Access to all of Rosetta’s posts:



Movie Names and Food: What could go wrong?! Starts with an innocent little link from Jam2…



Forged Rite’s Flame-out:  (I hope he finds this every single night when he googles himself.  Here, this should help: #tags forged rite asshole liar forged rite douchebag scumbucket forged rite lying fucking scumsucking forged rite asshole POS forged rite whiny fucktard forged rite idiot disingenuous forged rite liar douchenozzle forged rite scumtard forged rite douche)

Hilarity of new shows for Scott’s new Fat News Network, starts about here:


Three Million Hits, with flashbacks and links to some of the funniest shit on the interwebs:


Fake Reg:


You know what’s funny?  Obama winning the fucking Nobel Peace Prize…


See also, Laptop Steering Wheel Desk…


TEST YOUR HOSTAGE KNOWLEDGE!!!! with wiserbud’s crossword puzzle.  Let’s see if you’re as dumb as you look.


Two of the funniest stories EVAR from two massive morons…

composmentis: Xtranorml version here:

Few years back, I started the day by eating a lot of fast food and washing it down with half a gallon of Coke. Fast forward to a couple of hours later, when I’m sitting on the sidelines watching my daughter play soccer in mid 90 degree weather. All of a sudden, my ass is to the point where it’s going to explode like Pom-flippin’-peii! I look around and see only two port-o-pots that are literally a quarter mile away.

So I start walking, slowly at first, then faster. As the johns draw nearer, the more my colon feels like there’s a live midget in there straining to burst free.

I’m about 50 feet away, walking all doubled over and funny, not caring what the fuck I look like, just desperately trying to clench when I feel something slide between my already sweaty ass cheeks and plop into my boxers. Dammit!

I make it to one of the pots, which is pre-heated to about 400 degrees, rip my shorts down, spin and sit down as fast as I can just as the dam bursts. You need no further details at this time. My boxers are gonners so I take them off and throw them into the tank. With a sigh of relief, I step out and feel the cooler air hit my sweaty face and my now underwear free ass.

You’d think that would be the end of the story, but nooo! Twenty minutes later, I’m back on the sidelines when I have the very distinct feeling that I gotta go again and I mean right damned now!

So I take off in a fast walk and before I’m even half way there, my already worn out sphincter flat out says “screw this” and releases the hounds! With every step I take, mud is flying out my ass. Keep in mind I am no longer wearing any underwear, thus there’s nothing to catch the shit that’s now falling out the legs of my shorts. I start fucking sprinting, shit is hitting the backs of my legs, my shoes, and flying everywhere.

This whole time I have my eyes on the john, making sure no one is in it (I had seen someone exit prior). I burst in and before I can even get my shorts down, all self-control has vanished and I’m crapping all over everything, including myself.

I finally manage to sit down. How in hell there was so much more volume the second time is beyond me, but I guaran-damn-tee I lost at least 5 pounds.

There I am, covered in my own shit, baking in a stinking oven of a port-o-pot, trying to regain my composure when I realize there is, you guessed it, no toilet paper left. Fuck me. I wasn’t wearing socks either.

I remember saying out loud, “What the fuck am I supposed to do now?!” Then I start giggling. And I start half laughing, half crying because I am sooo fucked! My wife is a quarter mile away and my vehicle is parked in a busy high school parking lot and to get there, I have to walk beside a busy road and through a four-way stop intersection.

I clean up best I can with my t-shirt and lay it to rest with my boxers. I pull up my shit-stained shorts (thank God they were black) and exit the john. I start to walk toward my van and I can still feel shit falling out of my shorts and onto my legs.

By this time, I don’t give a rat’s ass who sees me. All I want to do is get to my van and see what I can do to clean up before my wife and girls arrive. I managed to find paper towel, baby wipes, some plastic bags and one pair of purple satin girl’s soccer shorts. Another thank you to God for my wife’s always being prepared.

I get in the van, which is actually hotter than the port-o-pot was, and am sitting buck naked on the back seat with plastic bags and paper towel stuck everywhere due to my being covered in shit and sweat. I got people milling around in the parking lot so I’m trying to stay low.

Finally, cleaned up best as I can be, I’m sitting behind the steering wheel, glad I’m not covered in shit anymore but worried what my wife is going to say when she gets back, because she has no idea what happened to me and she has our infant daughter, three lawn chairs, and a mother with Alzheimer’s to deal with.

I look across the intersection and I see Fritz, one of the other dads, making his way to the port-o-pots.  I got this feeling in my gut, kind of a humorous dread, as I watch him reach for the door of the pot I had decimated not long ago.

I’ll never forget his reaction. Fritz opened that door and jumped back as if something alive in there had grabbed at him.  He was shaking his head in disgust and disbelief as he spun and walked away, not even bothering with trying the other pot.

Next thing I know, here comes my wife, pushing the stroller, three lawn chairs on her back, my oldest daughter holding grandma’s hand because grandma had wandered half mile away mistaking someone else for my daughter.  With my wife is also the team’s coach and there I am, arm out the window and sweating with nothing on but a pair of very tight girl’s shorts, sitting in the driver’s seat trying to look as non-dorky as possible, smelling like ass and baby wipes.

My wife laughs herself to tears every time I talk about this story. Up to this point, she was the only one who knew about it.

Dave in Texas:

Teh Joke Threadz

As with most things moron, the joke thread started at AoSHQ.  I doubt the Steven Seagal movie titles was the very first one but it’s the first one I (Rosetta) remember.  Interesting trivia: the idea for the funny Steven Seagal movie titles originated in a post by Andrew Levy at the Daily Gut.

Steven Seagal movie titles started HERE…and then got its own post HERE.

We have now stolen this idea and beat it like a circus monkey.  The links below are some examples of the brilliantly stupid humor that we at the Hostages find incredibly funny.  If you do not laugh until you cry when reading these threads, you are at the wrong blog.  You go away now.

Do You Take Your Morning Coffee Black or With Porn? (Best Porn Movie Titles)

Fartman, What Do You Expect, It’s Saturday Night (Worst Car Names)

Chad Vader Sings (Chocolate Rain)

Worst Sex Toy Names

Worst Names For Kid’s Cereal

Sobek at Innocent Bystanders trying to get in on the act with the Least Appealing Euphemisms for Sex

Worst Death Metal Band Names

Worst Disney Movie Titles (on Three Boob Friday)

Worst Excuses For A Three-Day Weekend

Worst Gerber Baby Food Names

Worst Excuses For Your Poor Sexual Performance

Worst Reasons For A PSA

Worst Crayola Crayon Colors

A true Hostage Classic

The Hostages’ Guide to Dating


  1. I humbly submit the worst car names thread that consisted primarliy of me and wiserbud wetting ourselves.

    Unfortunately I have no idea what the name of that thread was.

    I nominate pajama momma to find it.

  2. no fair

    Why is it always me?

  3. oh, God, I remember the car name thread. I laughed all over again just thinking about it.

    Damn, what was that thread about to start with, anyway?

  4. Because you’re the youngest which makes you the pledge.

    HURRY UP!!!!!

  5. Why is it always me?


    Why not?

  6. I have no idea what the car name thread started as. It had nothing to do with cars it was just one of those random things.

    It made me weep like a child.

    Was that maybe a month ago?

  7. I already found it, Dumas

  8. I also nominate the first Kerry Marie BBF post for induction into the hall of fame shame.

  9. Okay, Dumas, now edit the thread to include it up top.

    Jeez, do we have to do everything for you?

  10. That wasn’t it PJM but you’re close. It must have been a few days before that. I think that was carryover.

    The thread had at least 100 comments on it.

  11. WTF? That thread had more comments than that!

    -1 gajiggityillion points

  12. oh dammit, you’re right FINE! I’ll look again

    *holds breath
    *dives in

  13. I need to re-read the car names. The Black Baby Jesus LOVES that thread.

  14. oh dammit, you’re right FINE! I’ll look again

    Well, hurry the fuck up!!!! I need to laugh more.

  15. Here it is and it happens to have been my post, thank you very much!

  16. Now who put the wrong thread link up there?

    We’re going to need to order more helmets.

  17. WTF? Do we need to post both car threads??

  18. Don’t crush that dwarf, pass me a helmet.

  19. holy shit, that threads hilarious right from the start!

  20. Foil Man.

    It was the beginning.

  21. Mesa, go get laid already!!!!

  22. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Seriously…that’s some funny shit.

    We should take this act on the road.

  23. I know this might sound like a weird question and all, but do you think, and this is just a hypothetical question here, is there any possibility, however remote, that this thread is only funny to us?

  24. Actuallly we should do one of those threads every week or two.

    Those were the threads at Ace’s that slayed me.

    And it’s easy to make the topics up. Actually let’s brainstorm now. I’ll start a new thread…

  25. is there any possibility, however remote, that this thread is only funny to us?

    Who cares?

  26. here, is there any possibility, however remote, that this thread is only funny to us?

    Do you really want to know the answer to that, sunshine?

  27. Oh, god, that was a freaking riot. I couldn’t pick a top 50 out of that, much less a top 10. I’m laughing all over again. And I look at the time stamp and think WTF? 2:30am???? on a week night?

    Oh, I bet I felt incredible the day after that.

  28. Hey lurkers!

    All two of you.

    Is this funny?


  29. Who cares?

    Look fartface, it was suggested we take this on the road, we are the only ones that would be there. So what do we draw numbers to decide which one of us sits in the audience each night?

  30. Hey lurkers!

    All two of you.

    Is this funny?


    hahha, exactly, they all come for kerry marie and downblouse

  31. So what do we draw numbers to decide which one of us sits in the audience each night?

    if you start caring about the audience, you lose the funny.


  32. hahha, exactly, they all come for kerry marie and downblouse

    But they stay for the brilliant wit and insightful commentary on world events.

  33. Ok, now I’m really leaving.

    I won’t even try to explain to the redhead why I’m late.

    It’s like Rosetta trying to explain his man/lesbianismishness — only worse.

    I’ll see who’s up drunk late night (Rosetta).


  34. Out.

    *Starts stopwatch

  35. if you start caring about the audience, you lose the funny.

    Yeah fuck them.

  36. I’ve been to ottoman sites that can handle more traffic.


    Haaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11! That shoudl be one of those sidebar endorsement type quotes.

  37. I thought of another thread that needs to be in the hall of shame.

    I did the post and I think the title was something like “Would you like porn with that” or something similar.

    That was a GREAT one.

  38. oh, yeah, the pron move names

  39. Yes, that one. That may be THE definitive list of porn movie titles.

    I thought eman had the best of the entire list:



  40. I think I had a two-fer winner here. I suggested the Ford Probe which would also make a great porn title. I’m just gonna go ahead and crown myself The King.

    I’ll receive your tributes now.

  41. wait…your actually proud of something you wrote here?


  42. Oh hells no. Commenting here must feel like Rosetta feels after admitting his addiction to gay midget porn.

  43. Y’all are going to add the Worst Cereal Names thread, right? That might be the most tasteless and disgusting thing I have read…well, at least since the last AOSHQ flame war.

  44. DONE!!!!

    The Hall Of Shame is now fully updated.

  45. Hall of Shame-ohs.

  46. Must. Stop. Now.

  47. I gotta check this tab a little more often, apparently.

    bmac likes to fondle other men’s balls.


  48. Hahahahaha!

    Are you just now checking this page?

    Yesterday when you were busting my balls for not reading the joke thread ideas, I put the link and the comment about you.

    Hahaha. I thought you would check this yesterday when I told you the link was here.

    *makes note to delete comment about bmac fondling balls sometime between now and the year 2013*

  49. shouldn’t the story of when mesa posted pj’s pics be in this thread?

  50. And how Rich got his nickname.

  51. Bart- Not unless you have a fallout shelter.

  52. last!

  53. MCPO v XBradTC

    Sorry MCPO, apparently I’m the official
    Hostage post pusher-downer, so, to initiate you, I have to push your
    post down. It’s not about Charlie the Unicorn, but it IS old. The only
    thing bad about this video is there’s nothing about me in it. Can’t
    have it all, now can we?


    1. Thank you so much for making me cry today, PJM. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.

    2. Hahahahaha.

      Funny post, Burrito Head.

    3. I
      had a new set of Dress Blues tailor made for me 3 months before I
      retired. Told the Missus to bury me in them. I full expect B-rad to be
      in Arlington for my final deployment.

    4. One rule of being a Hostage, MCPO, is that none of us are ever, ever allowed to die. Just so you know.

    5. The
      credits mention an “Air Force Man”, but I didn’t see one. Am I only
      getting the G-rated feed or something? I wonder which area of Phoenix
      they shot that?

    6. Choked me up too. Dammit, I come here to laugh, not get all warm and misty. Cut the crap pjm. (great post)

    7. Will, I didn’t see one either.

    8. Choked me up too. Dammit, I come here to laugh, not get all warm and misty.


      *sniffles, wipes cheek*

    9. It is a bit of an emotional flick ain’t it?
      *grabs knife
      *starts cutting self
      *decides it hurts
      *looks for stupid puppy that keeps crapping all over the house

    10. Maybe he was the one with the flag in the window on the second floor above the Army guy.

      Oh, and leave it PJM to be the only one pushing the fat man down.


    12. MCPO, will totally just called you a Fat ASS! I’m serious. I heard that with my bad ear.

    13. PJ – That’s OK. I’ve been called a “Fat ASS” by people I like.

    14. Oh no din’t MPCO!


    15. PJ – Time to dose up on your Adderall!


    17. MCPO, will totally just called you a Fat ASS! I’m serious. I heard that with my bad ear.

      Oh hush. Shouldn’t you be tending your brood like I should be working?

      Last Friday at an informal company event, our HR director let slip a
      little f-bomb and got all wound up worrying that she’s offended me
      (day-to-day, I’m dull enough that people must think I’m a holy-roller
      or something). I politely let her know, “You can’t fucking
      offend/disgust me.” I almost added, “I read The Hostages.” I think I
      may just start using that from now on.

      “You can’t disgust / offend me: I read The Hostages.”

    18. sHit
      today was early release day and I forgot to get the kids
      gotta go

    19. And just to point out the joke for PJM’s benefit, I was refering to the image MCPO used in his post. At leats now I know I’m not on his “like” list.

    20. From juvi?

    21. “You can’t disgust / offend me: I read The Hostages.”

      HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That’s excellent!!

    22. Will, check out the sub-title of the blog on the upper left of the page.

      Son, you are this close to making the Honorary Hostage list.

    23. sHit today was early release day and I forgot to get the kids gotta go

      Are they on parole?

    24. Why was the Army guy black, huh? Why’d the Navy guy outrank him. RACIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    25. Also, George McFatfuckslut

    26. Good job, wiser.

    27. Did I forget to close an italics tag a-fucking-gain??

    28. This could become a series…

      I’ve seen worse: I read The Hostages.

    29. It burns when I pee: I read The Hostages.

    30. Hahahaha.

      I’ve fucked fatter: I read The Hostages.

    31. C3PO, your vids are the BEST!
      I’m still rocking out to Van in my chair.

    32. “Son, you are this close to making the Honorary Hostage list.”

      That a threat or a promise? Because my life so far has been an unceasing string of disappointments on both counts.

    33. I’ve seen a bigger gang-banging-cluster-fuck: I read The Hostages.

    34. I drink like a fish: I read The Hostages

    35. There is death after life: I read The Hostages.

    36. Will, you have to find a funny female to be your blogging partner here or wickedpinto will have a hissy fit.

    37. I once had a medieval mace shoved up my ass: I read The Hostages.

    38. I CAN’T have the clap: I read The Hostages!

    39. Yes, I will toss your salad: I read The Hostages.

    40. How does this benefit my children? I read The Hostages!

    41. […]
      being held Hostage I’ve spend a good deal of time over at The Hostages.
      For me, it’s like volunteering with the special needs/short bus kids.
      Especially MCPO […]

    42. I cry when touched in my “special place”: I read The Hostages.

    43. Clowns aren’t weird: I read The Hostages

    44. I touched Rosetta in a “special place”: I read The Hostages (PJM)

    45. I’m afraid of clowns, black standard poodles and ottomans: I read The Hostages!

      And, hahahahaha, Will.

    46. I have $17.96 in change in my ass right now: I read The Hostages.

    47. I kill what I fuck: I read the Hostages

    48. I’m afraid of clowns, black standard poodles and ottomans: I read The Hostages!


    49. I am understanding the English good today more: I read the Hostages

    50. “You have to find a funny female to be your blogging partner here or wickedpinto will have a hissy fit.”

      That’s gonna be tough. Most of the girls I know wouldn’t be caught
      dead around these parts (or would be offended by the politcs).

      Short bus here I come: I read The Hostages.

    51. I fuck what I kill: I read the Hostages.

    52. It was the Joooos: I read The Hostages.

    53. I’ve snorted blow off a dead hooker’s ass: I read the Hostages.

    54. I know what an ass penny is: I read The Hostages!

    55. I have teh herpes: I had sex with XBradTC’s woman.

      Oh wait, wrong thread.

    56. There are worse ways to die: I read The Hostages.

    57. I used to have a life: I read the Hostages

    58. I don’t eat no-name cereal anymore: I read The Hostages!

      (Man, that was a great thread)

    59. I once sucked off a diseased goat: I read The Hostages.

    60. Can’t get a goddamn bit of work done: I read The Hostages.

    61. I don’t eat no-name cereal anymore: I read The Hostages!

      Hahahaha. That’s a good one, Vampira.

    62. I fucked Rosetta’s mother. Or Rosetta, it’s hard to tell them apart: I read The Hostages.

    63. I have a subdural anal hematoma: I read The Hostages.

    64. I used to worry about global warming: I read The Hostages!

    65. I have a child with pajama momma: I read The Hostages.

    66. Pajama Momma quit having children: She reads The Hostages!

    67. I have a child with pajama momma: I read The Hostages.

      Who doesn’t?

    68. I now know a million ways to rhyme “Choclate Rain”: I read The Hostages.

    69. I spend my days looking for reasons to come up with an unending stream of stupid jokes about silly topics: I read the Hostages.

    70. These guys should read The Hostages:

    71. I can longer get health or life insurance: I read The Hostages.

    72. Doing my part to lower the average IQ of the Tubes: I read The Hostages.

    73. Fuck you fucking cocksucking faggot douche-bag asshole motherfuckers: I read The Hostages.

    74. I beat my dick like it owes me money: I read The Hostages.

    75. I’ve lost the will to live: I read The Hostages.

    76. xbrad, I started wondering what was really in that glue bottle. Then I started thinking I should stop wondering,

    77. I read The Hostages: I read The Hostages.

    78. I beat my dick like it owes me money…

      Hahahahaha. I love that line, compos. Good one!!

    79. I like my ass tickled with a feather penny: I read the Hostages.

    80. Innocence FAIL: I read The Hostages.

    81. I do not want to know what a feather penny is: I read The Hostages!

    82. Sohos knockers intrigue me: I read the Hostages.

    83. I like my ass tickled with a feather penny: I read the Hostages.

      Innocence FAIL: I read The Hostages.

      HAHAHAHA!! Those are the two funniest back-to-back comments in a long time.

    84. I can’t read: I read The Hostages.

    85. PA-
      you’ve never heard of a feather penny? There like a buffalo nickle only
      its a penny with feathers on it. Here, I’ll send you some.

    86. “Here, I’ll send you some”

      No THANK you!!

    87. I can identify teh funny if it sits on my face and sticks a finger in my ass: I read The Hostages.

    88. I no longer have feelings for other human beings: I read The Hostages.

    89. Jeff: I read The Hostages.

    90. I am afraid to touch pennies when I get change back: I read the Hostages.

    91. I no longer accept coins: I read The Hostages.

    92. PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME!!!….I’M…SO…COLD: I read The Hostages.

    93. Rosetta drinks until he pukes, or until the last dick in the room has been drained, whichever comes first: I read The Hostages.

    94. Hope and “Change”: I read The Hostages.

    95. I think Wickedpinto is completely normal and I want him to date my sister: I read the Hostages.

    96. I can’t even feel your fingers, Doctor: I read The Hostages.

    97. I think Wickedpinto is completely normal


    98. No matter how much I scrub my junk, I still can’t get that funky smell off: I read the Hostages.

    99. I can’t even feel your fingers, Doctor: I read The Hostages.

      *eyes are watering* that is some funny shit

    100. I’ve forgotten more filth than you could ever hope to know: I read The Hostages.

    101. When I sneeze, it echoes in my asshole: I read The Hostages.

    102. My family no longer speaks to me: I read The Hostages.

    103. I swear officer, I had no idea that was against the law: I read The Hostages.

    104. We
      can turn on a dime and make a serious, emotional post that makes us
      misty into a fuckin highlarious joke thread: I read the Hostages.

    105. My genitals were bitten off by an aye-aye: I read The Hostages.

    106. I was raised by wolves: I read The Hostages

    107. There is no such thing as a taboo, It’is only a board game: I read the Hostages.

    108. Bipolar? Me?: I read The Hostages.

    109. I think chubacabras are cute and fuzzy little creatures I want my children to play with: I read the Hostages.

    110. I hink Carrot Top is funny: I read The Hostages

    111. Me: I read the Hostages.

    112. I cry for no reason and scream in my sleep: I read The Hostages.

    113. “I think Wickedpinto is completely normal and I want him to date my sister: I read the Hostages.”


    114. Kerry Marie is the most beautiful girl on the planet: I read The Hostages!

    115. Oh, God, I hope nobody finds out: I read The Hostages.

    116. Watch it….

    117. I hit the refresh button after every comment: I read the Hostages.

    118. I can turn the world on with my smile: I read The Hostages!

    119. “I hit the refresh button after every comment: I read the Hostages.”

      These are killing me.

    120. That golf-ball-sized kidney stone I passed wasn’t so bad: I read The Hostages.

    121. LOOK A SHINY PENNY!!!11: I read The Hostages.

    122. I make the black baby Jesus cry: I read the Hostages.

    123. Hahaha/ Good one, Rich!

    124. As a matter if fact, I do know what’s good for me: I read The Hostages anyway.

    125. I know that napalm sticks to kids and Daddy’s Fingers added to anything makes it teh funni: I read the Hostages.

    126. My chronic masterbation in no way affects my job and actually improves my cognitive skills: I read the Hostages.

    127. To my sorrow, I know who Kerry Marie is: I read the Hostages

    128. I no longer think anything is funny unless it has the word “fisting” in it: I read The Hostages.

    129. I don’t even bother to brush my teeth anymore: I read the Hostages.

    130. The Donnor Party makes me laugh: I read The Hostages.

    131. I like to watch Rosetta push the fat chick down: I read the Hostages.

    132. A time and place for anything and everything: I read The Hostages.

    133. I realize that formunda is an appetizer as well as a main course: I read the Hostages.

    134. Yes, I’m used to being kicked in the genitals; I read the Hostages

    135. For B-rad:

    136. I think the Retardid Policeman is funny: I read the Hostages.

    137. I know what really happened to JFK: I read The Hostages.

    138. I’ve renamed all of PJM’s kids “Ernie”: I read the Hostages.

    139. Yes, I realize you’re supposed to hold up the fish; I read the Hostages.

    140. I now know that NOTHING is sacred: I read the Hostages.

    141. Abused testicle count 3,457 and rising: I read The Hostages.

    142. I can define, “man-lesbian”; I read the Hostages

    143. I believe that cruelty is a lifestyle choice: I read the Hostages.

    144. Are you going to use that gerbil?: I read The Hostages.

    145. I
      want to get Sohos drunk so I can see her evil twin come out and beat
      the crap out of some poor, unsuspecting fat chick: I read the Hostages.

    146. “Yes, I realize you’re supposed to hold up the fish; I read the Hostages.”


    147. I once urinated on a nude, drunk Hannah Montana: I read The Hostages.

    148. Its
      all fun and games till someone loses an eye, then its more fun and
      games, because we have an eye to play with: I read the Hostages.

    149. I like saying sick, disgusting things about people I never met: I read the Hostages.

    150. I know how to beat a dead horse into the ground, dig it up and then beat it into the ground again: I read The Hostages.

    151. Underage means nothing to me: I read the Hostages.

    152. I like saying sick, disgusting things about people I never met: I read the Hostages.


    153. Steven Segal in: I read The Hostages

    154. It
      doesn’t disturb me that Rosetta will beat a horse until its dead, or
      that he can beat it until it rises from the dead: I read the Hostages.

    155. I don’t drink water anymore: I read the Hostages.

    156. If there’s a wrong way to take something, they’ll find it: I read The Hostages.

    157. Yes, I know who Samwell is: I read the Hostages.

    158. The safe word is “FUCKING KILL ME NOW!!!”: I read The Hostages.

    159. I am looking in your bedroom window as you get undressed: I read the Hostages.

    160. Mine are bigger: I read the hostages

    161. Of course I know what PJM had for dinner; I read the Hostages

    162. The word “Armageddon” makes me laugh out loud: I read the Hostages.

    163. Never, under any circumstances, reveal your birthday: I read The Hostages.

    164. Internet addiction is a hoax; I read the Hostages

    165. SoHoS’ really are BIGGER: I read the Hostages.

    166. I can change my own diaper: I read The Hostages.

    167. I can recite the jabberwocky: I read The Hostages

    168. I don’t believe any safe word will save your ass when Rosetta is around: I read the Hostages.

    169. Even fat chicks appeal to somebody; I read the Hostages

    170. I am your real dad: I read The Hostages.

    171. You can’t tell me what to do: I read the Hostages.

    172. Prison rape ain’t so bad: I read The Hostages.

    173. I know Longrod Von Hugendong: I read The Hostages.

    174. The hand jobs are free: I read the Hostages.

    175. I knew Tim Mutch: I read The Hostages.

    176. belly buttons stink:I read the hostages

    177. I’m smarter than, but not as funny as you: I read Innocent Bystanders.

    178. I ma dyslexic: I host the Readages!

    179. Incest can be funny: I read the Hostages.

    180. There’s a reason why it doesn’t work anymore: I read The Hostages.

    181. PattyAnn makes the bestest sammiches; I read the Hostages

    182. Your palms will grow hairy: I read The Hostages

    183. Familiarity DOES breed contempt: I read the Hostages.

    184. When
      PJM gets back here from picking up her kids at school and sees what has
      become of her post, she’s probably going to cut herself: I read The

    185. We do more to offend before 6AM than most people do all day: I read the Hostages.

    186. There is no such thing as too many stories about golf: I read The Hostages.

    187. belly buttons stink:I read the hostages


      Here’s sohos:

    188. Old guys screaming for juiceboxes can be funny: I read the Hostages.

    189. Abbadon is afraid of us; I read the Hostages

    190. There is no such thing as too many stories about golf: I read The Hostages.


    191. I put the “on” in “Moron”: I read The Hostages.

    192. I laugh at self mutilation: I read the Hostages.

    193. I can’t believe you actually pulled my finger: I read The Hostages.

    194. Abbadon is afraid of us; I read the Hostages

      I like gay porn: I read PJM’s blog

    195. Rosetta, you can be so cruel.

    196. Lord Barry O’ Lightworker cringes at the very thought of us: I read the Hostages.

    197. I have 3 mommies; I read the Hostages

    198. Does this look infected to you?: I read The Hostages.

    199. For those “not-so-fresh” days: I read The Hostages.

    200. I think it is extra points if you fart and my mouth is open: I read the Hostages.

    201. I have chunks of guys like you in my stool: I read The Hostages.

    202. I don’t mind punishing people with a baby: I read the Hostages.

    203. I expect to find a finger in my Sarah Palin chili: I read the Hostages.

    204. I believe “tea-bagging” is a protected form of free speech; I read the Hostages

    205. I think 2 girls 1 cup is a cinematic achievement, unparalleled in it’s subtlety and depth: I read The Hostages.

    206. I once molested a turken, you faggot: I read The Hostages.

    207. The clowns are after me, man: I read the Hostages.

    208. I’m sicker than you: I read the Hostages.

    209. I was once molested by a turken: I read The Hostages.

    210. Sarah Palin is hot.

    211. I was molested by Sarah Palin: I read The Hostages.

    212. I think Spyro Gyra is teh AWESOME!!111!1!!1! and not gay at all: I read The Hostages.

    213. There is nothing that you can say or do that I can’t make fun of: I read The Hostages.

    214. Sarah Palin used Daddy’s Fingers on Wiser and Wiserbud: I read the Hostages.

    215. DON’T LOOK AT MY FACE!!!!! I’M A HIDEOUS ANIMAL!!!!: I read The Hostages.

    216. I collect beanie babies: I read The Hostages

    217. Morons read AOSHQ, I’m an ultra-moron; I read the Hostages

    218. I’ve always wanted to screw the shit out of that Alice in Wonderland character: I read The Hostages.

    219. sohos, I put a video in an earlier comment for you.

    220. I know Sasquatch is Sohos after a 3 day weekend; I read the Hostages

    221. I stick beanie babies in my ass. Then I put them back on the store shelf: I read The Hostages.

    222. I am a virgin: I read The Hostages

    223. I actually think I DID screw the shit out of Alice in Wonderland: I read The Hostages.

    224. I am a virgin: I read The Hostages

      Okay, okay, let’s not get crazy here….

    225. I know and I can’t open it at work………..

    226. My belches smell like bourbon and self-loathing: I read The Hostages.

    227. Cartoon characters make me randy: I read the Hostages.

    228. I am a virgin: I read The Hostages


    229. Jessica Rabbit is hot:I read The Hostages

    230. The light! It burns!!: I read The Hostages

    231. My farts smell like llama sperm and suicidal tendencies: I read The Hostages.

    232. I know there is nothing wrong with a glory hole; I read the Hostages

    233. I
      drive a hybrid. Not because I want to save gas or stop global warming.
      I just think they’re the kewlest cars EVAH!: I read The Hostages

    234. Sometimes I forget to eat or go to the restroom during a joke thread: I read the Hostages.

    235. When I think about you, I touch myself: I read The Hostages

    236. The inside of my colon is tattooed to look like a gerbil tube: I read The Hostages.

    237. Mimes don’t talk, stupid!: I read the Hostages.

    238. My poo tastes funny: I read The Hostages

    239. I make fun of retards who make fun of themselves: I read the Hostages.

    240. I am a virgin: I need The Hostages

      Fixed that for you.

    241. I know and I can’t open it at work………..

      FUCKING COMMUNISTS!!! Don’t forget to watch it when you get home. You’ll like it.

      Sometimes I forget to eat or go to the restroom during a joke thread: I read the Hostages.M


    242. Michelle Malkin hates conservatives like us…well, except for Nice Deb: I read the Hostages.

    243. sǝbɐʇsoɥ ǝɥʇ pɐǝɹ ı :sǝɔɐɟɥɔʇıq ‘ʇǝǝɯ ı ǝuoʎɹǝʌǝ ǝʇɐɥ ʎ1ǝʇɐıpǝɯɯı ı

    244. I got kicked out of the country club for doing armpit farts: I read the Hostages.

    245. Keith Olberman? I fucked him: I read The Hostages.

    246. My junk hurts: I read The Hostages

    247. I think gay marriage should be legal. I know cranky and Dave in Texas and I rad the Hostages

    248. wiserbud, WTF?

    249. I think Michelle Obama is teh HAWT!: I read the Hostages

    250. wiserbud, WTF?


    251. I squeeze the lemon until the juice runs down my leg: I read the Hostages.

    252. It burns when I pee: I read the Hostages.

    253. I’ll be back in a bit. I’m going to help OJ find the real killer: I read The Hostages.

    254. I’d rather have my gums extracted than touch Keith Olberman with b-rad’s unit: I read the Hostages.

    255. B-rad has a unit?

    256. Time to get back to work: I read the Hostages.

    257. Livin la vida loca: I read the Hostages.

    258. We don’t need no stinkin’ badges: I read the Hostages.

    259. Witnessing the destruction of the moral fiber of America: I read the Hostages.

    260. Here, smell my finger: I read The Hostages.

    261. I give the neighbors’ kids cookies spiked with roofies and novacaine: I read Teh Hotsausages.

    262. Doing my part in the destruction of the moral fiber of America: I read the Hostages.

    263. RON PAUL!!1!1!1ron!1!1!: I read the Hostages.

    264. I wet the bed, every damned night: I read The Hostages.

    265. Treating Obama like the bitch that he is: I read the Hostages.

    266. I like kid’s movies, IYKWIMAITTYD: I read the Hostages.

    267. lol wiser

      My dog likes peanut butter IYKWIMAITTYD: I read the Hostages.

    268. My mom gives the best blow-jobs: I read the Hostages.

    269. I cannot get a word in edgewise: I read the Hostages.

    270. There’s no accounting for taste: I read The Hostages.

    271. my dream is to finally be able to afford that double-wide: I read the Hostages.

    272. Trying not to laugh out loud at work: I read the Hostages.

    273. My mom’s cooter smells like a hot tuna casserole and shame: I read The Hostages.

    274. “Hey baby, I want to put my pork sword in your vertical smile. Oh, and I read The Hostages *wnk*”

    275. I cry when I masturbate: I read the Hostages.

    276. Conditioning mysenses for an eternity in hell: I read The Hostages.

    277. I know I won’t be the only one in Hell: I read the Hostages.

    278. I think Keith Olbermann is intelligent and Hillary Clinton is beautiful: I read the Hostages.

    279. I know what makes Satan cry: I read the Hostages.

    280. Like a roundhouse-kick of awesome to the brain: I read The Hostages.

    281. I collect paintings of sad clowns: I read The Hostages

    282. I’ve acquired a stench like a clingy airbiscuit: I read the Hostages.

    283. I fucked a box of Rice Krispies in a 7-Eleven: I read The Hostages.

    284. *snap* Clearly you don’t know who you’re dealing with: I read The Hostages. *snap**snap*

    285. Some people make shit. And some people make shit stinkier: I read the Hostages.

    286. I haven’t yet explored every part of my body, but I’m close: I read the Hostages.

    287. Don’t mind the weird grunting sounds coming from my cubicle: I read The Hostages.

    288. Yeah, I’ve had sex in a Burger King bathroom, I read the Hostages

    289. I slam my junk in the car door, because I like it! : I read The Hostages.

    290. I think this is the funniest fucking video on YouTube: I read the Hostages

    291. compos, you’re fucking KILLING!!!!

      You need to hang around here more.

    292. My dog has a tight ass: I read the Hostages

    293. No, this is the funniest video on the innernettubes, jerkweed:I read The Hostages.

    294. I hate when I have to work in the middle of a joke thread.


    295. I like making pottery out of my own shit: I read The Hostages.

    296. My dog USED to have a tight ass: I read The Hostages

    297. Pissing on Rosetta, just because he asked me to: I read the Hostages

    298. You killed a man in Reno?: I read The Hostages.

    299. “I hate when I have to work turn tricks in the middle of a joke thread.”

    300. Boobs, Beer and Bitchin’: I read the Hostages

    301. Freshly Shorn Balls: I read the Hostages

    302. Your newletter is only mildly interesting: I read The Hostages.

    303. Miller Chill is my beer of choice: I read teh Hostages

    304. If a joke is longer than 5 words, I don’t get it: I read The Hostages.

    305. My step-dad raped me. Well, at first….: I read The Hostages.

    306. Jeramiah was a bullfrog. Now he’s an ass-phibean: I read The Hostages.

    307. I study for urine tests: I read The Hostages.

    308. Real friends are overrated: I read the Hostages.

    309. You had me at “auto-erotic asphyxiation”: I read The Hostages.

    310. Success in life is for losers: I read the Hostages.

    311. Sohos, don’t watch that video rosetta posted for you! You will thank me: I read The Hostages.

    312. A drinking blog with a moron problem: I read The Hostages.

    313. AOSHQ is too high-brow for me: I read the Hostages.

    314. I eat paste: I read The Hostages.

    315. Fuck it. I’m taking the rest of the day off: I read the Hostages.

    316. Sohos, don’t watch that video rosetta posted for you! You will thank me: I read The Hostages.

      I know if you mInd your own business, you can avoid a lot of pain and suffering, PattyAnn: I read The Hostages.

    317. I once had sex with a tree: I read The Hostages.

    318. So many vices, so little time: I read The Hostages.

    319. I lost my job but fuck it: I read The Hostages.

    320. I sport wood 24/7: I read the Hostages.

    321. I
      just took a dump that contained so much fur and so many bones that it
      looked like a giant owl pellet.: Did I mention I read The Hostages?

    322. I’d swear that sheep is eyeing my junk: I read The Hostages.

    323. I read the preceding 323 comments: I really DO read The Hostages…

    324. Billy Mays here! I read The Hostages!

    325. I lived with two hot chicks in college but didn’t score either one: I read the Hostages.

    326. Calling a dude Rosetta is funny: I read the Hostages.

    327. In Soviet Russia, The Hostages read YOU!!!

    328. My Dad can beat up your Mom: I read The Hostages.

    329. My Mom can beat up Rosetta’s Dad: I read The Hostages!

    330. Yep, you guessed it.

    331. Sometimes I forget to take a shower after starring in a bukkake film: I read The Hostages.

    332. I like sitting naked and biting my toenails while sitting on a park bench nearest to the swingset: I read The Hostages.

    333. Hahahahaha!

    334. I like building log cabins out of the cat turds in the sandbox: I read The Hostages.

    335. When my dog chews my shoe, I give him a Hot Karl: I read the Hostages.

    336. I
      sit alone late at night, gazing longingly at the starry sky, pondering
      my existence in the universe, and hoping a spaceship full of well-hung
      green men would beam me up and ass-rape me until alien spooge pours out
      of my eye sockets: I read The Hostages.

    337. I like to wrap cat turds in tootsie roll wrappers and give them to kids at Halloween: I read the Hostages.

    338. I have a hemorrhoid named NiceDeb: I read the Hostages.

    339. When
      I see my dog licking his balls, I wish I could do the same. But I’m
      afraid he might bite me: I read The Hostages. (yeah, I know it’s old.
      So freaken’ sue me.)

    340. Hahahahaha.

      Is it moosecock?: I read the Hostages.

    341. There’s
      a perfectly valid reason I was watering my lawn with the garden hose at
      2am in nothing but a wife-beater: I read The Hostages.

    342. I
      name my turds and wave them a tearful goodbye before I flush them.
      Sometimes I even give them a hug first: I read The Hostages.

    343. Compos-that
      just reminded me of a video I saw not too long ago (yea, it was porn).
      This chick was polishing this dudes knob and when he busted his nut,
      spooge came pouring out of the chicks nose. Funny ( and gross) as hell:
      I read the Hostages.

    344. I have a white van with “FREE CANDY AND PUPPIES” painted on the side: I read the Hostages.

    345. Sockpuppets fail me all the time: I read The Hostages.

    346. I eat pieces of shit for breakfast: I read The Hostages

    347. I
      did manual labor all day and now my back is sore and then on the way
      home a huge head on accident happened in front of me and I had to pull
      a guy out of his car because it was on fire, but I was lucky, I thought
      they were going to crash into me and now I have to go to court as a
      witness: I read The Hostages.

    348. I’m so high I just tried to kill a helicopter with a can of Raid. Oh and by the way I read The Hostages.

    349. Is that true mesa?

    350. I eat pieces of shit for breakfast: I read The Hostages

      Good one, BH.


    351. Looks like mesa picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue: I read the Hostages.

    352. I temp because I can’t get a real job: I read the Hostages.

    353. I once raped a chair: I read the Hostages.

    354. If I don’t get back to work, I gonna get canned: I read the Hostages.

    355. I’m not happy to see you; I have a badger in my pants: I read the Hostages.

    356. PJ, yup.

      Both cars doing about fifty trying to beat a yellow light and one tried to turn left — boom!

      If the guy turning left had gone a few more feet they would have
      been pulling me out. They hit nearly head on and both cars went into
      the air. Cadillac against Taurus — the Caddy won.

      Airbags work. I thought they’d be a LOT more messed up. The kid in
      the Caddy got right out. The guy in the Taurus was stunned from the
      airbag and I was going to leave him sitting there until the car caught
      fire. Figured it would be a good idea to get him out at that point.
      Emergency crews showed up in about five minutes.

      I met a cute female cop, though.

    357. I lick the inside lip of public toilets to judge how clean they are: I read the Hostages.

    358. I have a badger in my pants, and we’re both happy to see you: I plagiarize The Hostages.

    359. Edward Von Peedonyourwife

    360. The only thing I hate more than bigots are Mexicans and homos: I read the Hostages.

    361. Dry-humping pillows can be quite relaxing: I read the Hostages.

    362. I would pull a crash victim out of a burning car just to meet a cute cop girl: I read the Hostages.

    363. When I want to feel better about myself: I read the Hostages.

    364. Rich doesn’t know that all female cops are lesbians: I read the Hostages.

    365. Remember that a uniform adds at least 2 points: I read The Hostages.

    366. She
      probably is a lesbian, but my brother who was right behind me just told
      me that he thinks the cop digs me. She made me stick around for a while
      and then gave me her card.

      I’m gonna get some lesbian love: I read The Hostages.

    367. My sister’s going to become a lesbian after she graduates from the academy: I read The Hostages

    368. Mesa’s brother lies to mesa to make him feel better about the fact that he was adopted: I read The Hostages

    369. Incest is best: I read The Hostages.

    370. I’m gonna get some lesbian love: I read The Hostages.


      My sister’s going to become a lesbian after she graduates from the academy: I read The Hostages


    371. MEAT IS MURDER!!!11! and murder tastes good with a baked potato: I read the Hostages.

    372. I must take a break from this horror circus for a bit but I shall return.

      Hopefully at multiple Indians.

    373. How soon IS now? I read the Hostages.

    374. I don’t know what multiple Indians means: I read The Hostages

    375. Heh,
      140 people came here today looking for a picture of Chelsea Clinton and
      got smacked with that Hillary twisted face thing: We Are The Hostages.

      PJ, drink some whiskey and think about it.

    376. Not done yet, but you guys are funny as shit, this isn’t quite, but it’s reminding me of “thanks nancy.”

      Michael one time said that his lifes goal was satisfied when one day
      at IB, they started with . . . I’m trying to remember, something like
      religion in politics, and move to scrotum heygiene in just 4 comments.

    377. PJ, drink some whiskey and think about it.

      Oh I get it.

    378. I’m smarter than, but not as funny as you: I read Innocent Bystanders.


    379. I am the one I have been waiting for; I read the Hostages

    380. I told C3PO that Wednesday is his turn in the barrel: I read the Hostages.

    381. I shoot fish in barrels: I read The Hostages

    382. I think I pissed Bart off : Must be a Hostage.

    383. I don’t know what multiple Indians means: I read The Hostages

      It’s a politically incorrect drunk scale; 1 indian = sober and 10 indians = fall down drunk.

    384. I’m smarter than, but not as funny as you: I read Innocent Bystanders.


      Hahahaha. I thought that one got lost in the shuffle. I’m glad you caught it, WP.

    385. I eat my own boogers and THIS IS A POLICE STATE!!!: I read Daily Kos.

    386. nah, mesa, you just threw salt in the wound, that’s all

    387. What does not kill me, makes me stronger: I read Friedrich Nietzsche.

    388. 9/11 was an inside job, probably instigated by the coloreds: I read Ron Paul’s newsletters.

    389. 1 Fish, 2 Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish: I read Dr. Suess.

    390. When I need a little help with something like this

      I read The Hostages

    391. I watch video’s of frogs making babies cry to make myself feel better: I read parents magazine

    392. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

      I saw that and cracked up. That was totally you when you were two.

    393. I think I pissed Bart off : Must be a Hostage.\

      No, you’re just human.


  1. This thread is in disarray.

    Disarray, this thread has it.

  2. this funny is old and stale

  3. NOTE: Comments Temporarily Disabled On This Page due to Excessive Spam Hits.


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