We Rate Dogs

We need a break from bad news, viruses, and your mom.

Stranglememe

Can’t believe Car in never talks about this guy, from Detroit.

Now on to the memes:

Big Boob Friday

I’m just gonna apologize in advance for what’s about to happen here today. Deeply, and with heartfelt empathy for your flaccid donut, I’m sorry.

Today’s musical selection is of the deep hizouse variety and features a smokin’ hot Eastern European babe as the visual accompaniment to a lovely track. I wrote this while measuring the hourly bacteria count on countertop butter. That’s a lie. I didn’t write this song. I’ll allow you a second to recover.

Honestly, I feel bad about this. Brandy Talore is a former adult movie star, turned professional trailer trash, back to porn, then back to full time trash. She got her start in the yogurt catching business after a brief stint as a nude model. But fear not, she made sure that her family knew what she was doing. It’s also posited that her rather large udders and nips were the products of nursing two children all before the advanced age of 22. Nine years later Brandy called it quits but then briefly came back to the biz in 2017. To say that the off camera years were a bit hard on her is like saying that Illan Omar has the grace of a debutante. Poor fap disaster!

Amy Shumer?

Big Borscht Friday

Russia, Russia, Russia! If I rolled my eyes like I want to, I would be able to see into my brain. It occurred to me a few days ago that my father in law insisted on joining me on a walk last November and started talking about the election. His theory was that Hillary had been harassed for 20 years and there has never been any evidence of a crime so all of the allegations must be bullshit. After I collected my jaw from the ground I muttered something like, ‘so what you’re saying is you have just eaten 10 space cakes and didn’t share any of them?’ Not true, I actually didn’t say anything because I don’t really talk about politics with anyone but my lovable internet family. But I can’t wait to use that line this Thanksgiving–he’ll tell me it doesn’t matter, Trump is actually a Russian spy, and I’ll say something like, ‘so what you’re saying is you’ve just eaten 10 sputnik cakes and didn’t share any of them?’

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Little Known Fact…Stalone invented Zumba

Keeping with our Russian theme, today’s model is from a former Eastern Bloc country or possibly Mother Russia herself. I mean, just look at her. She’s like 5″11, weighs 120 pounds, has tatas bigger than Red Square, and looks like Mr Bean. Please give a warm, stern looking nod of approval to Karin Spalnikova!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!11!!!!!1!!!

Obama II: Cockfacefuckaloo

That last word seems made up but it isn’t. If you search for it on the intertitty you’ll find a wealth of information.

So Obama is back, and this time going to kick ass and use cliches, and he’s all out of cliches. The world is stuck like a deer in the headlights of a sixteen wheel suck mobile, paralyzed at his magnificence–or so the media would have you believe.

The truth, harder than a diamond, and as difficult to swallow as a giant bitter pill is that only a few people actually care; rich old liberals and black women. The rest of us are just trying to get on with our lives. The days of our lives, even.

So please, do us a favor, oh God Emperor of the Early Release Television Series, go the fuck away. Obama could build a speech generator using the words, ‘world, future, change, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, let us, hope, and destiny,’ bridged together with terrible sentence formations and almost no one would notice. Just put up a cardboard cut out and play side A of the tape called ‘Flattering Rich Crackers’ then flip it over to side B, ‘I am Black Also, and Understand You.’

Save everyone else some time, dickface. If we wanted to be talked down to or bored to death we’d use bad grammar in a blog post and wait for Hotspur to show up.

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This man, right here, the one I’m pointing to…is a DICK!!!

Big Boob Friday

Herro! Welcome to big boob Friday. It’s full of Friday and boobs so it must be WIN!!!!

I have no idea what I’m saying, really. Please disregard any comments that might pertain the shape and size of Hotspur’s asshole. It’s called phrenology people. Try to keep up.

So here we are; another end of the week, or beginning to some of us. For most of us, it’s just another day on the endless treadmill of winning that is the glorious reign of God Emperor Donald Trump II, long may he, er, reign.  As you may know, I’ve written quite a few songs for your enjoymentness over the years, most of which you rightly decided were utter crap. This song is no different because it’s about you.

This week’s model is of the Asian persuasion…which is a total shocker. In between eating sushi and playing checkers with marbles, she likes to giggle quietly behind her hand and fantasize about large reptile like creatures fighting large moth like creatures. Please put down your bucket of chardonnay and welcome Vicki Li!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Broken Wire

I got banged up in :laguna beach this night.

 

Please to pardon my foolish phantasms.

Just my luck

passperin

BrokenKeyboardWire

HehGuessWhichPieceOfMineKeyboardBrokeThisNight?

 

NancyEckles

b.California

ThisIsRediculous.I’mTotallySpacingOut

HaveACoolDay.

 

ch

 

LOOK AT THAT FACE

 

Blue Wire

Well, let’s get fresh for the summer season.  Evidently zee Moronosphere is ablaze with real zeal for new art posts in America, and so in celebration of the new let us break from the past.

Check out:

Geoff McFetridge

b 1971 Canada

He’s a bright talent and prolific.

Watch for his shows in a metropolitan galleria near ye’ia.

(pro-tip.  Free wine.)

Taste the brainbow.

MMM 210: Superbowl Hangover Edition

I didn’t watch it, haven’t read any news about it, and won’t.  The only possible reason I would take note is if the inevitable t3rr0r1st attack finally happened during this one.  All I know for sure is that the Lions didn’t win.  Not because they weren’t playing, either.

Mountain climber