Tuesd’AWWW, WTF Edition

So I’m looking for cute animal pictures, like usual, and run across a lot of things that I’m not sure what they are.

I mean, what the Hell is this thing.

Is that a bunny? With its ears pinned back/ shorn off? I can’t really tell.

The Day After

Back to the salt mines, losers, unless you took the whole week off or work in the service industry. Serving isn’t really difficult, so it doesn’t count if you have to work a double, or even a fake double. Carrying nice people food and making them drinks—you should be paying them!

 

Serving Her a Glass of Babies Was a Poor Choice

Obama II: Cockfacefuckaloo

That last word seems made up but it isn’t. If you search for it on the intertitty you’ll find a wealth of information.

So Obama is back, and this time going to kick ass and use cliches, and he’s all out of cliches. The world is stuck like a deer in the headlights of a sixteen wheel suck mobile, paralyzed at his magnificence–or so the media would have you believe.

The truth, harder than a diamond, and as difficult to swallow as a giant bitter pill is that only a few people actually care; rich old liberals and black women. The rest of us are just trying to get on with our lives. The days of our lives, even.

So please, do us a favor, oh God Emperor of the Early Release Television Series, go the fuck away. Obama could build a speech generator using the words, ‘world, future, change, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, let us, hope, and destiny,’ bridged together with terrible sentence formations and almost no one would notice. Just put up a cardboard cut out and play side A of the tape called ‘Flattering Rich Crackers’ then flip it over to side B, ‘I am Black Also, and Understand You.’

Save everyone else some time, dickface. If we wanted to be talked down to or bored to death we’d use bad grammar in a blog post and wait for Hotspur to show up.

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This man, right here, the one I’m pointing to…is a DICK!!!

BBF

Hello hair-pullers, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.

Did you know this is Rob Schneider’s daughter?  He must be very proud.

Your model is a food writer, journalist and broadcaster known for her popular cooking and lifestyle shows on British television.  She was born January 6th, 1960 into the upper class family of Nigel Lawson (now Baron Lawson of Blaby) a Conservative politician who was Chancellor of the Exchequer under Margaret Thatcher’s cabinet.  She stands 5’7″ tall, sports some 32G sized jumper pads and weighs in around 10.5 stone. Please stop trying to be someone else and say hello to Ms. Nigella Lawson.

Sean’s Delicious Calamari

You people make me sick. We spent an entire day talking about turtlenecks when there are very real and important things going on in the world!

1. Some chick no one has ever heard of was asked not to be rude by the guy whose job is to chastise rude people.

2. Some homeless lady was the butt of a mild joke about her hair which was racist and also anti-domicileless.

3. A cranky alcoholic colicky baby who is running for president in 2020 mentioned the chick no one had ever heard about and the homeless lady.

4. Car in called me twice just to talk.

Ok fine, I made that last one up but the rest are 100% real stories that were covered wall to wall by the very serious gossip columnists we pretend are reporters and journalists. And you trogdilytes trogdelites trogderplites losers decided to make the funneh about foreskin.

Shame!

 

Bill Clinton’s Weenus

 

This will be an exploration of my long held theory that Bill will not allow Pickles McParkinsons to win the election so that he can continue to dick bimbos for the short remainder of his life.

Have you seen the first dude lately? He looks like he hasn’t had a decent meal in ten years or that his alleged syphilis is finally winning the war on women. I kid, I kid. He’s a vegan so you know he has syphilis.

So here’s the theory, in case you missed it in my survey class taught at Muppet U, or if you forgot what was written in the first paragraph: Bill will do anything to prevent Smiley McOpenmouth from getting in the oval office. Way too important to keep his little Gore wet. Yes, for those of you scoring at home, he calls his blank shooter Al Gore.

I bet you’re thinking I’m totally wrong. That the allure of being half of the first ever male/female presidential couple is just too, er, alluring. Consider this: whenever things get good for her, he trots out some sorry statement that even he, a veritable Da Vinci of lying can’t clean up.

Man, that’s gonna sting. Don’t get me wrong, no one cares what he said…except for the only man that might actually make a difference in the election: Golfy McOkieDoke. St Trayvon’s Dad is notoriously thin skinned and its well known that Obama and Bill already hate each other. Bill once told Obama that he should be getting him coffee rather than schlonging his wife (that’s Web Hubble’s job) and Obama’s black half never got over it. If you locked these two in a bedroom closet only one would emerge–probably Bill with panties on his head, wearing high heels, but that’s besides the point.  The hate is real my groovy babies, the hate is real.

Weenus + Viagra >Husband + Most Powerful Woman in the World

Its math, and therefore indisputable, although its probably racist.

FIN

 

 

Saturday Beer Run

Hello my friends.  I have just returned from a whirlwind tour of the parts of Illinois, Missouri and Kansas that nobody ever wants to go to, and I could use a drink.

Or two.

Just one more.

Maybe MJ will be magnanimous and tells us of his European tour.

Special thanks to Colorado Alex for filling in admirably on Friday, and opening up a whole new untapped BBF genre.  

Fight the Power

Looks like Chumpo’s poat got misplaced so imma gonna fill in. ( I see the pictures all there in the media folder though …)

Today – on display – is a sampling of lefty mindset on facebook. Here are their “arguments”. Basically there is no discussion. Instead they post stupid memes that apparently are supposed to shut us up with ‘their truth to power’.

Here are a few which have appeared:

It doesn’t help to argue with any of the “facts” on any of these memes.

You’ll just get a text on your phone from saying “Please do not discuss things on my facebook posts”.

Whatever mom.

Well theres floodin down in Texas….all of the telephone lines are down

2015 floods blamed on climate change?

Osama Bin Lobster

Where it’s at.

Stay safe my Texas friends. It’s hard for the rest of us to grasp where the flooding is based on national newscasts. You stay safe too John Kerry. You’re our point man with Iran! If you’re down for the count we may need to send Barak over there to give away the store.