Hello lazy dogs, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.
Your model is from Austria, she stands 5’7″ and measures 38E-26-37 and 118lbs. Please Grüße das Vaterland and welcome, Miss Lillith von Titz!
BBF
Hello Deer Friends, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.
Your model is from Jolly Olde England, born January 14th, 1990, she stars with her prettier sister in some reality show or something over there. At 30H-24-32, 5’4″ and 119lbs, please welcome Miss Billie Faiers!
Obama II: Cockfacefuckaloo
That last word seems made up but it isn’t. If you search for it on the intertitty you’ll find a wealth of information.
So Obama is back, and this time going to kick ass and use cliches, and he’s all out of cliches. The world is stuck like a deer in the headlights of a sixteen wheel suck mobile, paralyzed at his magnificence–or so the media would have you believe.
The truth, harder than a diamond, and as difficult to swallow as a giant bitter pill is that only a few people actually care; rich old liberals and black women. The rest of us are just trying to get on with our lives. The days of our lives, even.
So please, do us a favor, oh God Emperor of the Early Release Television Series, go the fuck away. Obama could build a speech generator using the words, ‘world, future, change, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, let us, hope, and destiny,’ bridged together with terrible sentence formations and almost no one would notice. Just put up a cardboard cut out and play side A of the tape called ‘Flattering Rich Crackers’ then flip it over to side B, ‘I am Black Also, and Understand You.’
Save everyone else some time, dickface. If we wanted to be talked down to or bored to death we’d use bad grammar in a blog post and wait for Hotspur to show up.
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This man, right here, the one I’m pointing to…is a DICK!!!
BBF
Hello hair-pullers, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.
Did you know this is Rob Schneider’s daughter? He must be very proud.
Your model is a food writer, journalist and broadcaster known for her popular cooking and lifestyle shows on British television. She was born January 6th, 1960 into the upper class family of Nigel Lawson (now Baron Lawson of Blaby) a Conservative politician who was Chancellor of the Exchequer under Margaret Thatcher’s cabinet. She stands 5’7″ tall, sports some 32G sized jumper pads and weighs in around 10.5 stone. Please stop trying to be someone else and say hello to Ms. Nigella Lawson.
Sean’s Delicious Calamari
You people make me sick. We spent an entire day talking about turtlenecks when there are very real and important things going on in the world!
1. Some chick no one has ever heard of was asked not to be rude by the guy whose job is to chastise rude people.
3. A cranky alcoholic colicky baby who is running for president in 2020 mentioned the chick no one had ever heard about and the homeless lady.
4. Car in called me twice just to talk.
Ok fine, I made that last one up but the rest are 100% real stories that were covered wall to wall by the very serious gossip columnists we pretend are reporters and journalists. And you trogdilytes trogdelites trogderplites losers decided to make the funneh about foreskin.
Shame!
Weekend Storytime with Mare
A new building across the street from us is now finished and people are moving in. The neighbors in our building have been really nice, mind their own business (except a Mrs. kravitz like lady two doors down, she gets a pass because she is the neighborhood watch lady), are friendly and by all appearances normal.
Yesterday while my husband and I were loading kayaks onto our truck in front of our place a new neighbor lady comes over, we introduce ourselves and she asks where we like to kayak. I told her about a few spots, then she immediately starts telling me about another new neighbor who closed just two hours ago….
Part 2
Before I tell you what she said about the neighbor who just closed, I will describe this lady. She is short and has very wild and wiry gray hair. I think she’s my age or younger but looks older (at least my husband thought so). Walks fast like she’s on a mission. She had kind of strange lisp (I AM NOT MAKING FUN OF THAT, JUST PAINTING A PICTURE) and talked very fast, so I had to concentrate.
In a 4 minute conversation she said that the neighbor who just closed was visiting his place on New Years Day and when he saw her (they had never met) he introduced himself and then wanted to give her a New Years Hug and kiss. She put her hand out (she demonstrated) and said, “No, I can’t, I have strep throat!” I said, not understanding at first, “Yes, strep is going around.” Then she said, “No, he was just weird.” I said, “Ahhh, thanks for the heads up!” She then goes on to tell me during that same conversation with this guy he says, “My bank is closed and I need cash, can I write you a check?” She says, “I don’t think so!”
She then looked at the kayaks and says, “We have 2 but I told my husband he can’t get a boat until he sells his dirt bike, motorcycle, and his other toys!” I said, “You’re very prudent.” I’m not sure why she told me but whatever. She left and my husband looked at me and said “What just happened?” and I said, “I’ll tell you in the car.”
Next episode, I meet the neighbor who had just closed two hours ago…
Part 3
Now, not 5 minutes after the lady neighbor left (Jill) (Oh, and when she said her name and her husband’s, Jill and Bill she said, “We’re the new Jack and Jill!” I dutifully chuckled and coughed), my other new neighbor (whose name I think is Jim, when I just asked my husband he said, “I have no idea I’ve already flushed it.”) Anyhoo, he sees me with the kayaks and almost runs over and says loudly, before even giving his name, “I JUST CLOSED TWO HOURS AGO!!” I said, “congratulations and welcome.” I put my hand out and said, “My name is Mare (cough), nice to meet you.” my husband walks out, introduces himself and he said, and I’m not kidding at all….
“My name is Jim and I’ve had a hell of a year, just crazy. I’m from a place just north of Orlando. I had a nervous breakdown a few months ago because I was getting a divorce. My wife wasn’t meeting my needs. It took 3 months to change my loan and get to closing. I have only a new dinning set I bought at Ashley furniture and two boxes of clothes. Are you going to the party tomorrow and I have a kayak and where is a good place to launch?”I said, “So sorry to hear that, you really are starting out fresh, and I like to go to Maximo park.”We get in the truck and my husband says, “We’ve been so fortunate with neighbor’s I’m not sure how this is going to work out.” And when I told him about the hugging and check cashing he said, “We need to build a wall down the middle of the street.”
What change looks like
The Official Sports Team of The Hostages
Honorary Hostage David Thorne – Epic E-mail Exchange
Get TITS2 & The H2 Stuff
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