Big Borscht Friday

Russia, Russia, Russia! If I rolled my eyes like I want to, I would be able to see into my brain. It occurred to me a few days ago that my father in law insisted on joining me on a walk last November and started talking about the election. His theory was that Hillary had been harassed for 20 years and there has never been any evidence of a crime so all of the allegations must be bullshit. After I collected my jaw from the ground I muttered something like, ‘so what you’re saying is you have just eaten 10 space cakes and didn’t share any of them?’ Not true, I actually didn’t say anything because I don’t really talk about politics with anyone but my lovable internet family. But I can’t wait to use that line this Thanksgiving–he’ll tell me it doesn’t matter, Trump is actually a Russian spy, and I’ll say something like, ‘so what you’re saying is you’ve just eaten 10 sputnik cakes and didn’t share any of them?’

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Little Known Fact…Stalone invented Zumba

Keeping with our Russian theme, today’s model is from a former Eastern Bloc country or possibly Mother Russia herself. I mean, just look at her. She’s like 5″11, weighs 120 pounds, has tatas bigger than Red Square, and looks like Mr Bean. Please give a warm, stern looking nod of approval to Karin Spalnikova!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!11!!!!!1!!!

Obama II: Cockfacefuckaloo

That last word seems made up but it isn’t. If you search for it on the intertitty you’ll find a wealth of information.

So Obama is back, and this time going to kick ass and use cliches, and he’s all out of cliches. The world is stuck like a deer in the headlights of a sixteen wheel suck mobile, paralyzed at his magnificence–or so the media would have you believe.

The truth, harder than a diamond, and as difficult to swallow as a giant bitter pill is that only a few people actually care; rich old liberals and black women. The rest of us are just trying to get on with our lives. The days of our lives, even.

So please, do us a favor, oh God Emperor of the Early Release Television Series, go the fuck away. Obama could build a speech generator using the words, ‘world, future, change, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, let us, hope, and destiny,’ bridged together with terrible sentence formations and almost no one would notice. Just put up a cardboard cut out and play side A of the tape called ‘Flattering Rich Crackers’ then flip it over to side B, ‘I am Black Also, and Understand You.’

Save everyone else some time, dickface. If we wanted to be talked down to or bored to death we’d use bad grammar in a blog post and wait for Hotspur to show up.

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This man, right here, the one I’m pointing to…is a DICK!!!

Bill Clinton’s Weenus

 

This will be an exploration of my long held theory that Bill will not allow Pickles McParkinsons to win the election so that he can continue to dick bimbos for the short remainder of his life.

Have you seen the first dude lately? He looks like he hasn’t had a decent meal in ten years or that his alleged syphilis is finally winning the war on women. I kid, I kid. He’s a vegan so you know he has syphilis.

So here’s the theory, in case you missed it in my survey class taught at Muppet U, or if you forgot what was written in the first paragraph: Bill will do anything to prevent Smiley McOpenmouth from getting in the oval office. Way too important to keep his little Gore wet. Yes, for those of you scoring at home, he calls his blank shooter Al Gore.

I bet you’re thinking I’m totally wrong. That the allure of being half of the first ever male/female presidential couple is just too, er, alluring. Consider this: whenever things get good for her, he trots out some sorry statement that even he, a veritable Da Vinci of lying can’t clean up.

Man, that’s gonna sting. Don’t get me wrong, no one cares what he said…except for the only man that might actually make a difference in the election: Golfy McOkieDoke. St Trayvon’s Dad is notoriously thin skinned and its well known that Obama and Bill already hate each other. Bill once told Obama that he should be getting him coffee rather than schlonging his wife (that’s Web Hubble’s job) and Obama’s black half never got over it. If you locked these two in a bedroom closet only one would emerge–probably Bill with panties on his head, wearing high heels, but that’s besides the point.  The hate is real my groovy babies, the hate is real.

Weenus + Viagra >Husband + Most Powerful Woman in the World

Its math, and therefore indisputable, although its probably racist.

FIN

 

 

Gros Seins Vendredi

Hello office twerkers, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.

 

 

Your model for today is a 20 year old French woman, model and law student. Please stop cross-fitting and welcome, Miss Audray de Macedo!

Wire Retrospective Trois

Blah, Blah, tele-blah.  I could go on and on.

BBF

Hello Bros, Hoes, Joes, and Roamy, welcome to Big Boob Friday.

I skipped to 1 minute 24 seconds to avoid the intro movie garbage…or you know you could just ignore this NSFW song. Whatever.

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I couldn’t figure out how to work these in and I’m old and tired.

Bebe Pepe

Bebe Sox

Bebe Uniball

Your model for today is British, so she’s got some fucked up teeth, acts slutty and has big boobs, naturally. She’s an actress who’s been on British TV soaps since she was 10 years old and is a bit of a chameleon with her hair color, which I like. She’s been gif-ed here a lot but never featured until now. Born August 7th, 1990 in Bury, Greater Manchester, UK, she stands 5′ 3″ and 125 lbs, 37DD-25-36, please get off my back long enough to welcome Helen Flanagan!

A poat which explores the Duality of Man™

What do you do with a problem like this?
 

 
I guess you’d have to go for some kind of Social Justice Rock Paper Scissors game. We could call it Rock Privilege Scissors.
 

Nuance

By now, you’ve already seen this:
 

Happy Memorial Day weekend, everyone! pic.twitter.com/TMBSu187Pb

— The Democrats (@TheDemocrats) May 22, 2015

 
After a number of people pointed out that TFG getting photographed eating ice cream by Tiger Beat kind of isn’t, you know, what Memorial Day is all about, the Dems put up a couple of other tweets. They were a little more appropriate, but instead of, say, a photo of the gravestones at Arlington (admittedly, kind of hard to find), they had inspirational quotes from the Exalted Leader. Of course.
 
Anyway, I thought I’d sample a little bit of what some other political figures were up to on Twitchface this weekend….

Happy Mother’s Day, Motherfuckers.

Happy Mother’s Day to all our wonderful Hostagettes.

$20.00

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’ve let a few things from this site bleed over into everyday life. The one that I use most often is “…and then I found twenty dollars.” It’s become kind of a mental thing, too–I kept waiting for a guy to say it this morning, but he just kept going on and on and on about the time he nailed your mom behind the Arby’s on Foothill Blvd. Yeesh.
 

 

 

 
Anyway, speaking of people who never shut up, enjoy these highlights from last night’s White House Corespondent’s Dinner while you wait for the Tuckers to show up. A real laff riot!
 
(Oh, and happy birfday, Brendan!)