Valentine’s Day: Menace Or Foe?

Here it is ladies and gentleman, a corporate holiday based on religious tradition where we’re encouraged to buy lots of shit to express our love for that special somebody.

How About Some Baby Animals

Thorsday Quickie

 

Mood music:

I don’t even know what this means, because I still haven’t seen the movie.

Trump embarrassing us overseas:

 

Things I find on Facedouche:

 

Related:

 

Have I ever showed you guys my REALLY fat cat?

 

You think if I get my mom one of these, it will help?

 

This is for Leon:

 

That’s enough.   Vet office opens in 25 min then I can start calling.

 

Thorsday Substitute Poat

Since Jimbro is off in the mountains receiving a heavy load from some shady contractor, I’ve agreed to put up a poat.  The old one was smelling worse than your mom after Fleet Week.  We haven’t had a rip-roaring, honest-to-God hurt feelings fight on this blog in far too long, so let’s talk about music.

So, I’m about two weeks out from leaving my job, and by the time you read this I will hopefully have an offer for a new job outside of California.  Even if I don’t, I’m still leaving this state.  And that means one thing… ROADTRIP!  For the past nine months I’ve driven 45-75 minutes each way up to Santa Barbara each day for work.  Obviously, spending that much time on the road means listening to the radio a lot.  Thank the gods for Pandora, and Youtube on my phone.  So I thought I’d put together a list of some of my favorite songs to listen to while driving.  I decided to limit it to ten songs, about what I used to burn on a CD before a long road-trip.  Obviously there are others, but if I had to pick ten to listen to for a couple of hours in parts of the country where the only radio stations are messican polka and the baptist station... the mixture below would be my top choice. Yeah, some of them are covers, but they’re better than the originals for keeping me awake and focused while on the road.

Countdown To Armageddon

If you listen to, and believe, the MSFM catastrophe is right around the corner. If Trump (PBUH) isn’t threatening nuclear annihilation to NoKo and, by extension, China he’s frying the planet by backing out of the Paris Hilton Climax Awards. Next thing you know he’ll be building walls North and South to keep the Snowbillies and the Beaners out of ‘Merica,  letting people keep more of their money and giving parking tickets to Third World-ers double parking in NYC who are only picking up their dry cleaning for the love of Allah. It reminds me of this song by Europe, a group from Sweden who prove that men have been dressing and wearing their hair and make up like women long before the current crop of Millennial kuntz. Perhaps even more amazing than that is the fact that this group has actually released eleven studio albums, three live albums, three compilations and nineteen music videos. Quick bonus quiz: name one besides this one. Enjoy the analog clocks and cathode ray tube monitors that convey crisis and urgency in this video which evokes the panic we felt when Russia was our mortal enemy. Wait, is Russia still our mortal enemy…didn’t we reset things with them?

HHD – Gearing up for the Games

Roamy must be busy, so I’ll throw together an HHD poat for her.

Watching OnDemand shows for NBC (The Brave, WOO HOO!) has exposed me to some cool Winter Olympics ads. Of course I can’t find a link to it, since NBC probably has it locked down (why on earth would you want to release an ad to the public? why, someone might SEE IT!) but take my word for it, coolness.

HHD – Monkey Style

So – it’s an honor to be allowed to fill in for teh Rocket Chick; i’ll try not to fail to launch this bitch in an appropriate manner (one that your mom would like).

I went the extra mile and commissioned a song to be written specifically for this poat – leon’s pricing was a bit high but he promised that he wouldn’t eat too many ‘shrooms whilst composing this amazing journey of musical  majesty –

What do you think?

Enjoy:

 

now onward to the hunky humps that the hostagettes and jewstin have been waiting for:

SHHHHHHHH

I’m going to share a secret with you folks. Pictured below is the GREATEST garden hand tool I’ve ever owned.

 

Big words, I know – but this has changed my life. And because I love you all so very much (except MJ) I’m going to share this valuable knowledge with you.

 

This is it:

 

 

BEHOLD IT’S BEAUTY. $33 on Amazon, but I got it cheaper at Meijer a few weeks back.

You’re welcome, everyone.

 

Here’s an old song I’ve been listening to lately – THANK YOU TURBO.

 

 

Carry on fine people.

Ratty Tuesday

No exams every Tuesday anymore. Huzzah!

Here is a post of lots of small rats that apparently lots of other people find cute. I do not find rats cute. So it’s a series of pictures featuring things that I would immediately crush with a shovel if I saw them in real life. But other people find them cute. So strange.

Just how we’re programmed from childhood, I guess. My grandmother and mother are both automatic rodent killing machines and now I do it too.

Rat one. Someone has dressed this pet vermin in a small doll’s sweater. Note the expressionless, beady eyes.

Fuck These Fucking Fucks, FFS

 

So here we are, 100 days into the glorious reign of the God Emperor Donaldus Trump II.

Is America great again? No, but its early. Like you, my patience is about as thin as Mare’s Whoreday panties and I do not trust a single person that is connected to Washington DC.

 

The Bad

Repeal/Replace–May the RINOs of the senate be rushed to the ER with a lightbulb stuck in their collective asses. Upon removal they may find a bright idea, such as repeal/replace. It’s not complicated, assholes.

The budget–May the Freedom Caucus step on their dicks with golf shoes for having the temerity to sink repeal/replace only to turn around and fund PP for the rest of the fiscal year.

 

The Good

Border crossings are down 70+% based solely on a mean look from the based cheeto god. My suggestion is that he get a teardrop tattoo on his cheek then watch the number climb to 90%.

The world seems to think we might be crazy enough to kick ass and drink Diet Coke. They also seem to believe we are running low on Diet Coke.

Neil Fucking Gorsuch.

Serious note–people seem to be more optimistic about the future. I don’t really talk politics much in public but I don’t feel the weight of the pessimism that is being pushed by the media. Things seem good, which may be a reflection on where I live and how life is going, but it really matters when the people at the top are confident of success rather than dead set on decline. We’ve been told to eat our veggies for so long that a delicious taco bowl (we have the best taco bowl’s, don’t we folks?) seems like manna from heaven. It’s just taco Tuesday, but goddamn that seems like a fine idea.

The Ugly

The media and the DNC (Hillary/Obama wing) are pushing some really dangerous shit. The ridiculousness of RUSSIA! and the attempt to subvert a presidency that simply out hustled a terrible politician is going to escalate quickly. And when it does, they’ll blame Trump. They don’t care that people will be hurt, in fact I believe it’s the desired state to wave a bloody shirt.

I’m not really sure who has the ear of the President. I like Ivanka and Jared and I really like the tax plan that was put out but see Mare’s threadbare Whoreday undies referenced above for my trust levels. Jury is out on the D’s in the White House. 

Goofy Shit is Endearing. Fuck Being ‘Too Cool’ Like Obama