Big Boob Friday

Everyone shut your smollet hole and pay attention for a second. Donald Trump is god’s gift to conservatives. You may quibble with his demeanor, his communication style, or his brash NY sensibilities. You may not quibble with his results. As George Washington once said of the great Civil War general Winston Churchill, ‘I can’t spare this man. He fights.’

Ladies and gentleman, I believe this is the difference between the GOP and Trump voters. The CC republicans can’t and won’t fight, whereas his base is begging for it. Brigadier General Jay-Z said it best when referring to the chickenheads of the Afrikorps on the eve of the battle of Saratoga…

Now once upon a time not too long ago
A nigga like myself had to strong arm a ho (never trump)
This is not a ho in the sense of having a pussy
But a pussy having no goddamn sense try and push me
I tried to ignore ’em, talk to the Lord
Pray for ’em, cause some fools just love to perform
You know the type, loud as a motorbike
But wouldn’t bust a grape in a fruit fight

If that doesn’t perfectly describe Jonah Goldberg I don’t what does. Loud as a motorbike, but couldn’t bust a grape in a food fight. Dammit man, do a few burpees and have some self respect.

Today’s model is a gorgeous and slim bed duster. You’re welcome! Please put down your ski masks, white face, clothesline, and red hats and welcome Antonella Khallo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Jeudi Gras

Since Mare liked Jam’s “Foods of New Orleans” post I thought I’d keep the party going with lots more dishes filled with fat. Even better, everyone sounds like they’re fasting or at least thinking about fasting so why not a little torture?

MMM – Motivational Music Monday

 

 

I found this over the weekend and it is most excellent. No, I’m serious this time. LISTEN MUTHAFOCKERS. You need to give it a minute. I don’t know who this Samuel Pipes is, but he’s got some pipes. Get it? his name is Pipes?

 

Whatever. Tough crowd this morning.

 

Shut Yer Pie Hole!

Old white man’s term: Vagina

New awesome unicorn term: Front Hole

Today we’re going to play “Which would you prefer to go in your front hole?”

Independence HHD

Good morning, Happy Independence Day, and welcome to another edition of Hunky Hump Day.
Happy birthday to the best country in the world, and sincere thanks to those who defend and have defended it.

And to the fake news media, Mad Maxine, socialists, antifa, etc.

Now for the hunks.

Get Ready!

Time to do something, right now dammit!

Watermelon Douche Chills

Gather round my friends and lend an ear, there’s a tale needs to be told. This is the abridged version. For the complete story you’ll need to pony up 50 cent to my publisher.

You see, there was once a man, so big he shook the ground with each mighty step. For a snack he’d eat an entire ox and pick the gristle from his big-as-a-surfboard teeth with the ox horns.

SHHHHHHHH

I’m going to share a secret with you folks. Pictured below is the GREATEST garden hand tool I’ve ever owned.

 

Big words, I know – but this has changed my life. And because I love you all so very much (except MJ) I’m going to share this valuable knowledge with you.

 

This is it:

 

 

BEHOLD IT’S BEAUTY. $33 on Amazon, but I got it cheaper at Meijer a few weeks back.

You’re welcome, everyone.

 

Here’s an old song I’ve been listening to lately – THANK YOU TURBO.

 

 

Carry on fine people.

Sean’s Delicious Calamari

You people make me sick. We spent an entire day talking about turtlenecks when there are very real and important things going on in the world!

1. Some chick no one has ever heard of was asked not to be rude by the guy whose job is to chastise rude people.

2. Some homeless lady was the butt of a mild joke about her hair which was racist and also anti-domicileless.

3. A cranky alcoholic colicky baby who is running for president in 2020 mentioned the chick no one had ever heard about and the homeless lady.

4. Car in called me twice just to talk.

Ok fine, I made that last one up but the rest are 100% real stories that were covered wall to wall by the very serious gossip columnists we pretend are reporters and journalists. And you trogdilytes trogdelites trogderplites losers decided to make the funneh about foreskin.

Shame!

 

FOR THE RECORD….

Here is a pic of your mom:

Feel free to add updates. Let’s make this a community project.

 

 

I got some funny. /car in

 

This would have been good yesterday, but that’s Leon’s gig.

 

I’ll choke a bitch.

 

 

Moose is looking forward to the summer already – this is from LAST summer, of course.