This is a 100% true story that is completely, honestly, 100% on the level with the truth. Estoy siendo honesto, punta maricones. I wouldn’t lie to anyone.
Anonche, en mi cama, I had a vision of a delicious cocktail. Was it the first signs of a budding addiction (it wasn’t)? Was it an implanted memory from our conversation last night (not likely)? Was it a reaction to a brain that will never quite shut off (possibly)? First symptoms of syphilis contracted from your mom (bingo)?
What was this sueno de grandeza? It’s the cocktail to end all cocktails. A swanky, frothy, cream filled bananalicious, stripper referencing libation named the Dicking Bimbo!
Grab yourself a blender and get busy with this recipe:
1 oz vanilla or cake flavored vodka
.5 oz brandy
.5 oz banana liqueur (99 bananas is the best)
1 large, phallic banana
2 oz whipping cream
dash cinnamon
ice
Put everything in your addiction mixer and whip it up! It tastes a little like bananas foster, but with a kick. Alcohol content: 6.8 chads. Stripper names: 2.
Today’s model emailed me a few minutes ago to inform me that she’s deeply, deeply, in love with this blog and honored to be featured here. Sure, it was mostly legal stuff about keeping a distance of 1000 feet, but I know how to read between the lines. Please smooth out your eyebrows, hitch up your overalls, and pick the tobacco from your teeth to welcome Viola Bailey!!!!!!!!!
Stay safe my Texas friends. It’s hard for the rest of us to grasp where the flooding is based on national newscasts. You stay safe too John Kerry. You’re our point man with Iran! If you’re down for the count we may need to send Barak over there to give away the store.
2015 floods blamed on climate change?
Osama Bin Lobster
Where it’s at.
