Hello, and welcome to another edition of What the Fuck is in Pupster’s Backyard.
THE ORCHARD IN QUESTION
We’ve already identified a thriving Persimmon Tree and Sick Peach Tree, today’s adventure will be finding out the provenance of Mystery Fruit 1. The Fruit in Question grows in the back of the Lizard Habitat in a very shady area, I’ve only clipped the branches that get in the way when I mow back there.
Mystery Fruit 1 drops all it’s leaves in the fall, it looks more like a bush than a tree, it’s only about 4 feet tall and about that wide. In March this year it popped out a bunch of tight pink blossoms that flowered white/pink and then dropped off.
Late spring early summer it leafs out with these dark red/purple long leaves that turn dark green later in the season.
The fruit start as little brown fuzzy looking balls, I thought they would be a nut of some kind, but they start to ripen into a yellow and then red peach-looking type deal.
The Fruit Flies LOVE THESE THINGS
Inside has a pit like a peach, yellow meat, the green looking side is not ripe yet I think. I’m not doing a taste test fuck that.
I’ll save Mystery Fruit 2 for another day, and ask the question:
WHAT THE FUCK IS IN PUPSTER’S YARD and will LUMPS EAT IT if I ship it to her?
I think I mentioned in the comment section a glorious conversation I had with my stoner, loser, father in law. Let me expand the conversation so you can laugh and cry along with me.
First, I was down in FL on very short notice to fix up my POS condo that was to be sold. The tenants had trashed the place so I needed to paint, make a few repairs, and get the carpet replaced. Since this is Florida, you can’t count on anyone other than your own cheesebag. Hired cheesebags will stiff you, leave you wondering, and steal the cabinets from the walls if left unattended.
So there I was, after driving 8 hours, busting my ass for two days to repair said shit hole, when my asshole father in law invites me for dinner. Great, I say. No problem. I’ll meet you at your mom’s house (not a euphemism) and we’ll go our for Messican.
Out of the shower and I’m ready to go. Plans have changed, we’re going out for Vietnamese but whatever. I’m hungry and looking forward to some fun with GNDs grandma (she’s 91 and sharp as a tack) and her uncle, who is basically a Hostage. They’re awesome people and serve as a shield to my AHFIL. When I look at dear sweet grandma and ask her if she wants to ride with me, she informs that she’s not going. She thought it would be nice if AHFIL and I could spend time together.
The world stopped. I had gone deaf. Nothing made sense. I blinked, tried to gather my shit and desperately tried to control the fear and shock spreading across my face.
My mind instantly went to the scene in The Empire Strikes Back where Luke, missing a hand, beaten to a pulp, and hanging over the edge of an impossibly long fall, finds out he’s the spawn of Darth Vader. If I were in that situation and Vader was my AHFIL and he informed me in his deep, mechanical voice that he is indeed taking me out for Vietnamese for dinner alone, I would have fucking jumped too. Sweet death take me now.
Ok, so recently I was strongly encouraged to attend a struggle session at work, and it couldn’t have been more cringe. Think of that time Hotspur got caught in women’s underwear for the first time in the Macy’s dressing room. Take that, square it, add a cheese bag, and divide by the number of hot dogs Jay ate for breakfast.
Maximum cringe.
One of my favorite things that terrible public speakers all seem to do, is say that they want participation, discussion, disagreement, and debate. From there they generally talk for 20 minutes without taking a breath.
I always think man, the people on You-tube used to be so creative. Remember when it first started how amazing it was? Yeah…see this video? How exciting is THIS?!?!?! The first back flip on You-tube
The first video I ever sent to Merv.
I’d like to thank lauraw for introducing me to this work of art…I believe it is part of the reason Merv fell madly in love with me……….three years after I showed him the video, but really…who’s counting?
The first cat video on You-tube……and as we all know, the Internet was created for cat and dog videos…..I’m pretty sure all videos uploaded to You-tube in 2005 were filmed with a potato.
Cybergoon squad…….the very first “weird side of You-tube” video.
And last, but not least, the VERY first video uploaded to You-tube by one of the founders enjoying his time at the zoo….my guess is, this guy is probably a rich mofo.
Also, it’s entirely possible I sprained my finger picking categories. I might die. I’ll miss you all.
I’m pretty sure we’re living in a simulation. To support this claim I want to draw your attention to the crazy that is 2020.
First, we’re witnessing white people become absolute racists in order to combat racism. I can’t only assume one of our programmers left a hashtag open and, well, here we are.
Second, a Chinese virus that was supposed to end the world – or at least come close – has turned out to be a bad flu season. I would bet all of my fake money that the code was outsourced to India and they read the requirements wrong. Covid = sys.exit() got written as: scriptcovid.2 (covid = flu. Dot not feather, always fucking up the code, amiright?
And lastly, this poor soul seems to have been built from a base character, but the game developers forgot to make the change from sausage to taco.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the weirdest thing on the internet at the moment…Danielle Muscato. Here’s a brief recap of the story if you haven’t heard about it. Basically our friend Danielle went into a Kroger and blew up at some poor soul that wasn’t wearing a face diaper. Danielle tried to get help from the store security guard and manager but they declined to prosecute this grave injustice. In response, Danielle starting harassing Kroger and the manager about their policy, and well, the blowback was swift. Look, this probably happens a few hundred times a day but for some reason this really struck a nerve with people. I have no idea why, except that perhaps Danielle is the avatar for all social justice warriors and you know, is a man.
Welcome to another edition of Hunky Hump Day.
I recently watched “Jersey Boys”, the movie directed and produced by Clint Eastwood about Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. I liked it, Mr. RFH hated it.
Time for some hunks.
Michael DeLuise. Yes, he’s Dom’s son. Much cuter. Continue reading →
