Upstate Monkey in a Tree

Just slightly more effort than trying to ride a buffalo.

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Your model for today was born on June 18th, 1997 in Kingston, Ontario Canada.  She stands 5′ 8″ and measures 38 – 24 – 35 and 137 lbs.  You know what to do for Miss Mary Lynn Neil.

 

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Your model for today was born July 28th, 1998 in The Philippines.  She stands 5′ even and measures 40 – 26 – 37 and 98 lbs.  Please greet the sun with Miss Pandora Kaaki.

We’re in the Matrix

I’m pretty sure we’re living in a simulation. To support this claim I want to draw your attention to the crazy that is 2020.

First, we’re witnessing white people become absolute racists in order to combat racism. I can’t only assume one of our programmers left a hashtag open and, well, here we are.

Second, a Chinese virus that was supposed to end the world – or at least come close – has turned out to be a bad flu season. I would bet all of my fake money that the code was outsourced to India and they read the requirements wrong. Covid = sys.exit() got written as: scriptcovid.2 (covid = flu. Dot not feather, always fucking up the code, amiright?

And lastly, this poor soul seems to have been built from a base character, but the game developers forgot to make the change from sausage to taco.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the weirdest thing on the internet at the moment…Danielle Muscato. Here’s a brief recap of the story if you haven’t heard about it. Basically our friend Danielle went into a Kroger and blew up at some poor soul that wasn’t wearing a face diaper. Danielle tried to get help from the store security guard and manager but they declined to prosecute this grave injustice. In response, Danielle starting harassing Kroger and the manager about their policy, and well, the blowback was swift. Look, this probably happens a few hundred times a day but for some reason this really struck a nerve with people. I have no idea why, except that perhaps Danielle is the avatar for all social justice warriors and you know, is a man.

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Your model for today was born on April 5th in Kyiv, Ukraine, is an Israeli citizen, and currently resides in Austria.  She stands 5′ 3″, is married, has no teeth, models and sells hosiery, and likes totally hairless kitties.  Please use your checkbook or your imagination to fill in the blanks for Miss Katerina Savitski.

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LYRICS LINK

 

Your model for today was born August 7th, 1991 in Perth, Australia.  She stands 5′ 7′ and measures 36 – 25 – 38 and 135 lbs.  Please take the charge and be amazed at the ball handling skills of Miss Jem Wolfie.

 

 

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Your model for today was born in Berne, New York on September 18th, 1992.  She stands 5′ 5″ and measures 34 – 26 – 31 and 117 lbs.  Please get comfy and get to know Mrs. Chelsie Aryn-Miller.

 

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Your model for today was born on September 28, 1996  in Taganrog, Novosibirsk, Russian Federation.  She stands 5′ 8″ and measures 36 – 24 – 36 and 130 lbs.  Please be accommodating and direct your attention to Miss Maria Doroshina.

 

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Your model for today was born in Saint Petersburg, Russian Federation on September 11th, 1989.  She stands 5′ 8″ and measures 38D–28–38 and 135 lbs.  Please pop a cork and pour one out for Miss Anna Polina!

 

2019 BBF Championship Consolation Round

Hello, and welcome to Big Boob Friday 2019 Championship Consolation Round.

 

 

 

Today’s contestants are the highest voted models who did not win their semi-final rounds.  The winner of the consolation round will advance to the finals.