Miscellaneous Memorial Monday

Leon is busy so I figured I’d throw up something to make up for forgetting to come up with a poat last Monday. Links will be light, because WordPress is a fucking disaster and keeps crashing on me every two minutes. Obviously, this will be a solemn affair, in light of the passing of Car in due to her disastrous decision to run the Ragnar. The initial autopsy suggests that she overdosed on Tool‘s latest album somewhere around mile 28. In lieu of flowers, her family is asking for donations to the Foundation to Force Feed Taylor Swift a Fucking Sandwich.

First, some traditional MMM fare. It’s always good to start a workout with some bodyweight exercises as a warm-up.

BBF

Hello commuters, and welcome to Big Bombus Friday.

 

bombous (bom’bus)— adj. convex; spherical.

 

 

 

Lyrics Link

Stop asking me why I won’t take the things you give me
I’m not gonna smile
When you shake my hand an tell me you’re not happy with me

Your model for today was born November 6th, 1990 in Pompei, Napoli, Italy.  She stands 5′ 5″, 34-24-36 and 110 lbs.  Please freshen your breath and say buongiorno to Miss Valentina Nappi!

Artistry – POS Mardi Gras Edition

Remember when Chumpo used to post really interesting things about art? This isn’t it –

So Your Boyfriend BO & Your Girlfriend Mooshel had their pictures done; no offense to the skanky (insert Hotspur word)/ wenches that did them, but DAAAAAAMMMMMn!

So I tried my hand at a truly befitting preznitz-dental portrait :

I think it captures the essence of the oblah-blah years.

Hostage Oscar Party (Now With 100% Fewer Slow-loading GIFs!)

Well, the Academy Awards are here again. Yay. If you think you’re sick of hearing about them, try living in Southern California. It’s all they talk about on the news for the next goddamn week.

Most of us aren’t big fans of Hollywood (or as one guy I heard one time called it, HollyWEIRD–delightful!) but maybe you saw a couple of the movies that are nominated this year. Are you rooting for La La Land? Hidden Fences? Something else?

Ah, who am I kidding? We’re all boycotting the Oscars. Not for the politics (okay, maybe a little bit because of the politics) but because the most deserving film of the year wasn’t nominated:

I’m just hoping John Wick 2: The Wick and The Dead gets nominated next year. Probably not, though.

Upon Which We Proclaim Our Joy for The C**t’s Demise

 

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Added, cuz it’s freakin hilarious!

Happy Birfday, Joe

Joe Strummer, the late lead singer from The Clash, would have been 64 today. 2016 has been such a shitty year that I’m frankly surprised he didn’t somehow come back to life only to die again.

Now, I know that punk rock isn’t really most of the Hostages’ favorite kind of music, but these guys are one of my favorite bands. Plus, we needed a new poat until leon puts up tomorrow’s Motivational Madness. And your mom thinks this song rocks.
 

Saturday Shakespearean Sonnet

Let’s just get this out of the way right upfront:

Okay, now that we’ve dispensed with that, on to the poetry:

O, fake internet friends, how they slack off
When the long week’s toil is done and ended.
Whether they do Crossfit or just jack off,
The blog on weekends moulders, unamended.
Exceptions come, sometimes, from our Jimbro
Or if the Puppeh isn’t chasing tail.
But too often we are stuck in limbo
And Friday’s buxom freshness starts to fail.
I know well that all of you have lives
While weekends find me cloistered here at work.
But thirty-some hours on a poat is jive—
Yeah, “jive” is weak; you write the next poem, jerk!
So ends my verse, now let comments commence,
And maybe push this down some hours hence.

Tushar is sick of your bullshit

And frankly, so am I. You’ve become a bunch of lazy, slothful pieces of shit. I mean, I can excuse people like Hotspur and MCPO who have worked hard all their lives and are enjoying their Golden Years, but what excuse do the rest of you have?

I mean, for God’s sake, we’re almost at the end of the weekend and everyone’s still commenting on a Saturday poat while waiting to get motivated by trannies tomorrow. It’s no wonder this country is going straight to hell.

Okay, now that I’m done calling you assholes, I’m going to hopefully provide you with some motivation before tomorrow with a photo of Cal alum and insanely-hot pole vaulter Allison Stokke:

I have likely touched several surfaces that her ass has also touched.

Super Bowl Preview (and also probably Super Bowl Poat, because you’re a bunch of lazy assholes)

It’s that time of year again, where the air is buzzing with excitement, everyone is talking about their favorite players, and there are parties galore! I am speaking, of course, of Black History Month.

But the Super Bowl is also coming up or some junk, so we should probably talk about that, too…

What would you buy with the Powerball jackpot?

We’ve all dreamed about it. What would you do if you had Fuck You Money? Would you invest it prudently? Start the business you’ve always dreamed about? Pay Obama to take a vow of silence for the rest of his term? No, we all know what you’d do with the money:
 

 
Anyway, there are some more things you could buy after the jump.