad (but, for some reason, not his “pet cat,” Sox) around kids enough to let them appear in commercials with them. I’m speaking, of course, about Japan…

And, no, I don’t know what just happened there where some of them suddenly had huge tits and then an additional character suddenly had gigantic balls (I’ll leave it to you to decide whether or not the lack of a proportionally-sized dick is either disturbing or a blessing) and I frankly don’t want to know.

Wascally Wabbits

On April 20, 1979 President Carter was attacked by the elusive Swamp Rabbit.

Swimming_bunny

Contrary to popular belief, Swamp Rabbits don’t appear thus:

cute_bunny

Swamp Rabbits are fearsome, slavering beasts with fangs and flared nostrils.

The-Killer-Rabbit

It’s only natural that President Carter responded so:

Clintbird Has Birthday, Autographed Photo of Goatse

It’s time for yet another bloody assault with the Hostages Birthday Stick O’ Pain™.  Today’s vicitm is one of the most despised rat bastards in the history of the entire friggin’ webtubes.  Clintbird.  The name alone makes me want to punch babies.

You know that Clint is a retarded jackass and probably a cross-dressing goat molester.  But everyone knows that.  Here’s some shit that you didn’t know.

(1)  Clint (real name: Weezy Jefferson) was born on this day in 1912 in the woods of Whisky Dick Mountain in the supergay state of Washington.  His parents were carnies who immediately abandoned Clint because they could tell he was going to grow up to be a jackass.

(2)  Clint was unpopular as an orphan.  Not only because of his giant head but because he was painfully introverted and shy.  The likely cause of his unsocialable behavior was his crippling Koro Syndrome.

Let’s eat some fucking cake.

(3)  You have icing on your face, stupid.  Here is an interesting fact about Clint: he’s related to Abraham Lincoln.  True story.

(4)  Because Clint had no friends or family growing up he spent most of his time with his pet and future wife, WTFface Jenkins.

(5)  Now is the time on Sprockets where we have musical intercourse interlude.  Despite Clint’s poor taste in pets, he has good taste in music as evidenced by the fact that this is one of his favorite songs.

(6)  True impressive fact about Clint: he has survived three cancers.  All last year.  L to R: Clint, cancer

(7)  Some other people were also born on this day despite the long odds.  They include Frankenhooker author Mary Shelley, TV daddio Fred MacMurray,  baseball stud Ted Williams, country music chickadee Kitty Wells, money man Warren Buffett, tea heiress hottie Peggy Lipton and director John Landis.  Also on this day, in 1979, the second worst President EVAR was attacked by the rabbit while on a canoe trip in Georgia.  HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  Stupid Jimmuh.

(8)  In the ’70s, Clint served time in the Johnson County Federal Women’s Prison due to numerous arrests for solicitation of potato.

(9)  In reality Clint turns 62 today which means he will probably start collecting social security and sucking off the government teat, fortified with the tax dollars of hardworking Americans like me.  ENJOY YOUR FUCKING GOVERNMENT CHEESE YOU HIPPY!!!!

That will conclude this birthday beating.  Thank you come again.

Clint, I hope today is the best birthday of your life so far.  After the year you’ve had, you deserve a grand celebration.  And maybe some hookers and blow.  You’re one of the nicest regulars around here which I suppose is why everyone likes you.  I’ve never heard you utter a disparaging word about anyone.  Unless they had it coming I mean, like Obama.

Have a fantastic day and I hope you get to share it with those most important to you.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY FRIEND!!!

Sunday Stercoraceous Surexcitation

Here’s a new poat for you to ruin with your stupid.  When people read your comments, they have this expression.

I was reading an article on the stark differences in the perception of Kennedy from the retards on the left and the people that don’t smoke crack on the right.  And this sentence pissed me off:

“Kopechne was killed in 1969 when a car Kennedy was driving after a party on Chappaquiddick, an island off Martha’s Vineyard, ran off a narrow bridge and plunged into a tidal pool.”

Stupid car.

You’re not going to start this video and sit there and watch it because it’s just a still photograph.  So start the video and then listen to the song in the background while you comment or search for granny porn or whatever.  It’s one of my favorite electronic songs and it will put you in a trance if you let it.  It’s a good song to listen to if you want to chill out.  It has a positive, ethereal vibe.

She don’t lie, she don’t lie, she don’t lie.

Go Read This.

Or don’t.

THE RECLAMATION OF INDEPENDENCE

[And before someone grumbles about blog whoring, I didn’t post it due to complaints about the length of prior posts.   Having said that, I trust that this should be acceptable to even the most ADD/ADHD riddled among us.]

[Update: WTFface Jenkins]

L to R:  The GED, you

I know what I’m getting for everybody I hate this Christmas

Barry and Ted’s brother shake hands in a “Historic Moment”…

clinton-kennedy

RACIST!???? Yeah, probably. Or not.

RACIST MUSICAL UPDATE:

So what?

PJ who?

Big Boob Friday™

Welcome to Big Boob Friday.  ZOMG!! TED KENNEDY IS STILL DEAD!!!  Someone please tell me when it’s safe to watch TV again.  Thank you in advance nice person.

Last night I went to the Fox theater and saw the stage production of Mary Poppins.  I give it 5 out of 5 bald heads.  It was kick ass.  It’s probably a top 25 movie for me and the translation to the stage was impressive.  If you haven’t seen that movie in a while you should rent it.  It’s a great one.  Also, Mary Poppins is fucking hot.  If you disagree I’ll kill you.

I don’t smoke pot but when I listen to this song I kinda want to fire up a doobie.  It’s more fun than watching Jewstin burst into flames right after he’s been Tazed.  And I always thought it was sung by Pennywise.  I just learnt that it’s not Pennywise you dumbfuck, it’s Dash Rip Rock.

While the BBF research department was in its weekly brainstorming session, it was noted that it’s been a while since we’ve had any hot girl-on-girl action.  Of all the hot girl-on-girl action teams that I’ve ever seen, these two are the champions.

Separately they have both made numerous appearances on this esteemed page because:

(1)  They are fucking smoking hot on fire like the white-hot heat of a brazilian blazing suns.

(2)  To the best of my knowledge, while they aren’t self-conscious about their bodies by any stretch of the imagination, I don’t believe they been in any actual sex ed films.  If you know otherwise, you need to notify me immediately.

(3)  They are both from Poland.  I need to get to Poland soon.

(4)  Their boobs are real and they are spectacular. 

Give it up for your hottie models for today, Friday, August 28, 2009, Ines Cudna and Ewa Sonnett.  HAWT!!!!!!

On this sumbitchin’ day…

*  in 1878, astrophysicist and Nobel prize weiner George Hoyt Whipple was born.

*  in 1907, UPS began service in Seattle causing the USPS to sob uncontrollably and poop its pants.

*  in 1917, ten suffragists were arrested as they picketed teh White House.

*  in 1929, actress and Lenny Kravitz’s momma Roxie Roker was born in Miami.

in 1943, David Soul a.k.a. Hutch was born in Chicago.

in 1951, Wayne Osmond was born in Ogden, Utah.  Stupid Lutherns!!

*  in 1963, Martin Luther King, Jr gave his wonderful “I Have A Dream” speech at the Lincoln Memorial inspiring thousands of race hustlers, race pimps and race-card-playing retards to ignore his words forever.

*  in 1964, Gracie Allen, comedian and wife of George Burns died at the age of 62.  Say goodnight, Gracie.

*  in 1969, Jason Priestley was born in Vancouver.

in 1985, actress Ruth Gordon died at the age of 88.  I loved THIS character.

*  in 1990, Iraq declared Kuwait its 19th province.

It’s been a great week and I’m looking forward to a great weekend.  If you’re looking for something to do tomorrow night, Randy Couture is fighting in the UFC on pay-per-view.  It should be excellent.

Whatever you do, have fun doing it and try not to drive off a bridge when you’re drunk, killing your passenger and then not report it for 10 hours.  Unless you want to be a beloved Senator that is.  Here is Camelot.

Cheers!

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Sissy & Bro Make WP A Double Uncle

Make any comments you want below. I’ll make sure Wicked Pinto gets them.

uncle2