Ok, all the pervs who got that, raise your hands.
Whoa. You people are sick!
Shane obviously is an H2 lurker
Tour de Pants
The Tour of France by bicycle lasts most of the month of July. This year I think I read 2 articles about it. One was how the 2 guys who cover the race on TV are brilliant and the other one a couple of days ago discussing how the rider from the winning team is part of a system that has made the race boring by their success. Despite reading both of these articles (skimming is more like it) I cannot tell you who actually won the race. 
Crashes in bike races, especially road bikes, is part of the fun of watching. Sort of like NASCAR. Fast cars driving around an oval shaped track for hours on end. When they show the highlights, what do they show other than the winner drinking milk and the crashes? That’s right.
The Tour de France is one of those elitist sports that people who don’t watch the debased American sports like football and soccer claim to watch. Sort of like being a vegan…you’ll know if someone follows the tour within 5 minutes of meeting them. World cup soccer, international tennis, cricket, the list goes on and on. All of these things are fine, including being a vegan if you want to do that (dog whistle to Leon), I just don’t want to hear about how they’re superior to traditional American sports!
Throwback Thursday
I thought it might be fun to go way back in time to revisit some of the topics from this esteemed blog. But before we get on to the content, please find a quiet place to listen to this short musical masterpiece.
Imagine yourself here: Lapeerpalooza TOWMJGM
Right here: 
Or, if you’re not the social type, here, off by yourself:
Pay no attention to the fact that the deck currently has no rails. That has NOTHING to do with the plans for MJ’s “disappearance”. We’re ordering the wire this week, and hopefully that will be rectified.
Perhaps you’d want to zip around the lake on one of our jet skis!!! For the low, low price of a glass of wine paid to me, this can happen.
My crack mechanic (#2 son Matt) is at work getting them in top condition as I write:
We have TOP NOTCH accommodations here at Chez Car in and this can be had at a very reasonable rate *
*again a nice hearty glass of wine, and whoever needs it/asks first
I got a bunch of these cool light things for the deck, but I haven’t figured out how exactly I’m going to put them up:
I may try something new while I have guests, and as soon as I figure what this guy is saying I’ll try to whip some of this up. I don’t know how many more times I’m going to have to watch it …
There’s sure to be some awesome music on the deck too as I give everyone a very complete presentation of what’s currently rotating on my playlist.
And don’t forget the real reason for coming to Lapeerpalooza …
He’s dirty.
He’s smelly.
But he’s 155 pounds of pure love. Let’s all have a nice round of applause for MOOOOOOSE.
(not actual size – this is from last year)
Well, i don’t know what the heck else I can do to convince everyone?
Maybe this – one last picture of moose:
MMM 283: time to flee?
Not yet. It’s just land. We could buy a camper tomorrow and head over, and while that has a certain appeal, it ain’t happening. We’re looking at house plans now and should start looking for a hay farmer this week. Paperwork for my HELOC extension (i.e. my new land loan) goes in today. If the stress doesn’t kill me, this should be fun.
I wonder if fitness photography is a good lifestyle, or if Andrew is bored to tears of looking at booties.
Big Borscht Friday
Russia, Russia, Russia! If I rolled my eyes like I want to, I would be able to see into my brain. It occurred to me a few days ago that my father in law insisted on joining me on a walk last November and started talking about the election. His theory was that Hillary had been harassed for 20 years and there has never been any evidence of a crime so all of the allegations must be bullshit. After I collected my jaw from the ground I muttered something like, ‘so what you’re saying is you have just eaten 10 space cakes and didn’t share any of them?’ Not true, I actually didn’t say anything because I don’t really talk about politics with anyone but my lovable internet family. But I can’t wait to use that line this Thanksgiving–he’ll tell me it doesn’t matter, Trump is actually a Russian spy, and I’ll say something like, ‘so what you’re saying is you’ve just eaten 10 sputnik cakes and didn’t share any of them?’
*
Little Known Fact…Stalone invented Zumba
Keeping with our Russian theme, today’s model is from a former Eastern Bloc country or possibly Mother Russia herself. I mean, just look at her. She’s like 5″11, weighs 120 pounds, has tatas bigger than Red Square, and looks like Mr Bean. Please give a warm, stern looking nod of approval to Karin Spalnikova!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!11!!!!!1!!!
Baby Watch
T-minus three months until total loss of sleep, life, and mind. I’m counting on all of you hostage aunts, uncles, and somewhere in between, to keep me honest and give me tons of advice on how to raise a baby. Every new parent loves to hear about what they’re doing wrong and how its going to permanently scar their child!
What change looks like
The Official Sports Team of The Hostages
Honorary Hostage David Thorne – Epic E-mail Exchange
Get TITS2 & The H2 Stuff
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