I’m going to share a secret with you folks. Pictured below is the GREATEST garden hand tool I’ve ever owned.
Big words, I know – but this has changed my life. And because I love you all so very much (except MJ) I’m going to share this valuable knowledge with you.
This is it:
BEHOLD IT’S BEAUTY. $33 on Amazon, but I got it cheaper at Meijer a few weeks back.
You’re welcome, everyone.
Here’s an old song I’ve been listening to lately – THANK YOU TURBO.
Carry on fine people.
No exams every Tuesday anymore. Huzzah!
Here is a post of lots of small rats that apparently lots of other people find cute. I do not find rats cute. So it’s a series of pictures featuring things that I would immediately crush with a shovel if I saw them in real life. But other people find them cute. So strange.
Just how we’re programmed from childhood, I guess. My grandmother and mother are both automatic rodent killing machines and now I do it too.
Rat one. Someone has dressed this pet vermin in a small doll’s sweater. Note the expressionless, beady eyes.
So here we are, 100 days into the glorious reign of the God Emperor Donaldus Trump II.
Is America great again? No, but its early. Like you, my patience is about as thin as Mare’s Whoreday panties and I do not trust a single person that is connected to Washington DC.
The Bad
Repeal/Replace–May the RINOs of the senate be rushed to the ER with a lightbulb stuck in their collective asses. Upon removal they may find a bright idea, such as repeal/replace. It’s not complicated, assholes.
The budget–May the Freedom Caucus step on their dicks with golf shoes for having the temerity to sink repeal/replace only to turn around and fund PP for the rest of the fiscal year.
The Good
Border crossings are down 70+% based solely on a mean look from the based cheeto god. My suggestion is that he get a teardrop tattoo on his cheek then watch the number climb to 90%.
The world seems to think we might be crazy enough to kick ass and drink Diet Coke. They also seem to believe we are running low on Diet Coke.
Serious note–people seem to be more optimistic about the future. I don’t really talk politics much in public but I don’t feel the weight of the pessimism that is being pushed by the media. Things seem good, which may be a reflection on where I live and how life is going, but it really matters when the people at the top are confident of success rather than dead set on decline. We’ve been told to eat our veggies for so long that a delicious taco bowl (we have the best taco bowl’s, don’t we folks?) seems like manna from heaven. It’s just taco Tuesday, but goddamn that seems like a fine idea.
The Ugly
The media and the DNC (Hillary/Obama wing) are pushing some really dangerous shit. The ridiculousness of RUSSIA! and the attempt to subvert a presidency that simply out hustled a terrible politician is going to escalate quickly. And when it does, they’ll blame Trump. They don’t care that people will be hurt, in fact I believe it’s the desired state to wave a bloody shirt.
I’m not really sure who has the ear of the President. I like Ivanka and Jared and I really like the tax plan that was put out but see Mare’s threadbare Whoreday undies referenced above for my trust levels. Jury is out on the D’s in the White House.
Goofy Shit is Endearing. Fuck Being ‘Too Cool’ Like Obama
Here is a pic of your mom:
Feel free to add updates. Let’s make this a community project.
I got some funny. /car in
This would have been good yesterday, but that’s Leon’s gig.
I’ll choke a bitch.
Moose is looking forward to the summer already – this is from LAST summer, of course.
This makes me LOL in my pantaloons. I’m sure it’s ageist or ableist considering her well known and tremendously documented physical challenges.
OMG. I’m literally dying over here. In fact, we all are.
A night for sharing.
I’ll open with Psychostick. This one is for Sean, and his beard.
And this one is just a classic.
With all the talk about art, and drawing turkeys, I thought “Wow, what a great idea for a poat!”
Execution is harder than success
Hello cannonballers. This is a journey into sound…And by sound I mean boobs. Let’s face it (Carly Fiorina), the only reason you’d come here on a Friday is for xBrad’s hilarious jokes and the sweet, sweet sounds of boobs flapping together.
*
This song will really makes you want to dance.
*
Today’s model is famous of something other than having big cans. Kidding! She’s an actress that’s famous for knowing how to read lines while the camera focuses on her really big cans! Anyhoo, her name is Diora Baird and apparently she was in a bunch of slasher flix. Imagine her running through a forest in a tank top screaming. That’s her life’s work. Please stop protesting your nazi poop and welcome wasshername!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*
Good day, miscreants. I was just thinking to myself, ‘MJ, you know what this shithole dump needs? Boobs, and lots of them.’ Good thing it’s Friday, my groovy tuckers. You’re in luck.
*
But first things second. I wrote this song whilst Eddie Vetter and I were taking our pitbulls for a walk through a loverly Seattle park. We saw a pack of wild hippies and our snarling, wild beasts were hungry. I looked at him and said, ‘drop the leash my good man, your pooch looks absolutely famished!.’ And he did. Fin.
*
*
Today’s model was a subject of great debate this morning. GND says that this chick isn’t fat, but that she’s a little hippy. I think she’s a big girl, with big girl features. Anyhoo, her god given, not made up name is Carlotta Champagne. She stands 5’6″ and graduated from the same college as GND. No shit, I’m not kidding. Please stop sacrificing virgins at your Scott Walker altar long enough to welcome….a fat chick.
*
The Official Sports Team of The Hostages
Get TITS2 & The H2 Stuff
