Mother’s Day went well at our house, and I pray the same is true in yours.
Not my mom.
MMM 367
Big Boob Friday
Everyone shut your smollet hole and pay attention for a second. Donald Trump is god’s gift to conservatives. You may quibble with his demeanor, his communication style, or his brash NY sensibilities. You may not quibble with his results. As George Washington once said of the great Civil War general Winston Churchill, ‘I can’t spare this man. He fights.’
Ladies and gentleman, I believe this is the difference between the GOP and Trump voters. The CC republicans can’t and won’t fight, whereas his base is begging for it. Brigadier General Jay-Z said it best when referring to the chickenheads of the Afrikorps on the eve of the battle of Saratoga…
Now once upon a time not too long ago
A nigga like myself had to strong arm a ho (never trump)
This is not a ho in the sense of having a pussy
But a pussy having no goddamn sense try and push me
I tried to ignore ’em, talk to the Lord
Pray for ’em, cause some fools just love to perform
You know the type, loud as a motorbike
But wouldn’t bust a grape in a fruit fight
If that doesn’t perfectly describe Jonah Goldberg I don’t what does. Loud as a motorbike, but couldn’t bust a grape in a food fight. Dammit man, do a few burpees and have some self respect.
Today’s model is a gorgeous and slim bed duster. You’re welcome! Please put down your ski masks, white face, clothesline, and red hats and welcome Antonella Khallo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
Big Boob Friday
I’m just gonna apologize in advance for what’s about to happen here today. Deeply, and with heartfelt empathy for your flaccid donut, I’m sorry.
Today’s musical selection is of the deep hizouse variety and features a smokin’ hot Eastern European babe as the visual accompaniment to a lovely track. I wrote this while measuring the hourly bacteria count on countertop butter. That’s a lie. I didn’t write this song. I’ll allow you a second to recover.
Honestly, I feel bad about this. Brandy Talore is a former adult movie star, turned professional trailer trash, back to porn, then back to full time trash. She got her start in the yogurt catching business after a brief stint as a nude model. But fear not, she made sure that her family knew what she was doing. It’s also posited that her rather large udders and nips were the products of nursing two children all before the advanced age of 22. Nine years later Brandy called it quits but then briefly came back to the biz in 2017. To say that the off camera years were a bit hard on her is like saying that Illan Omar has the grace of a debutante. Poor fap disaster!
Simple + Machine = Simple Machine
I remember reading about simple machines back in elementary school. Probably read it in an encyclopedia one day. Yeah, pre-internet, pre-video games we lived a boring life. Our parents bought the World Book Encyclopedia and we actually used it since going to the library was a pain in the ass when you didn’t have a car. Or driver’s license for that matter. This quote always puzzled me as a kid
Year Of The Pig
It’s a little early but like a horny college student I’m going for the pigs early in the evening. Next Tuesday in addition to it being the best SOTU ever it’s also the Chinese New Year aka Lunar New Year aka Spring Festival aka A Day No Cats Would Die.
Ode To The Ham Sandwich
As we have often heard and most people know (mainly from the TV genre known as “police procedurals“), a grand jury will indict a ham sandwich. Fewer people know WTH a grand jury is much less what indict means. Where we all can find common ground is in the ham sandwich. Let’s meet the players
Shout out to Lithuanian Dark Rye Bread! Zajabis!
What change looks like
The Official Sports Team of The Hostages
Honorary Hostage David Thorne – Epic E-mail Exchange
Get TITS2 & The H2 Stuff
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May 21, 2019
“I don’t give two shits if people think I’m nuts, it’s no worse than being called homophobic, denying trans people the opportunity to be mentally unstable, thinking that race is irrelevant, not liking sex or not liking a sex I don’t know but I hate that bitch, Hillary.”