Monday Motivational Mumbo-Jumbo

Soooo, all summer, I had “events” to train for, and dieting just wasn’t on my mind .   But now … there is not really anything on the horizon- no big challenges, etc. No excuses.

So  I stepped on the scale and this is what I saw:

 

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I’d like to drop about 15 pounds, so today is the first day of the rest of my … bla bla bla.

Onto the “motivational” pictures.

What do we have in the “binders” today… oh, lookie here …

Fat women:

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Fat man:

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Fat Cat:

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Fat Dog:

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Fat mouse:

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Fat horse:

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Fat Patrick Star:

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I think I’ve illustrated the “fat” point pretty well. But WHAT diet to do? This one looks nice:

 

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Ten pounds in a week? Sign me up. Week and a half, and I’d be DONE.  I can’t find any information on it, so if anyone knows the ancient Chinese secret to losing 10 pounds in a week, drop me a line.

Then there is  Eat All You Want Diet , which speaks to me on a spiritual level.  You are supposed  to read your body’s cues about what you need to eat, and how much, etc. Which … I’m pretty sure is how most of us ended up in the shape we’re in.

Or perhaps the Skinny Bitch Diet?

In essence this is an extreme vegan diet that describes meat as ‘dead, rotting, decomposing flesh’. The list of forbidden foods includes all animal products (meat, poultry, fish, eggs, dairy), refined flour, sugar, honey, beer, caffeine (coffee, tea, chocolate) and any food that contains chemical additives like artificial sweeteners. “Sugar is the devil and artificial sweeteners just as bad” they state.

Sounds like FUN!

I think the worst diet that I’ve actually known people to try is the “egg diet”.  I probably rolled my eyes the last time someone told me there were going on this diet.  LOSE 24 POUNDS in 14 DAYS!!!

Awesome, right?

How does it work? Well, this is basically what you eat:

Breakfast: 2 boiled eggs and 1 citric fruit.
-Lunch: 2 slices of bread and some fruit.
-Dinner: a bowl of salad and chicken.

 

…for two weeks.  Someone try it and let me know how it goes.

I’m going to just do the boring “count macros, eat less, work-out ” thing.   Mare is encouraged to call me a fat-ass until I reach my goal-ish range.   Macrostax is the program I’m using (it’s just an app) and I’ll up my running while I can, and continue with crossfit.

 

 

BBF

Hello anticipators and wally-ballers, welcome to Big Boob Friday,

 

 

Your model for today was born August 20, 1980 in Baltimore, Maryland.  5’7″, 34D-24-34 and 119lbs, please pick up the spare and welcome Miss Christi Shake!

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Obama II: Cockfacefuckaloo

That last word seems made up but it isn’t. If you search for it on the intertitty you’ll find a wealth of information.

So Obama is back, and this time going to kick ass and use cliches, and he’s all out of cliches. The world is stuck like a deer in the headlights of a sixteen wheel suck mobile, paralyzed at his magnificence–or so the media would have you believe.

The truth, harder than a diamond, and as difficult to swallow as a giant bitter pill is that only a few people actually care; rich old liberals and black women. The rest of us are just trying to get on with our lives. The days of our lives, even.

So please, do us a favor, oh God Emperor of the Early Release Television Series, go the fuck away. Obama could build a speech generator using the words, ‘world, future, change, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, let us, hope, and destiny,’ bridged together with terrible sentence formations and almost no one would notice. Just put up a cardboard cut out and play side A of the tape called ‘Flattering Rich Crackers’ then flip it over to side B, ‘I am Black Also, and Understand You.’

Save everyone else some time, dickface. If we wanted to be talked down to or bored to death we’d use bad grammar in a blog post and wait for Hotspur to show up.

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This man, right here, the one I’m pointing to…is a DICK!!!

Tuning The Page

Good Job.  We kept The Candle going for a whole year.

Catch ya later, Phatass.

On with Teh Funnah headers!

 

-sorry for the stomp, Jimebro.  xoxo

Cross Wire

And so we find ourselves with one foot on the dock and one on the boat.

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