I boughted this album from a far away place called Germanyland!
Well window lickers it’s time for summer. Down here in the SOUTH (filled with racists, you are issued a hood at the Georgia border) the weather is getting a bit warmer and we are bidding adieu to old man winterspring. Notice how I worked in a reference to de Fuhrer PBUH by using German in that last sentence? That’s how racist we are down here. We speak German, hate cold weather, and are super friendly. I literally have no idea what any of this means. I’m just typing whatever pops into my grey mush.
So, it’s time for sidewalk chalk! A time honored tradition where people go outside with their kids, pretend to hear the phone ring, go back inside to make a drink, then go back outside in about 15 or 20 minutes to make sure the kiddos are still in one piece. While most kids fit more into the impressionist or modern art category, I think I’ve found some rather clever uses of sidewalk chalk for us to enjoy. These fun little pieces of temporary art all use the cracks to make something fun and whimsical.
I always think man, the people on You-tube used to be so creative. Remember when it first started how amazing it was? Yeah…see this video? How exciting is THIS?!?!?! The first back flip on You-tube
The first video I ever sent to Merv.
I’d like to thank lauraw for introducing me to this work of art…I believe it is part of the reason Merv fell madly in love with me……….three years after I showed him the video, but really…who’s counting?
The first cat video on You-tube……and as we all know, the Internet was created for cat and dog videos…..I’m pretty sure all videos uploaded to You-tube in 2005 were filmed with a potato.
Cybergoon squad…….the very first “weird side of You-tube” video.
And last, but not least, the VERY first video uploaded to You-tube by one of the founders enjoying his time at the zoo….my guess is, this guy is probably a rich mofo.
Also, it’s entirely possible I sprained my finger picking categories. I might die. I’ll miss you all.
I don’t care how fat, purple haired, and poorly tattooed you are…if you don’t think Melania Trump is beautiful, there’s something wrong with your brain. Everyone pretended to love and was eerily forced to affirm that Moochelle was radiant and smart while neither were really true. She’s a dog and everyone knows it. Melania, on the other paw, is intelligent, well spoken, and fiercely protective of her family. She has class, which we sorely need.
Proof that god loves Trump: Melania
A sarcastic or vengeful god would have given Trump a more Chelsea-esque daughter to mock his obvious love of himself. But instead, our benevolent creator granted him with not one, but two lovely female offspring. Ivanka and Tiffany are warm, funny, intelligent, and dedicated to their families. They don’t need a PR campaign or obviously fake attempts to appear as insert-consultant-generated-words-to-convey-humanity-here to their fellow countrymen. And they both look good in leather pants, which is more than we can say for Chubble.
Proof that God loves Trump: His daughters
And lastly, there is no greater gift to a politician than a good foil. As I’ve often said, there’s only one person that Trump could have beaten to become President, and there’s only one person that Hillary could have lost to. No matter the situation, she appears robotic, tone deaf, scripted, and always attempts to lie when the simple truth will do. Dropped something on your foot or stubbed a toe? Nope! She was running down the stairs, coffee cup in hand, shouting important orders to an unnamed underling. Pass out and get chucked into van like a side of beef? She’s just fine! It’s a lovely Spring day and why look here! A random child to hug which will make a splashy picture! She’s so strong and brave to stand upright in this unrelenting 68 degree heat!
Hillary is a Christmas nightmare. The terrible gift that just keeps giving.
Proof that God loves Trump: Hillary Rodham Clinton
I’m getting fat. Not making/getting time for the gym, barely eating right, not getting enough sleep, and I turn 40 next week. Fatherhood and this whole “driving to work” thing is killing me. The former is worth it, the latter is not. I need motivation this week, and lots of it.
Also sleep. And some steak. And less alcohol. And like a hundred pullups.
I miss you all. No time to write before I have to be in bed so I can sleep really fast and get up early to get a few hours on the clock at the office before my wife has to go to a dental appointment and I have to hang out with Li’l Possum for the afternoon. This is the 200th MMM poat — believe it or else — so I should really have done something auspicious. I didn’t.
