Thursday New Poat

Good morning boys and girls and xbrads.

Here’s a fresh poat for everyone.

Scott and LauraW continue their vacation. Beasn continues the home improvement project from hell.

After five years out I’ve started to get recruitment letters asking me if I want to apply for a commission in the Army Reserve. They must be truly desperate for people.

Leon is busy denouncing the moral degredation of today’s youth.  Car in, meanwhile, has had enough of your shit.  Perhaps she shouldn’t have sent Ethan to Jimbro to get his surgery.  MJ’s busy trying to keep the spice in his marriage.

Wait… where the fuck is Xbrad?

Mare needs a little encouragement some mornings.

Shhhh… it’s going to be ok, Pupster.

Should we organize a 21-rep salute?

And now, some music:

This pretty much sums up how I feel most days. But then I realize that I have you assholes as my fake internet friends, and everything is going to be alright.

This one’s just plain fun. As is this one.

Go forth and take on the world. Remember, it’s Thursday night, so celebrate.

SHHHHHHHH

I’m going to share a secret with you folks. Pictured below is the GREATEST garden hand tool I’ve ever owned.

 

Big words, I know – but this has changed my life. And because I love you all so very much (except MJ) I’m going to share this valuable knowledge with you.

 

This is it:

 

 

BEHOLD IT’S BEAUTY. $33 on Amazon, but I got it cheaper at Meijer a few weeks back.

You’re welcome, everyone.

 

Here’s an old song I’ve been listening to lately – THANK YOU TURBO.

 

 

Carry on fine people.

Fuck These Fucking Fucks, FFS

 

So here we are, 100 days into the glorious reign of the God Emperor Donaldus Trump II.

Is America great again? No, but its early. Like you, my patience is about as thin as Mare’s Whoreday panties and I do not trust a single person that is connected to Washington DC.

 

The Bad

Repeal/Replace–May the RINOs of the senate be rushed to the ER with a lightbulb stuck in their collective asses. Upon removal they may find a bright idea, such as repeal/replace. It’s not complicated, assholes.

The budget–May the Freedom Caucus step on their dicks with golf shoes for having the temerity to sink repeal/replace only to turn around and fund PP for the rest of the fiscal year.

 

The Good

Border crossings are down 70+% based solely on a mean look from the based cheeto god. My suggestion is that he get a teardrop tattoo on his cheek then watch the number climb to 90%.

The world seems to think we might be crazy enough to kick ass and drink Diet Coke. They also seem to believe we are running low on Diet Coke.

Neil Fucking Gorsuch.

Serious note–people seem to be more optimistic about the future. I don’t really talk politics much in public but I don’t feel the weight of the pessimism that is being pushed by the media. Things seem good, which may be a reflection on where I live and how life is going, but it really matters when the people at the top are confident of success rather than dead set on decline. We’ve been told to eat our veggies for so long that a delicious taco bowl (we have the best taco bowl’s, don’t we folks?) seems like manna from heaven. It’s just taco Tuesday, but goddamn that seems like a fine idea.

The Ugly

The media and the DNC (Hillary/Obama wing) are pushing some really dangerous shit. The ridiculousness of RUSSIA! and the attempt to subvert a presidency that simply out hustled a terrible politician is going to escalate quickly. And when it does, they’ll blame Trump. They don’t care that people will be hurt, in fact I believe it’s the desired state to wave a bloody shirt.

I’m not really sure who has the ear of the President. I like Ivanka and Jared and I really like the tax plan that was put out but see Mare’s threadbare Whoreday undies referenced above for my trust levels. Jury is out on the D’s in the White House. 

Goofy Shit is Endearing. Fuck Being ‘Too Cool’ Like Obama

 

 

 

 

Who Dat? Not My Preznit!

As I’m sure you are all aware president Obama is set to make his big comeback to the US and public life after pretending to write his memoirs on a mega yacht with Oprah and Tom Hanks (WILSON!!!!!!!). Here’s an excerpt of his first draft that will be later turned into dramatic prose by a little known college professor and spontaneous combustion enthusiast. 

Chapter 1

Barack’s version: Sat down to watch a rerun of SportCenter at 11 after calling SlowJoe and a quick workout with Mooch. Fell asleep. Woke up during the nooner of SC just in time to see Venus Williams winning some white shit tourney for the third time. Man, what an ass. I’d like to put a Mike Tyson mask on her and lay into them hindquarters. Trump sucks! San Demus High School rules!

Ayers version: Five Nine score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of captivity.

Speaking of C**ts

So funny I bust my felt wiiiiiiddddeee open.

BBF

Hello hummers and dogs who know the words, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.

 

 

Your model today was born on March 19, 1995 in Basingstoke, Hampshire, England.  She measures 30G-24-32 on the headturner scale, and stands 5’10” and the obligatory 125 lbs.  Please get off the barre and welcome, Miss Jamie Love aka Alice Brookes!

Have You Hugged A Crustacean Lately?

Invertebrates need love too. Jam out with your literal clam out!

Part of the B-52’s shtick in the 80’swas imitating the surf guitar sound of the 60’s and the women in the group adopted the beehive hairstyles of the 50’s-60’s. Are we being set up for a 90’s revival in music and fashion?  Rural Maine is hardly the vanguard of cutting edge but thanks to the internet young people can imitate each other amazingly quick today.

One trend that seems to get revived whenever there’s a Republican in office is 60’s style protests by the Left. It has become so formulaic that it is now parody. Thanks to the internet (again!)  we can criticize their actions in a manner unavailable to previous generations of conservatives. What it boils down to is, rather than seeming bold and confrontational, their protests are met with eye rolling and expressions of “Oh, that same old shit again”.

Hostage Oscar Party (Now With 100% Fewer Slow-loading GIFs!)

Well, the Academy Awards are here again. Yay. If you think you’re sick of hearing about them, try living in Southern California. It’s all they talk about on the news for the next goddamn week.

Most of us aren’t big fans of Hollywood (or as one guy I heard one time called it, HollyWEIRD–delightful!) but maybe you saw a couple of the movies that are nominated this year. Are you rooting for La La Land? Hidden Fences? Something else?

Ah, who am I kidding? We’re all boycotting the Oscars. Not for the politics (okay, maybe a little bit because of the politics) but because the most deserving film of the year wasn’t nominated:

I’m just hoping John Wick 2: The Wick and The Dead gets nominated next year. Probably not, though.

When Bunnies Attack

It’s not all glamour at cute bunny headquarters. There’s a Dark Side, too.

(just softening up the blow, not a real “Dark Side” picture)

Upon Which We Proclaim Our Joy for The C**t’s Demise

 

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Added, cuz it’s freakin hilarious!