Baby I Love Your Meme

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Sidewalk Chalk

I boughted this album from a far away place called Germanyland!

Well window lickers it’s time for summer. Down here in the SOUTH (filled with racists, you are issued a hood at the Georgia border) the weather is getting a bit warmer and we are bidding adieu to old man winterspring. Notice how I worked in a reference to de Fuhrer PBUH by using German in that last sentence? That’s how racist we are down here. We speak German, hate cold weather, and are super friendly. I literally have no idea what any of this means. I’m just typing whatever pops into my grey mush.

So, it’s time for sidewalk chalk! A time honored tradition where people go outside with their kids, pretend to hear the phone ring, go back inside to make a drink, then go back outside in about 15 or 20 minutes to make sure the kiddos are still in one piece. While most kids fit more into the impressionist or modern art category, I think I’ve found some rather clever uses of sidewalk chalk for us to enjoy. These fun little pieces of temporary art all use the cracks to make something fun and whimsical.

Covid 2021

Hi asswipes. I’m basically stuck with permanent whiplash as we learn that mostly peaceful protests are terrorist attacks punishable by death, cops are heroes for shooting unarmed women, patriotism is doing what you’re told – not dissenting, and questioning the integrity of an election is a nut job conspiracy theory. How does one square these circles? Oh right. Shut up, that’s how.

The narrative. It’s always about the fucking narrative with these people. Given the past few months and the total reversal of everything the Left believed in, this is my best guess for the narratives of 2021.

January 2021

Dark days my friends. Dark days™. If only that racist Donald Trump hadn’t created Covid 19 as a way to kill black people, we’d be living in a true paradise of equality. It’s only because of Trump and his supporters that we have to deal with Covid at all. Did we mention that he’s a Russian spy for real? Perhaps you’ve forgotten so we’ll have to remind for a few days mostly because he can’t really defend himself now that he’s been silenced completely. 

February 2021

The Biden Tax Plan will increase taxes on the wealthiest Americans from 38% to 28% and the bottom 99% will see a reduction from 28% to 38%. Oh happy days! Everyone is going to be rich and evil people like Donald Trump will finally pay their fair share. Newly minted billionaire Barak Obama has graciously decided to pay his full salary of no dollars to the US Treasury in order to single handedly balance the budget in less than a year. Praise be Obama and Biden, but mostly Obama.

March 2021

The country formerly known as Syria, now called Trumpistan is most certainly building nuke-u-ler weapons and we should do something about that right now. Colin Powell personally parachuted in behind enemy lines with Brian Williams, 2 clicks from a cavalry of US birds – helicopters for the non elite soldiers – and found what appears to be a white substance that we’re are 100% sure is nuke-u-ler dust. Everyone agrees, including arch conservative anti-war Senator Lindsey Graham, and we need to send white Southern boys to die in the capital Trumpallujah in order to combat this grave threat to US democracy. If we don’t intervene in the Trumpistan civil war that has been raging for a decade, it’ll go on for another year or so. Can’t have that. We need to keep this fight going until the first troops deployed are old enough to see their kids serve in the same short, 20 year war. We have to fight the Trumpistan Civil War over there so we don’t have to fight it here. 

April 2021

Biden is like Jesus but with a six pack, sunglasses, and he can’t be killed. Biden is more like god but also like Jesus. And Allah if you’re into that sort of thing. We only know a little about religion from a Religious Studies class at Goucher College but we’re confident that Biden is like all the Gods but better because of his abs and sunglasses. Did you know Biden has a Peloton? I mean, how cool is that? I bet he rides it all the time with his abs showing just like Jesus.

May 2021

May is a time of reflection and healing. In order to reflect the healing, Joe Biden will begin a nationwide crackdown on white supremacist groups. The list includes Wall Mart shoppers, the staff of Forbes, everyone living in the South except Georgia, anyone who uses the internet to share a meme, writers at the Wall Street Journal, National Review, and all NeverTrumpers, country music fans, black men who voted for Trump, Nascar (except for Bubba Wallace) and the white girl own the View. All of these people will need to report to their local train station and board at platform 9 and three quarters. It’s funny because they’ll think they are going to Hogwarts but really they’ll be getting a different kind of magic.

In addition to these glorious reforms, Joe Biden will be taking the month off. He sprained his abs while shooting his 16th straight hole in one. The bandages on his face are incidental and not at all because his face tore like an overworked pizza dough while undergoing his 9th face lift.

June 2021

Donald Trump and his supporters created the hype and fear around Covid to try to steal the election from Joe Biden. Thanks to the hard work of Joe Biden, campaigning tirelessly on your behalf, he was able to overcome the media persecution, the censorship, and the efforts of big tech, the favoritism for Trump of our elite institutions and corporations, the obvious election fraud, and the scurrilous lie that Covid was a danger to your health in order to beat Donald Trump in 2020. Take off the mask bigot!

July 2021 

Recovery Summer IV!!!!!!! The unemployment rate for Americans has reached an all time low of 25% and average earnings, saved, created, or completely made up have increased to 120 million dollars per hour, as long as that hour is on the Tuesday where Mark Zuckerberg and Jeff Bezos volunteered at a soup kitchen for as long as it took to get a picture.

Second half of the year to follow! 

 

IMPOTENT UPDATE, ASSWIPES!!!!!!!!

Down the Rabbit Hole

I always think man, the people on You-tube used to be so creative. Remember when it first started how amazing it was? Yeah…see this video? How exciting is THIS?!?!?! The first back flip on You-tube

The first video I ever sent to Merv.

I’d like to thank lauraw for introducing me to this work of art…I believe it is part of the reason Merv fell madly in love with me……….three years after I showed him the video, but really…who’s counting?

The first cat video on You-tube……and as we all know, the Internet was created for cat and dog videos…..I’m pretty sure all videos uploaded to You-tube in 2005 were filmed with a potato.

Cybergoon squad…….the very first “weird side of You-tube” video.

And last, but not least, the VERY first video uploaded to You-tube by one of the founders enjoying his time at the zoo….my guess is, this guy is probably a rich mofo.

Also, it’s entirely possible I sprained my finger picking categories. I might die. I’ll miss you all.

A Post about Simpler Times

My grandma’s favorite song. She passed before I ever got to really know her, but rumor has it she was kind of an amazing gal. My mom gets teary eyes when she hears it.

My family is from the Ozarks in Missouri and my grandma insisted the family move to California so they wouldn’t be redneck. Never-mind the fact that their front yard was full of shot gun shells from shooting at squirrels (I used to walk around and collect them for whatever reason) and dead crows hung from the trees because they thought it’d scare the crows from eating their crops. When their house caught fire and burnt down, they rebuilt it with a wood burning cook-stove again. No modern appliances needed, thank you very much. These “rednecks” would give you the shirt off their backs if you showed up at their house. Unexpected visitors would get a full meal. I’d watch them pull out a metal coffee can, spoon some bacon grease out of it, put it in a cast iron skillet and cook you a fine breakfast, with fresh made corn bread to boot.

Farm people are a tough breed. I remember in my grandpa’s end days he lived with us and he fell….hard. He broke some ribs and his leg. My mom asked him if he wanted some cornbread before she called the ambulance. Old guy insisted on having fresh made cornbread from scratch before the ambulance was called because he knew the food would suck at the hospital.

Sometimes my grandpa would feed the hogs day old donuts and I can remember my cousins and I running out to the trough to get to them before the hogs did….why? Cuz chocolate. STFU THEY WERE ON TOP, OK?

I always thought this was a neat little newspaper article about my grandma’s parents.

I dunno, I guess I’m just waxing nostalgic today.

Romy’s song she put in chat deserves some love.

DEBATE OF DEATH

Download

This is going to be 90 minutes that we’ll never get back. Joe Biden is one of the dumbest guys to grace the national political stage. Everyone knows this. His family are grifters, his wife is a power hungry hag and his political round table is made up of old, fat, corrupt guys that have absolutely no issue with putting a hand up a skirt or 3. Fuck this guy sideways.

BIDEN

VS

GEOTUS