Watermelon Douche Chills

Gather round my friends and lend an ear, there’s a tale needs to be told. This is the abridged version. For the complete story you’ll need to pony up 50 cent to my publisher.

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You see, there was once a man, so big he shook the ground with each mighty step. For a snack he’d eat an entire ox and pick the gristle from his big-as-a-surfboard teeth with the ox horns.

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Super Blue Blood Moon Eclipse

Hopefully everyone survived the SBBME and the SOTU and the Tax Cut and the Shutdown and Collusion and the Nork Bombs and … Is it my imagination or did stuff like this happen all the years before in my life, just with less fanfare? Even weather events like winter storms  seem to require special names. I blame Obama and Snapchat.

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