The Day After

Back to the salt mines, losers, unless you took the whole week off or work in the service industry. Serving isn’t really difficult, so it doesn’t count if you have to work a double, or even a fake double. Carrying nice people food and making them drinks—you should be paying them!

 

Serving Her a Glass of Babies Was a Poor Choice

SHHHHHHHH

I’m going to share a secret with you folks. Pictured below is the GREATEST garden hand tool I’ve ever owned.

 

Big words, I know – but this has changed my life. And because I love you all so very much (except MJ) I’m going to share this valuable knowledge with you.

 

This is it:

 

 

BEHOLD IT’S BEAUTY. $33 on Amazon, but I got it cheaper at Meijer a few weeks back.

You’re welcome, everyone.

 

Here’s an old song I’ve been listening to lately – THANK YOU TURBO.

 

 

Carry on fine people.

Obama II: Cockfacefuckaloo

That last word seems made up but it isn’t. If you search for it on the intertitty you’ll find a wealth of information.

So Obama is back, and this time going to kick ass and use cliches, and he’s all out of cliches. The world is stuck like a deer in the headlights of a sixteen wheel suck mobile, paralyzed at his magnificence–or so the media would have you believe.

The truth, harder than a diamond, and as difficult to swallow as a giant bitter pill is that only a few people actually care; rich old liberals and black women. The rest of us are just trying to get on with our lives. The days of our lives, even.

So please, do us a favor, oh God Emperor of the Early Release Television Series, go the fuck away. Obama could build a speech generator using the words, ‘world, future, change, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, let us, hope, and destiny,’ bridged together with terrible sentence formations and almost no one would notice. Just put up a cardboard cut out and play side A of the tape called ‘Flattering Rich Crackers’ then flip it over to side B, ‘I am Black Also, and Understand You.’

Save everyone else some time, dickface. If we wanted to be talked down to or bored to death we’d use bad grammar in a blog post and wait for Hotspur to show up.

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This man, right here, the one I’m pointing to…is a DICK!!!

Big Boob Friday

Herro! Welcome to big boob Friday. It’s full of Friday and boobs so it must be WIN!!!!

I have no idea what I’m saying, really. Please disregard any comments that might pertain the shape and size of Hotspur’s asshole. It’s called phrenology people. Try to keep up.

So here we are; another end of the week, or beginning to some of us. For most of us, it’s just another day on the endless treadmill of winning that is the glorious reign of God Emperor Donald Trump II, long may he, er, reign.  As you may know, I’ve written quite a few songs for your enjoymentness over the years, most of which you rightly decided were utter crap. This song is no different because it’s about you.

This week’s model is of the Asian persuasion…which is a total shocker. In between eating sushi and playing checkers with marbles, she likes to giggle quietly behind her hand and fantasize about large reptile like creatures fighting large moth like creatures. Please put down your bucket of chardonnay and welcome Vicki Li!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday Beer Run

Hello my friends.  I have just returned from a whirlwind tour of the parts of Illinois, Missouri and Kansas that nobody ever wants to go to, and I could use a drink.

Or two.

Just one more.

Maybe MJ will be magnanimous and tells us of his European tour.

Special thanks to Colorado Alex for filling in admirably on Friday, and opening up a whole new untapped BBF genre.  

MMM 205: Making America Great Again in 2016

So the year begins and HOLY CRAP I’m excited.  It’s going to be amazing.  2016 is bound to be better than 2015.  Here’s my reasoning:

You know all those things that can’t go on forever?  Remember how things that can’t go on forever… don’t?  Every single one of those things is now closer to ending.  SOMETHING is going to fail catastrophically this year, and gravity will bring something with no business in the air crashing to the ground.  Keep the popcorn handy.  If it’s the EBT system, oh man, hilarity will surely ensue.  Another market crash?  WOOOOO!  The only thing better would be an actual zombie apocalypse.

ARE YOU PUMPED?

Lat work.

Lake of Wire

This chick.  Jeez.

Introducing the exceedingly patient, Georgia Russell.

b.1974 Eglin, Scottland.

 

So, November

I was sorry to hear that we lost Fred Thompson today. I wanted to vote for him back in ’08, but didn’t even get the pleasure of casting a primary ballot for him. Such is life. RIP, Fred.
 

 
Well, let’s see what else this month has in store for us…