Hi weirdos. Here are a few things I would like to rate as a hostage:
TNT flooring: Meth heads that pretend to be Jesus freaks so you’ll trust them with your really big job that they swear is going to be just perfect. Will they work more than a few hours a day? No. Will they smoke meth in your house? Yes. Will you need to have the floor completely removed and done by someone else? Yes. Will the meth heads remind you of someone but you can’t quite place them? Yes.
I’m going to share a secret with you folks. Pictured below is the GREATEST garden hand tool I’ve ever owned.
Big words, I know – but this has changed my life. And because I love you all so very much (except MJ) I’m going to share this valuable knowledge with you.
This is it:
BEHOLD IT’S BEAUTY. $33 on Amazon, but I got it cheaper at Meijer a few weeks back.
You’re welcome, everyone.
Here’s an old song I’ve been listening to lately – THANK YOU TURBO.
Carry on fine people.
Hotspur’s new truck
Socks helping with the rent
Beansersdgdgresasd’s basement renovation took an unexpected turn
Jewstin is early Christmas Shopping
Colex wants a paper umbrella with that
Mare updates her look
Jimbro seems bored
And then he ate it
CARin gets in a fight
That last word seems made up but it isn’t. If you search for it on the intertitty you’ll find a wealth of information.
So Obama is back, and this time going to kick ass and use cliches, and he’s all out of cliches. The world is stuck like a deer in the headlights of a sixteen wheel suck mobile, paralyzed at his magnificence–or so the media would have you believe.
The truth, harder than a diamond, and as difficult to swallow as a giant bitter pill is that only a few people actually care; rich old liberals and black women. The rest of us are just trying to get on with our lives. The days of our lives, even.
So please, do us a favor, oh God Emperor of the Early Release Television Series, go the fuck away. Obama could build a speech generator using the words, ‘world, future, change, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, let us, hope, and destiny,’ bridged together with terrible sentence formations and almost no one would notice. Just put up a cardboard cut out and play side A of the tape called ‘Flattering Rich Crackers’ then flip it over to side B, ‘I am Black Also, and Understand You.’
Save everyone else some time, dickface. If we wanted to be talked down to or bored to death we’d use bad grammar in a blog post and wait for Hotspur to show up.
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This man, right here, the one I’m pointing to…is a DICK!!!
You people make me sick. We spent an entire day talking about turtlenecks when there are very real and important things going on in the world!
1. Some chick no one has ever heard of was asked not to be rude by the guy whose job is to chastise rude people.
3. A cranky alcoholic colicky baby who is running for president in 2020 mentioned the chick no one had ever heard about and the homeless lady.
4. Car in called me twice just to talk.
Ok fine, I made that last one up but the rest are 100% real stories that were covered wall to wall by the very serious gossip columnists we pretend are reporters and journalists. And you trogdilytes trogdelites trogderplites losers decided to make the funneh about foreskin.
Shame!
Hello students, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.
God I love that song.
Me: Big boat deluxe, big boat denied
Google Play: Big boat devolves, big boat deny
Lyrics A-Z: Big broken love, big broken knives
Revolve Lyrics: Big boat deloves, big boat denies
Your model was born in Brisbane, Queensland, Australia on February 5th, 1991, and currently resides in Los Angeles, California. She stands 5′8″, 110lbs and 34C-24-34 on the nevergonnahappen scale. Please stop ignoring the pussy and welcome, Miss Ellie Gonsalves!
In case any Monday-only lurkers missed this:
Anyhow, I’ll probably need to hit the weeds a few more times. Be sure to check out the rest of the videos on that channel if you want to see some cool coloring stuff. The channel owner has her own coloring book coming out soon that looks pretty fun if you’re into that sort of thing.
This isn’t her.
I’m getting fat. Not making/getting time for the gym, barely eating right, not getting enough sleep, and I turn 40 next week. Fatherhood and this whole “driving to work” thing is killing me. The former is worth it, the latter is not. I need motivation this week, and lots of it.
Also sleep. And some steak. And less alcohol. And like a hundred pullups.
Stones fan?
The Official Sports Team of The Hostages
Get TITS2 & The H2 Stuff
