tubgirl | Counting our dicks since March 2009

UUF (Ugly Unmotivated Friday)

Your model for today was born in Los Vegas, NV on December 30th, 1991. She stands 5′ 3″, weighs a bunch and measures a beefy 40F-32-40. Please have some more cake and say hello to Miss Felicia Clover!

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June 1, 2018
Categories: BBF, beefcake, Boobs, butt-pokey blues, Cheese Log Guzzler, Chubs, Dang. I mean...dang., Death by Fishstick, dicking bimbos, Easter Pig, ember shoes, fat chicks, fire in the hole, Genital Itch, grope em if you got em, Hambone, Heavy Metal Thunder, Hulk Smash, Knockers, Makin' Bacon, meatdickbreath, Moist, monkey love, Moon Pie Smash, Muppet Porn & You, Nice Melons, One Foot Muff, Peace Through Douche, pelvic rest, pelvic thrust, pron, redhead, Redhead Bonus Points, robust hindquarters, Rosetta Likes This, Rub meat, She-Meat, Someone needs a sandwich, swinging with friends, Things that really matter, This is fucking bullshit, those are some big boobs, Tube Steak Fever, tubgirl, wisermeany . . Author: Pupster . Comments: 126 Comments

It’s hard not to take for granted all of our digital entertainment options. Even the younger Hostages haven’t had the internet as we know it all their lives. Back in HS we learned typing on ancient manual typewriters and there was a Computer Club with about 10 kids in it. Yeah, we had a rotary dial phone at my house until I was in college. Now barely anyone has a home phone and it seems nearly every kid has spent more time on YouTube on their phone than they have watching TV. Today we reflect on the pre-gif-era of entertainment as our ancestors experienced it. Well, not exactly since this isn’t the Hostage Weekly Magazine in your mailbox.

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May 24, 2018
Categories: #H2, BADASSDOM, BANGLAR!, Douche-bagger, I am judging you, is there such a thing as bad head, Methadone Clinic Cougar, people make me sick, Rumpus Room Rumba, Snake juice guzzler, Sure Why Not, tubgirl, who's turn is it to grope Cyn . . Author: Jimbro . Comments: 140 Comments

BBF

Hello best friends, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.

Your model for today was born October 13th, 1988 in Mount Union, Pennsylvania. 5′ 4″, 44-28-36 and 135lbs, please keep traffic moving and welcome Miss Christy Marks!

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October 20, 2017
Categories: 4/10 Would Still Smash, And Now Another Poat by Pupster, BBF, Boobs, but not the good kind, dicking bimbos, Double or nothing, ember shoes, Emily's Dull Affect, fat chicks, Fourth Grade, Genital Itch, Hambone, Heavy Metal Thunder, Hosefuckers, Hulk Smash, Invisible Hand Spanking Machine, Knockers, meatdickbreath, meghan mccain fat, mesadick, Moist, motorboating done wrong, Nice Melons, pelvic rest, pelvic thrust, pron, robust hindquarters, shut your whore mouth, Snake juice guzzler, those are some big boobs, tubgirl, TurtleFacePlant, What the Fuck, Jenny? . . Author: Pupster . Comments: 257 Comments

My Friends Are Better Than Your Friends

Wait, wut? So quick baby update and a big thank you to some very nice people for sending gifts to the house. Its been a truly wonderful experience to understand how many people are wishing the little guy well. I’m super pleased that he’ll have a whole group of crazy aunts, uncles, and inflatable sheep to make sure he doesn’t turn into a giant pain in the ass.

Blankie Engineered by NASA

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September 10, 2017
Categories: !RALGNAB, asshole, bacon, Baconwrappedboobbeer, Granny Clinton, Grippe, groomin' your shroom, Hitler, Lobster roll, Lobster Thermidor, Man-lesbians, ManBearPig, Marathon not a sprint, No Drama, people make me sick, Phone blogging, racist, rape culture, Sherwin Fucking Williams, skittles, slut, taste the rainbow, Tastes Less Like Regular, Trump's Fault, truther, tubgirl, wisermeany, Xanthan gum, Your mom likes this . . Author: MJ . Comments: 65 Comments

BBF

Hello hungry friends, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.

Your model was born June 1st, 1987 in Prague, Czech Republic. 5’8″, 40F-28-36 and 136 lbs, please say hello to Miss Shione Cooper!

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August 11, 2017
Categories: 10/10 Would Smash, And Now Another Poat by Pupster, asshole, bacon, Baconwrappedboobbeer, Balls, barely passable trannies, BBF, bbq, Beanie, Beaver Button, Black helicopters, Boobs, Booze, braunschweiger, Brian Williams, Brut, but not the good kind, Buzzcut, Cash for Crunkers, CHAD, Chicks dig a nice tool, Compound W, Consumption, Coonskin, Dan Rather, Dang. I mean...dang., Double or nothing, Drinking heavily, Easter Pig, ember shoes, fat chicks, foreskin, Fourth Grade, fucking genius, Genital Itch, groomin' your shroom, Hambone, Hanks, Happy, Hardware, High and tight, homophobe, I feel like chicken tonight., I used to be funneh and shit, Jayson Blair, Jesus Freak, Knockers, Lactation, Make Him Stop - everybody probably, misogyny, motorboating done wrong, Nice Melons, One Foot Muff, pelvic rest, pelvic thrust, pron, Rub meat, She-Meat, slut, Stetson, Stetson (for men), Suck It., Sure Why Not, taste the rainbow, This is fucking bullshit, those are some big boobs, TITS, Totally Nude, tubgirl, Tuesday, TurtleFacePlant, weiner, What the Fuck, Jenny?, whatever, whiskey, wisermeany . . Author: Pupster . Comments: 124 Comments

Who Dat? Not My Preznit!

As I’m sure you are all aware president Obama is set to make his big comeback to the US and public life after pretending to write his memoirs on a mega yacht with Oprah and Tom Hanks (WILSON!!!!!!!). Here’s an excerpt of his first draft that will be later turned into dramatic prose by a little known college professor and spontaneous combustion enthusiast.

Chapter 1

Barack’s version: Sat down to watch a rerun of SportCenter at 11 after calling SlowJoe and a quick workout with Mooch. Fell asleep. Woke up during the nooner of SC just in time to see Venus Williams winning some white shit tourney for the third time. Man, what an ass. I’d like to put a Mike Tyson mask on her and lay into them hindquarters. Trump sucks! San Demus High School rules!

Ayers version: ~~Five~~ Nine score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of ~~Negro~~ slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of captivity.

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April 22, 2017
Categories: #hashtag, 9/11 Bush's fault, As Little as Possible, asshat anonymous, but not the good kind, Buzzcut, Caffeine, dicking bimbos, Douche-bagger, Man-Lesbian, Man-lesbians, ManBearPig, Nate Silver, OWS, oxycontin, paris hilton whore, Punk Rock, Pure Genius, quesadillas, Stop Trying To Make TuesD'AWWW Happen, Stroller, The 1%, truther, tubgirl, Tuesday, You People Make Me Sick, You're a douchenozzle for playing the Rosetta card, You're a TOTAL douche, You're gonna love my nuts, Your dad likes this, Your Mom, Your mom likes this, Your mom should be on the new ten, Your Welcome Hotspur, ZOMFG!!11ty! . . Author: MJ . Comments: 204 Comments

Speaking of C**ts

So funny I bust my felt wiiiiiiddddeee open.

April 11, 2017
Categories: !RALGNAB, #H2, #hashtag, #Problematic, 9/11 Bush's fault, alcohol, almond, Brian Williams, Brown Snow, Brut, Bugout Jelly, dicking bimbos, Double or nothing, No more wire hangers, North American Goat Love Association, Not Boobs, OWS Douchebags, oxycontin, paris hilton whore, Peace Through Douche, peanut, pecan, Phone blogging, Pleurisy, Plugged nickel, Plumbing, poat, Premolar, pron, Punk Rock, Pure Genius, quesadillas, QWERTY, right wing rethuglican, robust hindquarters, Rocky Dennis, Sandra Fluke, Say "What" Again, Scurvy, Secret Santa, Shark Week, She-Meat, shut your whore mouth, truther, tubgirl, Tuesday, TurtleFacePlant, Uncategorized, unicorns, You're a TOTAL douche, You're gonna love my nuts, Your dad likes this, Your Mom, Your mom likes this, Zzyzx . . Author: MJ . Comments: 103 Comments

Meanwhile, at Bizarro H2…

I guess that site would be called “The Kidnappers.”

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thisisnotascam

lovesalt

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