Hello, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.
Your model for today was born November 28th, 1996 in Los Angeles, California. She stands 5‘ 5″ and measures 34 – 24 – 35 and 120 lbs. Please shoot your shot with Miss Tara Yazdi AKA Yazz.

Hello, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.
Your model for today was born November 28th, 1996 in Los Angeles, California. She stands 5‘ 5″ and measures 34 – 24 – 35 and 120 lbs. Please shoot your shot with Miss Tara Yazdi AKA Yazz.
September 16, 2022
Categories: #Championshiplevelboobs, 10/10 Would Smash, 9/10 Dentists Would Smash, And Now Another Poat by Pupster, asshole, BBF, bewbs like DAMN!, Big Teeth Too, Bunker Pants!, Dang. I mean...dang., Ejaculate Responsibly - car in demands it, Federal Witness Protection Program, I am a BOOB GENIUS, i hope she cleaned the dress, In the face, It must be true!, Knockers, MJ with an Ice Hammer, Muddle My Mint, oxycontin, pushing the tit wheelbarrow, Sandra Fluke, show me your tits, slut, Stetson, Stetson (for men), The Religion of Peace, The Steam Off My Shit, those are some big boobs, Whitey is teh Debble, Wipe your Cobarruvias!, With a tire iron . Tags: Iranian Air Force, pirates, xbrad thinks susan estridge is hot . Author: Pupster . Comments: 129 Comments
Hi asswipes. I’m basically stuck with permanent whiplash as we learn that mostly peaceful protests are terrorist attacks punishable by death, cops are heroes for shooting unarmed women, patriotism is doing what you’re told – not dissenting, and questioning the integrity of an election is a nut job conspiracy theory. How does one square these circles? Oh right. Shut up, that’s how.
The narrative. It’s always about the fucking narrative with these people. Given the past few months and the total reversal of everything the Left believed in, this is my best guess for the narratives of 2021.
January 2021
Dark days my friends. Dark days™. If only that racist Donald Trump hadn’t created Covid 19 as a way to kill black people, we’d be living in a true paradise of equality. It’s only because of Trump and his supporters that we have to deal with Covid at all. Did we mention that he’s a Russian spy for real? Perhaps you’ve forgotten so we’ll have to remind for a few days mostly because he can’t really defend himself now that he’s been silenced completely.
February 2021
The Biden Tax Plan will increase taxes on the wealthiest Americans from 38% to 28% and the bottom 99% will see a reduction from 28% to 38%. Oh happy days! Everyone is going to be rich and evil people like Donald Trump will finally pay their fair share. Newly minted billionaire Barak Obama has graciously decided to pay his full salary of no dollars to the US Treasury in order to single handedly balance the budget in less than a year. Praise be Obama and Biden, but mostly Obama.
March 2021
The country formerly known as Syria, now called Trumpistan is most certainly building nuke-u-ler weapons and we should do something about that right now. Colin Powell personally parachuted in behind enemy lines with Brian Williams, 2 clicks from a cavalry of US birds – helicopters for the non elite soldiers – and found what appears to be a white substance that we’re are 100% sure is nuke-u-ler dust. Everyone agrees, including arch conservative anti-war Senator Lindsey Graham, and we need to send white Southern boys to die in the capital Trumpallujah in order to combat this grave threat to US democracy. If we don’t intervene in the Trumpistan civil war that has been raging for a decade, it’ll go on for another year or so. Can’t have that. We need to keep this fight going until the first troops deployed are old enough to see their kids serve in the same short, 20 year war. We have to fight the Trumpistan Civil War over there so we don’t have to fight it here.
April 2021
Biden is like Jesus but with a six pack, sunglasses, and he can’t be killed. Biden is more like god but also like Jesus. And Allah if you’re into that sort of thing. We only know a little about religion from a Religious Studies class at Goucher College but we’re confident that Biden is like all the Gods but better because of his abs and sunglasses. Did you know Biden has a Peloton? I mean, how cool is that? I bet he rides it all the time with his abs showing just like Jesus.
May 2021
May is a time of reflection and healing. In order to reflect the healing, Joe Biden will begin a nationwide crackdown on white supremacist groups. The list includes Wall Mart shoppers, the staff of Forbes, everyone living in the South except Georgia, anyone who uses the internet to share a meme, writers at the Wall Street Journal, National Review, and all NeverTrumpers, country music fans, black men who voted for Trump, Nascar (except for Bubba Wallace) and the white girl own the View. All of these people will need to report to their local train station and board at platform 9 and three quarters. It’s funny because they’ll think they are going to Hogwarts but really they’ll be getting a different kind of magic.
In addition to these glorious reforms, Joe Biden will be taking the month off. He sprained his abs while shooting his 16th straight hole in one. The bandages on his face are incidental and not at all because his face tore like an overworked pizza dough while undergoing his 9th face lift.
June 2021
Donald Trump and his supporters created the hype and fear around Covid to try to steal the election from Joe Biden. Thanks to the hard work of Joe Biden, campaigning tirelessly on your behalf, he was able to overcome the media persecution, the censorship, and the efforts of big tech, the favoritism for Trump of our elite institutions and corporations, the obvious election fraud, and the scurrilous lie that Covid was a danger to your health in order to beat Donald Trump in 2020. Take off the mask bigot!
July 2021
Recovery Summer IV!!!!!!! The unemployment rate for Americans has reached an all time low of 25% and average earnings, saved, created, or completely made up have increased to 120 million dollars per hour, as long as that hour is on the Tuesday where Mark Zuckerberg and Jeff Bezos volunteered at a soup kitchen for as long as it took to get a picture.
Second half of the year to follow!
IMPOTENT UPDATE, ASSWIPES!!!!!!!!
January 21, 2021
Categories: ann coulter, asshat anonymous, BANGLAR!, Barack Obama, barely passable trannies, By The Beard Of Odin!, condom free septic tank, cool tunes, Coonskin, Grippe, islands in the stream, It's OK to be Ghey - or so teh Pope doth say, Marez-ee-dotes, Master Henry, no wait ---- a TRULY Amazing Post, Regaling the old Rumpus Room, Sodium Chloride Fornication, Suddenly Sumo, The Religion of Peace, The Religion of Piece, Touser Snake Lovers Anonymous, transphobe, your mom is a fish monger, Your mom likes this, your mom loves felt love, Your Mom LOVES my snake juice, Your Welcome Hotspur, ZOMFG!!11ty! . . Author: MJ (ghee/ghem) . Comments: 129 Comments
The first video I ever sent to Merv.
The first cat video on You-tube……and as we all know, the Internet was created for cat and dog videos…..I’m pretty sure all videos uploaded to You-tube in 2005 were filmed with a potato.
Also, it’s entirely possible I sprained my finger picking categories. I might die. I’ll miss you all.
November 19, 2020
Categories: !RALGNAB, # Hashtag, #Championshiplevelboobs, #DeepanalBumpParty, #H2, #hashtag, #indogyears, #Problematic, #Reboob, 10/10 Would Smash, 1979 Bitchez, 2017 Big Boob Championships, 4/10 Would Still Smash, 7 / 9 fucks given, 7 of 9 fucks not given, 80s, 9/10 Dentists Would Smash, 9/11 Bush's fault, ACHOO!, alcohol, Aliens, almond, amazing post, American Hero, And Now Another Poat by Pupster, ann coulter, As Little as Possible, asshat anonymous, asshole, bacon, Bacon Strips, bacon wrapped booger, Baconwrappedboobbeer, bad trip, BADASSDOM, Badtards, Ball de Cheese, Balls, bangin' your bud, BANGLAR After Action Report!, BANGLAR BALL BUSTER, BANGLAR BILLY MAYS HERE!!!!, BANGLAR BIRTHDAY!!, BANGLAR COFFEE, BANGLAR KING KONG!!, BANGLAR!, Barack Obama, barely passable trannies, Baseball, BBF, bbq, Beanie, Beauty Personified, Beaver Button, beefcake, Beer, Beer Tree Farm, Belly Button Micro Penis, Beret, Beriberi, Big Stones, Birfday, Birthday Beat Down, birthday beating for bro-cav, Birthday Cake, Black helicopters, Blankie, Blue Man Group, BOO!!!, Boobs, Books, BOOP!, Booze, Bowel Prep, Bowler, braunschweiger, Brazil, Breitbart, Brian Williams, bro-cav is sorry he's not sorry about leering at boobs, BroCav says - 2/10 would not pick again, BroCav wants one of you lame bastigae to create a recipe category - i see nothing good coming of that - but who am i to criticize the genius of the ppl around this chat room: salt to taste, Brown Snow, brown trout - no not that kind you vile cretin, Brut, Bugout Jelly, Bunker Pants!, bushmcchimpyhitlerhalliburton, but not the good kind, butt-pokey blues, Button Nose, Buzzcut, By The Beard Of Odin!, Caffeine, CAIR, california lesbian in love, Canine, Cartman, Cash for Crunkers, cashew, cat blogging, Catnaps, cats are evul, cereal, CHAD, Chapeau, Cheedy, cheese, Cheese Ball, Cheese Log Guzzler, Cheez Wiz, chi-chi was here category, Chicks dig a nice tool, Chief Grumpybutt, Chocolate, Chubs, Cinco De Mayo, Citrus Ursine Weiner Beverage, Cockfacefuckaloo, Compound W, Conspiracy theories for $500 Alex, conspiracy theory, Consumption, cool tunes, Coonskin, coonskin cap, Corncob Pipe, cow snot, Cowboy, Crime and Punishment, crisp bills, CRUNK JUICE!!!, Cults, Dan Rather, Dan's Pickled Eggs, Dan's Pickled Nutsack, Dang. I mean...dang., DDH, Death by Fishstick, Deck The Halls, Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy, Democrat Clown Car 2020, democrats, Dial C for cooter, dicking bimbos, dig deep the gathering gloom, dinkie dinky dunkers divin' deep, Does this look infected?, Dog Centric, dog love, Don't Make Me Kill You, Don't Talk Shit About Total, Double or nothing, Douche-bagger, Dr B wants to Spank you, Drinking heavily, Drugs, Drunken SeaHorse Blogging, duck face, ducks are people too, Earworm dammit, Easter Eggs, Easter Pig, Eat a bag of dicks, Ed Balls, Ejaculate Responsibly - car in demands it, Electrical, ember shoes, Emily, Emily's Dull Affect, erection day coverage, Fake Butt Accurate, fancy first dates and frilly underwear, Fart! Fart! Don't be a Shart!, fat chicks, Federal Witness Protection Program, filbert, Finely Freckled, fire in the hole, Fire melt steel mantra, fishy, flick it, flick it good, Floppy Disk, flower power, flowering flower, Floyd, Follically challenged, Foreignotica, foreskin, Fourth Grade, Fuck golf, Fuck Overtime I'm on Salary, FUCK SALT!!!, Fuck the GOP, fuck you, FUCK YOU ICE, fucking genius, Fucking Wagon, Fukksize Ghey Slacker, funny, furry, Garden, gardenblogging, General Bitching, Generic Category Category, Genital Itch, Gentian violet, Glitter Shit, Glitter Vomit for the Bulemics, Go Vote!, goatse, Good Stupid, GOOOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!, GOP Assholes, Gotta tattooed tit say number 13, Gout! Gout! Let it all out!, Granny Clinton, Grippe, groomin' your shroom, grope em if you got em, H2 Eulogy, H2 Pets, H2 Wedding, Hai Karate, Hambone, Hanks, Happy, Happy B-Day Michael, Happy Birfday Baby Jesus!!, Happy Birfday Wiser, Hardware, Headless Whoresman, Heads I win, Heavy Metal Thunder, Helen Thomas, Helen Thomas's Scrotum, Help me Regis, hey Poncho - that's Wiser!, High and tight, High Society Trash Bloggin', Hitler, Holidays, homophobe, hopey changey shit, Hosefuckers, Hostages Legal Aid, Hot Diggity Dog, Hot Dog Size Clitoris, Hot-n-tot's birthday beating, How come there's no category raggin' on roamy?, how much wood wood a peckerwood peck if a peckerwood was drunk and went around pecking wood?, Huevos divorciados, Hulk Smash, Hunks, Hunky Hump Day, I am, I am judging you, i can't believe 3PO didn't have a golf catergory in here, I did not stick a cigar in that chick's cootch, i don't care if it doesn't rime - anciently or otherwise, I Don't Give A Shit, I feel like chicken tonight., I Love You Peeps, I used to be funneh and shit, I Will Kick Your Ass, I'm 7 Indians, I'm A Yankee Doodle Dandy, I'm all out of bubble gum, I'm gonna need new batteries, I'm not judging you, i'm zero indians, If You Don't Like PattyAnn, illuminati, Incisor, Invisible Hand Spanking Machine, is tee-roy still in prison?, is there such a thing as bad bud? better axe the muppet, is there such a thing as bad head, Is This Ham Still Good?, It must be true!, It's Decorative Gourd Season Motherf*ckers, It's OK to be Ghey - or so teh Pope doth say, Jayson Blair, Jeebus, Jesus Freak, John Galt, Joke thread, Juice, Just Another Fucking Category, just another jimbroglio, just the D…, Kenya, Kinky Afro, Knockers, Kyle, Lactation, lazy bastards anonymous, Lazy Man's Lobster, Le Luc Long, Learn some shit, Leave Poland Alone, LEMON PARTY BISHES!!!, Lesbians, libtards, Like you know how to read., Literature, Loaded dice, Lobster Benedict, Lobster Newburg, Lobster roll, Lobster Thermidor, LOVE SALT!!!, Luckiest Dog Alive, Lumbago, Lumber, lying phquer, macadamia, Magic Carrot For Your Mom, Magic Hat, Make Him Stop - everybody probably, Makin' Bacon, Man, Man-Lesbian, Man-lesbians, ManBearPig, Marathon not a sprint, mardi gras groping, Marez-ee-dotes, marriage, Master Henry, Maxi Pads, meatdickbreath, meghan mccain fat, memememems, Mercurochrome, Merry Christmas, mesadick, Methadone Clinic Cougar, Microvag, milestones, Mini Eggs, misogyny, Mister Mxyzptlk, mittelschmerz, Moist, Molar, monkey love, mons of Marmota monax, Moon Pie Smash, Mother Fuckin Bootleg, mother fuckin' snakes under a mother fuckin' board, Mother's Day, motorboating done wrong, motorboating the brown-ringed zero, Muddle My Mint, Muppet Porn & You, Music Classics, mutha fuckin bootleg fireworks, My safe contains your mom, My Sharona, Nasal Nostalgia, Nate Silver, needs more tartar sauce, Never Gonna Give You Up, new post, new post needed ASAP!!!, NHL, Nice Melons, Nigeria, No Drama, No more wire hangers, no wait ---- a TRULY Amazing Post, North American Goat Love Association, nose nuggets, NOT another post by Pupster, Not Boobs, not boyfrien, Not Enough Categories ffs, Not in the mood for a funny poat, not mannish monday madness, Not yo baby, O, October Surprise, Oh Yeah?, Okay, Old Person, Old Spice, One Foot Muff, Oops., open your chaste mouth, oprah's big booty band, Oprah's Chocolate Starfish, Oprah's Slut Club, Oso made me do it!!!!, OWS, OWS Douchebags, oxycontin, oy!!, Pants Up, Don't Loot, paris hilton whore, Peace Through Douche, peanut, peanuts and corn the night before, pecan, pelvic rest, pelvic thrust, Penis Sipper, people make me sick, People Was Educated, personal junk, pets, Phone blogging, Pinch A Loaf, Pink Floyd, playing Hide the Salmon, Pleurisy, Plugged nickel, Plumbing, poat, police involvement, polishing turds, Politics, Pompadour, Poon In Ivy, POON!, Prankophilia, Pre-Law, Premolar, presidential portrait - poon in ivy, pron, pruritus ani, Pull My Finger Dammit!, Punk Rock, Puns are awesome, Pure Genius, pushing the tit wheelbarrow, quesadillas, QUID PRO QUO, QWERTY, racist, rape culture, Really, redhead, Redhead Bonus Points, Redheaded Dumpster Fire, Regaling the old Rumpus Room, Remembrance, rhymes with "your mom", Richard Butt RIP, riding the cock carousel, right wing rethuglican, robust hindquarters, Rocky Dennis, Ronaldus Maximus, Rosetta Likes This, Rub meat, Rule 34, Rumpus Room Rumba, rush limbaugh, Russian Collusion, Sac and Fox, Safety, Sandra Fluke, Say "What" Again, Scurvy, Secret Santa, Shark Week, She-Meat, Sherwin Fucking Williams, shit squirters, SHIZZLAP, show me your tits, shut your whore mouth, skittles, slut, Smoke a pole, Smokeshow, Snake, Snake Juice, Snake juice guzzler, soakin' the ole T-bone, Socialism!, Sodium Chloride Fornication, Someone needs a sandwich, Sorry., Space pens, starfish, Steamed Lobster, Stetson, Stetson (for men), STFU, Stop Trying To Make TuesD'AWWW Happen, Strap On Anonymous, Stroller, stupid fucking hippies, Suck It., Suddenly Sumo, Summaries, Superblood, supersonic faggotronic, Sure Why Not, Sweet Tunes, swinging with friends, Tails you lose, Taint Pics of Osprey, Taint Tanner, Taint what you think, Taking The Browns To The Super Bowl, Tards, taste the rainbow, Tastes Less Like Regular, Tastes More Like Regular, teh funny, Ten Gallon, tenterhooks, The 1%, The Bear Is Loose, the big OOOOOOOOOOOO, The Cat's Pajamas, The More You Know, the old ass-hair combover trick, The Religion of Peace, The Religion of Piece, The Wire, Things that really matter, This Blog Powered by Squirrel Farts, This is fucking bullshit, This is why I shouldn't watch movies I haven't seen in years., this poat is dedicated to XBeeRad, this post stinks, Thor!, Thorific, those are some big boobs, Those Who Serve, Three card Monte, Tincture of iodine, Tinfoil lingerie, TITS, Too Much Pressure, Totally Nude, Touser Snake Lovers Anonymous, transphobe, Trump's Fault, truther, Tube Steak Fever, tubgirl, Tuesday, Turkey Taint, TurtleFacePlant, Uncategorized, unicorns, Uniform, unintended consequences, vagine, Vaseline Kiss, Vlatabadababadoodoo, walnut, WarPr0n, We don't need no stinking categories, weather blog, Weekend Memes, weiner, What the Fuck, Jenny?, whatever, Where's Cyn?, Where's MJ?, Where's Thor?, Whiny little twerp, whiskey, Whitey is teh Debble, Who Cut The Cheese?, Who You Calling Racist?, who's turn is it to grope Cyn, Why Do We Need Categories?, wing nut wingnut, Wipe your Cobarruvias!, Wisdom, wisermeany, With a tire iron, Xanthan gum, Yard and Garden, Yellow Fever, yo!, You have some Junk in the Trump, You Love Fish, It's Your Favorite, You Make Me Feel Like Dancing, you might be gay if you like this, You People Make Me Sick, YOU WISH, You're a douchenozzle for playing the Rosetta card, You're a TOTAL douche, You're gonna love my nuts, Your dad likes this, Your Mom, your mom has a robust rumpus room, your mom is a fish monger, your mom likes a slippery trout, Your mom likes this, your mom loves felt love, Your Mom LOVES my snake juice, Your mom sends her love, Your mom should be on the new ten, your mom's cooter, your mom's flower, Your Welcome Hotspur, Z - we don't have a Z, zero fucks, ZOMFG!!11ty!, Zzyzx . . Author: pajama momma . Comments: 241 Comments
July 25, 2019
Categories: #H2, 7 of 9 fucks not given, bacon wrapped booger, Chubs, fat chicks, Follically challenged, General Bitching, grope em if you got em, Man-Lesbian, Marez-ee-dotes, Nice Melons, Pull My Finger Dammit!, Redheaded Dumpster Fire, Sherwin Fucking Williams, stupid fucking hippies, the big OOOOOOOOOOOO, The Religion of Peace, Vaseline Kiss, You have some Junk in the Trump . . Author: Jimbro . Comments: 118 Comments
Hello fellow tempters of dairy freshness and welcome to another edition of Big Boob Friday. Huzzah! It’s been a glorious week on this here corner of the internet. It turns out that we do not like AOC and are split as to whether or not butter should remain between 33-35 degrees F at all times. Who would have thunk it?
March 8, 2019
Categories: #H2, Beriberi, Birfday, Dang. I mean...dang., DDH, Federal Witness Protection Program, Finely Freckled, Holidays, Hosefuckers, Knockers, Marathon not a sprint, mardi gras groping, Nigeria, No Drama, pelvic rest, pelvic thrust, Safety, Snake juice guzzler, starfish, the old ass-hair combover trick, The Religion of Peace, vagine, Vaseline Kiss, Your mom likes this, Your Welcome Hotspur . . Author: MJ (ghee/ghem) . Comments: 151 Comments
Well, after covering coffee last week it was only natural that I shift my focus to its Limey bastard cousin; tea. Surely tea drinking began somewhere in China and caught on elsewhere along the Silk Road trading route (I just made that last part up but I’ve found that if use terms like “Silk Road trading route” people will often believe the rest of the verbal diarrhea that flows from your mouth). Alright, where were we? Tea. Pretty popular drink everywhere. Great Britain. Ireland. India. China. Wakanda? Not so much.
June 28, 2018
Categories: #H2, #hashtag, 4/10 Would Still Smash, Cash for Crunkers, Happy Birfday Wiser, Nigeria, no wait ---- a TRULY Amazing Post, Peace Through Douche, peanuts and corn the night before, Snake juice guzzler, The Religion of Peace, Vaseline Kiss, Where's MJ?, You have some Junk in the Trump, you might be gay if you like this . . Author: Jimbro . Comments: 192 Comments
Time to do something, right now dammit!
February 22, 2018
Categories: Cheese Log Guzzler, ducks are people too, Lesbians, Like you know how to read., Mother Fuckin Bootleg, motorboating the brown-ringed zero, Pompadour, presidential portrait - poon in ivy, Sodium Chloride Fornication, The Religion of Peace, TITS, You have some Junk in the Trump, you might be gay if you like this . . Author: Jimbro . Comments: 221 Comments
That last word seems made up but it isn’t. If you search for it on the intertitty you’ll find a wealth of information.
So Obama is back, and this time going to kick ass and use cliches, and he’s all out of cliches. The world is stuck like a deer in the headlights of a sixteen wheel suck mobile, paralyzed at his magnificence–or so the media would have you believe.
The truth, harder than a diamond, and as difficult to swallow as a giant bitter pill is that only a few people actually care; rich old liberals and black women. The rest of us are just trying to get on with our lives. The days of our lives, even.
So please, do us a favor, oh God Emperor of the Early Release Television Series, go the fuck away. Obama could build a speech generator using the words, ‘world, future, change, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, let us, hope, and destiny,’ bridged together with terrible sentence formations and almost no one would notice. Just put up a cardboard cut out and play side A of the tape called ‘Flattering Rich Crackers’ then flip it over to side B, ‘I am Black Also, and Understand You.’
Save everyone else some time, dickface. If we wanted to be talked down to or bored to death we’d use bad grammar in a blog post and wait for Hotspur to show up.
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This man, right here, the one I’m pointing to…is a DICK!!!
May 9, 2017
Categories: #H2, 9/11 Bush's fault, alcohol, almond, American Hero, And Now Another Poat by Pupster, Cockfacefuckaloo, DDH, Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy, democrats, dicking bimbos, Easter Pig, Emily's Dull Affect, fat chicks, Federal Witness Protection Program, filbert, Floyd, Follically challenged, goatse, Good Stupid, Gout! Gout! Let it all out!, Granny Clinton, Hostages Legal Aid, Huevos divorciados, Hulk Smash, I am, I Will Kick Your Ass, I'm 7 Indians, I'm all out of bubble gum, I'm gonna need new batteries, illuminati, Incisor, Like you know how to read., Loaded dice, Lobster Benedict, Lobster Newburg, Master Henry, meghan mccain fat, Mercurochrome, Merry Christmas, Microvag, milestones, misogyny, Mister Mxyzptlk, new post, NHL, Nigeria, No Drama, OWS Douchebags, oxycontin, Plugged nickel, Plumbing, police involvement, rape culture, Really, redhead, Redhead Bonus Points, rhymes with "your mom", Richard Butt RIP, robust hindquarters, shut your whore mouth, skittles, slut, Sodium Chloride Fornication, Someone needs a sandwich, Space pens, Tastes Less Like Regular, Tastes More Like Regular, teh funny, Ten Gallon, The Religion of Peace, The Religion of Piece, The Wire, Things that really matter, Tuesday, weather blog, weiner . . Author: MJ (ghee/ghem) . Comments: 87 Comments
Andrew Myers
b. some secret time in a secret place
This one likes to screw
…around.
Makita? DeWalt? Rigid?
12V, 24V?
What’s in your toolbox?
Whip it out.
September 27, 2016
Categories: Bowler, Hambone, North American Goat Love Association, rape culture, The Religion of Peace, Z - we don't have a Z . . Author: Mr Chumpo . Comments: 252 Comments
Rest in Peace, Rosetta
~thank you for the gifts of your humor, your love, your hugs, and
your wonderful being you~
June 17, 1769 – April 9, 2016
***
The following is a post originally published on October 26, 2011. It was a brilliant concept where we all wrote eulogies about each other but got to read them before we were were gone. Below was the eulogy written by BlackIsWhite on Our Friend Rosetta:
*** *** ***
Allen Klein said “Humor does not diminish the pain—it makes the space around it get bigger.”
Allen must have known our friend Rosetta, who was taken from us at far too young an age by the first known transmission of plant-to-human potato blight.
From an early age, Rosetta knew the kind of emotional pain that many are fortunate not to experience until later in life. When he was 7, his parents allowed him to be kidnapped by cast members of “Up With People” when the show passed through his home town, or so he thought. As it turned out, they actually sold him to the producer of the travelling production, although he did not find this out until later in life when he had a chance meeting with his brother in a latex fetish store that he had wandered into seeking a neon pink hosenphucker suit. He was soon reunited with his parents, who were impressed that his fetishes had exceeded even their own in terms of their weirdness.
Those early years in the theatre made an impression on our young friend, as did the straps and leather ties used on him by his “uncles and aunts” as soon as he was old enough to drive the touring company bus. While he never liked to talk much about those formative years, they did nothing to reduce the sensitivity of young Rosetta, whose overriding love of show tunes (especially the score from “Paint Your Wagon“) was only surpassed by his fascination with latex clothing and the myriad of colors and styles that were introduced at the annual Latex Fashions Show in Berlin.
When Rosetta left the travelling theatre company to put down roots and attend community college, he soon realized that his upbringing was anything but average. He excelled at his studies, having trained himself five years earlier to get by on only an hour of sleep a night. While his perspective was not often appreciated by the more serious peoplesurrounding him, others quickly came to realize that he was a funny mofo, and he quickly drew a following that was willing to overlook his personality quirks and Howard Keel-esque voice belting out famous show tunes through the dorm hallways after the local bars had closed. Not a few of his fellow students also came to resent his easy wit and ability to charm the pants off of their girlfriends…literally.
By his senior year in college, Rosetta believed he had no skills to speak of and thought his prospects to be dim. Over a pitcher of caiphurnias, a friend convinced him that while no one would ever be looking to him for the next great mathematical equation, the grand unified theory of physics, or the next great novel that high school students around the country would someday be forced to read, it didn’t matter, because he was a funny mofo, and if he used it to his advantage, he could be richer than all those other guys. Realizing that the charm he used to talk comely co-eds out of their frilly panties and bras was the same charm that could sell Eskimosice futures and politicians shares in wind farms, he went into financial services, and never looked back, proving George Herbert‘s apt observation, “In conversation, humor is worth more than wit, and easiness more than knowledge.”
Although he managed to turn laughter into conquests, he eventually met a beautiful woman who left him hopelessly smitten. He tempered hischarm with heartfelt sincerity, and she was impressed beyond any words other than “I do.” However, he never stopped appreciating the variations on beauty that surrounded him, and never lost the appreciation for a great set of overstuffed boobs that was taught to him by the jaded old queers in the travelling theatre company. When he saw his first picture of Kerry Marie, devouring an all-you-can eat Chinese Buffet, by herself, he began a lifelong infatuation, marked by photos of the buxom lass in numerous cheeseburger and pizza stalking positions, leaving him the exquisite torment of a fixation that could never be requited, but could at least be calmed by an annual subscription to her website, a CD with a copy ofQueen’s Fat Bottomed Girls on a continuous loop, and the ability to add her in a BBF post every few months, so he could read Wiserbudcomplaining about how much fatter she was in the newest post than in the last BBF post he included her in.
Rosetta drew many people, regulars and lurkers, to the Hostages, mostly because he could make anything into a joke. People stayed because Rosetta’s jokes and gags helped so many to cope with personal tragedies and setbacks, as well as a world that brought fresh news daily about how it chose in large and small ways to abandon reason, and make the absurd the new normal. Another friend of mine once remarked that it is a very angsty place. But it was also a place he helped to make a home. Whether he was blaming Mare, or explaining how he had decided to declare himself a racist because a teacher had decided to be a douchebag to a politically aware young lady who had the temerity to wear a t-shirt that offended thepolitically correct teacher’s sensibilities, he was finding ways to tailor humor into a universal language that made you laugh and made you cheer as he poked the finger into the eyes of those who wanted to suck the joy out of life for others around them. This bald, grinning man displayed one of the kindest souls I have ever encountered, and understood better than most the power of the tongue.
He never used it to build up, but he also never used it to tear down, which is a remarkable thing. He was a rare man. One who understood this great power, and could have used it himself to great effect, but chose instead to use it to help people to forget, or at least take refuge, if only for a few moments, from those things which they could not forget. I believe that this was because he knew all too well about the sorrows that life could inflict upon the human condition, and generously gave of himself that which he wanted most for himself…to feel the stings of life neutralizedby the healing joy of laughter. This is why he could touch so many people in ways that left them wanting more, instead of wanting to press charges.
When I read the account of the birth of his and his wife’s son Max, I cried.
In a profession that necessarily robs you of your humanity, just so you can keep other people’s secrets, and bring order to the dysfunction of their lives, I never thought that I would be able to be moved by someone’s story that way. But that was our friend and brother’s greatest gift. To remind us that our experiences shape our souls, but our character defines who we are, and I fear that I could never face the same thing in my life without letting the pain twist my soul and saturate it with a bitterness that would contaminate everything about me. I think of the things that so many of us carry around, and I think this is a confirmation of the old bromide that “God never gives us more than we can handle.” Rosetta had so much love to share with children that the loss of one couldn’t change who he was; there was so much love that flowed out of him like a river that it couldn’t change him. And when his son Henry was born, we saw the light that Rosetta carried around shined even brighter.
Even if I could, I wouldn’t ask God to bring our friend back to us; Max waited patiently for his time with Daddy, and even someone as jaded as myself isn’t that selfish or cruel. My request is for the next best thing:
That God never lets his words lose their power to touch us.
Those words, with our memories, are the legacy that he left for us. And if we cannot enjoy his company any longer, then those words, and the laugher they draw out of us should be sufficient to take some of the stingout of the tears that we shed today at the loss of our friend, who understood what Sir Francis Bacon knew when he said “Imagination was given to man to compensate for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.”
“Goodbye” is uttered too often by grieving people at their loved ones’ funerals. Rosetta and I shared the belief that shuffling off the moral coilis only the beginning. Therefore I will only say “Expect us when you see us, man, man-lesbian. Until then, keep the indians cold, and give Max a kiss for us.”
*** *** ***
Hugs for all
XOXOXO
April 12, 2016
Categories: asshole, BANGLAR BILLY MAYS HERE!!!!, BBF, Don't Make Me Kill You, Ed Balls, Fourth Grade, FUCK SALT!!!, Gout! Gout! Let it all out!, H2 Eulogy, Hosefuckers, Joke thread, Lesbians, Like you know how to read., Man-Lesbian, POON!, shut your whore mouth, slut, Tards, The Religion of Peace, Totally Nude, Wipe your Cobarruvias!, You People Make Me Sick, You're a douchenozzle for playing the Rosetta card, Your Mom . . Author: Cyn, Widgets Fixerer . Comments: 409 Comments
March 3, 2021
Our government is a giant shitball of incompetents, liars and fascist pricks.