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TOOLS EXPLAINED
DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
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Hello assorted Hostages, lurkers, lackeys, hangers-on, cretins and other assorted turkey taints! By now most of the family either has or soon will assemble for one of the most hallowed days of football this year. There’s nothing more heartwarming than Cleveland Browns fans thinking they’re going to the Super Bowl. So grab the clam dip and Ruffles chips and scroll on down to be delighted.
Everyone shut your smollet hole and pay attention for a second. Donald Trump is god’s gift to conservatives. You may quibble with his demeanor, his communication style, or his brash NY sensibilities. You may not quibble with his results. As George Washington once said of the great Civil War general Winston Churchill, ‘I can’t spare this man. He fights.’
Ladies and gentleman, I believe this is the difference between the GOP and Trump voters. The CC republicans can’t and won’t fight, whereas his base is begging for it. Brigadier General Jay-Z said it best when referring to the chickenheads of the Afrikorps on the eve of the battle of Saratoga…
Now once upon a time not too long ago
A nigga like myself had to strong arm a ho (never trump)
This is not a ho in the sense of having a pussy
But a pussy having no goddamn sense try and push me
I tried to ignore ’em, talk to the Lord
Pray for ’em, cause some fools just love to perform
You know the type, loud as a motorbike
But wouldn’t bust a grape in a fruit fight
If that doesn’t perfectly describe Jonah Goldberg I don’t what does. Loud as a motorbike, but couldn’t bust a grape in a food fight. Dammit man, do a few burpees and have some self respect.
Today’s model is a gorgeous and slim bed duster. You’re welcome! Please put down your ski masks, white face, clothesline, and red hats and welcome Antonella Khallo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
I remember reading about simple machines back in elementary school. Probably read it in an encyclopedia one day. Yeah, pre-internet, pre-video games we lived a boring life. Our parents bought the World Book Encyclopedia and we actually used it since going to the library was a pain in the ass when you didn’t have a car. Or driver’s license for that matter. This quote always puzzled me as a kid
Old white man’s term: Vagina
New awesome unicorn term: Front Hole
Today we’re going to play “Which would you prefer to go in your front hole?”
The days are excruciatingly short here in the Northeast right now. Typically what happens is that it gets to be full dark around 4:30 PM, and then we start yawning at 5:30, after which follows this few hours of limbo existence where we don’t feel like doing much of anything, but we still force ourselves to stay up, so we don’t wake up in the middle of the night.
It sucks harder than your mom, and I think we all know how talented and strong she has become with her many years of intense training.
This is a lazy post which will conclude with a series of humorous images. There will be no pie. However, complimentary coffee and juice are available in the lobby.
That’s it. Have a great day.
Ahrite you lazy bitches/bitchettes –
get up!
When you hear “Snake Juice” what comes (heh) to mind … ?
No – N0 – NOO!
Back to the salt mines, losers, unless you took the whole week off or work in the service industry. Serving isn’t really difficult, so it doesn’t count if you have to work a double, or even a fake double. Carrying nice people food and making them drinks—you should be paying them!
Serving Her a Glass of Babies Was a Poor Choice
The Official Sports Team of The Hostages
Get TITS2 & The H2 Stuff
