Obama II: Cockfacefuckaloo

That last word seems made up but it isn’t. If you search for it on the intertitty you’ll find a wealth of information.

So Obama is back, and this time going to kick ass and use cliches, and he’s all out of cliches. The world is stuck like a deer in the headlights of a sixteen wheel suck mobile, paralyzed at his magnificence–or so the media would have you believe.

The truth, harder than a diamond, and as difficult to swallow as a giant bitter pill is that only a few people actually care; rich old liberals and black women. The rest of us are just trying to get on with our lives. The days of our lives, even.

So please, do us a favor, oh God Emperor of the Early Release Television Series, go the fuck away. Obama could build a speech generator using the words, ‘world, future, change, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, let us, hope, and destiny,’ bridged together with terrible sentence formations and almost no one would notice. Just put up a cardboard cut out and play side A of the tape called ‘Flattering Rich Crackers’ then flip it over to side B, ‘I am Black Also, and Understand You.’

Save everyone else some time, dickface. If we wanted to be talked down to or bored to death we’d use bad grammar in a blog post and wait for Hotspur to show up.

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This man, right here, the one I’m pointing to…is a DICK!!!

April Fool Silliness

New day, new poat.

Let’s see what’s in the funneh folder for today.

Big Boob Friday

Hello (insert your indian name here) and welcome to Big Boob Friday.

 

 

Your model for today was born April 20th, 1995 in Garut, West Java, Indonesia. She measures 168cm, 48kg. Please stop picking your daughters boyfriends and welcome, Miss Siva Aprilla!

Whole Lotta Nope

The wildlife in Florida is varied and deadly. We’re not quite Australia, but we’re not far.

Venomous Snakes: 6 – Eastern Diamondback, Pygmy Diamondback,Timber Rattlesnake, Copperhead, Water Moccasin, and Eastern Coral

Venomous Spiders: 5 – the Southern Black Widow, Northern Black Widow, Red Widow, Brown Widow and Brown Recluse

Random Animals: Black Bears, Wild Boars, Alligators, Sharks, Jellyfish, Florida Panther

Those are just the ones indigenous to Florida. Because people are stupid and lazy and incompetent, they bring potentially dangerous animals into Florida via smuggling. We now have Nile Crocodiles in Florida.

A team of scientists has identified three reptiles captured near Miami as Nile crocodiles, a species native to Africa.

Through DNA testing, scientists from the University of Florida were able to confirm that the reptiles captured in the wild from 2009, 2011 and 2014 were Nile crocodiles, the second-largest extant reptile species in the world.

But Florida’s largest and most destructive invasive species by far is the Burmese Python. Introduced to the Everglades, largely escaping during the massive damage due to Hurricane Andrew, these snakes have now made their home here and are the Kings of the Glades. With no natural predators and a climate that is perfect for them to breed, they are dominating.

An examination of the digestive systems of 104 pythons killed this year in a public hunting competition turned up the remains of seven alligators, 50 mammals — including two deer — and 38 birds.

It was ample evidence of the toll the non-native constrictors were taking on Everglades wildlife.

Alligators. The damn things eat freaking alligators.

And just this week, a 15 FOOT BURMESE PYTHON was captured and what did they find in it’s stomach? Not 1, not 2, but 3 deer. It ate 3 deer in 90 days.

When they checked the contents of the snake’s stomach, all they found was some fur, a few teeth, and hooves.

It’s not just the people that are out of control in Florida, it’s the animals too. Whole lotta nope.

BBF

Hello saucy wenches,  and welcome to Big Boob Friday.

 

 

Your model for today is an adult film star, she was born January 5th, 1980 in Panorama City, CA.  Standing 6 feet tall, 36F-30-34 and 165lbs, please stop making fish sticks great again long enough to welcome, Miss Alison Tyler!

Tushar is sick of your bullshit

And frankly, so am I. You’ve become a bunch of lazy, slothful pieces of shit. I mean, I can excuse people like Hotspur and MCPO who have worked hard all their lives and are enjoying their Golden Years, but what excuse do the rest of you have?

I mean, for God’s sake, we’re almost at the end of the weekend and everyone’s still commenting on a Saturday poat while waiting to get motivated by trannies tomorrow. It’s no wonder this country is going straight to hell.

Okay, now that I’m done calling you assholes, I’m going to hopefully provide you with some motivation before tomorrow with a photo of Cal alum and insanely-hot pole vaulter Allison Stokke:

I have likely touched several surfaces that her ass has also touched.

So, What’s Your Favorite Pickled Food?

What would you buy with the Powerball jackpot?

We’ve all dreamed about it. What would you do if you had Fuck You Money? Would you invest it prudently? Start the business you’ve always dreamed about? Pay Obama to take a vow of silence for the rest of his term? No, we all know what you’d do with the money:
 

 
Anyway, there are some more things you could buy after the jump.

MMM 189: Feelin’ mighty fine

I’m up late on Sunday watching Spanish soaps on the Netflix. I just finished showing my wife Monster Squad, which I first saw in 1988. Go watch it right now just for this snippet:

Not only could you not make this movie today, you could never, ever film a scene with a heroic boy with a shotgun taking ownership of his name and refusing to be bullied. This is what we’ve lost, and we are unfathomably poorer for it. It might seem like a little thing, a meaningless bit of drek cinema, but it’s lost to us, maybe forever, and that’s a bad, bad thing.

Fist bump, Horace, you were and always will be my hero. I was 12 and I was fat and you gave me hope. They wouldn’t even call you fat today, bro. You’d be a regular kid nowadays.

Picture time. Getting some sun.

BBF

Hello pet butlers, and welcome to Big Boob Friday

For the ‘ettes:

 

Funk salt.

I like it when the horns kick in.

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Glavarin looks back on what could have been

Wiserbud scores, celebrates.

Mare finds box wine on sale.

Jewstin is not fooling anybody.

CARin decides to stop living a lie.

Sean gets a new writing gig.

MJ’s exit interview.

Your model for the day may be a repeat with a new fake name or just an amateur who stopped showing the goodies after a couple of photo and video sessions. She’s a college student from Georgia, and is only 5′ tall with size H slobber knockers. Please stop sending mixed-messages and welcome, Miss Amanda Love!