Lazy Man’s Lobster | Changing Headers since March 2009

Sidewalk Chalk

I boughted this album from a far away place called Germanyland!

Well window lickers it’s time for summer. Down here in the SOUTH (filled with racists, you are issued a hood at the Georgia border) the weather is getting a bit warmer and we are bidding adieu to old man winterspring. Notice how I worked in a reference to de Fuhrer PBUH by using German in that last sentence? That’s how racist we are down here. We speak German, hate cold weather, and are super friendly. I literally have no idea what any of this means. I’m just typing whatever pops into my grey mush.

So, it’s time for sidewalk chalk! A time honored tradition where people go outside with their kids, pretend to hear the phone ring, go back inside to make a drink, then go back outside in about 15 or 20 minutes to make sure the kiddos are still in one piece. While most kids fit more into the impressionist or modern art category, I think I’ve found some rather clever uses of sidewalk chalk for us to enjoy. These fun little pieces of temporary art all use the cracks to make something fun and whimsical.

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April 1, 2021
Categories: #Championshiplevelboobs, #hashtag, Beret, Beriberi, Big Stones, Chubs, Cinco De Mayo, Citrus Ursine Weiner Beverage, Cockfacefuckaloo, Does this look infected?, Dog Centric, dog love, Don't Make Me Kill You, In the face, Incisor, Lactation, lazy bastards anonymous, Lazy Man's Lobster, Le Luc Long, Nate Silver, needs more tartar sauce, Premolar, presidential portrait - poon in ivy, pruritus ani, Taint Tanner, Taking The Browns To The Super Bowl, tubgirl, TurtleFacePlant, walnut, WarPr0n, You have some Junk in the Trump, You Make Me Feel Like Dancing, you might be gay if you like this, You People Make Me Sick, You're a TOTAL douche, You're gonna love my nuts, Your dad likes this, Your mom likes this, your mom loves felt love, Your Mom LOVES my snake juice, Your mom sends her love, Your mom should be on the new ten, your mom's cooter, your mom's flower, Z - we don't have a Z, zero fucks, Zzyzx . . Author: MJ (ghee/ghem) . Comments: 154 Comments

Down the Rabbit Hole

I always think man, the people on You-tube used to be so creative. Remember when it first started how amazing it was? Yeah…see this video? How exciting is THIS?!?!?! The first back flip on You-tube

The first video I ever sent to Merv.

I’d like to thank lauraw for introducing me to this work of art…I believe it is part of the reason Merv fell madly in love with me……….three years after I showed him the video, but really…who’s counting?

The first cat video on You-tube……and as we all know, the Internet was created for cat and dog videos…..I’m pretty sure all videos uploaded to You-tube in 2005 were filmed with a potato.

Cybergoon squad…….the very first “weird side of You-tube” video.

And last, but not least, the VERY first video uploaded to You-tube by one of the founders enjoying his time at the zoo….my guess is, this guy is probably a rich mofo.

Also, it’s entirely possible I sprained my finger picking categories. I might die. I’ll miss you all.

November 19, 2020
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we don't have a Z, zero fucks, ZOMFG!!11ty!, Zzyzx . . Author: pajama momma . Comments: 241 Comments

BBF

Hello hair-pullers, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.

Did you know this is Rob Schneider’s daughter? He must be very proud.

Your model is a food writer, journalist and broadcaster known for her popular cooking and lifestyle shows on British television. She was born January 6th, 1960 into the upper class family of Nigel Lawson (now Baron Lawson of Blaby) a Conservative politician who was Chancellor of the Exchequer under Margaret Thatcher’s cabinet. She stands 5’7″ tall, sports some 32G sized jumper pads and weighs in around 10.5 stone. Please stop trying to be someone else and say hello to Ms. Nigella Lawson.

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May 5, 2017
Categories: alcohol, almond, bacon, BBF, bbq, beefcake, Beer, Birthday Cake, Boobs, Booze, Bugout Jelly, cashew, cereal, cheese, Chocolate, Citrus Ursine Weiner Beverage, CRUNK JUICE!!!, Dan's Pickled Eggs, FUCK SALT!!!, Hambone, Huevos divorciados, I feel like chicken tonight., Lazy Man's Lobster, Lobster Benedict, Lobster Newburg, Lobster roll, Lobster Thermidor, LOVE SALT!!!, macadamia, quesadillas, Rub meat, She-Meat, skittles, Steamed Lobster, those are some big boobs, walnut, weiner, whiskey . . Author: Pupster . Comments: 139 Comments

Que Onda, Dicking Bimbos?

Hola bishes. Long time no escribo.

This is a 100% true story that is completely, honestly, 100% on the level with the truth. Estoy siendo honesto, punta maricones. I wouldn’t lie to anyone.

Anonche, en mi cama, I had a vision of a delicious cocktail. Was it the first signs of a budding addiction (it wasn’t)? Was it an implanted memory from our conversation last night (not likely)? Was it a reaction to a brain that will never quite shut off (possibly)? First symptoms of syphilis contracted from your mom (bingo)?

The answer is yes. Never mind what’s in the parenthesis. As you know from watching CNN they like to make sure that headlines are correctomundo as they interpret. But I digress.

What was this sueno de grandeza? It’s the cocktail to end all cocktails. A swanky, frothy, cream filled bananalicious, stripper referencing libation named the Dicking Bimbo!

Grab yourself a blender and get busy with this recipe:

1 oz vanilla or cake flavored vodka

.5 oz brandy

.5 oz banana liqueur (99 bananas is the best)

1 large, phallic banana

2 oz whipping cream

dash cinnamon

ice

Put everything in your addiction mixer and whip it up! It tastes a little like bananas foster, but with a kick. Alcohol content: 6.8 chads. Stripper names: 2.