Gummy Stuff

Bad Week to be a Leftie

Man, it sure has sucked to be a leftie this last week or so. Outdone by Donny Two Scoops, the single biggest idiot ever to populate the White House (their words).

POS Poat – Reconquista bitches!!!!

I’ve got a friend (of sorts) who purports to be a Messican and is always whining about racism, the plight of the boarder jumpers and welfare scammers blah, blah, blah –

I’ve tried to learn him a few things, economics, race designation, etc – no bueno. So now I just work on irritating him as much as I can. I start and end conversations with him by calling him my southern caucasian brother.

MMM 285: The Agenda is Everywhere

And historical ignorance abounds.  I tried to watch the Netflix Castlevania cartoon over the weekend and made it less than 4 minutes before thumbing it down.  Well-drawn, but utter garbage for writing.  For those who never played the games, Castlevania was about various members of the Belmont family fighting Dracula and his offshoots and allies at various points in late Medieval and early Renaissance history.  Men (white men!), faithful to God (going to church for restoration and items like holy water occurs in the early games), fighting a satanic, evil immortal being.

First scene of this shit is – in 1455 AD, we’re told – a Strong Independent Woman^tm marching past acres of impaled human bodies to Dracula’s castle.  She bravely enters and proceeds to… scold Dracula about being such a naughty person, then ask him to teach her his super-science so she can become a doctor.  A real doctor, not some cunning woman with poultices and boiling nettles.  Dracula (who is basically Disney’s Beast in terms of visible menace) tells her that he likes her spirit and then agrees to do as she asks.  The next scene is 1475 AD, where Lisa (aforementioned aspiring doctor) is being burned at the stake for witchcraft by a group of evil-looking priests, one of whom is a bishop.  The discussion they have while she burns explicitly conflates science and witchcraft, and the bishop gives one of the priests who says he’s been studying a bit of chemistry (“just a study, to better understand our enemies”) a sidelong glance of the “you might be next at the stake” sort.  I bailed.  WTF?  The only thing they got right was that everyone at least appeared to be European, and hey, nice shout-out with the “AD”.  Let’s completely ignore that the university system (invented by the Church for the advancement of Man) has existed for almost 500 years already, and the University of Paris was founded in 1045 AD with Medicine as one of it’s 4 foundational fields of inquiry.  I just want to punch a lot of retards in the face.  Must be Monday.

Her outfit is falling apart, someone help!

Gender Neutral Russia

I’ve always been fascinated with Mother Russia. Wait. Is that triggering? I guess we should start calling it gender neutral Russia. You know mothers can be fathers right? I’ll start over.

I’ve always been fascinated with cisRussia. Not today’s pussy version; the full blown commie war machine that defeated the Nazis with their incredibly effective strategy of throwing about 9 million young men into the maw of Hitler’s army. Either march forward and get blown away, or retreat and get shot by your own guys. Touch choice for the Igors.

Total WWII casualties are thought to be around 20 million but no one really knows for sure. To put that into perspective, the glorious CCCP lost the equivalent of today’s population of NYC, LA, Chicago, Houston, Phoenix, and Philadelphia. Or as most of the blog would say, ‘a good start.‘

Much like you, I’m really amused at the Russian follies going on in the media. It’s really driven by two factors: 1. They still don’t accept the outcome of the election and 2. a total lack of historical perspective prior to 2005. It’s just fucking awesome to watch the political/media brain trust try figure out the basics of Russian geography, let alone culture. Pretend you know nothing. Now pretend you are in a soundproof, lightproof box buried under the Siberian tundra. You are more prepared to discuss Russia than Brian Stelter, Steven Colbert, or Katy Tur.

Obama II: Cockfacefuckaloo

That last word seems made up but it isn’t. If you search for it on the intertitty you’ll find a wealth of information.

So Obama is back, and this time going to kick ass and use cliches, and he’s all out of cliches. The world is stuck like a deer in the headlights of a sixteen wheel suck mobile, paralyzed at his magnificence–or so the media would have you believe.

The truth, harder than a diamond, and as difficult to swallow as a giant bitter pill is that only a few people actually care; rich old liberals and black women. The rest of us are just trying to get on with our lives. The days of our lives, even.

So please, do us a favor, oh God Emperor of the Early Release Television Series, go the fuck away. Obama could build a speech generator using the words, ‘world, future, change, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, let us, hope, and destiny,’ bridged together with terrible sentence formations and almost no one would notice. Just put up a cardboard cut out and play side A of the tape called ‘Flattering Rich Crackers’ then flip it over to side B, ‘I am Black Also, and Understand You.’

Save everyone else some time, dickface. If we wanted to be talked down to or bored to death we’d use bad grammar in a blog post and wait for Hotspur to show up.

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This man, right here, the one I’m pointing to…is a DICK!!!

Fuck These Fucking Fucks, FFS

 

So here we are, 100 days into the glorious reign of the God Emperor Donaldus Trump II.

Is America great again? No, but its early. Like you, my patience is about as thin as Mare’s Whoreday panties and I do not trust a single person that is connected to Washington DC.

 

The Bad

Repeal/Replace–May the RINOs of the senate be rushed to the ER with a lightbulb stuck in their collective asses. Upon removal they may find a bright idea, such as repeal/replace. It’s not complicated, assholes.

The budget–May the Freedom Caucus step on their dicks with golf shoes for having the temerity to sink repeal/replace only to turn around and fund PP for the rest of the fiscal year.

 

The Good

Border crossings are down 70+% based solely on a mean look from the based cheeto god. My suggestion is that he get a teardrop tattoo on his cheek then watch the number climb to 90%.

The world seems to think we might be crazy enough to kick ass and drink Diet Coke. They also seem to believe we are running low on Diet Coke.

Neil Fucking Gorsuch.

Serious note–people seem to be more optimistic about the future. I don’t really talk politics much in public but I don’t feel the weight of the pessimism that is being pushed by the media. Things seem good, which may be a reflection on where I live and how life is going, but it really matters when the people at the top are confident of success rather than dead set on decline. We’ve been told to eat our veggies for so long that a delicious taco bowl (we have the best taco bowl’s, don’t we folks?) seems like manna from heaven. It’s just taco Tuesday, but goddamn that seems like a fine idea.

The Ugly

The media and the DNC (Hillary/Obama wing) are pushing some really dangerous shit. The ridiculousness of RUSSIA! and the attempt to subvert a presidency that simply out hustled a terrible politician is going to escalate quickly. And when it does, they’ll blame Trump. They don’t care that people will be hurt, in fact I believe it’s the desired state to wave a bloody shirt.

I’m not really sure who has the ear of the President. I like Ivanka and Jared and I really like the tax plan that was put out but see Mare’s threadbare Whoreday undies referenced above for my trust levels. Jury is out on the D’s in the White House. 

Goofy Shit is Endearing. Fuck Being ‘Too Cool’ Like Obama

 

 

 

 

Have You Hugged A Crustacean Lately?

Invertebrates need love too. Jam out with your literal clam out!

Part of the B-52’s shtick in the 80’swas imitating the surf guitar sound of the 60’s and the women in the group adopted the beehive hairstyles of the 50’s-60’s. Are we being set up for a 90’s revival in music and fashion?  Rural Maine is hardly the vanguard of cutting edge but thanks to the internet young people can imitate each other amazingly quick today.

One trend that seems to get revived whenever there’s a Republican in office is 60’s style protests by the Left. It has become so formulaic that it is now parody. Thanks to the internet (again!)  we can criticize their actions in a manner unavailable to previous generations of conservatives. What it boils down to is, rather than seeming bold and confrontational, their protests are met with eye rolling and expressions of “Oh, that same old shit again”.

Big Boob Friday

Hello weekday and weekend warriors. This has been a really interesting week for the MJ household. First, I found out that although interpuppet sex generally doesn’t end with procreation, we have succeeded. Second, wiser can suck a dick, nay a whole bag of them. And finally, the blog really misses Cyn. Whatever Jimbro, Pupster, and James did to run her off will requires punishment. I suggest that we each send them a flaming bag of gratitude.

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I wrote this song for Hotspur.

Sing-along Sunday

Cheerfully stolen off Faceplant and edited to remove the repeated choruses. You can figure ’em out.

Grandma got run over by the Trump train.
Rigging all the polls election eve.
You can say there’s no such thing as karma.
But as for me and America we believe.

She’d been drinking too much kool aid.
And we begged her not to cheat.
But she wasn’t on medication.
So she made deals with Arabs and DC elites.

(chorus)

When we found her the next morning.
People all screamed Trump was worse.
She had track marks on her forehead.
And incriminating emails in her purse.

Now we’re not real proud of liberals
They’ve not been taking it real well.
See them burning down their cities
Looting stores and overall just raising hell.

Now that Trump has won the White House.
All the snowflakes are about to crack.
And we just can’t help but wonder:
Will he let illegals stay or send them back?
SEND THEM BACK!!!

Now the economy is on an upswing.
And Americans sleep in peace. Ahh.
And the red white and blue fireworks.
Remind me how Mattis will deal with the middle east.

I celebrated with all my neighbors.
As Hillary fell from grace.
And now it makes me proud to say
God bless President Trump and the USA!

Cue Hotspur’s favorite quote.