Beret | Changing Headers since March 2009

My Favorite Put Down

I read a post on the mothership and started laughing at a few of the pejorative names that were tossed around and it got me thinking about funny phrases and words. I know what you’re thinking…is this going to be the first in a long line of piscatorial posts or might we venture into a realm unknown?

The answer of course, is why not both? Just kidding. I think we can safely shelve our admiration for fisherman, old men, the sea, and how their bounty is turned into a delicious fried patchwork of amphibious parts. Today we embark upon a mission to call forth our favorite malicious insults.

Smoothbrain

Cockholster

Friend of Dorothy

Assface

Blue lipped mother fucker (non obama specific)

Chickenman

Dickbag

Peen lover

9/10 would smash this smoothbrain cockholster

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April 29, 2021
Categories: #hashtag, Bacon Strips, bacon wrapped booger, Baconwrappedboobbeer, Belly Button Micro Penis, Beret, Compound W, condom free septic tank, Conspiracy theories for $500 Alex, conspiracy theory, Eat a bag of dicks, Ed Balls, Ejaculate Responsibly - car in demands it, Fake Butt Accurate, fancy first dates and frilly underwear, H2 Eulogy, Hai Karate, how much wood wood a peckerwood peck if a peckerwood was drunk and went around pecking wood?, I feel like chicken tonight., I Feel the Need for Speed, Mini Eggs, NOT another post by Pupster, Plugged nickel, Plumbing, rhymes with "your mom", Ride the pony, Smoke a pole, Smokeshow, Summaries, Tastes More Like Regular, Ten Gallon, TurtleFacePlant, We don't need no stinking categories, whiskey, You Love Fish, It's Your Favorite, Your Welcome Hotspur . . Author: MJ (ghee/ghem) . Comments: 193 Comments

Sidewalk Chalk

I boughted this album from a far away place called Germanyland!

Well window lickers it’s time for summer. Down here in the SOUTH (filled with racists, you are issued a hood at the Georgia border) the weather is getting a bit warmer and we are bidding adieu to old man winterspring. Notice how I worked in a reference to de Fuhrer PBUH by using German in that last sentence? That’s how racist we are down here. We speak German, hate cold weather, and are super friendly. I literally have no idea what any of this means. I’m just typing whatever pops into my grey mush.

So, it’s time for sidewalk chalk! A time honored tradition where people go outside with their kids, pretend to hear the phone ring, go back inside to make a drink, then go back outside in about 15 or 20 minutes to make sure the kiddos are still in one piece. While most kids fit more into the impressionist or modern art category, I think I’ve found some rather clever uses of sidewalk chalk for us to enjoy. These fun little pieces of temporary art all use the cracks to make something fun and whimsical.

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April 1, 2021
Categories: #Championshiplevelboobs, #hashtag, Beret, Beriberi, Big Stones, Chubs, Cinco De Mayo, Citrus Ursine Weiner Beverage, Cockfacefuckaloo, Does this look infected?, Dog Centric, dog love, Don't Make Me Kill You, In the face, Incisor, Lactation, lazy bastards anonymous, Lazy Man's Lobster, Le Luc Long, Nate Silver, needs more tartar sauce, Premolar, presidential portrait - poon in ivy, pruritus ani, Taint Tanner, Taking The Browns To The Super Bowl, tubgirl, TurtleFacePlant, walnut, WarPr0n, You have some Junk in the Trump, You Make Me Feel Like Dancing, you might be gay if you like this, You People Make Me Sick, You're a TOTAL douche, You're gonna love my nuts, Your dad likes this, Your mom likes this, your mom loves felt love, Your Mom LOVES my snake juice, Your mom sends her love, Your mom should be on the new ten, your mom's cooter, your mom's flower, Z - we don't have a Z, zero fucks, Zzyzx . . Author: MJ (ghee/ghem) . Comments: 154 Comments

Choose Joy

Lots of bad stuff happening. I think we all look around at the world and can’t really believe this nightmare is reality. Lockdowns. Censorship. Stolen elections. Retribution. Fear. Panic. Violence.

I’m not a very emotional person but when I think of the attempts to silence millions of people in our fair country I’m brought to tears. This is the only reason that I become remotely political. When you strip away all of the issues – judges, tax rates, healthcare, race – all of the bullshit, you’re only left with the divine gift of free expression. Either we have it or we don’t.

The beauty of America is (was – hotspur) the belief that we can work out ideas, discuss difficult issues, fight over them, and ultimately come to conclusions that are objectively true and also moral. If all topics that the Left doesn’t favor or won’t benefit them are off limits then the compact is broken. They are attempting to achieve power by silencing their political opponents, which is just another attempt to reduce the divinity of man and subjugate him.

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January 14, 2021
Categories: #DeepanalBumpParty, #hashtag, Beret, Beriberi, Big Stones, By The Beard Of Odin!, condom free septic tank, conspiracy theory, Consumption, Dang. I mean...dang., DDH, Fourth Grade, Fuck golf, FUCK SALT!!!, Fuck the GOP, H2 Pets, H2 Wedding, illuminati, Incisor, Kinky Afro, Not yo baby, Plumbing, Safety, Sandra Fluke, Scurvy, swinging with friends, Tails you lose, The More You Know, whatever, Where's Cyn?, Where's MJ?, Where's Thor?, Your mom likes this, Your Mom LOVES my snake juice, Your mom should be on the new ten, your mom's flower, Your Welcome Hotspur . . Author: MJ (ghee/ghem) . Comments: 106 Comments

Down the Rabbit Hole

I always think man, the people on You-tube used to be so creative. Remember when it first started how amazing it was? Yeah…see this video? How exciting is THIS?!?!?! The first back flip on You-tube

The first video I ever sent to Merv.

I’d like to thank lauraw for introducing me to this work of art…I believe it is part of the reason Merv fell madly in love with me……….three years after I showed him the video, but really…who’s counting?

The first cat video on You-tube……and as we all know, the Internet was created for cat and dog videos…..I’m pretty sure all videos uploaded to You-tube in 2005 were filmed with a potato.

Cybergoon squad…….the very first “weird side of You-tube” video.

And last, but not least, the VERY first video uploaded to You-tube by one of the founders enjoying his time at the zoo….my guess is, this guy is probably a rich mofo.

Also, it’s entirely possible I sprained my finger picking categories. I might die. I’ll miss you all.

November 19, 2020
Categories: !RALGNAB, # Hashtag, #Championshiplevelboobs, #DeepanalBumpParty, #H2, #hashtag, #indogyears, #Problematic, #Reboob, 10/10 Would Smash, 1979 Bitchez, 2017 Big Boob Championships, 4/10 Would Still Smash, 7 / 9 fucks given, 7 of 9 fucks not given, 80s, 9/10 Dentists Would Smash, 9/11 Bush's fault, ACHOO!, alcohol, Aliens, almond, amazing post, American Hero, And Now Another Poat by Pupster, ann coulter, As Little as Possible, asshat anonymous, asshole, bacon, Bacon Strips, bacon wrapped booger, Baconwrappedboobbeer, bad trip, BADASSDOM, Badtards, Ball de Cheese, Balls, bangin' your bud, BANGLAR After Action Report!, BANGLAR BALL BUSTER, BANGLAR BILLY MAYS HERE!!!!, BANGLAR BIRTHDAY!!, BANGLAR COFFEE, BANGLAR KING KONG!!, BANGLAR!, Barack Obama, barely passable trannies, Baseball, BBF, bbq, Beanie, Beauty Personified, Beaver Button, beefcake, Beer, Beer Tree Farm, Belly Button Micro Penis, Beret, Beriberi, Big Stones, Birfday, Birthday Beat Down, birthday beating for bro-cav, Birthday Cake, Black helicopters, Blankie, Blue Man Group, BOO!!!, Boobs, Books, BOOP!, Booze, Bowel Prep, Bowler, braunschweiger, Brazil, Breitbart, Brian Williams, bro-cav is sorry he's not sorry about leering at boobs, BroCav says - 2/10 would not pick again, BroCav wants one of you lame bastigae to create a recipe category - i see nothing good coming of that - but who am i to criticize the genius of the ppl around this chat room: salt to taste, Brown Snow, brown trout - no not that kind you vile cretin, Brut, Bugout Jelly, Bunker Pants!, bushmcchimpyhitlerhalliburton, but not the good kind, butt-pokey blues, Button Nose, Buzzcut, By The Beard Of Odin!, Caffeine, CAIR, california lesbian in love, Canine, Cartman, Cash for Crunkers, cashew, cat blogging, Catnaps, cats are evul, cereal, CHAD, Chapeau, Cheedy, cheese, Cheese Ball, Cheese Log Guzzler, Cheez Wiz, chi-chi was here category, Chicks dig a nice tool, Chief Grumpybutt, Chocolate, Chubs, Cinco De Mayo, Citrus Ursine Weiner Beverage, Cockfacefuckaloo, Compound W, Conspiracy theories for $500 Alex, conspiracy theory, Consumption, cool tunes, Coonskin, coonskin cap, Corncob Pipe, cow snot, Cowboy, Crime and Punishment, crisp bills, CRUNK JUICE!!!, Cults, Dan Rather, Dan's Pickled Eggs, Dan's Pickled Nutsack, Dang. 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poon in ivy, pron, pruritus ani, Pull My Finger Dammit!, Punk Rock, Puns are awesome, Pure Genius, pushing the tit wheelbarrow, quesadillas, QUID PRO QUO, QWERTY, racist, rape culture, Really, redhead, Redhead Bonus Points, Redheaded Dumpster Fire, Regaling the old Rumpus Room, Remembrance, rhymes with "your mom", Richard Butt RIP, riding the cock carousel, right wing rethuglican, robust hindquarters, Rocky Dennis, Ronaldus Maximus, Rosetta Likes This, Rub meat, Rule 34, Rumpus Room Rumba, rush limbaugh, Russian Collusion, Sac and Fox, Safety, Sandra Fluke, Say "What" Again, Scurvy, Secret Santa, Shark Week, She-Meat, Sherwin Fucking Williams, shit squirters, SHIZZLAP, show me your tits, shut your whore mouth, skittles, slut, Smoke a pole, Smokeshow, Snake, Snake Juice, Snake juice guzzler, soakin' the ole T-bone, Socialism!, Sodium Chloride Fornication, Someone needs a sandwich, Sorry., Space pens, starfish, Steamed Lobster, Stetson, Stetson (for men), STFU, Stop Trying To Make TuesD'AWWW Happen, Strap On Anonymous, Stroller, stupid fucking hippies, Suck It., Suddenly Sumo, Summaries, Superblood, supersonic faggotronic, Sure Why Not, Sweet Tunes, swinging with friends, Tails you lose, Taint Pics of Osprey, Taint Tanner, Taint what you think, Taking The Browns To The Super Bowl, Tards, taste the rainbow, Tastes Less Like Regular, Tastes More Like Regular, teh funny, Ten Gallon, tenterhooks, The 1%, The Bear Is Loose, the big OOOOOOOOOOOO, The Cat's Pajamas, The More You Know, the old ass-hair combover trick, The Religion of Peace, The Religion of Piece, The Wire, Things that really matter, This Blog Powered by Squirrel Farts, This is fucking bullshit, This is why I shouldn't watch movies I haven't seen in years., this poat is dedicated to XBeeRad, this post stinks, Thor!, Thorific, those are some big boobs, Those Who Serve, Three card Monte, Tincture of iodine, Tinfoil lingerie, TITS, Too Much Pressure, Totally Nude, Touser Snake Lovers Anonymous, transphobe, Trump's Fault, truther, Tube Steak Fever, tubgirl, Tuesday, Turkey Taint, TurtleFacePlant, Uncategorized, unicorns, Uniform, unintended consequences, vagine, Vaseline Kiss, Vlatabadababadoodoo, walnut, WarPr0n, We don't need no stinking categories, weather blog, Weekend Memes, weiner, What the Fuck, Jenny?, whatever, Where's Cyn?, Where's MJ?, Where's Thor?, Whiny little twerp, whiskey, Whitey is teh Debble, Who Cut The Cheese?, Who You Calling Racist?, who's turn is it to grope Cyn, Why Do We Need Categories?, wing nut wingnut, Wipe your Cobarruvias!, Wisdom, wisermeany, With a tire iron, Xanthan gum, Yard and Garden, Yellow Fever, yo!, You have some Junk in the Trump, You Love Fish, It's Your Favorite, You Make Me Feel Like Dancing, you might be gay if you like this, You People Make Me Sick, YOU WISH, You're a douchenozzle for playing the Rosetta card, You're a TOTAL douche, You're gonna love my nuts, Your dad likes this, Your Mom, your mom has a robust rumpus room, your mom is a fish monger, your mom likes a slippery trout, Your mom likes this, your mom loves felt love, Your Mom LOVES my snake juice, Your mom sends her love, Your mom should be on the new ten, your mom's cooter, your mom's flower, Your Welcome Hotspur, Z - we don't have a Z, zero fucks, ZOMFG!!11ty!, Zzyzx . . Author: pajama momma . Comments: 241 Comments

You Are An Asshole

Do me a favor, would you? Go into the bathroom or your bedroom or look down at your shoe and give yourself a long look in the mirror. Try to look a little disappointed, and say this out loud, ‘I will never be a as good of a person as Lauraw. Not if I invented a time machine and prevented Barak Hussein Obama from becoming president. Not if I found and convinced Mila Kunis to spend an evening with MJ. Not if I opened a weed farm and put MJ in charge of quality control. There is nothing I can do to be funnier or more thoughtful that Lauraw.

Then punch yourself in the balls/vag.

Behold, the Deadmaublanket5.

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December 5, 2017
Categories: #Championshiplevelboobs, BANGLAR After Action Report!, Beret, Beriberi, Grippe, groomin' your shroom, Hostages Legal Aid, Huevos divorciados, I am judging you, is there such a thing as bad head, It must be true!, macadamia, Make Him Stop - everybody probably, My Sharona, Nate Silver, open your chaste mouth, Oprah's Slut Club, Snake Juice, Snake juice guzzler, This is fucking bullshit, Where's Cyn?, Where's MJ?, your mom is a fish monger, Your mom likes this, Your Welcome Hotspur . . Author: MJ (ghee/ghem) . Comments: 104 Comments

Holding Poat – Bad Trip part ducks

that’s french you ignant bastards –

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July 15, 2017
Categories: #H2, bad trip, Belly Button Micro Penis, Beret, Caffeine, Cash for Crunkers, Chicks dig a nice tool, CRUNK JUICE!!!, dicking bimbos, Drinking heavily, ducks are people too, fat chicks, Federal Witness Protection Program, filbert, foreskin, Fourth Grade, FUCK SALT!!!, fuck you, FUCK YOU ICE, fucking genius, Fucking Wagon, Fukksize Ghey Slacker, funny, furry, gardenblogging, Genital Itch, groomin' your shroom, Hosefuckers, I'm 7 Indians, Just Another Fucking Category, Lesbians, Like you know how to read., Microvag, pruritus ani, stupid fucking hippies, Sure Why Not, taste the rainbow, Your mom sends her love, Your Welcome Hotspur, Z - we don't have a Z . . Author: jam2 . Comments: 280 Comments

Big Boob Friday

Well hey there. Pupster is behind enemy lines in the exotic land of Canadia so you’re going to have to put up with me for this week. You’re welcome in advance.

I wrote this song whilst thinking about Cyn. If you get a chance, skip to 32:54 and 53:10 for other really good songs that you’ll hate and make fun of me for liking.

Today’s model is a tremendous pick for BBF. Probably one of my best choices ever. You’ll never be tired of winning with the loverly Miss Danielle Riley!!!!!!!!ELEVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!