We’re in the Matrix

I’m pretty sure we’re living in a simulation. To support this claim I want to draw your attention to the crazy that is 2020.

First, we’re witnessing white people become absolute racists in order to combat racism. I can’t only assume one of our programmers left a hashtag open and, well, here we are.

Second, a Chinese virus that was supposed to end the world – or at least come close – has turned out to be a bad flu season. I would bet all of my fake money that the code was outsourced to India and they read the requirements wrong. Covid = sys.exit() got written as: scriptcovid.2 (covid = flu. Dot not feather, always fucking up the code, amiright?

And lastly, this poor soul seems to have been built from a base character, but the game developers forgot to make the change from sausage to taco.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the weirdest thing on the internet at the moment…Danielle Muscato. Here’s a brief recap of the story if you haven’t heard about it. Basically our friend Danielle went into a Kroger and blew up at some poor soul that wasn’t wearing a face diaper. Danielle tried to get help from the store security guard and manager but they declined to prosecute this grave injustice. In response, Danielle starting harassing Kroger and the manager about their policy, and well, the blowback was swift. Look, this probably happens a few hundred times a day but for some reason this really struck a nerve with people. I have no idea why, except that perhaps Danielle is the avatar for all social justice warriors and you know, is a man.

Memes I’ll Never See

Meme in the Sky

Question of the day: Aren’t live songs by definition cover songs?

Hotspur Meets His Match

In the sad wake of Notre Dame burning yesterday, I mentioned getting engaged there. Oso said she enjoyed hearing it, but that was only a tiny part of the story.

Here I will tell a complete version of my history. I will start at the beginning.

In January of 2000, a close friend of mine, Rick, invited me to an “Ignore The Super Bowl Party.” The idea was to keep the sound off during the game so everyone could chat, then turn it on during the commercials, so everyone could laugh. That was back in the days of the Dotcom bubble, and the commercials were hilarious.

During the week before the game, if Rick asked me once, he asked me five times if I was coming on Sunday. I told him yes each time. But when Sunday came I really didn’t want to go, but I thought, “Fuck, I told him five times I was coming. I’ll just go and stay for a drink and say I have to get up early in the morning, then leave early.”

So I went.

Tuesday Gras – that’s french for Vomit

OY!!

Revelers and debauched scoundrels, tis that time of the year again!

Monkey Meat Madness – Tuesday Tales of the Bush

“I told my children that we cannot continue eating bush meat or any dry meat because we fear that the Ebola is very near now,”

Next thing you know people will stop having sex in the bush too….

Trash Talk Tuesday

My little mini-me is a sweet kid. In sports that can be a bit of a hindrance so over the past year or so I’ve been trying to up her game in the trash talk department.

It seems that some of the kids have been saying some off colored stuff for a while.

 

Who woulda thunk that kids could be mean…

I explained that a not insignificant part of competition is the mental component and one should be prepared to ignore your opponents mouth while returning the volley with a ferocity that would make Genghis Khan blush…

Just Pecking Away

So one might think that a “Pecking Away” post might be about the latest currency of exchange for a maudlin teen child being bartered to a man for chickens, but one would be wrong.

Alas another important study has shown a disturbing trend  in the course of events for the American male.

 

Public Urination

What’s up with the current rush to coarsen everything in society. From San Fran to NYC everybody is pissing in the streets.

I thought it was a french tradition. Now it’s all fashionable to drop trou and go…

I guess gone are the simpler times of panhandling.

heteroclite

The weirdest stuff cracks me up. My sig-ot is used to my bizarreness and makes sure to steer me out of the way of unsuspecting people when we’re out and about and I’m feeling plucky.

Cubic Houses (Rotterdam, Netherlands) I recommend checking them out when you’re in the netherregion smoking dope with phat

I’ve seen this place a few times. I like the netherlands. The ppl are friendly, the beer is good, and hookers.