Pre-Internet Funny

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It’s hard not to take for granted all of our digital entertainment options. Even the younger Hostages haven’t had the internet as we know it all their lives. Back in HS we learned typing on ancient manual typewriters and there was a Computer Club with about 10 kids in it. Yeah, we had a rotary dial phone at my house until I was in college. Now barely  anyone has a  home phone and it seems nearly every kid has spent more time on YouTube on their phone than they have watching TV. Today we reflect on the pre-gif-era of entertainment as our ancestors experienced it. Well, not exactly since this isn’t the Hostage Weekly Magazine in your mailbox.

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Mental Problems – POS Ponderings

Sometimes I’d like to start out a conversation with Fuck You!! I’ve been told that that’s rude and I need to moderate my tone. That’s like only having one drink when you’re out with the boyz trying to get crunk.

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POS Poat – Reconquista bitches!!!!

I’ve got a friend (of sorts) who purports to be a Messican and is always whining about racism, the plight of the boarder jumpers and welfare scammers blah, blah, blah –

I’ve tried to learn him a few things, economics, race designation, etc – no bueno. So now I just work on irritating him as much as I can. I start and end conversations with him by calling him my southern caucasian brother.

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Dumha na nGiall

Say what? That’s Irish for Mound Of The Hostages. I know, right? Who ever thought of making a mound for us? Now, as far as mounds go it’s not all that impressive. Still, to think the ancient Celts were so prescient to name something after us all those years ago hits me right in the feels.

tara-ireland

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Big Borscht Friday

Russia, Russia, Russia! If I rolled my eyes like I want to, I would be able to see into my brain. It occurred to me a few days ago that my father in law insisted on joining me on a walk last November and started talking about the election. His theory was that Hillary had been harassed for 20 years and there has never been any evidence of a crime so all of the allegations must be bullshit. After I collected my jaw from the ground I muttered something like, ‘so what you’re saying is you have just eaten 10 space cakes and didn’t share any of them?’ Not true, I actually didn’t say anything because I don’t really talk about politics with anyone but my lovable internet family. But I can’t wait to use that line this Thanksgiving–he’ll tell me it doesn’t matter, Trump is actually a Russian spy, and I’ll say something like, ‘so what you’re saying is you’ve just eaten 10 sputnik cakes and didn’t share any of them?’

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Little Known Fact…Stalone invented Zumba

Keeping with our Russian theme, today’s model is from a former Eastern Bloc country or possibly Mother Russia herself. I mean, just look at her. She’s like 5″11, weighs 120 pounds, has tatas bigger than Red Square, and looks like Mr Bean. Please give a warm, stern looking nod of approval to Karin Spalnikova!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!11!!!!!1!!!

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BBF

Hello spelunkers and drink-mixers, welcome to Big Boob Friday.

 

 

Our model for today was born December 27th, 1989 in Wordsley, Dudley, West Midlands, England.  5’5“, 34E-25-37 and 105 lbs, please express yourself artistically  and say hello to Miss Caitlin Wynters!

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BBF

Hello Deer Friends, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.

 

 

Your model is from Jolly Olde England, born January 14th, 1990, she stars with her prettier sister in some reality show or something over there.  At 30H-24-32, 5’4″ and 119lbs, please welcome Miss Billie Faiers!

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BBF

Hello hummers and dogs who know the words, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.

 

 

Your model today was born on March 19, 1995 in Basingstoke, Hampshire, England.  She measures 30G-24-32 on the headturner scale, and stands 5’10” and the obligatory 125 lbs.  Please get off the barre and welcome, Miss Jamie Love aka Alice Brookes!

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Glass Wire

I don’t go to art exhibits very often because I’m straight, but this past weekend, wiserbride and I attended a concert at my son’s college and there happened to be an “art” exhibit in the same building.  We had some time to kill and it was free, so what the hell, let’s go take a look, shall we?
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It was …..oh, what’s the word…. oh yeah… HILARIOUS!!!!

Basically, the concept here is gluing glass objects together in different ways and then calling it “art.”  Mostly things like old glass ashtrays and eyeglasses, but there were a couple of other glass items used, as in the piece shown above (wherein the arteest uses old Coke and Pepsi bottles and eyeglass lenses to focus our attention on the deep, dark realization that Coke and Pepsi are nothing more than two sides of one evil Big Soft-Drink Worldwide Conglomerate.  Edgy, non?)

I stupidly did not get pictures of the numerous pieces that were hanging randomly on the walls around the gallery that were nothing more than ashtrays from hotel chains like Howard Johnson and Holiday Inn glued together to make frames for pictures of the hotels from which the ashtrays were stolen.  Mundane and manifestly overt, these pieces were quite obviously from the artist’s early developmental period, when he was working the county fair craft tent and cheesy souvenir circuit.

But there were other pieces that I simply could not ignore.

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