Tuesday on Tittyweb Jenkins

WAKEY WAKEY.

 

Sorry that my promised, and highly anticipated poat is more of an afternoon delight, but I had shit to do.

 

Mostly, I had to purchase QOTSA Cats fucking in a closet tickets.    And I got AWESOME seats.   Aren’t you all excited?

 

Whatever bitches.

 

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Pick a letter, any letter. Alright…keep it in your head. was it an “A”? Great. Now choose any odd number between 1 and 99. Next add your age. Divide by 4. The answer, if my calculations are right, is that Bill Clinton and Bill Cosby share more than a common first name.

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Coming to Get You

Awwww, yeah.

So excited to see Hostage and IB buddies. SOON.

The rest of this shitty post will consist of pleasant pictures. Because it’s gentle on the brain, and that is what we all need on Tuesday.

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That last pic came up randomly in the search for ‘plasant picture.’ I swear.

Hostage Grocery Run

Over the years we’ve asked our willing friends to pick up a few things from the grocery or hardware store. These items have ranged from the mundane to the bizarre. Here are a few  ‘extra special items’

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Maximum Minimum Thursday

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Oh hi! I’m just a maximally creepy dolphin making sure your doors and windows are secure

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Ratty Tuesday

No exams every Tuesday anymore. Huzzah!

Here is a post of lots of small rats that apparently lots of other people find cute. I do not find rats cute. So it’s a series of pictures featuring things that I would immediately crush with a shovel if I saw them in real life. But other people find them cute. So strange.

Just how we’re programmed from childhood, I guess. My grandmother and mother are both automatic rodent killing machines and now I do it too.

Rat one. Someone has dressed this pet vermin in a small doll’s sweater. Note the expressionless, beady eyes.

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четверг

Like a drunk American college student in Thailand, I accepted the internet’s word that the above title means Thursday in Russian and that hooker really was a chick. I just hope I don’t find out years later четверг means “Bite The Wax Tadpole” or something worse. Ever since the wee hours of the morning of November 9th, the 1980’s have been calling America nonstop and they want their foreign policy back. I figure it’s high time we learn some Russki culture.

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Obama II: Cockfacefuckaloo

That last word seems made up but it isn’t. If you search for it on the intertitty you’ll find a wealth of information.

So Obama is back, and this time going to kick ass and use cliches, and he’s all out of cliches. The world is stuck like a deer in the headlights of a sixteen wheel suck mobile, paralyzed at his magnificence–or so the media would have you believe.

The truth, harder than a diamond, and as difficult to swallow as a giant bitter pill is that only a few people actually care; rich old liberals and black women. The rest of us are just trying to get on with our lives. The days of our lives, even.

So please, do us a favor, oh God Emperor of the Early Release Television Series, go the fuck away. Obama could build a speech generator using the words, ‘world, future, change, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, let us, hope, and destiny,’ bridged together with terrible sentence formations and almost no one would notice. Just put up a cardboard cut out and play side A of the tape called ‘Flattering Rich Crackers’ then flip it over to side B, ‘I am Black Also, and Understand You.’

Save everyone else some time, dickface. If we wanted to be talked down to or bored to death we’d use bad grammar in a blog post and wait for Hotspur to show up.

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This man, right here, the one I’m pointing to…is a DICK!!!