Your model was born in London, England, UK, Great Britain on September 27th, 1988. She stands 5’5″ and measures 34F-27-32 on the holyshit scale. Please clean your bowl and welcome, Miss Sammie Pennington!
Most of us aren’t big fans of Hollywood (or as one guy I heard one time called it, HollyWEIRD–delightful!) but maybe you saw a couple of the movies that are nominated this year. Are you rooting for La La Land? Hidden Fences? Something else?
Ah, who am I kidding? We’re all boycotting the Oscars. Not for the politics (okay, maybe a little bit because of the politics) but because the most deserving film of the year wasn’t nominated:
I’m just hoping John Wick 2: The Wick and The Dead gets nominated next year. Probably not, though.
The wildlife in Florida is varied and deadly. We’re not quite Australia, but we’re not far.
Venomous Snakes: 6 – Eastern Diamondback, Pygmy Diamondback,Timber Rattlesnake, Copperhead, Water Moccasin, and Eastern Coral
Venomous Spiders: 5 – the Southern Black Widow, Northern Black Widow, Red Widow, Brown Widow and Brown Recluse
Random Animals: Black Bears, Wild Boars, Alligators, Sharks, Jellyfish, Florida Panther
Those are just the ones indigenous to Florida. Because people are stupid and lazy and incompetent, they bring potentially dangerous animals into Florida via smuggling. We now have Nile Crocodiles in Florida.
A team of scientists has identified three reptiles captured near Miami as Nile crocodiles, a species native to Africa.Through DNA testing, scientists from the University of Florida were able to confirm that the reptiles captured in the wild from 2009, 2011 and 2014 were Nile crocodiles, the second-largest extant reptile species in the world.
An examination of the digestive systems of 104 pythons killed this year in a public hunting competition turned up the remains of seven alligators, 50 mammals — including two deer — and 38 birds.
It was ample evidence of the toll the non-native constrictors were taking on Everglades wildlife.
Alligators. The damn things eat freaking alligators.
I was given some shocking news yesterday, and I am still in disbelief.
This house took us over ten years to build, and it is the crowning achievement of the 32 years I have been in business. Yesterday, I found out that it is listed for sale – $5.6million.
It started in 1997, when the clients were referred to me by the realtor who sold them the 50 acres upon which the house is now situated.
In my initial interview with the client, he stated that he wanted to build a house capable of lasting 1,000 years, like they do in Europe, where his wife is from (Germany). He said, “I might live five years, ten, twenty, or I might be dead tomorrow, and after I’m gone, I don’t care what happens, but I want to build it ‘Right’.”
“I want to make sure that the materials will last, that the systems can be serviced and maintained.”
“I want to make sure materials are compatible with each other. Make sure ferrous metal never comes in contact with non-ferrous, etc., etc., etc.”
So we embarked upon this odyssey where we met once a week for the entire time, including the architect, interior designer, and a whole host of people – lighting consultants, my subcontractors, my material suppliers, my employees, on and on – once a week for ten years. We talked about every aspect of this house. We didn’t build anything unless we talked about it first. There were times when we built some aspect, and if the owner changed his mind, we tore it out, and built something else.
Now, I imagine you’re saying that these sound like terrible clients. They were not. Eccentric, yes, but they were great people. Throughout the entire project, we never had a single argument, or cross word. We got paid (promptly) every month for every hour spent on the job, every piece of material supplied, and every subcontractor I hired – all marked up with our agreed-upon overhead and profit. Every penny.
Initially the house was supposed to be complete within two years, but the process necessarily made the time expand to ten. The years seemed to fly by.
I became good friends with these people, but in the past few years, sort of got out of touch. So I have no idea why they are selling it – health, financial, divorce – who knows? And I don’t really want to.
I want to remember the years of this relationship, and what a special experience it was.
Joe Strummer, the late lead singer from The Clash, would have been 64 today. 2016 has been such a shitty year that I’m frankly surprised he didn’t somehow come back to life only to die again.
Now, I know that punk rock isn’t really most of the Hostages’ favorite kind of music, but these guys are one of my favorite bands. Plus, we needed a new poat until leon puts up tomorrow’s Motivational Madness. And your mom thinks this song rocks.
Let’s just get this out of the way right upfront:
Okay, now that we’ve dispensed with that, on to the poetry:
O, fake internet friends, how they slack off
When the long week’s toil is done and ended.
Whether they do Crossfit or just jack off,
The blog on weekends moulders, unamended.
Exceptions come, sometimes, from our Jimbro
Or if the Puppeh isn’t chasing tail.
But too often we are stuck in limbo
And Friday’s buxom freshness starts to fail.
I know well that all of you have lives
While weekends find me cloistered here at work.
But thirty-some hours on a poat is jive—
Yeah, “jive” is weak; you write the next poem, jerk!
So ends my verse, now let comments commence,
And maybe push this down some hours hence.
And frankly, so am I. You’ve become a bunch of lazy, slothful pieces of shit. I mean, I can excuse people like Hotspur and MCPO who have worked hard all their lives and are enjoying their Golden Years, but what excuse do the rest of you have?
I mean, for God’s sake, we’re almost at the end of the weekend and everyone’s still commenting on a Saturday poat while waiting to get motivated by trannies tomorrow. It’s no wonder this country is going straight to hell.
I have likely touched several surfaces that her ass has also touched.
We’ve all dreamed about it. What would you do if you had Fuck You Money? Would you invest it prudently? Start the business you’ve always dreamed about? Pay Obama to take a vow of silence for the rest of his term? No, we all know what you’d do with the money:
Anyway, there are some more things you could buy after the jump. Continue reading
Going to try this recipe today in my new doohickey, probably a few hours from now. I’ll let you know how it compares to Häagen-Dazs. MIL’s pitbullboxerdogthing is slightly more calm today, but I had to concede half of my couch to get us here, and I’ve got the cat food and one litter box upstairs and a “gate” (collapsed stroller blocking the path) at the bottom of them. Coffee’s ready, because I was awakened by a pair of full dog bladders and there’s no way to get the big dog back into the kennel so I can get more rest. Going to hang out here and maybe play some Fallout until 9am or so, then I get to feed the horses in the rain.
I like the mirror trick you sometimes see in fitness photography.