I think I mentioned in the comment section a glorious conversation I had with my stoner, loser, father in law. Let me expand the conversation so you can laugh and cry along with me.
First, I was down in FL on very short notice to fix up my POS condo that was to be sold. The tenants had trashed the place so I needed to paint, make a few repairs, and get the carpet replaced. Since this is Florida, you can’t count on anyone other than your own cheesebag. Hired cheesebags will stiff you, leave you wondering, and steal the cabinets from the walls if left unattended.
So there I was, after driving 8 hours, busting my ass for two days to repair said shit hole, when my asshole father in law invites me for dinner. Great, I say. No problem. I’ll meet you at your mom’s house (not a euphemism) and we’ll go our for Messican.
Out of the shower and I’m ready to go. Plans have changed, we’re going out for Vietnamese but whatever. I’m hungry and looking forward to some fun with GNDs grandma (she’s 91 and sharp as a tack) and her uncle, who is basically a Hostage. They’re awesome people and serve as a shield to my AHFIL. When I look at dear sweet grandma and ask her if she wants to ride with me, she informs that she’s not going. She thought it would be nice if AHFIL and I could spend time together.
The world stopped. I had gone deaf. Nothing made sense. I blinked, tried to gather my shit and desperately tried to control the fear and shock spreading across my face.
My mind instantly went to the scene in The Empire Strikes Back where Luke, missing a hand, beaten to a pulp, and hanging over the edge of an impossibly long fall, finds out he’s the spawn of Darth Vader. If I were in that situation and Vader was my AHFIL and he informed me in his deep, mechanical voice that he is indeed taking me out for Vietnamese for dinner alone, I would have fucking jumped too. Sweet death take me now.
I read a post on the mothership and started laughing at a few of the pejorative names that were tossed around and it got me thinking about funny phrases and words. I know what you’re thinking…is this going to be the first in a long line of piscatorial posts or might we venture into a realm unknown?
The answer of course, is why not both? Just kidding. I think we can safely shelve our admiration for fisherman, old men, the sea, and how their bounty is turned into a delicious fried patchwork of amphibious parts. Today we embark upon a mission to call forth our favorite malicious insults.
I boughted this album from a far away place called Germanyland!
Well window lickers it’s time for summer. Down here in the SOUTH (filled with racists, you are issued a hood at the Georgia border) the weather is getting a bit warmer and we are bidding adieu to old man winterspring. Notice how I worked in a reference to de Fuhrer PBUH by using German in that last sentence? That’s how racist we are down here. We speak German, hate cold weather, and are super friendly. I literally have no idea what any of this means. I’m just typing whatever pops into my grey mush.
So, it’s time for sidewalk chalk! A time honored tradition where people go outside with their kids, pretend to hear the phone ring, go back inside to make a drink, then go back outside in about 15 or 20 minutes to make sure the kiddos are still in one piece. While most kids fit more into the impressionist or modern art category, I think I’ve found some rather clever uses of sidewalk chalk for us to enjoy. These fun little pieces of temporary art all use the cracks to make something fun and whimsical.
Lots of bad stuff happening. I think we all look around at the world and can’t really believe this nightmare is reality. Lockdowns. Censorship. Stolen elections. Retribution. Fear. Panic. Violence.
I’m not a very emotional person but when I think of the attempts to silence millions of people in our fair country I’m brought to tears. This is the only reason that I become remotely political. When you strip away all of the issues – judges, tax rates, healthcare, race – all of the bullshit, you’re only left with the divine gift of free expression. Either we have it or we don’t.
The beauty of America is (was – hotspur) the belief that we can work out ideas, discuss difficult issues, fight over them, and ultimately come to conclusions that are objectively true and also moral. If all topics that the Left doesn’t favor or won’t benefit them are off limits then the compact is broken. They are attempting to achieve power by silencing their political opponents, which is just another attempt to reduce the divinity of man and subjugate him.
Stacey Abrams photoshopped to appeal to suburban women
You know what I find really odd about the Stacey Abrams phenomenon? Nothing. I find nothing odd or interesting about it.
She’s a person that claimed, without evidence, that she won the 2018 gubernatorial election in Georgia and along with her media allies, spread the claim far and wide in the run up to the 2020 presidential election.
They lied repeatedly for political gain and no one cared. I did a bit of research about her claim and only USA Today had the courage to run a fact check rating the claim ‘partly false’. They were so brave that they fact checked an anonymous Twitter account and made sure that even though there was actually no evidence of fraud or cheating in 2018 and that she’s been lying for 2 years about it, to give her a 500 word tongue bath for registering 800K new voters. As if that matters. Something is true or not. It isn’t ‘partly false’ because you go girl! or whatever. It’s either a lie or it isn’t.
The sad reality is that her story is totally normal now. She’s a loser that lies without hesitation because she can. Everyone around her lies to keep the lie rolling, and normal people that question the lie are called out for not lying enough or squinting hard enough to see that the lie is ok because she’s…you know. And you have to treat…you know…people differently because those other people that treat…you know people equally are probably racist.
The same narrative is used for almost everything now. It’s all the same. It’s all lies. Happy Monday!
I always think man, the people on You-tube used to be so creative. Remember when it first started how amazing it was? Yeah…see this video? How exciting is THIS?!?!?! The first back flip on You-tube
The first video I ever sent to Merv.
I’d like to thank lauraw for introducing me to this work of art…I believe it is part of the reason Merv fell madly in love with me……….three years after I showed him the video, but really…who’s counting?
The first cat video on You-tube……and as we all know, the Internet was created for cat and dog videos…..I’m pretty sure all videos uploaded to You-tube in 2005 were filmed with a potato.
Cybergoon squad…….the very first “weird side of You-tube” video.
And last, but not least, the VERY first video uploaded to You-tube by one of the founders enjoying his time at the zoo….my guess is, this guy is probably a rich mofo.
Also, it’s entirely possible I sprained my finger picking categories. I might die. I’ll miss you all.
We VOLE you - since March 2009 
