Happiness Is Funny Friends

While I have been in Thunderdome with El Goutcho the last couple of weeks, you have all been very kind and supportive with comments of encouragement, advice and general stupid bullshit which I very much appreciate.

On Friday I received a relatively large box from Connecticut, home to a disproportionate large number of hosefuckers.  It took several hours to open as it contained every packing material known to man.

“Surely the contents of this magical box must be incredibly fragile, delicate and rare!”, I thought to myself.  Not only is what I received rare, it is the only one of its kind that has ever existed or ever will exist in the history of time.  Please allow me to share the contents of the box with you.

I have 41 years and 8 months of world experience and when I pulled that out of the box, I just stared at it.  What the fuck is that?  I know you’re asking the same thing.  You’ve never seen anything like that before have you?  No you haven’t.  And the reason you haven’t is that IT IS THE ONLY REG, FAKE THAT EXISTS IN THE WORLD!!

Yes that is correct.  My friends wiserbud, wiserbride, scott and laura made me a fucking prosthetic leg to replace the one that I’m going to chop off and feed to El Goutcho.

Of the many questions you have, I’m sure a main one is “How do you attach that piece of shit?”.  Well there appears to be a two-part attachment process.  Part 1:

And Part 2:

If you were thinking “I bet Floyd likes the horn part of the foot” you would be correctamundo.

As with all complicated products that for no apparent reason can be plugged in, there are several things to avoid.

My favorite part of that is the Godzilla picture.  Hahahahahahaha.  + 157,000 points to whichever one of you thought to include that .

Mrs Rosetta and I were laughing for 5 minutes at this thing.  And then I realized that there was an actual instruction manual in the box as well.

Check out this hilarious piece of racist literature.  If you’ve ever assembled anything at all in your life, these instructions will seem strangely familiar.  Click the images to embiggen.

Because I personally know that every member of the manufacturing foursome is smart, usually drunk and fucking hilarious, I’m certain that is all original writing.  Otherwise I would have suspected they used some English-to-Engrish translator.  It’s that good.

This is why, if you don’t have awesome funny friends, you should go get some.  They can even help you laugh in the face of El Goutcho.

Thank you wiserbud, wiserbride, scott and laura for spending the time to make this for me.  I am positive you were drunk at the time and that you were laughing your asses off but it’s a fantastic get well gift.

I bet at least one of you jackasses thought of this as you were making my leg but you’ve all given yourselves a gift of sorts as well.  You have the pleasure of knowing that for many years to come, I won’t throw it away because it’s awesome.  But I also don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do with it.

I will put it somewhere that Mrs Rosetta won’t like so she’ll move it.  I won’t like it there so I’ll move it someplace else.  Floyd will chew on it and fart on it.  I’ll have to pack it when we eventually move.  I won’t know where to put it in a new house.

As you think about that from time to time, feel free to laugh and laugh and laugh…

Fin.

517 Comments

  1. http://www.engrish.com/

  2. that. is. fucking. hilarious.

  3. HAHAHAHA!!!! still makes me laugh.

  4. Heh. Awesome.

  5. You have the pleasure of knowing that for many years to come, I won’t throw it away because it’s awesome. But I also don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do with it.

    I will put it somewhere that Mrs Rosetta won’t like so she’ll move it. I won’t like it there so I’ll move it someplace else. Floyd will chew on it and fart on it. I’ll have to pack it when we eventually move. I won’t know where to put it in a new house.

    That had occurred to be during construction. Hence the rubberized coating on the bottom of the foot. Didn’t want you to scratch any furniture.

  6. Hence the rubberized coating on the bottom of the foot. Didn’t want you to scratch any furniture.

    Hahahahaha. You thought of everything!

  7. And never forget:

    “Faster Reg okay when Happy joy lobster stride.”

    We bought sushi-grade fish yesterday, which came with very intricate defrosting instructions. As I read them, I was cracking up, thinking about the “insluctions” we included.

    One example:

    “Sometimes, the tuna may shrink (and change it’s shape) after defrosted because of “Rigor Mortis”. If is one of the proofs of high quality that the tuna was processed on a boat so quickly before having Rigor Mortis.”

    And:

    “After defrosted, to be consumed within 3 days is recommendable.”

  8. We need to construct a Hostages Hall of Fame Museum.

    The leg needs to be in a display case.

  9. “is it prugged in? Try prugging in.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHA

    WELL DONE!

  10. while we were building this, mare suggested sending you a Swiss Army Leg in one of the threads here.

    “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!!!!!

  11. That is the funniest goddamn thing I’ve ever seen. My wife keeps giving me the Win the Future look, as I’m crying from laughing.

  12. The instruction manual is every bit a piece of art as the leg itself.

  13. Frucking allsome. Me want.

  14. while we were building this, mare suggested sending you a Swiss Army Leg in one of the threads here.

    “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!!!!!

    Hahahahahahaha.

  15. That is the funniest goddamn thing I’ve ever seen. My wife keeps giving me the Win the Future look, as I’m crying from laughing.

    The pictures don’t even do it justice. It has a sheltered workshop quality to it.

  16. I like the beverage holder……HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH

  17. Carin, I LOVE split pea soup. I’m assuming you love your recipe, may I have it?

    The only thing I did different from normal split pea – I sauteed the veggies instead of cooking them with the peas. Sauteed ’em for – like – 45 minuets. pinch of sugar. it really gave it a nice taste.

    Other than that, it a pretty normal recipe. I had to use ham hocks cause I didn’t have a ham/bone.

  18. Thank you, Dear Carin.

    I am making Marlboro Man sandwiches for dinner tonight.

  19. Outstanding! Way to go Connecticuttians!

  20. That’s what friends are for…

    *cues the Dionne Warwick*

  21. Those things are made in Detroit?

    I wonder if they need a battery supplier ….

  22. by the way, just so appreciate all the effort that went into the creation of this, I had to drive around to numerous stores to gather up the parts. In one of our recent snowstorms

    But, we had a vision and nothing was going to stop us from achieving it.

  23. My sister made those and said they are yummy.

    I’ve got my two soups and then i also made some chicken salad.

    My family thinks I’m crazy. Apparently that’s not super bowl food.

    What – ever.

  24. I wonder if they need a battery supplier ….

    it’s erectlic. You not see erectlic cord?

  25. I was also gonna try to get Tiki to chew on the toes a bot, but I figured Floyd would handle that part for me.

  26. Those things are made in Detroit?

    Not a chance. It’s all in one piece so you know it’s from a right-to-work state.

    That is a piece of art. Truly worthy of four drunken morons with cabin fever.

  27. what about for BACKUP power?

    Shesh.

  28. Not to mention, you could have a mobile battery back to plug it in to.

    Perhaps that could follow the person around in a little card.

  29. Am I the only male in the continental United States who not only doesn’t give a damn about the Super Bore™ , but also has no intention of watching?

  30. Truly worthy of four drunken morons with cabin fever.

    BINGO!!!! We were discussing this via e-mail and IM and we were crying. We had to stop at some point, because we had just so many hilarious ideas, it was getting insane. It was like our own personal joke thread.

    It has been killing us to have to wait for the reaction.

    what about for BACKUP power?

    *smack

    Of course! what was I thinking?

  31. What about the Puppy Bowl? You watching that?

  32. Oh, ouch, owwwww …. my sides, they fucking hurt.

    THAT IS HILARIOUS!

  33. Am I the only male in the continental United States who not only doesn’t give a damn about the Super Bore™ , but also has no intention of watching?

    Well, the only straight m…..

    oooooooh…………

    *cough

  34. **golf clap**

    Well done, Wisers and W’s.

  35. Tell them about the bottle opener, Rosie.

  36. Am I the only male in the continental United States who not only doesn’t give a damn about the Super Bore™ , but also has no intention of watching?

    No. http://tinyurl.com/4djn2oj

  37. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    That is awesome! That beats the 3-D fax machine, hands down.

  38. also glad I didn’t get an artificial heart in the mail.

  39. *In a unassuming safe house in the wilds of wintry suburban Connecticut, a secret inner circle of Moronia elders meats to hash out a plan to make lemonade from a recent onslaught of lemons*

    “We can do it.”

    “We can rebuild him.”

    “We can’t make him stronger, but we can make him funnier.”

    *Needlenose pliers”

    “Pilers”

    “Erectric Plug”

    “Plug”

    “Bicycle Horn”

    “Horn”

    “Instruction Manual”

    “Manual”

    “It’s Finished”

    “Get that wrapped and shipped! Stat!”

    “We’ve done it! We’ve rebuilt him!”

    “From this day forward, his Delta Ki name shall be “Rosetta: The Sixteen Dollar Man™”‘

    “Corona.”

    “What?”

    “Corona. Get me another beer. This one is empty….”

    fin

  40. btw, Herr may not realize this, but he actually contributed to this as well.

    He gave us the phone number. Got it from one of his comments a week or so ago.

  41. Rosetta: The Sixteen Dollar Man™

    Hahaha.

  42. I like the frog stickers, too.

  43. He gave us the phone number. Got it from one of his comments a week or so ago.

    Like you never screwed up a tag.

  44. fin

    It’s like you were in the room…..

  45. I like the frog stickers, too.

    little Sohos shout-out.

    Damn, I wish Scott and Laura were here…..

  46. “try prug it in.”

    hahahahhahahahhaha

  47. Laughed my farging ice off.

  48. You people have my ever-dying respect. You bring teh stoopid with such aplomb as to render all other efforts futile. I tip my knickers to you all.

  49. I think I have read the owners manual about 47 times, and it’s still funny.

    Every time I see frip out mirror I giggle like a little girl.

  50. I tip my knickers to you all.

    HHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRR!

  51. Oh My. This is better than the Snooper Bowz by a long shot.

  52. That is the most awesomest present in the entire eunuchverse and a testiclement to how much and in what ways you are loved, Manlesbo! I’m jealous. I want gout too. *pours another beam n coke*

  53. You bring teh stoopid with such aplomb as to render all other efforts futile.

    Go with your strengths, I always say.

    Best part is imagining Rosetta trying to explain that to his not-so-moronic friends.

    “It’s a fake reg! Get it???”

    “Ummmm, okay…. But why is there a power cord on it?”

    “BECAUSE IT’S FUNNY!! Get it????”

    “Okay. Look, it’s getting late…… we have to go now….”

  54. That is great! Good job Wiser and the W’s

  55. Every time I see frip out mirror I giggle like a little girl.

    Hahahahahahaha. It’s a magnificent piece of work.

    My only regret is that I wasn’t part of the planning conversation. I can only imagine the level of retard involved in that.

  56. Best part is imagining Rosetta trying to explain that to his not-so-moronic friends.

    Not so moronic friends?

    *blinks at such a curious concept*

  57. What’s the difference between the fake reft reg and the fake light reg?

  58. Obviously, Rosetta is gone.

    There is a bottle opener attached to the reg. And to make sure it won’t fall off, it’s attached at both the top and bottom.

    Effectively making it useless.

  59. What’s the difference between the fake reft reg and the fake light reg?

    The bottle holder is on the other side.

  60. the planning conversation

    It’s probably a good thing we were not in the same room during those. It would ave never gotten done.

  61. Made with lots of love.

  62. Rosetta: Please, vicar, come in. Would you like some coffee?
    Vicar: Why thank you. How very ki… What is THAT?
    Rosetta: Uh, some friends of mine made me a fake leg when I got gout. It’s a joke.
    Vicar: It has a beverage holder.
    Rosetta: Uh, yeah. Apparently they thought I could use that.
    Vicar: Why the plug?
    Rosetta: Because, uh, it’s hard to explain…..
    Vicar: Good God. What did they make for you when you had that syphilis you confessed to last year?

    Fin

  63. Wiser and the W’s

    which, in a very strange coincidence, was the name of the rock band I tried to start in high school…..

  64. Vicar: Good God. What did they make for you when you had that syphilis you confessed to last year?

    BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!!

  65. I never showed you guys the photos of the packaging job Scott and Laura did on my iPad when I left it in CT.

    I should do that someday.

  66. This was so much fun.

    When we got our turn with it, Scott and I were talking about where to put the bottle opener, and Scott started laughing and said, “I’m going to drive a couple screws down through it completely so it can’t even be used.”

    And then we pissed ourselves again.

  67. The syphillis wouldn’t be nearly as funny as the potato blight he contracted.

    The medical reference is “The Vicar’s Disease”.

  68. Here you go, Rosetta. Read this:

    http://tinyurl.com/4d3r9fy

  69. The love in the room is palpable … like frottage on the subway.

  70. The love in the room is palpable … like frottage on the subway.

    Hahahahahahahaha.

    We should all be at a Stupor Bowl meat-up party together.

  71. Here you go, Rosetta. Read this:

    http://tinyurl.com/4d3r9fy

    Does that comment come with an instruction manual?

  72. Compare and contrast:

    http://bit.ly/fYf1sp

    http://bit.ly/eAuJp0

  73. The love in the room is palpable … like frottage on the subway.

    You think we did that out of love?

    We did that because we thought it was hilarious. It’s a shame we didn’t have more advance notice about Xteeth’s choppers.

  74. They screwed one of scott or wiserbud’s little make-up mirrors on it and inside the mirror is a note that says “Objects in mirror are behind you”.

    Hahahahahahahaha.

  75. “Does that comment come with an instruction manual?”

    Glad you asked, I thought it was just me.

  76. Compare and contrast:

    http://bit.ly/fYf1sp

    http://bit.ly/eAuJp0

    Heh. Reagan looks like he’s pointing at Obama and saying “Who’s the faggot?”

  77. Objects in mirror are behind you

    Hahahah. OK. That gave me a major case of the giggles. It’s the details that matter. Beautiful craftsmanship.

  78. “Reagan looks like he’s pointing at Obama and saying “Who’s the faggot?”

    HAHAHAHHAHAAHA…..

  79. Compare and contrast:

    http://bit.ly/fYf1sp

    http://bit.ly/eAuJp0

    The decline of western civilization.

  80. Heh. Reagan looks like he’s pointing at Obama and saying “Who’s the faggot?”

    Hahahahashahahahahahahahahahaha.

  81. I’m not telling anyone about my impending personality transplant.

    I’ll it be a surprise.

  82. It’s a shame we didn’t have more advance notice about Xteeth’s choppers.

    Used to hunt ducks with an old guy with false teeth. One day the lake got a bit rough and he got seasick and lost his pearlies. The next year, when we got to the cabin with him, the owner of the camp had put a set of chattering choppers out on our dining room table with a big bobber tied to it.

  83. Nobody ever gave me a new leg. Fuckers.

  84. “Nobody ever gave me a new leg. Fuckers.”

    HAHAHAHAHAAHA……Sean

  85. Wiser, we need a header with the two pictures and your caption.

    HAHAHAHAHAHA

  86. Nobody ever gave me a new leg. Fuckers.

    Your asian harem told us that the third leg was already enough for you to stump around on in a pinch. A vote was taken, and it was decided to send you “What is Nothing for $1000.00, Alex?”

  87. Bill O’Reilly is an idiot.

  88. “Nobody ever gave me a new leg. Fuckers.”

    We actually started work on that when we thought he was having surgery to fix his ankle and before the gout diagnosis.

  89. There are two other notes on the leg.

    Warning: Contains Peanuts

    May Cause Rickets

    Also, most of the nails used in construction of the leg stick out so that when you pick up the leg, there is a 86% chance that you will stab yourself.

  90. Wiser, we need a header with the two pictures and your caption.

    I’m heading out, so I don’t have time.

    Have at it, someone else!

  91. We should all be at a Stupor Bowl meat-up party together.

    I have two things on… my Tilman-Cardinals jersey and a buzz. This thread and your gift make me happier than a retard in a pudding warehouse.

  92. There are two other notes on the leg.

    I can’t remember who came up with what anymore, but we giggled like retards for days.

    Also, most of the nails used in construction of the leg stick out so that when you pick up the leg, there is a 86% chance that you will stab yourself.

    And notice that some nails serve absolutely no purpose whatsoever.

  93. I have two things on… my Tilman-Cardinals jersey and a buzz. This thread and your gift make me happier than a retard in a pudding warehouse.

    Well done Friendo.

  94. I just noticed:

    Banglar Reg Sorutions, Inc.
    Hong King – Bangkok – Detroit

    Hahahahahaha. Details.

  95. I don’t know if anybody saw it, but I mentioned last night that I managed to hurt my knee while turning the page on my wall calendar. I am a retard.

  96. I managed to hurt my knee while turning the page on my wall calendar.

    I’ll be over to set your clocks in a bit.

  97. *puts seen on list for orthopedic calandar next year*

  98. And notice that some nails serve absolutely no purpose whatsoever.

    Oh I noticed.

    Rosetta: Hello?

    Person: Have you recently interviewed a “Richard” for a position with your firm?

    Rosetta:: I have. I have.

    Person: Which position was that?

    Rosetta: Chief Prosthetic Leg Design Engineer

    Person: I thought Vandelay Industries dealt in latex?

    Rosetta: Well you”re a fucking idiot then.

    Fin.

  99. I don’t know if anybody saw it, but I mentioned last night that I managed to hurt my knee while turning the page on my wall calendar.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    Please describe this in excruciating detail.

  100. I managed to hurt my knee while turning the page on my wall calendar. I am a retard.

    *snort snicker cough

    Excuse me, but I have a project I need to get started on….

  101. Who do you predict will have a wardrobe malfunction this year?

  102. Excuse me, but I have a project I need to get started on….

    You can just order those helmets. And they’re covered by insurance.

  103. No tie.

    Douchebag.

  104. The calendar is next to my bed, so I got on my knees to turn the page. when I was done, I turned around while still on my knees and felt something go POP.

    What a drag it is getting old.

  105. The calendar is next to my bed, so I got on my knees to turn the page. when I was done, I turned around while still on my knees and felt something go POP.

    “tis but a matress spring”!

  106. I turned around while still on my knees and felt something go POP.

    Are we still talking about your knee?

  107. Heh. My knees pop out and go floppy all the time. It happened during my wedding. Frau heard it.

  108. Floyd just took a Mare on the deck and the party I’m going to is 1,984 kilometers away so I gotta run.

    All of you sumbitches enjoy the superfantastic funtime football game. Don’t forget about the vig.

    http://tinyurl.com/yjd7c5p

  109. You can just order those helmets. And they’re covered by insurance.<

    I can never find that Mike Myers Hyper Hypo kid animated gif when I need it.

  110. What a drag it is getting old.

    Meh – my knees do that.

    Then again, I’ve been torture-testing my joints since I was 4 with dancing, and my dumbass dog dislocated one of them a few years back so… yeah. I forget what my point was.

  111. Who do you predict will have a wardrobe malfunction this year?

    I’m guessing Rosie, personally

  112. Hahahahahaha!!! THIS is why I love yall! Brilliant!!!

  113. That should make a nice ramp.

  114. Who do you predict will have a wardrobe malfunction this year?

    I’m guessing Rosie, personally

    That’s a sucker’s bet.

    But I do hope that when he puts the underwear on his head that he gets the skid mark in back this time.

    Its so hard not to laugh when he has the dingleberries on his forehead.

  115. Later gang. Enjoy the game.

  116. What is this “game” everyone keeps talking about?

  117. OK, I’m out. I’ll be back at halftime either happy as a clam that the Steelers are going down like Rosetta at a petting zoo, or pissed as hell that the Packers are living up to their moniker.

    Either way, this is as sober as you’ll see me.

  118. Signing off for now. Hope you all have a great night.

  119. That’s a sucker’s bet.

    You mean in how it’s likely already happened multiple times?

  120. Game? What game?

  121. The game where Bill O’Reilly drinks a gallon of Obama splooge.

  122. Aww… everybody’s leaving. More evidence that the Stupid Bowl ruins everything.

  123. I really could have used that a couple of years ago

  124. Heh. Butte College.

  125. Revvy, why the Super Bowl h8?

    HotBride and I met at a Super Bowl party in 2000. I like the Super Bowl.

  126. I will pass on that game, Hotspur ;)

  127. Revvy, why the Super Bowl h8?
    HotBride and I met at a Super Bowl party in 2000. I like the Super Bowl.

    When you live on a college campus behind the Frats, you learn to hate just about anything to do with sports.

  128. Me too, Aggie. Me too.

  129. YEAH!! The Chili and crusty bread were big hits!

  130. Chief, are you rooting for the Pittsburgh Criminals?

  131. Hotspur – Nope. I’m surrounded by idiot Steelers fans. I’m an NFC guy and will root for the Packers. GO PACK!

  132. Hi5!

  133. Andy, it’s tearing out your hair stuff to hear Andrea Mitchell say REPUBLICANS are trying to “appropriate” Reagan….WHAT????? HUH????

    What is that BS cover of Time about, Mitchell? You, pinched face bitch, are a puppetdouche, ass kisser for the Democrat Party. And you’re on the top ten list for biggest political journalistic hacks!

  134. How could your chili NOT be a hit?

  135. *Video of a whale*

    Narrator: the most incredible creatures on the planet.

    Excuse me, fucktard, humans are. Did a whale ever create anything?

    Fucking liberals.

  136. If only you jackholes gave the same respect to the Constitution.

    Why am I in such a cynical mood?

  137. Mare- It’s smokey, spicy goodness fills me with happiness. Takes 2 days to make it correctly. But, my enjoyment of it is watching other folks eat and love it. BTW – Dessert was homemade pecan pie with french vanilla ice cream.

  138. Tell us how you really feel about Andrea Mitchell, mare.

  139. MCPO, I’m going to need to have some of that chili.

  140. I don’t have enough thingies to rate this poat, it’s just that fucking awesome.

    Also, be sure to hot the waters to prevent the freezing times.

  141. Tell us how you really feel about Andrea Mitchell, mare.

    *holds mare back* I got this.

    http://tinyurl.com/4a3k9j7

  142. Boy, nothing says “Superbowl” quite like a bunch of hipster asshats driving economy cars.

  143. Um, I have not been paying much attention to the happenings here. Rosetta is not getting an amputation for real, is he?

  144. Okay, Sean.

    Mitchell is a worm. She feeds off the carcasses of trumped up stories made to put the Conservatives in a bad light. She has never done anything ground breaking or off party lines.

    She has poor style, a crumby voice, bad cosmetic surgery (you’re not fooling anyone you old crone) and a husband who is an ass.

  145. Andrea Mitchell should live a very long life, complete with an incurable, painful burning of the crotch region.

  146. No, Tushar. He thought initially his foot pain was from an old injury and would have to have surgery to fix. It turns out, Rosetta has gout and must alter his lifestyle a bit to prevent attacks.

  147. No, Tushar, the only operation Rosetta needs is an Addadicktomy.

  148. Mare – You want I should send you the recipe?

  149. You would think the stupid bitch would be humble and honest considering she has to sleep with that hideous Greenspan.

  150. Mare, I am relieved to know that. He and I will eventually get into an ass-kicking contest, and I don’t want him to be short handed footed.

  151. Tushar, you are a man of principles and character. You would never engage a lesser opponent.

    (Unless of course we are talking intellectually, then you can kick some liberal butt. They are way under equipped.)

  152. Mare- Have I ever told you what a luxurious head of hair Tushar possesses? I. Am. Jealous.

  153. Chief, I am sorry but I am rooting for the Green Bay Packers. I spent the best year of my life in America in Wisconsin. I have not special relation with Pennsylvania.

  154. I think so, MCPO. It sounds a little intimidating but my friend is coming in March and she’s the type that would take it on.

  155. If you caught the “Declaration of Independence” bit they did in the pregame, you saw Anthony Munoz with some farmers. I can hit those grain elevators with a 30.06 from my backyard.

  156. Could one of the Texas Hostages do me a solid and kill Joe Buck?

    Thanks.

  157. Mare – It’s simple. The secret is on day one you simmer for an hour, refrigerate overnight and, on day 2, simmer for 2 hours and add an additional chipotle pepper and half a bottle of beer.

  158. It’s funny but my husband likes him during baseball games, Sean.

  159. Heh. The reading of teh Declaration of Independence must have given libruls conniptions.

  160. Oh, Sean, you asked what I really thought so I obliged.

  161. Tushar – I too am rooting for Green Bay. The Steelers now play in the AFC. I am an NFC man.

  162. Fucking bullshit.

  163. Chief, at last years CT meatup, the ladies were running their fingers through my hair. I was keeping a brave face, but on the inside, I was blushing furiously. I could have turned red, if I was not so brown.

  164. That singer is pretty.

  165. I could have turned red, if I was not so brown.

    HAHAHAHAHA!

  166. Who’s the nobody singing? Glee? WTF is that?

  167. Yay! President Bush and Laura!!!!!!

  168. It was as if millions of liberal heads suddenly exploded…

  169. SKANK WHORE ALERT

  170. Oh, Sean, you asked what I really thought so I obliged.

    I saw. Good times. Good times.

  171. I despise people who do “this” to my National Anthem.

  172. She. Is. Fucking. Up. The. National. Anthem.

  173. Just sing the fucking thing yoy cunt.

  174. I’m with you. The National Anthem is not a gospel tune!

  175. I didn’t think it was possible.

    She managed to sing it worse than Barr.

    amazing.

    /spit

  176. Feetsball!!

  177. That was the worst evar. May as well eliminate it if you’re going to sign up that whore.

  178. I missed the national anthem, and that sounds like a good thing.

    Who was it?

  179. So that livingsocial site will turn you into a tranny? Huh.

  180. I was making chili dip. Did she actually fuck up the words as my lovely wife alleges?

  181. “SKANK WHORE ALERT”

    WHY DO THESE TWITS THINK THEY CAN IMPROVE THE NATIONAL ANTHEM?

  182. Who was it?

    Seka’s illegitimate pet.

  183. Christina Aquilera.

    I demand a replay by any armed service band.

  184. Roseanne Barr just called, she wanted to me to “thank the skank” for getting her off the hook.

  185. Mare, they don’t think they can improve it. They intentionally disrespect it.

  186. Coin Flip – I call heads!

  187. >> Seka’s illegitimate pet.

    Ouch!

  188. Yes, she fucked up the words. She repeated “at the twilight’s last gleaming” instead of “were so gallantly streaming”.

  189. “I demand a replay by any armed service band.”

    AMEN!!!

  190. Midget WHOOOOOORE!

  191. She messed up the words? Seriously?

    Fuuuuucckkk…

  192. She messed up the words? Seriously?

    When the Frau is saying “You stupid bitch” in front of the kids, you know it’s bad.

  193. Would anyone like some chips and salsa? How about another drink?

  194. I’d like to congratulate Big Ben for getting through a series without forcibly molesting any cocktail waitresses.

  195. Thanks, Chief. I can always use another drink.

  196. “I’d like to congratulate Big Ben for getting through a series without forcibly molesting any cocktail waitresses.”

    hahahahahaha

  197. How the hell did he drop that?

    MAAAAARRREEEE!!!

  198. I love the Green Bay uniforms.

  199. Hahahahaha

  200. Another drink, please, MCPO.

    My ears still hurt.

  201. ROMIES!

  202. Hotspur – Old school!

  203. National Anthem always chokes me up, even when sung by some dude in drag who doesn’t know the words.

    Hot. Funny. Patriotic.

    Somebody go make her a Hostagette. Take duct tape.

  204. god love S.E. and her cupps

  205. Double vodka and cranberry for Roamy – check

    Single malt for Andy – check

  206. UF – S.E. has legs for days!

  207. Hah! That fake reg is hilarious, I mean hiralious.

    Not watching the game, don’t care about it. Don’t hate it either – just don’t care. Hope y’all enjoy!

  208. S.E. makes me tingly in my swimsuit area.

  209. Chief, lord don’t I know it. She’s cracker worthy.

  210. (((hugs MCPO for the drink)))

    (((hugs unclefacts just because)))

  211. What. The. Fuck.

    Doritos has gone off the deep end.

  212. (((hugs Roamy because the protective order expired)))

  213. Wow, they got Moo’chelle to do a commercial?

  214. **slips another roofie in Sean’s drink for a repeat of last night**

  215. Okay, love the commercials.

  216. /thanks roamies <3

  217. Yeah that was worth linking just to get S.E. into the thread. Yowza!

    Single malt for Andy – check

    Tips glass to the Chief.

  218. (((hugs Roamy because the protective order expired)))

    Hahahahaha! (((hugs Herr)))

    I knew there was something I forgot.

    Speaking of which, I am working on your baby’s blanket right now. About 1/3rd done.

  219. I can’t believe she messed up the anthem. She has no excuse. It’s not as if she’s never sang in public before.

    Skank.

  220. Speaking of which, I am working on your baby’s blanket right now. About 1/3rd done.

    Aw sweetheart. You’re one of a kind. Thanks……

  221. Why can’t they advertise a good beer in this thing?

  222. Condi is there too. She is a big football fan.

  223. Andy, that was a funny Bud Light ad.

  224. Andy,
    I am partial to Coors. An Australian guy at work calls it the ‘redneck beer’. Imagine any Australian calling anyone or anything else redneck.

  225. And….suck it Pitt…

  226. Touchdown!

  227. So going on the recommendations of you idiots, I just added both Justified and Archer to the TiVo recording schedule.

    First time I’ve used the …

    *TOUCHDOWN!!!*

    … iPad app to schedule recordings. It is sooooo much easier than working through the menu. They ought to just sell the things with an iPad in the box.

  228. The ad was great. The beer’s horrible.

  229. ha ha – now that was a funny Doritos commerical.

  230. Tushar?

    http://bit.ly/i6gXzL

  231. Cowboys AND Aliens.

    Take your sons. Or they’ll end up gay.

  232. The beer’s horrible.

    Can’t argue with that, though I’ve had worse.

  233. With Daniel Craig, no less. how many times can I go see it?

  234. TOUCHDOWN!!!

  235. Can I just mention how joyous it is to hate Pittsburgh?

  236. Coors Light = Copulating in a canoe. . . fucking near water.

    Yuengling Traditional Lager = Real Beer.

  237. Unsportsmanlike? come on. It’s the superbowl. Oye.

  238. ‘nother clever commerical. THAT’S WHY I DON’T DO COMMERCIALS.

  239. HAHAHAHAHA!!! Tears in PA!

  240. Obama’s rooting for the Steelers against the Packers, so that’s another reason to be a cheesehead tonight.

  241. Carin, I hate the showboating. You motherfuckers are getting paid millions to do a job. Fuck your dances and fuck your arrogance.

  242. Obama’s rooting for the Steelers against the Packers

    He’s an Uncle Quentin…..

  243. Obama’s Super Bowl pick. . . everybody gets a Lombardi trophy!

  244. I just didn’t think he did much celebrating.

  245. bored….

  246. Plus, it’s not as if these were … men. They’re boys playing a game for a living. What do you expect boys to do when they do well?

    Naw. I just don’t expect much from these guys. They are mostly little man-children.

    Real men don’t act that way. They have class or whatever. I have low expectations for sports figures.

  247. Real men don’t act that way.

    *Stops writing “Mrs. Aaron Rodgers” on his junk*

  248. Damn. The kids have chewed through 2 bags of chips. And I’m outta beer. I’m off to the “Stop and Rape”.

  249. ok who’s the Moron that wrote that Teleflora commercial

  250. Makes my day even better. . .

    http://tinyurl.com/4p6rzk4

  251. That dragon should have been white. Leon, back me up on this.

  252. Holy cow, MCPO, that made me cry.

  253. Mare – Makes me proud!

  254. Too bad they didn’t drop it on Roseanne!

  255. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Roseanne Barr getting hit!

    +10,000 points

    *spit

  256. OMG, could we see that log hit Rosann again? it was beautiful.

  257. Rapelisberger throws 2 interceptions in a half?!

  258. Beautiful. Thanks for sharing that, Chief.

  259. Andy – You are most welcome!

  260. Not to toot my own horn, but my chicken noodle is a personal best today. I doubled the parsnips and turnips.

  261. Touchdown!!!!!

  262. 21-3. . . . and it’s r-e-a-l quiet in my neighborhood.

  263. Who kept talking smack about this game?

  264. This is just horrible

  265. Thanks Chief, makes me proud to know there are still those that knew what Reagan meant to this country.

  266. Passes Sohos a juicebox.

  267. **Steals the juicebox, Hands Sohos a beer.

  268. UF – Notice too that the Marine’s salute never wavered. As much as I give them shit, I truly admire our Marine Corps.

  269. *steals beer, hands Sohos a double shot*

  270. Have the Steelers started injuring the Packers deliberately?

  271. Chief, indeed. She’s a credit to the Corps and the country. I wish more of the utes in this country would pull their collective heads out of their asses and sign up.

  272. Pours contents of juicebox over Chief’s shiny pate.

  273. U/F – I believe in universal service – 3 years. Your choice; the military or ghetto public school/hospital. No service, no vote. Many countries (Israel, Spain, etc) around the globe do it this way.

  274. *Pours contents of juicebox over Chief’s shiny pate.*

    That is sticky! Don’t make me tuck you under my arm and take you outside! ;-)

  275. >> UF – Notice too that the Marine’s salute never wavered. As much as I give them shit, I truly admire our Marine Corps.

    Bingo! Just the tear falling down her cheek.

    I feel the same way, sister!

  276. I believe in universal service – 3 years.

    I’ve paid taxes of 5 months per year of labor for the past 20 years. I can retire with a full pension soon, right? No. No “universal service”. This isn’t Sparta.

  277. Aaaaaaand here comes teh suck.

  278. Ugh!

  279. Those poor cows. To die so ignominously.

  280. Is this supposed to be a musical act??!

  281. Chief, I’d rather everyone get a choice that must be exercised for at least two years before you can go to college:

    – military service
    – run a small business
    – run a small charity
    – base-level grunt work for a construction company of any kind

    Feel free to add. Any of these real-life experiences are good for getting most any young dummy’s head out of their ass.

  282. I thought about doing Teach For America, but let’s be honest: I would be killed in the ghetto. If I could have been sent to a rural school, where they also don’t have much in the way of resources, I’d have enjoyed that, and probably could have helped a lot of those kids.

    Ok, Will turned the halftime show on. Win the future is this slogan???

  283. Black Eyed Peas suck syphilitic donkey balls.

  284. Is this supposed to be a musical act??!

    Slash is here. He’ll know what to do.

  285. U/F – I gave you contemporary examples, not ancient Grecian city-states.

  286. I believe that service is good. I regret not serving. But don’t we have the best military in the world because it is all volunteer?

    Do we really want to go back to the stoners steeling from the motor pool to go get weed?

  287. Meh. This is America, where you’re free to be a lazy sack of shit if you want.

    Now if you want to talk about tearing down the foolish structure we’ve built that forces me to subsidize it, I’m all ears.

  288. MAJOR SUCKAGE!

  289. MCPO, forwarded that awesome Marine to a few people I love.

    He actually thought Black Eyed Peas would be good? They are a band that is synthesized in a studio. This is worse than the National Anthem. AND THAT SUCKED!

  290. >> Slash is here. He’ll know what to do.

    You sure? I haven’t seen him break the guitar over one of those douchnozzles’ heads yet.

  291. I meant to say, “who” not “he.”

  292. U/F – I gave you contemporary examples, not ancient Grecian city-states.

    That was me, Chief. I reject the concept of “universal service” as collectivist in nature. That in no way denigrates those who choose to serve, of course (or those who didn’t choose so, but served by necessity like draftees in time of war). But “universal service” is antithetical to individual liberty. We’re either free to choose or not…

  293. The black eyed peas are so inclusive, they’ve included people who can’t sing.

  294. WTF? One of the female dancers was showing a bit of butt cleavage.

  295. Wow is this a suck 1/2 time show or what?

  296. Hahahaha. As a matter of fact, MJ, this is the first musical act composed entirely of people who can’t sing.

  297. I kind of like Usher’s music. At least the dancing is interesting.

    B.E.P. SUCKED.

  298. Is there such a thing as a Crime Against Music?

  299. Last year it was The Who singing “Hope I die before I get old”.

    This is at least less ironical.

  300. Fergie makes me cringe

  301. What the fuck is this Kumbaya song?

  302. The box people are attacking.

  303. TV’s Andy Levy is not a fan.

    http://twitter.com/#!/andylevy

  304. I’m kind of pissed about the National Anthem, everyone knows Christina Aguliera is a screamer when she sings….of course she was going to make an ass of herself and dis my National Anthem/

    IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU, IT’S ABOUT THE COUNTRY!!!!!!!!!

    Also, I don’t have enough wine (I hope Hotspur isn’t here).

  305. Whoever was saying the other night that 90s music sucked: you just got pwned.

  306. If I could go back in time and choose between investing in Apple or ensuring that the inventor of the autotune experienced a tragic childhood accident, I might just have to pick the latter.

  307. Look at all those freshman dance majors that can put “Made a douche of myself” on their resumes.

  308. I’m with Herr. Think about it this way: everyone should choose not to smoke/drink/eat fast food because it’s unhealthy, and people should make healthy choices. Does that make it ok for the government to mandate those choices?

  309. Who is responsible for picking the half time show and the National Anthem singer?

    You, sir, are an ass!

  310. *Sends mare a bottle of wine*

    *Make that two*

  311. YOU’LL GET MY CHICK-FIL-A SAMMICH WHEN YOU TAKE IT FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS!

  312. Black Eyed Peas suck syphilitic donkey balls.

    Yep. I didn’t think teh suck would get worse than the national anthem.

  313. WTF are the box heads????????????//////

  314. Well, at least Fergie got through it without pissing herself. So there’s that.

  315. Well done, Andy!!!

    (Oh, and thanks!)

  316. I didn’t think teh suck would get worse than the national anthem.

    Oh ye of little faith. Music hasn’t yet plumbed the depths of the other arts….. Just be patient……

  317. Heheh Peel makes teh funneh!

  318. “The black eyed peas are so inclusive, they’ve included people who can’t sing.”

    HAHAHAHAHA…..DIVERSITY!

  319. OK. Which one was Fergie? No shit. I am blissfully ignorant.

  320. Sean, did that half time show make your knee feel worse?

  321. You know what I hate? When I go to a link and I can’t get back to the Hostages.

    I’m looking at you Sean.

  322. OK, I give up. Let them all go back to watching ‘Jersey Shore’ and watching American Idol while smoking a fattie in Mom’s basement. Let them grow up learning just to take, take for themselves and never understanding how to contribute to the greater good. Let’s have another generation that doesn’t understand loyalty to our Constitution.

    I’m sure Obama isn’t that bad and they can vote in someone just like him. . . if they even bother to vote, probably just let their wimmyn’s studies professor cast a proxy for them.

  323. Nope, mare. That halftime show made hurting my knee seem pleasant.

  324. “That halftime show made hurting my knee seem pleasant.”

    LOL

  325. Awesome video MCPO.

  326. Why couldn’t you get back?

  327. >> OK. Which one was Fergie? No shit. I am blissfully ignorant.

    Hahahaha. It was the Black Eyed Peas chick.

    Mrs. Andy and I were at an autism benefit in NYC a couple of years ago, and she sat down a couple of seats from us. Mrs. Andy leans over and says “that’s Fergie” after which I scanned the general direction looking for Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York.

    Failing to see her, I turned back to Mrs. Andy with a very confused “Win The Future” look on my face …

  328. >>Why couldn’t you get back?

    Twitter never lets me go back — it’s off-pissing.

  329. Fergie was the “female.”

    Okay, let’s just say, actually, let’s pretend that a Hostage likes this song. What would happen?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POo8CzwQl9M&feature=fvwrel

  330. Let them grow up learning just to take, take for themselves and never understanding how to contribute to the greater good.

    Chief, the “greater good” is met when individuals are free to pursue their own self interest. Christ said “The poor you will have with you always.” A couple trillion dollars and all of LBJ’s good vibes later, and He’s still right. The same goes for slacker pieces of shit. Them, we’ll have with us always. It’s a hell of a lot easier moving forward without them biting our ankles. They won’t starve.

  331. Sean, it kept going back to twitter. I had to x out and hunt for the Hostages.

  332. Mrs. Andy leans over and says “that’s Fergie” after which I scanned the general direction looking for Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York.

    *points and laughs at the cluelessly out of touch blueblood. Then breaks the mirror*

  333. Here is a compromise MCPO that might work. Cnange the age of majority to 21. (it is the drinking age after all) After HS your continued mandatory education includes 3 years of service. Except for that dropping out at 16 thing.

    Freedom for adults. You are not adult till 21.

  334. That is brilliant Andy

  335. My problem with that, Vmax, is that I am staunchly opposed to mandatory service. I don’t want douches in the military that don’t want to be there. They are the trouble makers.

    I want people who want to serve. That’s why I respect them so much now.

    We need to cut the welfare state, the unemployment bene’s and all the other BS. People have to learn the harsh way to be self sufficient.

  336. Heh.

    http://pajamasmedia.com/instapundit/114501/

    Indeed.

  337. QOTSA would be an awesome half-time musical choice.

  338. My husband is NOT amused with the game.

    All that stuff about them being in the game was enough … ?

    Yea. So much talk.

  339. People have to learn the harsh way to be self sufficient.

    Radical freedom requires radical responsibility and radical insecurity. Take your pick.

  340. That’s. Fucking. Awesome!

  341. (That last comment refers to the sight of the MOH draped around Salvatore Giunta’s neck)

    *Chills*

  342. People have to learn the harsh way to be self sufficient.
    —————-
    Financially and emotionally. My wife and I were talking about this last night. Even the most charmed lives are punctuated by doses of tragedy. Not getting caught up in Victimhood™ should be the expectation.

    I’m totally surprised that adults can’t seem to navigate life any better than children, but maybe its because people are living in permanent adolescence.

    I’m just kind of rambling here, and I’m only 35, but I get the sense that the generation behind me are a bunch of wimps that think they all deserve a trophy—just for showing up.

  343. Andy, you said it. That guy blows all those “football heros” away.

  344. You know what this game needs? Vuvuzelas.

  345. They’ve been conditioned to think that way, MJ.

    And it’s not just them. Talk about busting up the Ponzi scheme that is Social Security and watch the AARP set scramble for what’s “theirs”.

  346. You know what this game needs? Vuvuzelas.

    +6 of these things —> ~~~~~~

  347. Talk about busting up the Ponzi scheme that is Social Security and watch the AARP set scramble for what’s “theirs”.

    When that thing finally goes tits up my travelling gallows business isn’t going to look so foolish.

  348. Ah, sorry Peel. I was just in my ‘imagining myself as a beneficent (cracks knuckles) dictator’ mode of thought.

    Naturally it’s a bad idea. Because it’s too general.

    Let’s get down to specifics…
    ;)

  349. Good point, Andy.

  350. If you think my 40 years of SS contributions will save the nation – take it. But, before you do, show me you’re serious by closing down the Dept of Ed, EPA, Dept of Interior, grants to CPB, Planned Parenthood and every other filthy leftist group that is supported by my tax dollars.

  351. Comment by MCPO Airdale on February 6, 2011 8:28 pm

    Chief, teaching all that is the responsibility of the parents, not the state. It’s like education – in fact, it IS education. If a kid’s parents don’t care if he learns, he (generally) won’t. Similarly, if a kid’s parents don’t care whether he’s a responsible, contributing member of society with a strong respect for American values, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, then he probably won’t be. You can’t use the power of the state to mandate that people care about things. It just doesn’t work. And it’s not liberty.

  352. >> If you think my 40 years of SS contributions will save the nation – take it.

    Somebody already did.

  353. Exactly, MJ.

    The liberals have truly worked to make each successive generation just a wee bit more dependent than the last. It’s shameful, sinful actually. They have a lot to answer for.

    There are a lot of themes within their strategy;

    Sex is okay, between anyone, anytime, any age.

    Nothing wrong with porn.

    Marriage is for suckers.

    College is for partying, it’s a right of passage. A difficult, professional major? What are you, Hitler?

    Affirmative Action.

    Breakfast and lunch AT SCHOOL, PROVIDED BY THE STATE

    No shame in getting pregnant before marriage. Hey, the younger you are, the more you need to have shame removed.

    Well, the list goes on and on. And if you think these are bad things, you are labeled a stupid, fascist, scum.

    Good luck, America!

  354. Wisers and W’s – beautiful job on Rosie’s new “reg”! Bet it was fun making that…..

    Back to the couch –

  355. I always ask myself is this freedom or individuality? those are my defaults.

    I guess the real answer is kick the teachers union out, and teach the basics including civics, American history, Logic, and Critical thought, that teaches about our founding fathers and what they thought and why. Why freedom capitalism and individual responsibility are better than all other alternatives.

    That would do

  356. Mare and MJ are right – and if we had service mandated by the state, like we now have education mandated by the state, what would it turn into?

    Ok, I’m going to eat my homemade chicken quesadilla now. Catch y’all laterz.

    also I expect everyone’s help in making sure Baby Peel grows up loving America and being impervious to taunts

  357. The liberals Communists have truly worked to make each successive generation just a wee bit more dependent than the last.

    It’s not an accident. http://tinyurl.com/64b6f3r

  358. Mr. RFH is drinking Old Rasputin Russian stout. I tried a sip. Bud Light, please.

  359. There’s one thing on your list that I’m actually okay with, mare. Try to guess which one.

  360. Hello football is on

  361. Marriage is for suckers.

    This is one that I never picked up on, Mare, until I got to college. It really shocks me how many of my friends really hate the idea of getting married or having kids.

    I honestly know why – relationships that are actually intended to last mean a lot of work. And kids? Even more work. And who wants to deal with that, right?

    It makes me sad, because I know that my friends are going to miss out on a lot of the best things in life because they’ve been conditioned to believe that the easy road is always the best one to take.

  362. Sean, I just read an article from linkiest that talks about porn’s affect on relationships. It was a total anecdotal article but I’m not so sure it’s not hitting the mark.

    Watching a lot of porn has to have some affect. Don’t you think? A man can’t watch a lot of that and look at his wife or girlfriend the same way.

  363. Good Chrysler 200 commercial

  364. Nice job on the leg, CT morons!

    Nice job to Christina Aguielera, too. What, the TCU marching band was busy? That’s who they should have had do it. Or the guy from Chicago.

  365. Sean, I just read an article from linkiest that talks about porn’s affect on relationships.

    But mare, our entire relationship is based on nekkid pitchers…….

  366. Watching a lot of porn has to have some affect. Don’t you think?

    Yes. Boners.

  367. But mare, our entire relationship is based on nekkid pitchers…….

    Just as long as it’s not Fernando Valenzuela. Please, no.

  368. “I honestly know why – relationships that are actually intended to last mean a lot of work. And kids? Even more work. And who wants to deal with that, right?”

    Bingo!

    Anyone who is married, or has been married, to do it right, knows it takes a ton of work, commitment and SELFLESSNESS. Having children does also.

    I don’t really know, but I don’t think that’s what’s being encouraged in this generation.

    My sadness? Is that this generation will not know the incredible rewards of giving up a lot of “self” to have a well functioning marriage/family.

  369. Herr, being naked is not porn, so we’re cool.

  370. Andy, where the hell is that wine?

  371. SELFLESSNESS

    The world’s most politically incorrect word.

  372. Revvy
    you and the few like you are why America has a 2.1 birth rate. That is stable, unlike the rest of the west, we might survive at that rate.

  373. Herr, being naked is not porn, so we’re cool.

    That’s why my lawyer advised me to crop out the midgets.

  374. “Yes. Boners.”

    Yes, that’s my point, you can only get a boner by watching porn. Sad.

  375. My problem with porn is kinda similar to my problem with marijuana. Take alcohol: there’s tons of anecdotal evidence about the dangers of alcohol. There’s also tons of anecdotal evidence about the dangers of porn and marijuana (and D&D, for that matter). But I think we all know that it is possible to use alcohol responsibly. (Some people, like me, need to avoid it entirely, but that doesn’t mean everyone does.) So, the question is, is it possible to use porn or marijuana responsibly? I really don’t know.

  376. However the 200 looked a lot like a PT Cruiser in that commercial. Does it have a V-6 or something?

  377. I don’t really know, but I don’t think that’s what’s being encouraged in this generation.

    It kinda sucks for those of us in this generation who DO plan to get married and have a family.
    A few weeks into dating my previous boyfriend we somehow got onto the topic of kids/family (not sure how, the relationship was never really that serious). The beginning of the alarm bells was when he told me that he didn’t think he really wanted to have kids or get married. Needless to say, the relationship didn’t last too much longer – but the point is that it’s pretty slim pickings for conservative gals my age.

  378. >> Andy, where the hell is that wine?

    NEWMAN!!!

  379. So, the question is, is it possible to use porn or marijuana responsibly?

    If you use them together, it’s kind of moot.

  380. *watches porn to see if it’s damaging*

    *gets bored* *turns it off*

    Yeah, anyway, that quesadilla was so fucking good I’m thinking about making another and having sex with it.

    …wait…

  381. Revvy
    you and the few like you are why America has a 2.1 birth rate

    I know I sure hells did my part in that respect.

    The rest of you with 2.0 children and less are riding on my coat tails.

    Right Herr and Peej?

  382. By the way. why did you assume porn was what I was okay with? Is it this stained raincoat I’m wearing?

  383. I really do feel for you, Revvy.

    It’s pretty well documented a lot of guy your age don’t want to grow up and have responsibility.

    When I think of mens’ unwillingness to accept responsibility and hardship, hoo, it’s sad.

    Real men go through hard stuff. Real men do what’s necessary. Real men can’t party all the time and hang with their buds.

    Evidently, this is too difficult for a lot of guys now.

  384. If porn didn’t exist, men would invent it.

  385. “Is it this stained raincoat I’m wearing?”

    That, and your netflix queue.

  386. Revvy, I was 28 and Will was 30 when we got married a few months ago. It took us a long time to find each other, but I think it was worth the wait. (and we didn’t wait long to start making babies; we’ve been married about 3 days longer than I’ve been pregnant. Hahahaha.) Hang in there.

  387. Right Herr and Peej?

    Damn straight. Our duty is to keep the sunscreen industry in business..

  388. Revvy
    you and the few like you are why America has a 2.1 birth rate. That is stable, unlike the rest of the west, we might survive at that rate.

    We’ll have to see how many tiny me’s I can handle at once. Considering how crazy a guy would have to be to marry me, I’d put the cap at 3, at the outside XD

  389. Yay Car in!

    The 200 is a PT coup (It looks like) But the 300 was a Imperial (or New Yorker, I forget) with a big motor. (383 or 440)

  390. we’ve been married about 3 days longer than I’ve been pregnant.

    You do know “due date” is just an educated guess, right? ;-)

  391. I read a really interesting article about how porn, readily available to the masses, is about 15 years old. Porn is not the natural way of things. You use to have to go to some pretty seedy places to see it or buy it. And most men weren’t willing to do that.

    Now, obviously it’s online, anyone, any age can get it free and easily.

    Porn on the fringes was always around, porn for everyone is relatively new.

  392. I’d put the cap at 3

    Really? We put the cap at 2…..

  393. Heh, my dad sent me this pic
    http://tinyurl.com/ygfe3nl

    with the caption “Reagan babysitting Obama”.

    I denounce myself and my dad.

  394. We put the cap at 2…..

    So did we. Surgically.

    *Flips through orphanage catalog*

  395. I really do feel for you, Revvy.
    It’s pretty well documented a lot of guy your age don’t want to grow up and have responsibility.
    When I think of mens’ unwillingness to accept responsibility and hardship, hoo, it’s sad.
    Real men go through hard stuff. Real men do what’s necessary. Real men can’t party all the time and hang with their buds.
    Evidently, this is too difficult for a lot of guys now.

    Yeah well, current beau is much more promising than the previous ones. Going into the military is always a good sign, plus he already works with kids (he’s a teaching assistant at a grade school). But the guys I see on a daily basis are kind of depressing. So… SO many hipsters… and hipster-ism is a bright, flashing neon sign saying ‘RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!’

    Revvy, I was 28 and Will was 30 when we got married a few months ago. It took us a long time to find each other, but I think it was worth the wait. (and we didn’t wait long to start making babies; we’ve been married about 3 days longer than I’ve been pregnant. Hahahaha.) Hang in there.

    Thanks. I’m doing my best to be patient. My parents were actually really confused for a long time though, because I didn’t have a boyfriend until I was almost 17, and still haven’t been in a relationship that’s lasted more than a few months. Then Dad got into politics and well… I think he’s starting to understand my dilemma a little more.

  396. I wish I would/could have had more. My pregnancies/births were stuff of nightmares.

    I was a rare one, Mrs. Peel. You and Will are going to have a wonderful experience. I really think that.

  397. My contacts are all cloudy and shite. I have to go take them out. Then I cannot read.

    I can still see my 55″ so TTFN!

    Oh I forgot. Car in has passed the torch, you need to tell son w/gf to make babies!
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    After he marries her of course.

  398. Really? We put the cap at 2…..

    Man makes plans, and God laughs.

  399. Surgically.

    There’s gon be some cuttin after this un.

    It’s so weird to think that our four kids are these days looked at as a “freakishly large” family. And it is. It’s sad.

  400. Revvy, like my own daughters’ I will pray that you have found the guy that God had been working on for you. He sounds pretty damn good so far. I’m glad you didn’t compromise.

  401. Man makes plans, and God laughs.

    Verbatim what our priest said. He pointed and laughed.

  402. Speaking as child #5, I am grateful for large families even though I was not blessed with one of my own.

  403. I’d put the cap at 3

    Really? We put the cap at 2…..

    So did WE!!!

    Oh I forgot. Car in has passed the torch, you need to tell son w/gf to make babies!

    Yea, I can’t wait till grandbabies. I prolly could still make a baby or two, but we got hubby clipped after #5.

  404. Porn on the fringes was always around, porn for everyone is relatively new.

    It’s a long long way we’ve come
    From a darker day
    Well they took all the fun out of it
    But people like it that way

    There are things on the news now testing your faith
    Maybe it’s good
    And maybe it ain’t
    Everybody once was a sinner
    And now they’re all saints

  405. *Flips through orphanage catalog*

    Andy, can I look at that when you’re done?

  406. We put the cap at 2…..

    So did WE!!!

    The Rhythm Method works great. A kid every coupla years….

  407. Now, obviously it’s online, anyone, any age can get it free and easily.

    Porn on the fringes was always around, porn for everyone is relatively new.

    Seriously, it used to be an EVENT when someone in the neighborhood found a stash of porn. I feel sorry that kids these days never experience that sense of wonderment.

  408. I was told that the second one was it.

    And she meant it.

  409. Carin, how old will you be when your youngest leaves the house?

  410. Yea, we got that down really good. At first, we weren’t soo good. #1 and #2 are 13 months apart. The rest are pretty close to 2 years apart – w/in a month or so.

  411. Youngest of eight here. . . glad they didn’t decide to quit at two!

  412. This conversation is why I must be careful not to treat new sweet kitty as my third.

    Although, I am already totally in love.

  413. Actually, after the unexpected Irish twin girls (a year apart) we hemmed and hawed around, unsure. Then we planned the third one, duh Boy. Now this new one was “unexpected”. (“Unexpected” is the word middle aged people use for “Drank Too Much And Got Horny”) And it’s a girl.

    Lesson: Lack of planning causes women.

  414. Yea, I can’t wait till grandbabies.

    I know my dad wants to be a grandpa – mostly because he wants to show me and my sister how it’s done right. He’s said repeatedly that our grandparents (on both sides) suck at the job.

  415. When I see a baby, I want to pick it up and kiss its cheeks.

    Yeah, I’ve got to fight the urges to avoid a prison sentence.

  416. My Grandpa was youngest of 12
    My Dad was 2 of 3
    I am 1 of 2 with 0.
    Bro is 2 of 2 with 3 then snip.

    Yes I am a fail

  417. Carin, how old will you be when your youngest leaves the house?

    Well, if they leave at 18 … lol …

    My youngest was born when I was 34, so I’ll be 52? There about.

    My first was born when I was 26 then 28 for 2nd (just turned 28 when he was born), 30, 32, then 34 done.

  418. It’s officially a game.

  419. My Grandpa was youngest of 12
    My Dad was 2 of 3
    I am 1 of 2 with 0.
    Bro is 2 of 2 with 3 then snip.

    I was told there would be no math …

  420. Andy, now jjmnolte is brilliant. That guy can sing, and his message is amazing. I’m mad I didn’t think of it.

  421. When I see a baby, I want to pick it up and kiss its cheeks.

    Yeah, I’ve got to fight the urges to avoid a prison sentence.

    Dare I say it …

  422. >.> Yay, Five for Fighting!

  423. Lesson: Lack of planning causes women.

    *shakes fist at China*

    MMMMMAAAAAAARRRRRRRREEEEEEE!!!!!!!

  424. Dare, dare!

  425. Andy, don’t, I don’t want to HAVE to kick you in the nuts when I meet you.

  426. Dare I say it …

    You daresn’t, no you daresn’t, Precious.

  427. My husband is being awfully cavalier about who wins this game. His night is going to suck if the Packers lose.

  428. Lesson: Lack of planning causes women.

    *shakes fist at China*

    Look, it’s very scientific. Boy sperm are fast swimmer, but they die quicker. Girl sperm are slower, but live for days longer.

    Science. If you want a girl, you have sex a day or two BEFORE you ovulate. Then, when you do, the boys are all dead.

    If you want a boy, you go for it on your GO day. Boys beat the girls. Blue nursery.

  429. Andy, don’t, I don’t want to HAVE to kick you in the nuts when I meet you.

    Yes you do. Then you can make him sing in that lovely high pitched voice.

  430. oops suddenly it is a competitive game!

  431. Hahahahahahaha

    I loves me some little babies. A buddy of mine in Georgia just had one with the second wife. I’m pretty jealous, but trading wives in is just too much work.

  432. Then you can make him sing in that lovely high pitched voice.

    And he would still be better than Christina Aguilera and Fergie.

  433. I don’t believe in “going” for any particular sex. God gives you what you are supposed to have.

    I read that crap too and really wanted a boy the second time around. My second daughter was put in my arms and I cursed my own voice for saying I wanted anything else.

  434. If you want a girl, you have sex a day or two BEFORE you ovulate. Then, when you do, the boys are all dead.

    If you want a boy, you go for it on your GO day. Boys beat the girls. Blue nursery.

    And if you’re a married man, you have sex when something’s available on TV for the kids to watch.

  435. but trading wives in is just too much work.

    Let me rephrase.
    Giving away 1/2 of your stuff and paying 3/4 of your paycheck for 18 years…..

    Is too much work.

  436. ‘Zactly

  437. After two boys, I wanted a girl, and I did try to increase my chances. I never found out the sex, because I never -ever- for even a second wanted to feel disappointed in what I had. I knew that whatever it was when it was born I’d be just be beyond happy. So, that’s why I never found out the sex of any of my kids.

    Surprise every time.

  438. Babies are God’s way of saying that life is precious and liberals suck.

  439. And if you’re a married man, you have sex when something’s available on TV for the kids to watch.

    What?

    Awwwwww, dammit! I’ve been ripped off again!

  440. I knew that about you, Carin. Your beliefs could not have shown anything else.

  441. If I had gotten a third boy, we’d prolly have been done then- I mean, three boys 3 y/o and under? Oye. I never wanted to be one of those women who tried and tried for that other sex. I’m sure they all love their kids, but I can’t help but think that just a little part of them realizes that they’re only “here” because their parents wanted a child of the other gender.

  442. Babies are God’s way of saying that life is precious and liberals suck.

    So true that I accidentally spit out my tea when I read it.

  443. Vmax, were you ever married? If so, can you say what happened?

  444. Babies are God’s way of saying that life is precious and liberals suck.

    You do know that saving the trees is more important than saving the children, right?

    -An unnamed Democratic Party official.

  445. Love Five for Fighting, that would be a good one.

    Was it Billy Joel that did the anthem one year at the piano in the rain? IIRC, he sucked too.

  446. But, once I got a girl, it was GO for as many more babies as I wanted, right? No pressure. No gender “issues” – no one thinking momma wanted a girl and that’s why she makes you play with barbies.

  447. I can’t help but think that just a little part of them realizes that they’re only “here” because their parents wanted a child of the other gender.

    I was the sixth boy. “Unexpected”. (See above, I’m sure). The last thing my parents wanted was a daughter with five older brothers. They were hoping to hell I was a boy.

  448. Carin, I’ve had friends that really “tried” to have a boy. I must admit, I was personally offended. I held my tongue but, goodness.

    Try for a boy? Hello, China?

  449. My cousin? Pregnant with #4. Trying for a girl.

  450. Mini-me kept us guessing until she was born. I was pretty sure she was a girl, because Rocketboy let it all hang out for the ultrasound tech.

  451. And if you’re a married man, you have sex when something’s available on TV for the kids to watch.

    Yeah, and make sure the bathroom door is shut, in case one of the kids has to go. That is traumatic for a 10 year old kid.

  452. I’m the oldest – I’ve got a little sister 5 years younger than me, and that’s it.

    Dad has 2 older sister, and Mom has 1 older sister and 2 younger ones. My family seems to have a penchant for producing women.

  453. Hahahahahaha.

    Where’s Batman?

    That Verizon iPhone commercial was priceless.

  454. Not everyone wants one gender or the other.

    My two girls are the only girls so far. My sister has a boy. My husbands siblings, all boys. My cousins’ kids? All boys.

    They all BEG to borrow my girls.

  455. I was a tomboy’s tomboy. Athletic, a coach, reason was my motto. I thought I would have 3 or 4 rough and tumble boys. I had two girls and God knew EXACTLY what he was doing.

  456. Lots, and lots of Disney DVDs and a good lock on the master bedroom door.

  457. My sister wants to take my girls to Florida for Spring break. Visit my grandpa’s widow, my aunt and cousins, etc.

  458. My two girls are the only girls so far.

    I’m the first in 3 generations, shitpots full of cousins included, to have a mix. Everybody else is one gender or the other. My brother had 4 daughters.

  459. Mini-me kept us guessing until she was born. I was pretty sure she was a girl, because Rocketboy let it all hang out for the ultrasound tech.

    The words we heard with Heir No. One were “Oh MY!”

  460. I am NOT a girly girl at all Mare. I barely know how to apply makeup and I’m a total loser at hair/ nails, etc.

    I’m just scraping by on a hook and a prayer with them.

  461. We didn’t care at all on the gender. Well, I didn’t.

    I think the Mrs. wanted girl #2 when we had the little guy.

    *types very, very quietly so he won’t hear*

  462. Someone please shoot me for using the word “gender” improperly. I meant “sex”. Fucking infectious language bending…..

  463. My family seems to have a penchant for producing women.
    —————
    Me too. I’m the only boy. 3 sisters, 5 nieces. All divorced, so no BILs.

  464. When people said, “you just wait until they are (fill in the age),” they were hoping my girls would turn into whatever theirs had. HA! never happened. They aren’t perfect but they never hit the marks everyone told me they would. They are just great kids. We love them, they love us. My girls have never said, “I HATE YOU!”

    Like Herr said, they’ve been snippy but the slap in the face and the, “Don’t even try running away, I’m faster than you.” worked. (Thank you, high school track.)

  465. I think things turned out pretty well for us. 2 boys, then 2 girls, then a boy. Perfect, if you ask me ;)

  466. Heh. See my avatar? ——->

  467. GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER!

  468. My older daughter can get attitude. I think it’s just a personality thing if kids of a specific gender are going to be difficult at a certain age.

  469. Mare, I married at 23. Wife was 18. She had a girl Jacqueline. I coached her being born. (she was not mine) Then I lost her at 2. I was married 14 months, the wife lived with 7 different guys in the 14 months. (and BF#5 bitched to me about her being unfaithful, she was sleeping with BF#6 while living with BF#5 and being married to me)

    I realized a few years ago I have been divorced as long as I was single before being married.

    Did I mention BF#3 trying to beat me with a baseball bat? Good thing I was carrying my S&W model 19 .357 snubby.

    BaseBall bat vs .357?? Oopsie

  470. Congrats to Aaron Rodgers!

    GO (CAL) BEARS!

  471. Ugh that sucked STFU

  472. yay GB!

  473. And if you’re a married man, you have sex when something’s available on TV for the kids to watch.

    One of the three stages of marital sex.

    The first stage is when you have ‘horizontal sex’: you do it on every horizontal surface in the house, and maybe a few outside.

    The second stage is ‘bedroom sex’, when the kids are growing up and you only do it in the bedroom with the door locked.

    The third stage is ‘hallway sex’; When you just pass each other in the hallway and say “Fuck you!”.

  474. One of my friends had three boys when his wife was pregnant with a fourth child. She was being hormonal one day and he put his arm gently around her and said, “Honey, do you want this one to be a girl?”

    She burst into tears and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed in his arms.

    I guess you could call that a ‘yes.’

    One thing I’ve noticed, as an outsider-type someone with no kids, is that mothers who have all boys are somewhat …different, than mothers who have had a girl.

  475. The third stage is ‘hallway sex’; When you just pass each other in the hallway and say “Fuck you!”.

    Man, you old guys have things all out of whack. That’s “foreplay”.

  476. My girls are a nice balance of fun, don’t take themselves seriously (no female flip outs) and feminine. I wear eye make up. They do too. They want to look nice, but not obsessed. They have great senses of humor but are good listeners care about others. I hit the jackpot.

    My husband takes them shooting, shows them how to take care of a car, surfing, all sports, they know how to throw a football and baseball, can change a baby, like kids and a broad range of stuff. My husband NEVER cared about the sex of our children, I’m ashamed to say, I wanted boys at one time.

  477. My girls have never said, “I HATE YOU!”

    I never really went through that whole ‘my parents SUCK’ phase either. Mostly because my parents are pretty awesome.
    Though that was something that always got to me in high school – there were a LOT of kids who showed their parents absolutely no respect. My first boyfriend was so horribly behaved with his parents that I actually felt like apologizing to them for his behavior on several occasions – and he was THEIR kid!
    If I had treated my parents that way… I just don’t even know what would have happened.

  478. One thing I’ve noticed, as an outsider-type someone with no kids, is that mothers who have all boys are somewhat …different, than mothers who have had a girl.

    My mother had six sons. It would be fair to call her “eclectic”.

  479. Vmax, that’s awful. She sounds like my oldest nephew’s first wife.

  480. Dad was a HS drop out. Mom went to Kent State, and has a BS.

    I have 2, two year degrees, bro has none.

  481. HA! Laura, there is a very well know study that shows the number one indicator of whether you will go to a nursing home or stay home and be cared for is if you have a girl or not.

    I always tease my girls about changing my diapers, my youngest is cool about it, but I’m a little concerned my oldest says, ” NO, WAY…GROSS, KNOCK IT OFF!!!”

  482. Vmax, I think you are worthy of much, much better. I’m sorry about the women that have not appreciated you.

  483. It is old Romy.
    I forget about it unless I am asked/drunk

  484. Hahaha … from The Onion’s FaceBall page: Roger Goodell: ‘That’s It Everybody, Football’s Over Forever—Thanks For Watching’

  485. Vmax, I think you are worthy of much, much better

    Ditto.

  486. The first stage is when you have ‘horizontal sex’: you do it on every horizontal surface in the house, and maybe a few outside.

    Thanks Dad, I’m just going to go remove my knowledge of your ever uttering this sentence with an icepick.

  487. Mr. RFH wants to know who messed up the tabs at the top. Bewbs and bubbles are gone.

  488. I’m just going to go remove my knowledge of your ever uttering this sentence with an icepick.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  489. Ditto MCPO!

  490. What in hell is up with all of you posh tossers? Steelers lose. I am content. (Not incontinent)

  491. Ice picks work Revvy.
    We use eye bleach here

    I never knew the password to bubbles Romy, did I miss anything?

  492. Vmax, last time I looked, it was a sexy pic of Aggie.

  493. Compos incontinent? Never!

  494. I’m thrilled the Packers won. I really, really like Clay Matthews.

    I’m not sure about Rogers winning MVP considering they won because of three turnovers.

    HELLO?????

  495. Vmax, I think you are worthy of much, much better. I’m sorry about the women that have not appreciated you.

    Change your handle to “Pivot Man”and we’ll all show you some appreciation, Tampax.

  496. Ice picks work Revvy.
    We use eye bleach here
    I never knew the password to bubbles Romy, did I miss anything?

    Eye bleach does not remove the memories.

  497. Compos, when and where do you want your ass kicking…..DOUCHE!!!!!

    By the way, how and where have you been?

  498. I will be 44 when the littlest one leaves

  499. ast time I looked, it was a sexy pic of Aggie.

    BRB BUNK!

    Whut? Compos?

    Forget the bunk

  500. ‘Night all

  501. Hey compos:

    http://tinyurl.com/5w7w4k4

    But I mean that in a nice way.

  502. Sweet dreams, Andy.

  503. Hey, I didn’t say it was anecdotal, although I might have learned about that last part from your maternal grandparents….

  504. Hey, I didn’t say it was anecdotal, although I might have learned about that last part from your maternal grandparents…
    Yeah… Bubbe and Grandpa’s relationship really confuses me….

  505. OMG I am watching Glee!

    And they have sparklers shooting out of their boobies!

    ….must change channel

  506. Yeah, the sparkler thing is a Katy Perry trick. It looks even dumber in the video.

  507. Puppy bowl is still on!

  508. Compos, when and where do you want your ass kicking…..DOUCHE!!!!!

    By the way, how and where have you been?

    I have been very well and equally inebriated, which go hand in hand.

    Forget the bunk

    Well now, just hang on a sec ;)

  509. But I mean that in a nice way.

    nice to know I’m loved, nightmare.

  510. ‘k, much as I’d like this thread which extols the amazingness that is Wiser & the Ws, it’s time for a new poat.

    NEW POAT!!!

  511. ***IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT****

    My kitten loves machine gun kisses to his face and tummy.

    Oh, and SHUT YOUR SKANK MOUTHS!

  512. relationships that are actually intended to last mean a lot of work.

    I don’t know about that “it’s hard work every day” mantra. Really? With the right person it can be easy-breasy. Every day is a joy rather than a struggle.

  513. I was told that the second one was it.

    That is why we need immigration from Mexico.


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