Baby Watch

T-minus three months until total loss of sleep, life, and mind. I’m counting on all of you hostage aunts, uncles, and somewhere in between, to keep me honest and give me tons of advice on how to raise a baby. Every new parent loves to hear about what they’re doing wrong and how its going to permanently scar their child!

Holding Poat – Bad Trip part ducks

that’s french you ignant bastards –

Big Boob Friday

Well hey there. Pupster is behind enemy lines in the exotic land of Canadia so you’re going to have to put up with me for this week. You’re welcome in advance.

I wrote this song whilst thinking about Cyn. If you get a chance, skip to 32:54 and 53:10 for other really good songs that you’ll hate and make fun of me for liking.

Today’s model is a tremendous pick for BBF. Probably one of my best choices ever. You’ll never be tired of winning with the loverly Miss Danielle Riley!!!!!!!!ELEVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who Dat? Not My Preznit!

As I’m sure you are all aware president Obama is set to make his big comeback to the US and public life after pretending to write his memoirs on a mega yacht with Oprah and Tom Hanks (WILSON!!!!!!!). Here’s an excerpt of his first draft that will be later turned into dramatic prose by a little known college professor and spontaneous combustion enthusiast. 

Chapter 1

Barack’s version: Sat down to watch a rerun of SportCenter at 11 after calling SlowJoe and a quick workout with Mooch. Fell asleep. Woke up during the nooner of SC just in time to see Venus Williams winning some white shit tourney for the third time. Man, what an ass. I’d like to put a Mike Tyson mask on her and lay into them hindquarters. Trump sucks! San Demus High School rules!

Ayers version: Five Nine score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of captivity.

Tuning The Page

Good Job.  We kept The Candle going for a whole year.

Catch ya later, Phatass.

On with Teh Funnah headers!

 

-sorry for the stomp, Jimebro.  xoxo

Sean’s Delicious Calamari

You people make me sick. We spent an entire day talking about turtlenecks when there are very real and important things going on in the world!

1. Some chick no one has ever heard of was asked not to be rude by the guy whose job is to chastise rude people.

2. Some homeless lady was the butt of a mild joke about her hair which was racist and also anti-domicileless.

3. A cranky alcoholic colicky baby who is running for president in 2020 mentioned the chick no one had ever heard about and the homeless lady.

4. Car in called me twice just to talk.

Ok fine, I made that last one up but the rest are 100% real stories that were covered wall to wall by the very serious gossip columnists we pretend are reporters and journalists. And you trogdilytes trogdelites trogderplites losers decided to make the funneh about foreskin.

Shame!

 

Big Boob Friday

Hello weekday and weekend warriors. This has been a really interesting week for the MJ household. First, I found out that although interpuppet sex generally doesn’t end with procreation, we have succeeded. Second, wiser can suck a dick, nay a whole bag of them. And finally, the blog really misses Cyn. Whatever Jimbro, Pupster, and James did to run her off will requires punishment. I suggest that we each send them a flaming bag of gratitude.

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I wrote this song for Hotspur.

FOR THE RECORD….

Here is a pic of your mom:

Feel free to add updates. Let’s make this a community project.

 

 

I got some funny. /car in

 

This would have been good yesterday, but that’s Leon’s gig.

 

I’ll choke a bitch.

 

 

Moose is looking forward to the summer already – this is from LAST summer, of course.

 

Upon Which We Proclaim Our Joy for The C**t’s Demise

 

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Added, cuz it’s freakin hilarious!

Broken Wire

I got banged up in :laguna beach this night.

 

Please to pardon my foolish phantasms.

Just my luck

passperin