MMM 257: The last bad Monday

Next Monday will be President Trump’s first Monday on the job.  Former VP Biden will be tooling around in his new Corvette, and 0bama will be reduced to plotting how best to destroy America from outside the White House.

Per what I’ve heard from the Left, by this time next Monday, millions of Messican invader families will be shattered by the Trumpenmarine.  Womyn will be sent home from all military jobs, possibly all jobs.  VP Pence will be prowling about with a portable electrocution device killing homosexuals.  Oh, and blacks will all be property again, or something like that.  Hollywood and fun will be outlawed.  The world will be literally on fire from global warming.

Did I miss anything?  Let me know in the comments.

Marred by ink.

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Just a bit too much shadow here.

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Pretty eyes.

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Something seems “off” here.tumblr_m6ju11xS9L1rvjgt3o1_500.jpg

A little too skinny, maybe.

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How long do you suppose she held this?

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Hello Kitty.

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Looks like California.  Wonder if they’ll do us a favor and secede.

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She looks intense.

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Her too.

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Happy Monday, everyone.  Enjoy these last few days before Trumpmaggedon.

Also, remember to tune in to WATR today at mid-day!

Weekend Storytime with Mare

 

A new building across the street from us is now finished and people are moving in. The neighbors in our building have been really nice, mind their own business (except a Mrs. kravitz like lady two doors down, she gets a pass because she is the neighborhood watch lady), are friendly and by all appearances normal.

Yesterday while my husband and I were loading kayaks onto our truck in front of our place a new neighbor lady comes over, we introduce ourselves and she asks where we like to kayak. I told her about a few spots, then she immediately starts telling me about another new neighbor who closed just two hours ago….

Part 2

Before I tell you what she said about the neighbor who just closed, I will describe this lady. She is short and has very wild and wiry gray hair. I think she’s my age or younger but looks older (at least my husband thought so). Walks fast like she’s on a mission. She had kind of strange lisp (I AM NOT MAKING FUN OF THAT, JUST PAINTING A PICTURE) and talked very fast, so I had to concentrate.

In a 4 minute conversation she said that the neighbor who just closed was visiting his place on New Years Day and when he saw her (they had never met) he introduced himself and then wanted to give her a New Years Hug and kiss. She put her hand out (she demonstrated) and said, “No, I can’t, I have strep throat!” I said, not understanding at first, “Yes, strep is going around.” Then she said, “No, he was just weird.” I said, “Ahhh, thanks for the heads up!” She then goes on to tell me during that same conversation with this guy he says, “My bank is closed and I need cash, can I write you a check?” She says, “I don’t think so!”

She then looked at the kayaks and says, “We have 2 but I told my husband he can’t get a boat until he sells his dirt bike, motorcycle, and his other toys!” I said, “You’re very prudent.” I’m not sure why she told me but whatever. She left and my husband looked at me and said “What just happened?” and I said, “I’ll tell you in the car.”

Next episode, I meet the neighbor who had just closed two hours ago…

 

Part 3 

Now, not 5 minutes after the lady neighbor left (Jill) (Oh, and when she said her name and her husband’s, Jill and Bill she said, “We’re the new Jack and Jill!” I dutifully chuckled and coughed), my other new neighbor (whose name I think is Jim, when I just asked my husband he said, “I have no idea I’ve already flushed it.”) Anyhoo, he sees me with the kayaks and almost runs over and says loudly, before even giving his name, “I JUST CLOSED TWO HOURS AGO!!” I said, “congratulations and welcome.” I put my hand out and said, “My name is Mare (cough), nice to meet you.” my husband walks out, introduces himself and he said, and I’m not kidding at all….

“My name is Jim and I’ve had a hell of a year, just crazy. I’m from a place just north of Orlando. I had a nervous breakdown a few months ago because I was getting a divorce. My wife wasn’t meeting my needs. It took 3 months to change my loan and get to closing. I have only a new dinning set I bought at Ashley furniture and two boxes of clothes. Are you going to the party tomorrow and I have a kayak and where is a good place to launch?”I said, “So sorry to hear that, you really are starting out fresh, and I like to go to Maximo park.”We get in the truck and my husband says, “We’ve been so fortunate with neighbor’s I’m not sure how this is going to work out.” And when I told him about the hugging and check cashing he said, “We need to build a wall down the middle of the street.”

BBF Semi-Finals V Redhead Edition

Hello, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.  Your models today did not make the cut for most comments, most likes, or Pups Picks.  However, after reviewing the 12 other models nominated, I determined the polling methods must be off as there was not a single ginger on-board.  This is the redhead edition, the last round before all winners go head to head in one final big boob grudge match.

 

#1 Melissa Archer

https://thehostages.wordpress.com/2016/04/08/bbf-57/

Your model for today was born in Dallas, Texas on December 2nd, 1979.  She measures 5’5″, 34-24-36 and 120lbs.  She is a soap opera actress and has huge chest pillows, red hair and the crazy eyes.  Yep, I dig her.  Please catch me before you welcome, Miss Melissa Archer!

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Melissa Archer

 

 

#2 Francesca Dellera

https://thehostages.wordpress.com/2016/06/17/bbf-65/

Your subject(s) today is an actress and model, born in Rome, Italy on October 2nd, 1965. She measures 34-25-35 and stands 5’6″ tall. Please maintain eye contact and welcome, Miss Francesca Dellera!

Francessca Dellera

 

#3 Dylan Hardy

https://thehostages.wordpress.com/2016/09/16/bbf-72/

Our subject today is a Glamour Model from Sheffield, South Yorkshire, Wales, UK, Britain, England.  She stands 5’6″, has a 30F upper-midsection and probably smells like bacon and purple lilacs.  Please don’t kill the fantasy and welcome, Miss Dylan Hardy!

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Dylan Hardy

 

#4 Sarah Rafferty

https://thehostages.wordpress.com/2016/10/14/bbf-76/

Our subject for today is an actress, born December 6th, 1972 in Greenwich, Connecticut. Please give Mare an intervention before you welcome,  Sarah Rafferty!

Sarah Rafferty

Sarah Rafferty

 

 

MMM On Thursday

(Mountain Man Monday). You did it. You made me order a copy of The Revenant. I’m a big fan of the movie Jeremiah Johnson as well as the TV series Grizzly Adams. That movie and the show came out in my youth when camping in a canvas tent seemed like great fun. As Boy Scouts we averaged about 5 outdoor tent camp outs a year with one winter camp out in a heated cabin and a week at summer camp. We had very few organized activities aside from a morning and evening flag ceremony and mostly just roamed the woods emulating mountain men we saw on TV. In Southeastern Massachusetts  there was more scrub oak and pitch pine than aspen and Bristlecone pine typically found out west in the mountains. Didn’t matter. You find your mountain where you are dammit.

One of you fockers linked this some years back and every once in a while I find the theme song playing in my head

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100 % Bunnies Tuesday

Bunnies are frickin’ cute. And exactly what we need on an extra-crappy Winter Tuesday.

First group of bunnies: All love, all the time.

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I’m going on a short journey, straight to your heart. And maybe your other internal organs. Do you like Monty Python movies?

Tuesday is already a garbagey day that feels like that pile of lint in the corner of your jacket pocket. An extra-crappy Winter Tuesday is more like when you reach into the junk drawer and your finger hits a tack. Not the end of the world, but just kind of extra-shitty and annoying.

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You know when you’re walking barefoot across the bedroom and you hit your pinky toe on the bedframe corner at full stride and you collapse in friggin’ agony for thirty seconds? That shit almost always happens on Tuesday.

That’s when you need a funny bunny.

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Aww, he likes the parsley in the garde- SHIT! Scott! Shoot it! SHOOT!

Thank you and have a lovely day. Try to forget what day it is and concentrate on the bunnies.

MMM 256: Depths of Winter

It’s going to be pretty warm here today (21F) but thankfully not so warm that the pond will melt, so I’m planning to do some limbing of my fallen pines with a bow saw while the ice is good and firm.  On the down side, I saw an opossum in the barn last night and had to set the trap.  If I catch it, I’ll either have to chop a hole to drown it, try to kill it with truck exhaust, hatchet the poor thing, or shoot it.  I don’t really want to clean up the hatchet or the gun, so I may try exhaust.  No, I will not use the flamethrower.

Oh, and I have to put in something like 10-12 hours at work (all paid, at least). How’s your day ahead look?

This seems a little risque, how’d it get into the binders?

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Weekend Lordosis

 

BBF-Semi Finals IV Pup Picks

Hello, and Welcome to Big Boob Friday- Semi-Finals, Pupster Picks Edition.  These ladies didn’t get the most comments or upvotes, but made impactful first time appearances and have big boobs.  Please vote for your favorite at the end of the thread.

 

#1 Vicki Li

https://thehostages.wordpress.com/2016/07/29/bbf-69/

Your model for today was born in China 0n July 31st, 1993,  currently living in Houston, TX.  She is active online, but only hands out mini snickers at Halloween.  She stands 5’3″, measures 32DDD-26-24, and 105lbs.  Please stop gawking and welcome, Miss Vicki Li aka Vickibaybeee!

Vicki Li

Vicki Li

 

#2 Audray de Macedo

https://thehostages.wordpress.com/2016/08/19/gros-seins-vendredi/

Your model for today is a 20 year old French woman, model and law student. Please stop cross-fitting and welcome, Miss Audray de Macedo!

Audrey de Macedo

 

#3 Anastasiya Kvitko

https://thehostages.wordpress.com/2016/09/23/bbbf-2/

Your subject for today was born in Kaliningrad, Russia on August 3rd, 1995.  She measures 5’9″, 37E-25-41(!).  Please stop oppressing short legged doggies and welcome, Miss Anastasiya Kvitko!

Anastasiya Kvitko

Anastasiya Kvitko

 

#4 Alex Hanson

https://thehostages.wordpress.com/2016/11/11/bbf-80/

Your model for today was born October 24th, 1993 in Stillwater, Minnesota, Canada.  She measures 5’9″, 35-24-35.  Please stop lamenting long enough to welcome, Miss Alex Hanson!

Alex Hanson

Alex Hanson

 

*the Poles are Closed and Possibly Invaded by Russia*  Final Results:

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Resolution Failure Time

Here it is, a mere 4 days after the New Year, and experts tell us that 97% of resolutions have failed by now. Who are these so-called experts you may ask?  And my response, to paraphrase Mare, would be “Cock“.

This little ditty is a cover of a song originally performed by The Zombies

Lose weight

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Get organized

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Quit smoking

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Spend more time with family

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Stay fit and healthy

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Spend less, save more

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Good luck with any resolutions you might have made or will be making. It’s good to have goals! My personal bias is to just get stuff done when it occurs to me not to make airy promises on New Years. Doesn’t happen that often but when I make my mind up to do something it happens. Just ask your mom.