Assignment: HOSTAGE

There’s is far too much rambling chit-chat going on ’round these parts.  I think it’s time that you all have something to do with those thousands of free hours you all seem to have, as opposed to wasting them here trading beauty tips and recipes.  So here’s your new assignment.

Have you ever thought about what people would say about you at your funeral?  What would you like them to say?  Would you want them to be serious or to try and bring down the house with laughter?  Wouldn’t it be interesting to hear your own eulogy?

Actually, I don’t really care what you think here.  I personally think it would be hilarious to hear what we would say about someone else here if we were asked to speak at that person’s service.

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Let’s try this again

We need something to start us off with a bang…

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Best Checks Ever

Usually when I have to re-order checks, I just call the bank and re-order over the phone. My checks have always been the basic freebies.

Last week I needed to order more checks and I noticed on the form that said I was running low, there is a website where you can order checks.

Since I hate people, I thought I would check out the website. It turns out that there are a ton of free customization options of which I was previously unaware.

My new checks arrived yesterday and they are the fucking best. I dare anyone to try and get checks that are more kick ass than this:

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Big Nice Bewb Sunday

Hello body surfers and welcome to big ol’ titteh Sunday. With so many of our friends in peril of being Irene’d good and hard, let’s all take a moment to tell them to STFU and keep bailing.

Your model for today was born in St. Joesph, Michigan not very long ago, and burst on to the scene as a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model this year. She has since modeled for Beach Bunny swimwear and Victoria’s Secret. She finds herself strangely attracted to big friendly dogs and has an insatiable need to view funny gifs. Please keep your hands to yourself and welcome Kate Upton:

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Free Flotation Devices!

Because I wouldn’t want anyone to float away.

Oh, but you might need to use both.

Game On, Irene!

Time to do final prep for this stupid thing. Generator gas and extra booze (because who doesn’t need extra booze) are on the list … we’re pretty well stocked otherwise. OK, more ammo for teh looters.

I’ll never forgive this bitch for screwing up the meetup and my daughter’s birthday party. We did manage to catch Lyle Lovett in Hyannis last night, though. He closed with Goodnight Irene.

Stay safe, NE cabal.

Goodnight, Irene….

Casey, I’d like to dedicate this song to all of our friends currently living in “The Cone of Death”:

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