Thursday New Poat

Good morning boys and girls and xbrads.

Here’s a fresh poat for everyone.

Scott and LauraW continue their vacation. Beasn continues the home improvement project from hell.

After five years out I’ve started to get recruitment letters asking me if I want to apply for a commission in the Army Reserve. They must be truly desperate for people.

Leon is busy denouncing the moral degredation of today’s youth.  Car in, meanwhile, has had enough of your shit.  Perhaps she shouldn’t have sent Ethan to Jimbro to get his surgery.  MJ’s busy trying to keep the spice in his marriage.

Wait… where the fuck is Xbrad?

Mare needs a little encouragement some mornings.

Shhhh… it’s going to be ok, Pupster.

Should we organize a 21-rep salute?

And now, some music:

This pretty much sums up how I feel most days. But then I realize that I have you assholes as my fake internet friends, and everything is going to be alright.

This one’s just plain fun. As is this one.

Go forth and take on the world. Remember, it’s Thursday night, so celebrate.

Apropos Of Nothing

There are certain words and phrases we occasionally encounter when reading that we sort of know their meaning. We might have looked up them up once in the distant past, know a root word or understood by intuition the intended meaning within the context it was used. “Apropos of nothing” is one of those phrases for me. I don’t think I’ve ever uttered those words in conversation. I may have imagined myself saying them somewhere in the English countryside before politely asking someone to please pass the Grey Poupon mustard. Well, after a lifetime of waiting for the moment, I finally wrote the words in an email to someone where I linked a story about the use of poppy seed oil to increase fertility. I’d never heard of that technique before and was still processing the concept in my head when I wrote a friendly email and just had to share the story. Which is what prompted the “apropos of nothing” lead in to the link.

So what’s it mean? Stolen from the world wide web I give you this definition:

Without reference to anything. // Without any apparent reason or purpose.

Does that sound like anything we all know and love? A certain blog? Rhymes with “The Sausages“? I’m sure you all have similar words you run across that you have the same feeling about.

BBF

Hello hair-pullers, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.

Did you know this is Rob Schneider’s daughter?  He must be very proud.

Your model is a food writer, journalist and broadcaster known for her popular cooking and lifestyle shows on British television.  She was born January 6th, 1960 into the upper class family of Nigel Lawson (now Baron Lawson of Blaby) a Conservative politician who was Chancellor of the Exchequer under Margaret Thatcher’s cabinet.  She stands 5’7″ tall, sports some 32G sized jumper pads and weighs in around 10.5 stone. Please stop trying to be someone else and say hello to Ms. Nigella Lawson.

19th Annual Halloween Extravaganza Post

Hello fellow H2ers. As you all know, October 29th or 30th is the day that we all set aside our differences–zumba or crossfit, fish sticks or chicken nuggets, terrible heavy metal or terrible alt-rock, test anxiety or work anxiety, grabbing pussies or manginas, flame throwers or hot pepper induced magma sharts, pickles or cheetos,– to celebrate our annual Halloween extravaganza and the ritual circumcision of a perfectly good gourd.

Please post pictures of your carlos-o-lanterns, your kids candy haul, a house that you egged and tee-peed, or funny Halloween stuff.

In case you missed it…here’s the drink recipe from this week’s SES.

Zombie MJ

1 oz light rum

1 oz gold rum

1.5 oz dark rum

1/2 oz 151 proof rum

1/2 oz pineapple juice

1/2 oz papaya juice

1/2 oz fresh lime juice

Fill a pint glass almost full with ice. In a shaker, combine the light, dark, and gold rum. Add the juice, and shaky shaky. Pour over the ice, and pour the 151 proof rum over the back of a spoon to float it on the drink.

Fun garnish: Take a sprig of mint and dip it in lime juice then coat it in sugar. It should dry with the sugar adhered to the mint. Very pretty.

Happy Halloween, babies. 

MJ:

 

Happy Birfday, Joe

Joe Strummer, the late lead singer from The Clash, would have been 64 today. 2016 has been such a shitty year that I’m frankly surprised he didn’t somehow come back to life only to die again.

Now, I know that punk rock isn’t really most of the Hostages’ favorite kind of music, but these guys are one of my favorite bands. Plus, we needed a new poat until leon puts up tomorrow’s Motivational Madness. And your mom thinks this song rocks.
 

Big Boob Friday

Good morning boys and girls. I’ll confess that I went to bed last night having completely forgotten about this, but as I drifted off in to sweet dreams I was suddenly jerked awake with the thought that I had agreed to do this week’s BBF. So this BBF is thrown together at the last minute, but really isn’t that the standard with this place? You don’t get the BBF you want, but perhaps the BBF you need, and even deserve.

What would you buy with the Powerball jackpot?

We’ve all dreamed about it. What would you do if you had Fuck You Money? Would you invest it prudently? Start the business you’ve always dreamed about? Pay Obama to take a vow of silence for the rest of his term? No, we all know what you’d do with the money:
 

 
Anyway, there are some more things you could buy after the jump.

BBF

Happy New Year Boob Enthusiasts, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.

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Your model for today is an actress, comedian, writer and producer.  She was born in Tashkent, Uzbek SSR, USSR but moved to Hollywood when she was 3 years old.  She seems like a lot of fun even though she tries to hide her headlights under a bushel.  Please stop waving that hammer around and welcome, Miss Milana Vyntrub!  

My New Back Tattoo

One of my buddies sent this to me.  Good luck finding it on the innerwebtubes.  I think it’s been embargoed because it’s so fucking awesome.

I’m not so sure I like Trump as our candidate but I fucking hate political correctness and I love the fact that the media and GOP establishment have giant elaborate sand castles up their vagina about him.

Fuck you political correctness, fuck you media and fuck you GOP establishment.

 

Have fun in your safe zones, liberals.

You know what I like?  Macroaggressions.

MMM 201: Working on my dad bod

I’m getting fat. Not making/getting time for the gym, barely eating right, not getting enough sleep, and I turn 40 next week. Fatherhood and this whole “driving to work” thing is killing me. The former is worth it, the latter is not. I need motivation this week, and lots of it.

Also sleep. And some steak. And less alcohol. And like a hundred pullups.

Stones fan?