Make me a sammich!

Bwead.

This will make you want a burger.

Well, want a burger more.

A Portrait of the Artist Burl as a Young Man

Poor Darling Burl.  But this certainly explains a lot, don’t it?

Too bad his mom wouldn’t let him have a pet or something.  Then all of this could have been avoided.

Bump day

Mr. Lauraw?

Maple Syruping

It all sounds like fun, until you have to go out and identify a friggin’ sugar maple (Acer saccharum) in a forest full of maple, aspen, birch, and oak at the end of winter.  Especially when all you have at this point is opposite/alternate branching and buds to go on.  Extra especially on a 60 foot tree where the buds are 20 ft in the air.

Alternate branching:

Opposite braching:

Bank branching:

Easy enough right?  Wrong!  It’s a bazillion feet in the air.  Oh, use the main branches and not the twigs, you say?  Sure, that all sounds easy enough too.  Except that half the time branches are missing.  Or where two started out as opposites one is much smaller.  Or the alternates are so close together you still can’t tell.

Well use the buds, you say.

Yeah, identify that at a bazillion feet in the air.  I dare you!

Anyway, maple syruping didn’t go as well as planned.  Hopefully tomorrow we’ll consult w/ an expert and get our trees identified.  At that point it’s just a matter of tapping and waiting.

*Note to self: for any future maple syruping identify the damned trees in the fall when they have leaves and fruit!

And a good time was had by most….

So last night was the CT Morons meetup, which also included some out of staters from Massachusetts, NY and NJ.  At my suggestion, we decided to meet up at a pool hall.  (Well, my suggestion was more like “How about a decent sports bar with maybe a pool table?”  But whatever.)  We ended up in a pool hall with a bar and dart boards, so we adapted.

And we had us some fun.  At least, from what I remember, after getting home at 2am.  (thanks to mrs. wiserbud for driving.)  And thanks again to our newest Hostage, Lauraw, as well as sassypants, for making the arrangements.  (If sassy reads this, I hope the little one is feeling better.)

In case anyone’s is interested, I took some video of our evening together.

I’m guessing we shouldn’t invite those damn NY morons again.  And I still haven’t quite gotten an answer to my question:  What’s a mook?

Is 36 Years a Long Time?

On March 29, 1973 I raised my hand and swore to protect and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic. That I would bear true faith and allegiance to the ideals of that document and that I would obey the orders of those above me in the chain of command.

How much has changed since then? Well, my initial orders to Boot Camp were typed on a Royal manual typewriter, my initial issue dress Blues were 100% wool and made in South Carolina and my shoes were made in Massachusetts.

The aircraft in the Fleet were slightly different than the decks full of F/A-18s, H-60 helicopters and the E-2C Hawkeye. Here are some examples:

The last of the gunfighters. The ugly and deadly F-8 Crusader

A light attack bomber/fighter still used in Latin America, the A-4 Skyhawk. The Skyhawk was a wonderful aircraft to work on. It was reliable and functional.

Finally, one you may not be familiar with, the E-1B Tracker. This aircraft is the predecessor to the AWACS and the E-2 Hawkeye. Isn’t she beautiful.

It’s been 6 years since I retired. I still miss it. The noise, the smells and the rolling seas. Deck launching in a C-1 and falling off the deck, strapped into the gunner’s door on a Huey 30 feet over a Cuban minefield, scrambling up a Jacob’s ladder in 20 ft swells, standing between 2 F-4 Phantoms at military power on the bow, fighting a fire when a jet crashed on the flightdeck and participating in Libya’s smackdown in the Gulf of Sidra are all memories as vivid as yesterday. Do we all sometimes wish we could return to our youth and relive those days of excitement, danger and accomplishment? You bet. Would I do it again? Damned straight!

Serving America and being a Sailor was an honor and a privilege.  36 years ago today. . . somebody bring me my walker and a glass of booze!

Worst Potluck Dishes

This is a post for a joke thread.  You be funny or I’m telling Mom.

When you Google “worst casserole” this crap is the first result.

Cheesy Ham and Banana Casserole by Paula Deen.

You make funny or The Irritated Baby Jesus is going to barf on you.

Earth Hour Idiocy

Let’s kick off the celebration with a nice cold beverage…

Of course we need a little music to get into the mood…

What good is a holiday without a turkey dinner?

Best cook ever…

Now, go turn out on all of your lights.

A remembrance of Max

As you all know I lost my dog Max on Wednesday March 25.  He was 10 years old. Here is a picture of Max.This is probably the best picture I ever took of Max.

Big Boob Friday™

Hello people that put fudge in boxes and then ship them.  Welcome to Big Boob Friday.  Pardon me whilst I take a slight turn away from the stupid for a moment.

Two big things happened in our little family this week that deserve recognition.  First, our friend sohos returned home following a horrible accident.  She needs lots of love and chocolate and books.  So please go HERE and send sohos some love and chocolate and books.

Your generosity will also help stimulate the economy so don’t be a cheap bastard.  Instead of spending that $20 on a new farm porn video, watch the farm porn video that you already have and send sohos something to make her feel better.

Second, our friend Vmax lost his best friend Max.  I’m sure Max knew he was a lucky guy to be Vmax’s best friend and Max is in a better place but it’s always sad to lose someone that special from this mortal coil.  I know a lot of you have already given Vmax your sympathies but if you haven’t yet, please do so.  He needs a little extra love as well to fill the void left by the passing of his friend.

Those two things in the same week pretty much sums up life.  Sohos is going to be all right, she’s home and recovering and that is awesome.  And Max goes to Heaven.

The paradoxical nature of life is a source of neverending awe for me.  Pain makes you appreciate health.  Sadness makes you appreciate happiness.  The bad days makes you appreciate the good days.

When life kicks you, even when it stabs you and tries to gut you, you bleed and you hurt but what you feel is life.  The most succinct summation I’ve ever heard to describe it is that life is like laughing with a cracked rib.  And it is.  It is exactly that.

I try my best to not bitch at life because for all the pain, difficulty, hurt, sadness and disappointment we experience, the joy, love, happiness, beauty and laughter makes it all worth it.  And that’s why I love the family that we have here.  I laugh here everyday and it’s an awesome wonderful thing.

This song is great for the following three reasons.  (1) The music is excellent, (2) the song is about what you think it’s about and (3) there’s a bald man singing it and bald guys are cool.

Okay, that’s enough seriousness.  Thanks for indulging that.  Let’s look at boobs shall we?  For some people, the complexity of the human eye is proof of intelligent design.  For me it is the simplicity of the boob.  With that, let’s meet our model for today.

This specimen of natural beauty was born on November 3rd, 1977 in Long Beach.  She has modeled for several highbrow literary monthlies such as “Amateur Pink” and “Darker Pleasures”.  She was also the Penthouse Pet in September 2000.  From my extensive research I can attest that she is definitely not a homophobe.

She’s 5’6″ and weighs a paltry 124 pounds.  Her safe combination is 34DD-25-35 and she wears a size 8 shoe if you’re into that you sicko.  And she has an absolutely beautiful name.  Say hello to your model for today, March 27, 2009, Aria Giovanni!  YAY!!!!

Important update. Additional photos of Aria have been found. Safe for work if your boss is Rosetta.