Holding Poat – Bad Trip part ducks

that’s french you ignant bastards –

Big Boob Friday

Well hey there. Pupster is behind enemy lines in the exotic land of Canadia so you’re going to have to put up with me for this week. You’re welcome in advance.

I wrote this song whilst thinking about Cyn. If you get a chance, skip to 32:54 and 53:10 for other really good songs that you’ll hate and make fun of me for liking.

Today’s model is a tremendous pick for BBF. Probably one of my best choices ever. You’ll never be tired of winning with the loverly Miss Danielle Riley!!!!!!!!ELEVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Coming to Get You

Awwww, yeah.

So excited to see Hostage and IB buddies. SOON.

The rest of this shitty post will consist of pleasant pictures. Because it’s gentle on the brain, and that is what we all need on Tuesday.

 

 

 

 

 

That last pic came up randomly in the search for ‘plasant picture.’ I swear.

Sean’s Delicious Calamari

You people make me sick. We spent an entire day talking about turtlenecks when there are very real and important things going on in the world!

1. Some chick no one has ever heard of was asked not to be rude by the guy whose job is to chastise rude people.

2. Some homeless lady was the butt of a mild joke about her hair which was racist and also anti-domicileless.

3. A cranky alcoholic colicky baby who is running for president in 2020 mentioned the chick no one had ever heard about and the homeless lady.

4. Car in called me twice just to talk.

Ok fine, I made that last one up but the rest are 100% real stories that were covered wall to wall by the very serious gossip columnists we pretend are reporters and journalists. And you trogdilytes trogdelites trogderplites losers decided to make the funneh about foreskin.

Shame!

 

Hostage Oscar Party (Now With 100% Fewer Slow-loading GIFs!)

Well, the Academy Awards are here again. Yay. If you think you’re sick of hearing about them, try living in Southern California. It’s all they talk about on the news for the next goddamn week.

Most of us aren’t big fans of Hollywood (or as one guy I heard one time called it, HollyWEIRD–delightful!) but maybe you saw a couple of the movies that are nominated this year. Are you rooting for La La Land? Hidden Fences? Something else?

Ah, who am I kidding? We’re all boycotting the Oscars. Not for the politics (okay, maybe a little bit because of the politics) but because the most deserving film of the year wasn’t nominated:

I’m just hoping John Wick 2: The Wick and The Dead gets nominated next year. Probably not, though.

Worst Secret Santa Gifts Evah

We’re entering one of the most wonderful times of the year in a Hostage’s life: Secreting Santa Time! In addition to the thrill of giving we also get the pleasure of receiving (SYWM). First, a little Christmas music to set the mood.

Phillip’s Wire

Andrew Myers

b. some secret time in a secret place

This one likes to screw

…around.

 

Makita? DeWalt? Rigid?

12V, 24V?

What’s in your toolbox?

Whip it out.

Saturday Shakespearean Sonnet

Let’s just get this out of the way right upfront:

Okay, now that we’ve dispensed with that, on to the poetry:

O, fake internet friends, how they slack off
When the long week’s toil is done and ended.
Whether they do Crossfit or just jack off,
The blog on weekends moulders, unamended.
Exceptions come, sometimes, from our Jimbro
Or if the Puppeh isn’t chasing tail.
But too often we are stuck in limbo
And Friday’s buxom freshness starts to fail.
I know well that all of you have lives
While weekends find me cloistered here at work.
But thirty-some hours on a poat is jive—
Yeah, “jive” is weak; you write the next poem, jerk!
So ends my verse, now let comments commence,
And maybe push this down some hours hence.

HHD

Good morning, and welcome to another edition of Hunky Hump Day. Let’s get started.

Let’s see who’s in the hunk folder for today. Chris.

Wire Retrospective Duex

Welcome to the gallery.  Today let us revisit the second section of this year’s exhibitions; a period in which we were introduced to thought provoking artists such as: