You’re all Tools

 

So, last Friday was Toolday: the day Tool fans from all around the world had waited 13 long years to arrive.  The. New. Album.  And some people just walked around like it was a normal day.   Oblivious to it’s greatness.

Behold the “unboxing”   of the limited edition. Yes, I have it. Unlike everyone else who didn’t pre-order.

 

BBF

Hello, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.

 

 

 

 

 

Your model for today was born January 1st, 1997 in Colombia, South America.  She stands 5′ 5” and measures 41DD-25-36 and 130 lbs. Please cheer up , turn on some lights, and welcome Miss Kendra Roll!

 

Donde estan mis pantalones?

Obama II: Cockfacefuckaloo

That last word seems made up but it isn’t. If you search for it on the intertitty you’ll find a wealth of information.

So Obama is back, and this time going to kick ass and use cliches, and he’s all out of cliches. The world is stuck like a deer in the headlights of a sixteen wheel suck mobile, paralyzed at his magnificence–or so the media would have you believe.

The truth, harder than a diamond, and as difficult to swallow as a giant bitter pill is that only a few people actually care; rich old liberals and black women. The rest of us are just trying to get on with our lives. The days of our lives, even.

So please, do us a favor, oh God Emperor of the Early Release Television Series, go the fuck away. Obama could build a speech generator using the words, ‘world, future, change, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, let us, hope, and destiny,’ bridged together with terrible sentence formations and almost no one would notice. Just put up a cardboard cut out and play side A of the tape called ‘Flattering Rich Crackers’ then flip it over to side B, ‘I am Black Also, and Understand You.’

Save everyone else some time, dickface. If we wanted to be talked down to or bored to death we’d use bad grammar in a blog post and wait for Hotspur to show up.

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This man, right here, the one I’m pointing to…is a DICK!!!

BBF

Hello hair-pullers, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.

Did you know this is Rob Schneider’s daughter?  He must be very proud.

Your model is a food writer, journalist and broadcaster known for her popular cooking and lifestyle shows on British television.  She was born January 6th, 1960 into the upper class family of Nigel Lawson (now Baron Lawson of Blaby) a Conservative politician who was Chancellor of the Exchequer under Margaret Thatcher’s cabinet.  She stands 5’7″ tall, sports some 32G sized jumper pads and weighs in around 10.5 stone. Please stop trying to be someone else and say hello to Ms. Nigella Lawson.

Speaking of C**ts

So funny I bust my felt wiiiiiiddddeee open.

Tuesday Poetry Post

Roses are red

Where the hell is Leon going?

Inappropriate

Not a good pentameter

Freestyle

Enstompenate at will.

Marfa Fire

Meet Lou Jordan y’all

b. a while back

She lives on Bijou St. John in Louisianner.

Sorta sorta sophmoric with a nice stroke and a beautiful palette.

Right up mah ally.

After such a kick ass summer working in the cinematic coal mines, I guess I’ll go back to working in L.A. for a spell.  I hope to be on a show in the studio system by Oct.  My posse rolls at Paramount but I know a group at Fox and also at Universal.  Imma stay out of Warner Bros. yard and I don’t work for The Mouse.

 

I hope to start a lucrative retirement fund, who knows, maybe I’ll open another gallery.

How else am I gonna get rich like Hotspurn?  Lord knows there aint no future in shovin’ ass during Fleet Week.

How’s it hanging’ in your part of the world?

 

Have a grand ole’ time.

 

 

 

ch

Kitchen Wire

Meet Jim Houser

b.1973 Philadelphia

BBF

Happy New Year Boob Enthusiasts, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.

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Your model for today is an actress, comedian, writer and producer.  She was born in Tashkent, Uzbek SSR, USSR but moved to Hollywood when she was 3 years old.  She seems like a lot of fun even though she tries to hide her headlights under a bushel.  Please stop waving that hammer around and welcome, Miss Milana Vyntrub!