While I have been in Thunderdome with El Goutcho the last couple of weeks, you have all been very kind and supportive with comments of encouragement, advice and general stupid bullshit which I very much appreciate.
On Friday I received a relatively large box from Connecticut, home to a disproportionate large number of hosefuckers. It took several hours to open as it contained every packing material known to man.
“Surely the contents of this magical box must be incredibly fragile, delicate and rare!”, I thought to myself. Not only is what I received rare, it is the only one of its kind that has ever existed or ever will exist in the history of time. Please allow me to share the contents of the box with you.
I have 41 years and 8 months of world experience and when I pulled that out of the box, I just stared at it. What the fuck is that? I know you’re asking the same thing. You’ve never seen anything like that before have you? No you haven’t. And the reason you haven’t is that IT IS THE ONLY REG, FAKE THAT EXISTS IN THE WORLD!!
Yes that is correct. My friends wiserbud, wiserbride, scott and laura made me a fucking prosthetic leg to replace the one that I’m going to chop off and feed to El Goutcho.
Of the many questions you have, I’m sure a main one is “How do you attach that piece of shit?”. Well there appears to be a two-part attachment process. Part 1:
And Part 2:
If you were thinking “I bet Floyd likes the horn part of the foot” you would be correctamundo.
As with all complicated products that for no apparent reason can be plugged in, there are several things to avoid.
My favorite part of that is the Godzilla picture. Hahahahahahaha. + 157,000 points to whichever one of you thought to include that .
Mrs Rosetta and I were laughing for 5 minutes at this thing. And then I realized that there was an actual instruction manual in the box as well.
Check out this hilarious piece of racist literature. If you’ve ever assembled anything at all in your life, these instructions will seem strangely familiar. Click the images to embiggen.
Because I personally know that every member of the manufacturing foursome is smart, usually drunk and fucking hilarious, I’m certain that is all original writing. Otherwise I would have suspected they used some English-to-Engrish translator. It’s that good.
This is why, if you don’t have awesome funny friends, you should go get some. They can even help you laugh in the face of El Goutcho.
Thank you wiserbud, wiserbride, scott and laura for spending the time to make this for me. I am positive you were drunk at the time and that you were laughing your asses off but it’s a fantastic get well gift.
I bet at least one of you jackasses thought of this as you were making my leg but you’ve all given yourselves a gift of sorts as well. You have the pleasure of knowing that for many years to come, I won’t throw it away because it’s awesome. But I also don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do with it.
I will put it somewhere that Mrs Rosetta won’t like so she’ll move it. I won’t like it there so I’ll move it someplace else. Floyd will chew on it and fart on it. I’ll have to pack it when we eventually move. I won’t know where to put it in a new house.
As you think about that from time to time, feel free to laugh and laugh and laugh…
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