Wait, wut? So quick baby update and a big thank you to some very nice people for sending gifts to the house. Its been a truly wonderful experience to understand how many people are wishing the little guy well. I’m super pleased that he’ll have a whole group of crazy aunts, uncles, and inflatable sheep to make sure he doesn’t turn into a giant pain in the ass.
Blankie Engineered by NASA
Ok, all the pervs who got that, raise your hands.
Whoa. You people are sick!
Shane obviously is an H2 lurker
So funny I bust my felt wiiiiiiddddeee open.
Hi There. You have been selected to view Big Boob Friday!!!!!! Please to be scrolling down for crotchel tingles?
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You guys will all hate this, but I’m thinking of number between -1 and 1 that indicates the number of bowel movements I would offer you. If you look closely, the band, Yeasayer references Reagan so there’s a little something for you. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? Now get up, dance, and clap like seals.
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Today’s model emailed me a few minutes ago to inform me that she’s deeply, deeply, in love with this blog and honored to be featured here. Sure, it was mostly legal stuff about keeping a distance of 1000 feet, but I know how to read between the lines. Please smooth out your eyebrows, hitch up your overalls, and pick the tobacco from your teeth to welcome Viola Bailey!!!!!!!!!
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Herro. I’m speaking Chinese now and going to meet our new overlords next month. I’m going to bring a picture of Wiser and me and tell everyone that I know Bill Clinton. I’m also going to eat lizard dusted pig face with a light, foamy spider leg reduction with a big bottle of grapefruit Shasta. It’s what they like, according to a book I’ve been reading about Chinese culture, “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.”
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I wrote this song for Victoria LeGrand a few years ago during a drug fueled… You know I’m going to admit something here; I didn’t really write all of the songs that I’ve claimed to. But this isn’t like the time I posted a super hot trans dude and fooled you idiots into thinking he was a girl. These lies were for the simple pleasure of making you weirdos lust after she cock. No wait…that was still the tranny. These lies were about artistic expression. Big titties and veiny wiener art. Nope, still tranny. Welp, looking back on all of my lies, I guess I’m just a liar. A Brazilian barely legal butt licking frottage obsessed liar.
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Today’s model does not have a penis, does not top, and will not slap you in the face with her girl meat if you’re into that sort of thing. I swear to god with my hand on a stack of giant, lady boner bibles that Ann Denise does not have a ding-a-ling. Swearsies.
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Here’s some bullshit I thought was funny for you to ignore while you talk about being angry about pirates buggering each other on a teevee show or something in the comments. Enjoy!
You should actually pay attention to this because this band kicks ass.
Oh, and these guys, too.
Hello fowl cavity stuffers, and welcome to Big Food Thursday.
I hope everybody gets to their destinations safely and has a nice dinner with little to no looting and burning. The Buffalones will be spending a quiet day at home grazing on the bounty of this land and feeling thankful for all of our blessings.
So, don’t forget to mix in some fiber-rich vegetables with your meal to make tomorrow a little smoother.
Check in when you can and let us know how many indians.
The Official Sports Team of The Hostages
Get TITS2 & The H2 Stuff
April 11, 2019
“Screw all those whores! I’m never going to be embarrassed about loving The US of A and wanting my President and government to put my Country’s interests first.
You don’t like America? Get the eff out.”