We’re in the Matrix

I’m pretty sure we’re living in a simulation. To support this claim I want to draw your attention to the crazy that is 2020.

First, we’re witnessing white people become absolute racists in order to combat racism. I can’t only assume one of our programmers left a hashtag open and, well, here we are.

Second, a Chinese virus that was supposed to end the world – or at least come close – has turned out to be a bad flu season. I would bet all of my fake money that the code was outsourced to India and they read the requirements wrong. Covid = sys.exit() got written as: scriptcovid.2 (covid = flu. Dot not feather, always fucking up the code, amiright?

And lastly, this poor soul seems to have been built from a base character, but the game developers forgot to make the change from sausage to taco.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the weirdest thing on the internet at the moment…Danielle Muscato. Here’s a brief recap of the story if you haven’t heard about it. Basically our friend Danielle went into a Kroger and blew up at some poor soul that wasn’t wearing a face diaper. Danielle tried to get help from the store security guard and manager but they declined to prosecute this grave injustice. In response, Danielle starting harassing Kroger and the manager about their policy, and well, the blowback was swift. Look, this probably happens a few hundred times a day but for some reason this really struck a nerve with people. I have no idea why, except that perhaps Danielle is the avatar for all social justice warriors and you know, is a man.

Cogito Ergo Sum

Enjoy Summer

Saturday, in the park, must have been the 4th of MEME!

Happy weekend! We Made It! Climate change hasn’t killed us yet!

Now for the content!

Big Boob Friday–Women’s Day Edition?

Hello fellow tempters of dairy freshness and welcome to another edition of Big Boob Friday. Huzzah! It’s been a glorious week on this here corner of the internet. It turns out that we do not like AOC and are split as to whether or not butter should remain between 33-35 degrees F at all times. Who would have thunk it?

A frightened Ms Bellringer gets a glimpse of MJs gentleman’s sausage

How About Some Baby Animals

Christmas List Time

Even adults need to shake off the cobwebs and submit their list to Santa. Those little elves need a lot of lead time to mine the rare earth metals needed for your assorted electronic gewgaws. You don’t want to be the dunce who ends up with coal in your stockings.

The Humble Toothpick And The Story Of A Meat Tooth

Sometimes you know you’ve got something stuck in your teeth and since you’re in polite company you’ve got to pretend it isn’t there. Well, most of us do anyway. As soon as you get somewhere semi-private the fingernail or edge of a paper is deployed on a particle finding mission. There’s nothing quite like the relief you feel when you dislodge that hunk of meat or vegetable from your teeth. It’s satisfying on a physical level (no more annoying feeling of something that’s just not right in your buccal cavity and your tongue breathes a sigh of relief from the knowledge it no longer is tasked with a job it was not designed to do) and on an emotional level because you know you can now smile freely without the inhibition that gripped you while you had the hunk of food in your tooth. I grew up in a time when going to the dentist meant new cavities and the whole drill and fill sequence. Every time. I’m sure Dr. George’s family benefited greatly from our teeth. Anyway, they have the whole cavity thing mostly taken care of now with various fluoride treatments and, needing a money maker, they’ve shifted to cosmetic dentistry. Had I been born a couple of decades later I am sure my parents would have been advised that my crooked teeth needed straightening otherwise I’d end up living in a cardboard box somewhere in San Francisco and forced to do my pooping on the curb. Alright, my teeth aren’t that bad but I do have a big gap between my upper incisor and canine tooth on the right. Sure enough, like the sun rising in the east, every time I eat there is some fragment of food stuck in there. I call it my “Meat Tooth”.

Thursday Teabagger Treat

Well, after covering coffee last week it was only natural that I shift my focus to its Limey bastard cousin; tea. Surely tea drinking began somewhere in China and caught on elsewhere along the Silk Road trading route (I just made that last part up but I’ve found that if use terms like “Silk Road trading route” people will often believe the rest of the verbal diarrhea that flows from your mouth). Alright, where were we? Tea. Pretty popular drink everywhere. Great Britain. Ireland. India. China. Wakanda? Not so much.

BBF

Hello hair whippers and downloaders, welcome to Big Boob Friday.

 

 

 

Your model for today was born in New York City September 8, 1988. She stands 5’8″ 36E-25-36 and 130 lbs. Please say hello to Miss Tessa Lane!