Two Days ‘Till Tool Thursday

Well, Jimbro apparently is busy and he asked me yesterday if I could fill in today, and he SPECIFICALLY asked me to do a Tool post (I swear), and I figured … “What the heck? What do I have going on?”   Then Pat ended up in the hospital.  But I put my priorities in order, pulled up my big-cis-girl gender-conforming panties, and got to business.

What *is* Tool? I mean, besides an alt- prog-art-post metal band?  This, according to Maynard:

“Tool is exactly what it sounds like: It’s a big dick. It’s a wrench. … we are … your tool; use us as a catalyst in your process of finding out whatever it is you need to find out, or whatever it is you’re trying to achieve.”

Although not their first album, their popularity started with this song:

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Monday Motivational Mumbo-Jumbo

Soooo, all summer, I had “events” to train for, and dieting just wasn’t on my mind .   But now … there is not really anything on the horizon- no big challenges, etc. No excuses.

So  I stepped on the scale and this is what I saw:

 

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I’d like to drop about 15 pounds, so today is the first day of the rest of my … bla bla bla.

Onto the “motivational” pictures.

What do we have in the “binders” today… oh, lookie here …

Fat women:

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Fat man:

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Fat Cat:

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Fat Dog:

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Fat mouse:

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Fat horse:

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Fat Patrick Star:

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I think I’ve illustrated the “fat” point pretty well. But WHAT diet to do? This one looks nice:

 

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Ten pounds in a week? Sign me up. Week and a half, and I’d be DONE.  I can’t find any information on it, so if anyone knows the ancient Chinese secret to losing 10 pounds in a week, drop me a line.

Then there is  Eat All You Want Diet , which speaks to me on a spiritual level.  You are supposed  to read your body’s cues about what you need to eat, and how much, etc. Which … I’m pretty sure is how most of us ended up in the shape we’re in.

Or perhaps the Skinny Bitch Diet?

In essence this is an extreme vegan diet that describes meat as ‘dead, rotting, decomposing flesh’. The list of forbidden foods includes all animal products (meat, poultry, fish, eggs, dairy), refined flour, sugar, honey, beer, caffeine (coffee, tea, chocolate) and any food that contains chemical additives like artificial sweeteners. “Sugar is the devil and artificial sweeteners just as bad” they state.

Sounds like FUN!

I think the worst diet that I’ve actually known people to try is the “egg diet”.  I probably rolled my eyes the last time someone told me there were going on this diet.  LOSE 24 POUNDS in 14 DAYS!!!

Awesome, right?

How does it work? Well, this is basically what you eat:

Breakfast: 2 boiled eggs and 1 citric fruit.
-Lunch: 2 slices of bread and some fruit.
-Dinner: a bowl of salad and chicken.

 

…for two weeks.  Someone try it and let me know how it goes.

I’m going to just do the boring “count macros, eat less, work-out ” thing.   Mare is encouraged to call me a fat-ass until I reach my goal-ish range.   Macrostax is the program I’m using (it’s just an app) and I’ll up my running while I can, and continue with crossfit.

 

 

Monday Filler Poat

The old poat was starting to smell stale from a hard weekend, so here’s a fresh one.

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Baby HHD

I got nothin’ to say other than parenting is a young man’s game. Why did none of you assholes tell me this?

This baby loves America. Beware commie jerk-off scum!
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Bad Week to be a Leftie

Man, it sure has sucked to be a leftie this last week or so. Outdone by Donny Two Scoops, the single biggest idiot ever to populate the White House (their words).

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I Can Make a Poat. You may not like it, but that’s not my problem.

 

So, yesterday was my birthday, and not ONE person asked me this.   You guys don’t care.

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At work, they like to call me Karen to piss me off, so these are always amusing:

 

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Dog memes are always funny:

 

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Ok, this is a tad hurtful …

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And now, we’re almost to the point we’ve all been waiting for …

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Here it is – the QOTSA video you all knew was coming. This isn’t on any  of the albums- it was released to those who pre-ordered one of their albums.   It is freakin amazing.

 

 

Oh … this is bound to be good …

 

Yes, Yes, it is Josh.

 

This song is amazing:

 

MMM 300: Wait, 300? Shouldn’t we do something special?

No.  Mostly because I overslept and I have no fresh ideas.

Wait, I know.  This week, I’ll post nothing but pictures of women, not the usual trannies!

Word tattoos are dumb.  By extension, so is she.  Dumb girls are generally easy, so this should make me happy, but mostly makes me sad for her.

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