BBF

Hello interspecies friends, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.

 

 

Drink of the week.

 

Your model was born in London, England, UK, Great Britain on September 27th, 1988.  She stands 5’5″ and measures 34F-27-32 on the holyshit scale.  Please clean your bowl and welcome, Miss Sammie Pennington!

Continue reading

Hostage Oscar Party (Now With 100% Fewer Slow-loading GIFs!)

Well, the Academy Awards are here again. Yay. If you think you’re sick of hearing about them, try living in Southern California. It’s all they talk about on the news for the next goddamn week.

Most of us aren’t big fans of Hollywood (or as one guy I heard one time called it, HollyWEIRD–delightful!) but maybe you saw a couple of the movies that are nominated this year. Are you rooting for La La Land? Hidden Fences? Something else?

Ah, who am I kidding? We’re all boycotting the Oscars. Not for the politics (okay, maybe a little bit because of the politics) but because the most deserving film of the year wasn’t nominated:

deadpool-oscar-poster-deadpool-2016-39331107-800-999

I’m just hoping John Wick 2: The Wick and The Dead gets nominated next year. Probably not, though.

Whole Lotta Nope

The wildlife in Florida is varied and deadly. We’re not quite Australia, but we’re not far.

Venomous Snakes: 6 – Eastern Diamondback, Pygmy Diamondback,Timber Rattlesnake, Copperhead, Water Moccasin, and Eastern Coral

Venomous Spiders: 5 – the Southern Black Widow, Northern Black Widow, Red Widow, Brown Widow and Brown Recluse

Random Animals: Black Bears, Wild Boars, Alligators, Sharks, Jellyfish, Florida Panther

Those are just the ones indigenous to Florida. Because people are stupid and lazy and incompetent, they bring potentially dangerous animals into Florida via smuggling. We now have Nile Crocodiles in Florida.

A team of scientists has identified three reptiles captured near Miami as Nile crocodiles, a species native to Africa.
Through DNA testing, scientists from the University of Florida were able to confirm that the reptiles captured in the wild from 2009, 2011 and 2014 were Nile crocodiles, the second-largest extant reptile species in the world.
But Florida’s largest and most destructive invasive species by far is the Burmese Python. Introduced to the Everglades, largely escaping during the massive damage due to Hurricane Andrew, these snakes have now made their home here and are the Kings of the Glades. With no natural predators and a climate that is perfect for them to breed, they are dominating.

An examination of the digestive systems of 104 pythons killed this year in a public hunting competition turned up the remains of seven alligators, 50 mammals — including two deer — and 38 birds.

It was ample evidence of the toll the non-native constrictors were taking on Everglades wildlife.

Alligators. The damn things eat freaking alligators.

And just this week, a 15 FOOT BURMESE PYTHON was captured and what did they find in it’s stomach? Not 1, not 2, but 3 deer. It ate 3 deer in 90 days.
burmese-python-deer-0
When they checked the contents of the snake’s stomach, all they found was some fur, a few teeth, and hooves.
burmese-python-deer-5
It’s not just the people that are out of control in Florida, it’s the animals too. Whole lotta nope.

Saturday Shakespearean Sonnet

Let’s just get this out of the way right upfront:

40256-Senor-Chang-Community-gay-gif-UyM6

Okay, now that we’ve dispensed with that, on to the poetry:

O, fake internet friends, how they slack off
When the long week’s toil is done and ended.
Whether they do Crossfit or just jack off,
The blog on weekends moulders, unamended.
Exceptions come, sometimes, from our Jimbro
Or if the Puppeh isn’t chasing tail.
But too often we are stuck in limbo
And Friday’s buxom freshness starts to fail.
I know well that all of you have lives
While weekends find me cloistered here at work.
But thirty-some hours on a poat is jive
Yeah, “jive” is weak; you write the next poem, jerk!
So ends my verse, now let comments commence,
And maybe push this down some hours hence.

Tushar is sick of your bullshit

And frankly, so am I. You’ve become a bunch of lazy, slothful pieces of shit. I mean, I can excuse people like Hotspur and MCPO who have worked hard all their lives and are enjoying their Golden Years, but what excuse do the rest of you have?

I mean, for God’s sake, we’re almost at the end of the weekend and everyone’s still commenting on a Saturday poat while waiting to get motivated by trannies tomorrow. It’s no wonder this country is going straight to hell.

Okay, now that I’m done calling you assholes, I’m going to hopefully provide you with some motivation before tomorrow with a photo of Cal alum and insanely-hot pole vaulter Allison Stokke:

Allison-Stokke

I have likely touched several surfaces that her ass has also touched.

Continue reading

Sunday Stuff

ms0wukh

Continue reading

What would you buy with the Powerball jackpot?

We’ve all dreamed about it. What would you do if you had Fuck You Money? Would you invest it prudently? Start the business you’ve always dreamed about? Pay Obama to take a vow of silence for the rest of his term? No, we all know what you’d do with the money:
 

 
Anyway, there are some more things you could buy after the jump. Continue reading

MMM: homemade ice cream edition

Going to try this recipe today in my new doohickey, probably a few hours from now.  I’ll let you know how it compares to Häagen-Dazs.  MIL’s pitbullboxerdogthing is slightly more calm today, but I had to concede half of my couch to get us here, and I’ve got the cat food and one litter box upstairs and a “gate” (collapsed stroller blocking the path) at the bottom of them.  Coffee’s ready, because I was awakened by a pair of full dog bladders and there’s no way to get the big dog back into the kennel so I can get more rest.  Going to hang out here and maybe play some Fallout until 9am or so, then I get to feed the horses in the rain.

I like the mirror trick you sometimes see in fitness photography.

tumblr_mguys6Lqfc1r48djso1_500

Continue reading