Crappy Candy Cornucopia

October. Most normal kids are preoccupied with what “they will be” for Halloween. For other kids, it’s Halloween every day, so, no big deal. Boof. My teen step-son is delighted with volunteering at a local haunted house thing which is kind of a big deal around here. Fright At The Fort is held at Fort Knox (not that one).

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This year it’s a Stephen King theme. Say what you want about his politics and desperate need for an editor but the guy has written some classic horror novels. Anyway, he’s in the Children Of The Corn part of the tour.

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He’s pretty funny with his assessment of the crowd. As the evening wears on the attendees grow older, drunker and higher on marijuana. Some of the drunken idiots don’t take kindly to screaming like a schoolgirl in front of their dates. Every part of the exhibit has adult bouncers in it thankfully.

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Bad Week to be a Leftie

Man, it sure has sucked to be a leftie this last week or so. Outdone by Donny Two Scoops, the single biggest idiot ever to populate the White House (their words).

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HHD – Gearing up for the Games

Roamy must be busy, so I’ll throw together an HHD poat for her.

Watching OnDemand shows for NBC (The Brave, WOO HOO!) has exposed me to some cool Winter Olympics ads. Of course I can’t find a link to it, since NBC probably has it locked down (why on earth would you want to release an ad to the public? why, someone might SEE IT!) but take my word for it, coolness.

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Hostage Oscar Party (Now With 100% Fewer Slow-loading GIFs!)

Well, the Academy Awards are here again. Yay. If you think you’re sick of hearing about them, try living in Southern California. It’s all they talk about on the news for the next goddamn week.

Most of us aren’t big fans of Hollywood (or as one guy I heard one time called it, HollyWEIRD–delightful!) but maybe you saw a couple of the movies that are nominated this year. Are you rooting for La La Land? Hidden Fences? Something else?

Ah, who am I kidding? We’re all boycotting the Oscars. Not for the politics (okay, maybe a little bit because of the politics) but because the most deserving film of the year wasn’t nominated:

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I’m just hoping John Wick 2: The Wick and The Dead gets nominated next year. Probably not, though.

Saturday Shakespearean Sonnet

Let’s just get this out of the way right upfront:

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Okay, now that we’ve dispensed with that, on to the poetry:

O, fake internet friends, how they slack off
When the long week’s toil is done and ended.
Whether they do Crossfit or just jack off,
The blog on weekends moulders, unamended.
Exceptions come, sometimes, from our Jimbro
Or if the Puppeh isn’t chasing tail.
But too often we are stuck in limbo
And Friday’s buxom freshness starts to fail.
I know well that all of you have lives
While weekends find me cloistered here at work.
But thirty-some hours on a poat is jive
Yeah, “jive” is weak; you write the next poem, jerk!
So ends my verse, now let comments commence,
And maybe push this down some hours hence.

Tushar is sick of your bullshit

And frankly, so am I. You’ve become a bunch of lazy, slothful pieces of shit. I mean, I can excuse people like Hotspur and MCPO who have worked hard all their lives and are enjoying their Golden Years, but what excuse do the rest of you have?

I mean, for God’s sake, we’re almost at the end of the weekend and everyone’s still commenting on a Saturday poat while waiting to get motivated by trannies tomorrow. It’s no wonder this country is going straight to hell.

Okay, now that I’m done calling you assholes, I’m going to hopefully provide you with some motivation before tomorrow with a photo of Cal alum and insanely-hot pole vaulter Allison Stokke:

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I have likely touched several surfaces that her ass has also touched.

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