Everyone Is Racist But Me

Hi there, how’s it heeling?

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Watermelon Douche Chills

Gather round my friends and lend an ear, there’s a tale needs to be told. This is the abridged version. For the complete story you’ll need to pony up 50 cent to my publisher.

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You see, there was once a man, so big he shook the ground with each mighty step. For a snack he’d eat an entire ox and pick the gristle from his big-as-a-surfboard teeth with the ox horns.

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HHD – Gearing up for the Games

Roamy must be busy, so I’ll throw together an HHD poat for her.

Watching OnDemand shows for NBC (The Brave, WOO HOO!) has exposed me to some cool Winter Olympics ads. Of course I can’t find a link to it, since NBC probably has it locked down (why on earth would you want to release an ad to the public? why, someone might SEE IT!) but take my word for it, coolness.

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Merry Christmas

Wow, seems like we were just using our Halloween avatars! Christmas stuff has been on display for weeks in my neck of the woods and I’m sure it’ll be worse the next time I go in a store.

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BBF

Hello best friends, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.

 

 

Your model for today was born October 13th, 1988 in Mount Union, Pennsylvania.  5′ 4″, 44-28-36 and 135lbs, please keep traffic moving and welcome Miss Christy Marks!

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Get Your Costume ASAP

It’s still not too late to get a good costume for Halloween. Don’t wait till the last minute or you’ll end up going as Gumby again.

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David Brooks is the Sandwich Artist of Virtue Signaling

From the NYTimes, so don’t click.

Recently I took a friend with only a high school degree to lunch. Insensitively, I led her into a gourmet sandwich shop. Suddenly I saw her face freeze up as she was confronted with sandwiches named “Padrino” and “Pomodoro” and ingredients like soppressata, capicollo and a striata baguette. I quickly asked her if she wanted to go somewhere else and she anxiously nodded yes and we ate Mexican.

American upper-middle-class culture (where the opportunities are) is now laced with cultural signifiers that are completely illegible unless you happen to have grown up in this class. They play on the normal human fear of humiliation and exclusion. Their chief message is, “You are not welcome here.”

–David Brooks

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MMM 279: Staycation

I’m taking a week off to get my head clear and get a bunch of things done around the house.  So far I’ve trimmed a bunch of trees in one area, replaced a toilet, flamed some weeds, picked some weeds, and mowed.  Today I’m going to weed the garden thoroughly, stake and trellis the tomatoes, straw mulch the potatoes, and build another raised bed for turnips.  I might also make some time for a real workout.

Calf veins.

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Obama II: Cockfacefuckaloo

That last word seems made up but it isn’t. If you search for it on the intertitty you’ll find a wealth of information.

So Obama is back, and this time going to kick ass and use cliches, and he’s all out of cliches. The world is stuck like a deer in the headlights of a sixteen wheel suck mobile, paralyzed at his magnificence–or so the media would have you believe.

The truth, harder than a diamond, and as difficult to swallow as a giant bitter pill is that only a few people actually care; rich old liberals and black women. The rest of us are just trying to get on with our lives. The days of our lives, even.

So please, do us a favor, oh God Emperor of the Early Release Television Series, go the fuck away. Obama could build a speech generator using the words, ‘world, future, change, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, let us, hope, and destiny,’ bridged together with terrible sentence formations and almost no one would notice. Just put up a cardboard cut out and play side A of the tape called ‘Flattering Rich Crackers’ then flip it over to side B, ‘I am Black Also, and Understand You.’

Save everyone else some time, dickface. If we wanted to be talked down to or bored to death we’d use bad grammar in a blog post and wait for Hotspur to show up.

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This man, right here, the one I’m pointing to…is a DICK!!!