Now no better than the trinkets handed out to children at a youth soccer league pizza party, the Nobel brand has been diluted beyond repair:
Rather than recognizing concrete achievement, the 2009 prize appeared intended to support initiatives that have yet to bear fruit: reducing the world stock of nuclear arms, easing American conflicts with Muslim nations and strengthening the U.S. role in combating climate change.
In other words, Obama got the Nobel for three telepromptered speeches about vaporware.
Awesome! Way to go, you special lil fella! You’re special! Yes you are! Piiiiizzzzaaa!
P.S.: Please — pleeeease — be sure to vote this poat up less my fragile self-esteem takes an irreparable hit.
[BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: ROSETTA]
Obama has just won the Heisman.
[UPDATE II: ROSETTA]
I have received word that Obama has just won the Stanley Cup.
[UPDATE III: ROSETTA]
As Obama was driving to pick up his Nobel Peace Prize, he accidentally won the NASCAR Sprint Cup.
[UPDATE IV: ROSETTA]
Obama threw 984 touchdowns and rushed for 3.8 brazilian yards, leading the Kenyan Unicorns to their first Super Bowl victory. Well done, Captain Awesome.
[UPDATE V: CUFFY]
Imma let you finish, Bearded Dude — but I deserve this Grammy:
[UPDATE VI: ROSETTA]
While you were getting a cup of coffee, Obama won the Tour de France.
[UPDATE VII: CUFFY]
In a stunning development, Obama has been named Grand Wizard of the Peckerwood, Mississippi Kleagle Local #79.
[UPDATE VIII: ROSETTA]
This just in, Obama awarded only second-in-history immaculate conception as seen in this un-retouched photo.
[UPDATE IX: ROSETTA]
While you were bitterly clinging to your gun, Obama received the Mr. Galaxy prize which he humbly accepted on the moon.
Clio Awards just announced!
[UPDATE XI: ROSETTA]
Obama has just received the Most Improved Bowler award by the Special Olympics.
[UPDATE XII: ROSETTA with assist by JAZZ]
Are we sure Obama isn’t a JOOOOO? Is there anything he can’t do?
[UPDATE XIII: ROSETTA]
While you were guarding your feet from being forcibly severed by a physician, Obama traveled back in time and single-handedly won the 1978 Hawaiian State Basketball championship. Here he is pictured with eight typical white persons.
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